Chapter 12

Pandora

'It's not what it looks like.' Gaige desperately tried to say, but the words gummed up in her throat, leaving her staring at the girl standing in the doorway, expressionlessly staring at her.

She wished she could say something, anything, but her throat was clamped shut, as if someone was choking her. She felt her mouth move, as if she were talking, but nothing came out, not even the lame excuses she'd just been telling herself to convince her that she wasn't doing anything wrong.

She wished the other girl would say something, anything, berate her, shout her out, get mad, tell her she was disappointed in her. Instead, to Gaige's shame and horror, Artemis just turned and walked away.

Maybe it was the thought of losing her friend that finally unglued her throat, allowing her to call out.

"Wait."

"Why." Came the flat reply "You don't owe me anything. Certainly not an explanation. You're free to do what you want."

"It's not...That is to say...I mean..." Gaige fumbled for the words, part of her wanted to get mad, to shout at the other girl, to tell her that she was right, that Gaige didn't owe her any explanation, that she could do what she damn well pleased, but for once, her sensible side won out, squashing her anger under the knowledge that she was now on thin ice and she needed to get back, no matter how humiliating it was.

"You're wrong." She said, a bit louder than she'd wanted.

Artemis stopped as the forceful words echoed slightly. Without turning she flatly stated "Really?"

"Yeah, you are. I do owe you, and I ain't talkin about money or anything like that, but I owe you and you're also right, I screwed up."

"I didn't say"

"Let me finish. Please." When the other girl held her silence, Gaige took it as a sign to continue "You're right, you didn't say it, but I know you felt it, that sense of disappointment in me, that feeling of helplessness, to be at a loss for what to do with me, believe me, I know, I felt it too, even as I did it. It's just that..."

She took a deep breath, she knew she needed to come clean. Completely clean about this, so she pulled the bottle out and set it on the table in front of her before starting again.

"I want it so bad." She all but sobbed "I want a drink so much that it feels like it's killing me."

"Then take a drink."

"I want to, but I can't. I can't disappoint you again, I can't fail like that. I promised that I wouldn't and I want to keep it."

"I never asked for that."

"I know, but I promised anyway. I'm trying to be a better person, for you, for myself and I know it's unfair to put that on you, but you're the only one who I want to share this with."

"Then why'd you take the bottle?"

"Because I'm weak. I couldn't help it. You don't know what it's like, to want something so bad it hurts, to feel like you're denying some basic part of yourself because you know that if you let in, you'll only hurt those you care about, but even so, you want it. It tears at you and you feel your weakness growing, even as you deny it, you want to give in, to take all that suffering away, but if you do, the only people you care about will turn their backs on you and you'll find yourself alone again, but this time, there's never going to be anyone else there, you'll have lost the best things in your life due to your weakness, but even knowing that, you yearn for it with an intensity that scares you."

Gaige trailed off, something about the other girl's back made her pause and think about what she'd just said. "Of course you'd understand." She finally said, realizing what had been bothering her "You might be the only person who could. But there's a difference, there's nothing wrong with you giving in."

"Only if I want to hurt those I care about." Came the soft reply.

"That's not true, not at all. You just need to accept the truth, you can be happy if you want. I mean, look at all the people we've met, plenty of them've been gay. I mean, do you think that Sir Hammerlock or Wainwright are constantly getting hit with disasters? That they bring misfortune to themselves and those around them? Of course not. Neither does Tina, nor do any of the others we've met. It's just not true."

"But every time I've opened up, it did."

"And how many times was that? Once? It was once right, with me, and it didn't mess things up, well it did, but that wasn't because of you, I've already explained that, so you need to be more honest with yourself and accept what you want."

"Says the person trying to sneak a bottle off."

"There's a difference there, this is an addiction, a problem."

"How's it different?"

"You sat in on the meeting, you know that this tears apart everyone around it, that it takes time to get over."

"Plenty of people drink, Wainwright and Sir Hammerlock do, your dad does, almost every party we've been to had alcohol."

"But with me it's different, I can't stop. Once I take that first drink, I want more and more of it until I black out or do something stupid."

"You were fine after we stopped Holloway."

"I thought I was too, but it's more complicated than that, it's like the meetings say, it's fills a hole in me and in that case, it wasn't too bad cause I was happy, I was free, but that didn't mean that I didn't want more, it was just that I'd made a strict rule with Deathtrap that he couldn't serve me more than one a day, not that I wasn't sneaking a bit on the side. Sorry about that, by the way. But it wasn't until I tried to quit that I realized something, that I couldn't, that all my talk about quitting whenever I wanted to was just that, talk. And it wasn't until it had nearly destroyed everything important to me that I figured that out. And it's like the meetings say, realizing you have a problem is the first step to solving it."

"I don't get it."

"What?" Gaige was confused, she thought she'd laid out her problem fairly clearly.

"I don't get how you can stand there and say you've got a problem, but then turn around and tell me that I don't. I mean, you just said that realizing is the first step and I know I've got a problem, so why won't you understand that?"

"You've got a problem all right, just not the one you think you have." Gaige knