Saudade — a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent
"I am pregnant, 3 months in, my Lord," Emily cringed even as she spoke those words, dreading Poseidon's reaction. The god at the end of the window just stared outside, his gaze unforgiving and harsh.
Yet another disappointment, he thought to himself bitterly. An uncharitable thought surely, one he had never thought before of his own children. He had birthed monsters and terrors, lain with strangers and enemies and he had always found a quick-witted smile at the results, amused at the chaos the world wrought at his actions.
The world no longer seemed as amusing as it did once.
"I see," is all he supplies disinterestedly to Emily's soft-spoken announcement. There is no joy of a new child of the seas, not today, perhaps not ever again for him. He tilts his head to the side to take in his ghost better. The specter that refused to leave him alone.
Really, dad?! He can almost hear Percy's incredulous query in his raised eyebrow, the upturn of his lips. If Poseidon refuses to look down, he can almost pretend his son is still alive, not just around because he has been bound so cruelly to this plane, unable to move on and find rest.
I miss you, he thinks again, desperately at his favorite son. I wish I could hear you talk back sometimes, not have to see you like this.
He thinks he can almost hear his son plead with him sometimes, then let me go.
But Poseidon wouldn't. He couldn't move on, didn't find peace, no matter what he did or how hard he tried. And so, if he must suffer, his son should also suffer alongside him. How dare Percy leave him alone?! How dare his son not love him back as fiercely, as absolutely as Poseidon did?
His lock of hair in Poseidon's locket bound them together, even in death. The rotting skeleton in his safe house kept him bound to Earth. Poseidon had hidden it from the gods and the mortals, never letting any of them give rest to his son in fear he would lose Percy to Hades' realm forever. After all, Percy was en route to Isles of Blest before his needlessly cruel death, and Poseidon would never let that happen, no matter what it takes. His brothers had pleaded and begged, promising him gifts and women and protection for all of his other children, if only he just let them put the Hero of Olympus to rest.
He has been through enough this lifetime, Poseidon, Hades had pleaded softly. At least allow his peace in death. In the Isles of Blest as he so clearly belongs.
The Isles, Poseidon had mused darkly as his brother realized his mistake. To a place he would never again come back from. You think me a fool, brother?
And that had been that. His every demigod child that followed had been utter and absolute failures, none of them able to hold a candle to Percy Jackson's legacy, and Poseidon refusing to let go enough to judge them on their own merits. He had even had a child with Sally Jackson once, hopeful, naive. It had proven to him, one thing and one thing only, that Percy Jackson was singular as they came and would never, could never be replaced. His specter had wept bitter tears when Poseidon had never found it in his heart to accept, love or even protect his full-blooded sister, crying when she had been slain by a stray hell-hound.
All Poseidon had thought at her death had been, Percy would have never gone down this easy. He never shed a single tear over her death, knowing well that he had rocked the world with his mourning and fury at her brother's. And that was that. Sally never forgave him her heartbreak even as Percy's accusing stares slowly softened into something dangerously close to pity.
Poseidon sighed and turned around, wondering why he still tried. Attempted a smile. Except this time, Percy did something he never had done before. He walked over to his position in the corner to stare at Emily, head cocked, eyebrows furrowed.
What are you thinking, son, Poseidon wondered, wishing, not for the first time, that they could talk to each other. Percy had never even tried to interact or influence the world before. He had always accepted he was dead, always in one corner as if begging Poseidon to forget about him entirely. This time he didn't stop, walking ever closer to Emily, head tilted as if in deep thought.
If Percy found himself invested in yet another one of his siblings, Poseidon still couldn't guarantee them his approval. So what was he doing?
Then he did something entirely unexpected. He leaned in as if to stare through Emily's abdomen, eyes triumphant and suspiciously mischievous. Emily didn't seem to notice anything at all, except for a shiver down her spine as she stood there, biting her lip, waiting for her lover's sharp judgment.
Percy turned around to Poseidon, winked at him, his infamous smirk on his face. Poseidon hadn't seen it in so long. Then as a dumbfounded Poseidon started, Percy faded to an alarming translucent color, growing alarmingly transparent every second as he faded entirely from existence and was gone as quietly as he came in.
Ignoring his lover's calls and pleas, Poseidon summoned his trident, disappearing in a whirl of sea mist as the seas picked up steam across the coast-lines, a violent celebration that drowned hundreds.
Poseidon found himself in the house by the beach he had made in an abandoned cave, just for his son and his son alone. It was a mathematical and physical impossibility, but Poseidon had been feeling melancholic, philosophical. An impossible house under the sea for his dead son had seemed strangely apt.
He passed the kitchen and the dining room, walking directly to the bedroom where his son lay. He stopped and stared. He didn't have power over the dead but he did have sea magic. And in this cocoon of silence and peace, not even time could interfere, unless provoked by a deity better versed in those arts than himself. He had never advertised the place for fear of the same.
His son looked exactly the same now as he had done when Poseidon had first found him. His flesh was torn off his bones in places, his bones broken into pieces in some stray fragments, fingernails chipped, body half-rotted in parts. His enemies had found him, tortured him, killed him, not even bothering to give him his rites to final peace. The gods had all been disgusted by their callous disrespect.
When Poseidon and Hermes had cracked open the doors to the basement, he had found his son, starved and dehydrated to death, fingernails ripped from their sockets, a lonely ghost sadly guarding his own corpse. He had been there for no less than 7 months and a maximum of 10 by Poseidon's estimates. Poseidon had promised to never let Percy out of his sight after that.
And now that his ghost wasn't around, Poseidon felt strangely empty, bereft of a precious burden he had been carting around for so long.
"Don't get me wrong, I have missed you," he assured the corpse. "And there is a part of me that is happy you'll be back in the mortal world again. It's just that-" he shut his mouth, unsure of his own feelings. A part of him was maybe nervous that this hero wouldn't be the same hero Percy Jackson's legacy had, so grand and powerful and brilliant.
But even as he thought it, he realized that it wasn't that. This son had already, in another life, given him as much glory and name as he could swallow and then some. Now he just wanted his son back. He was nervous because a ghost was incapable of fading away, stuck cold in the mortal plane. If Emily's child, his child born again, died however, Percy Jackson's soul would be lost to Poseidon's gaze. Perhaps forever.
And when the world recognized Percy Jackson reborn? Poseidon shuddered at the idea of his fragile mortal son meeting the same fate as he had once before. For a brief second, Poseidon debated the idea of staying away, hiding his demigod child. But then again, his distance had caused Percy Jackson to have been lost to Poseidon's gaze for months. Had led to his ultimate downfall. He couldn't shake the niggling feeling that perhaps, if he had tried just a little harder, then perhaps…
Percy had never asked for his protection, but Poseidon found himself incapable of not providing it, especially now that he knew how bad it could get. He wasn't sure he had the strength to let Percy's spirit pass him by. Not now. Not ever again.
But then, Poseidon stared at the corpse of his deformed son, suddenly aware of how crazy he looked from an outsider's perspective. He could suddenly understand his brothers' desperation to break him out of his grief. And suddenly, he could see a way out of this mess, or at least a way to make it a little more bearable.
The throne room is louder, grander than it had ever been before. The legacy of Percy Jackson sparkles for all of Olympus to gawk at, from the statue at the entrance greeting the visitors with a friendly smile to the extra thrones that he had requested with his infamous wish. His victories and triumphs are depicted in so many of the carvings around Olympus, it feels like not one soul on Olympus could break the hold the hero still has over their kingdom, even in death. After all, he had saved the world, united the pantheons and lifted the mist for the world to worship the gods once again. The world adored him for it, at least as much as the select factions hated him.
Poseidon coolly sat down on his throne, Zeus staring at him with wide eyes and open mouth. He hadn't graced Olympus with his presence except in matters he couldn't avoid under any conditions. In his worst moods, even his brothers found themselves avoiding his wrath.
"Brother," Poseidon said serenely, in a calmer mood in centuries, since his son's death. "I wanted to talk to you and Hades about some important matters." Then paused thoughtfully. "Perhaps calling on the whole council would be more prudent?"
The citizens of Olympus, appealing to their king for so-and-so issue, immediately turned on their heel and started walking away. Even Zeus looked nervous at his suddenly genial mood. "Of course, brother," Zeus offered with surprising little resistance. The other gods appeared in a fit of mood, whining and complaining about the abrupt time of the meeting, but startled and shut up as they caught sight of the stormy sea god.
As they all settled in, Poseidon calmly addressed the council. "I remember when a couple centuries ago, you all promised to grant me my heart's desires as long as I finally agreed to lay Percy Jackson to rest." Despite how long it had been, his voice wavered at his son's name. A few gods grimaced themselves, stuck in their own version of grief and fury, others glanced at him with pity.
"Whatever you want, within reason," Zeus assured him, looking apprehensive at his sudden shift in mood. Hades just stared at him with narrowed eyes, undoubtedly recognizing the lack of his ghost haunting him today.
"I have sired a new child. A baby boy, it seems," Poseidon declared even as the rest of the Council grimaced at the idea of a new child of Poseidon. The rest had been disasters enough, trying hard and unable to live up to a dead man's legacy. "I want protection for him. For life. And then immortality."
"What, I-" Athena spluttered, looking lost for words. She hated when her uncle got like this, so unpredictable, so unyielding, so far from logic and reality that she couldn't make head or tails of his actions. Even Zeus looked unsure.
It wasn't even that they shouldn't be granting immortality to undeserving mortals, though that was true enough, but also the fact that Poseidon had since not found a single child of his who could stand up to his son's legacy. Only Triton and Amphitrite had been spared his fury, and they were so busy grieving, so hounded by their own guilt at their negligence, that they could hardly be bothered about anything else.
Needless to say, the mortals barely dared to step into the oceans for fear of the Sea kingdom these days.
"And you will lay him to rest then? All of him?" Zeus' eyes flickered down towards his locket, and Poseidon's hand flew to it, faltering at the feel of it in his hands. The idea of being seperated by yet another piece of his son made him want to weep.
"We will protect this one with all of us, grant him immortality when the time comes, just let us put Percy Jackson to rest, brother," Hades broke in at his uncertainty. Zeus chimed in with his agreement as did the others, too wary that the offer would be rescinded if they waited too long. Poseidon defeatedly let his hand fall. It still felt like betraying his son.
Poseidon refused to let it become a huge procession, he only let his brothers accompany him. First, he went to check on his unborn son, startling Emily to high heavens. Glancing at the brochures in her hand, he felt his face harden with unnamed fury.
"If something were to happen to him, Emily, I shall have your head on a spike and I will punish the whole world for it and make you watch!" Emily flinched, weeping. "I don't want to raise a child of yours you don't even want! I was just trying to spare him a cruel existence, like the rest of your children!"
If she weren't carrying his child, if she weren't carrying Percy Jackson, he would have smote her where she stood and not shed a single tear over her demise. "Then I'll raise him myself," he declared. "I'll grant you recompensation for carrying him to term, but if you rescind on this, if he dies before it's his time to…"
He let the threat trail, grabbing the abortion clinic pamphlets and throwing them into the bin, resolving to keep an eye out on Emily from now on, feeling the familiar trail of irritation over his heart. Only you, son could cause me this much trouble and you aren't even born again yet, he thought to himself, exasperated, amused despite himself. He thought he could almost hear Percy laughing at him.
"You know what," Poseidon said, straightening up. "I'll carry him to term myself as well."
Emily looked at him as if he had gone insane. "My lord," she started. Poseidon held up a hand to stop her upcoming protests. He liked the idea the longer he thought about it. Percy would be his, under his divine protection, never too far from his sight. And besides, Zeus had done it once. He wouldn't dare interfere now. Not after everything.
He moved towards Emily, who didn't protest this time.
Percy's presence inside of his essence felt like a breath of fresh air, he was alive and tiny and sweet and sentient, and one day he would grow up to be flesh and blood again. Poseidon would kill to keep him this close forever.
His presence made the funeral arrangements a lot more bearable. Hades and Zeus came to him as he readied Percy's body on the logs, Hades taking over for the funeral rites. Every move was respectful, he was being sent off with the highest of honors. There was nobody but the three of them around for miles. Poseidon appreciated it. Despite everything, the three of them had been through everything together, since the beginning of forever.
Even as he felt his son's presence pulsing underneath his fingers, letting go of something he had guarded so jealously for so long felt wrong, like something might just go wrong if he let go now. He resisted the urge, and stood silently beside his brothers as they burnt the hero. The weather picked up in deference to the gods' solemn respect. And as the fire died down, Hades gathered the ashes for the final rites. Only his son's silent heartbeat beating in tandem with him kept Poseidon reasonably calm.
Zeus, to no one's surprise did not ask about the fetus that Poseidon was personally nurturing inside his own godly essence. Neither did anyone else. Barely a week later, under the seas, Poseidon finally approached his son and wife with the news.
"You are hosting a demigod son of yours," Triton said, staring at the baby in utter disgust. "What, in the name of the gods, would even compel you to do that?!"
Poseidon raised an eyebrow, unfortunately quite used to Triton's disgust for his children now. After Percy's death, Triton had never quite been the same. Percy's ghost haunted Triton as surely as Pallas' did still, even though it wasn't as literal as in Poseidon's case.
After Pallas, Triton had sworn never to sire a child again, just as he had sworn never to accept another brother after Percy. All he had been left with was callous hatred for all his children. In Triton's mind, Poseidon was betraying Percy by trying to replace him and never condoned a single child from him.
"That's your brother," Poseidon said, quite honestly.
Triton's face contorted into rage, the mere idea sending him into a livid frenzy. "You wasted no time replacing him, did you?" He snarled. "I won't be as easy to convince-"
"Triton," Poseidon held up a hand tiredly. He had heard this rant before. "This is a secret of the highest order, at least for now. You must not tell anyone about this. But this is literally your brother brought back to life. Well, relatively speaking. His soul reincarnated, so to speak."
Triton looked back blankly. "That's impossible. He was en route to the Isles of the Blest before…"
"He never went to the Underworld," Poseidon pointed out. "And besides, I don't know. Percy decided to do it so he did it. As always, I have no idea how even half of what he does is possible in any way. He was a ghost and then, he wasn't." Poseidon shrugged, a little chthonic but not enough to make sense of his son's actions.
Triton traced Poseidon's forearm, where he was holding the baby for now, and as he watched, Triton smiled a little, sad and bitter, but still there. "You think he'll recognize us?" Triton asked, hushed.
"He didn't take a dip in the Lethe, so perhaps?" Poseidon said uncertainty. This was unchartered territory. Though the idea of a baby holding onto his son's memories of trauma and horror, did make him flinch. Percy must have thought things through, Poseidon tried to console himself. And demigods were pretty resilient.
Nevertheless, after introducing the fetus to his sea family and watching their smiles blossom, he resolved to have a chat with his brothers. They would know.
He didn't have a chat with Hades after all, he just walked into the throne room with a baby cradled in his palms one day. Gods and nymphs stopped to stare as he walked past, and onto his throne. Poseidon off-handedly marveled at the power that coursed through the little one's veins, having been carried so long by a god. He traced that tiny face, those sweet little toes and fingers, so fragile and tiny and here.
"Is this the child?" Zeus asked hesitantly. Poseidon hadn't even seen him come in.
"Yes," Poseidon admitted, still staring at the marvel in his hands. The throne was much too strong, much too divine for a mortal, especially one this young, but he had been carried to term by a god, had once been that god's favorite son reincarnated. His power was sentient enough to recognize him and not dare harm this child.
"It is good," Zeus coughed awkwardly. "That you are moving on and-"
Poseidon deadpanned at his oaf of a brother. "Meet Percy Jackson," Poseidon said, holding up his son. Percy blew bubbles in greeting, which Poseidon personally thought was the perfect greeting and thus said, cradled him back in his arms. "I am not replacing my son, you know. I would never do that." No matter how much Zeus pleaded and how much Triton feared it.
Zeus coughed. Poseidon didn't look up. "I- that's a heroic name. Percy Jackson is a grand legacy to live up to-"
Poseidon looked up, rolling his eyes. Percy grabbed his chin in his hands, squirming. "Brother, this is Percy Jackson. One day, he decided to come back and well-"
Zeus looked blank for a second, then turned to stare at Percy intently, as if he would deliver the secrets of the universe. Percy just stuffed both his fists in his hands. "I see," Zeus said defeatedly. "My dear nephew," Zeus turned to address Percy seriously as Poseidon watched on warily. "It's a pleasure to have you back with us. Not a pleasure, mind, and it's not that we missed you. It's just that Poseidon has been insufferable without you and you know how annoying he can get sometimes. Truly a disaster-"
Poseidon bit back his smile as he watched his dorky brother ramble on. This was a side of Zeus so few had ever had the pleasure to see. Absence had made his heart even fonder for his nephew, it seemed.
As Zeus finally acquiesced to Percy's silent demands to be picked up, Poseidon warily let his son out of his hands, watching the two talk to each other. It almost brought a smile to his face. And for the first time in a long, long while, the seas calmed to a glittering, peaceful shade of blue. Almost as bright as Percy's eyes, almost as bright as his own smile.
Hey guys, I'm really sorry but in case you haven't noticed, I'm not very active here on ff anymore. Check me out on A03 if you'd like to interact better. If not, rest assured, I do love all your reviews and favorites and follows and they all make me very happy. PM me if you'd like me to answer any of your queries or any questions I might have missed out. I'll try my best to get to those as soon as possible.
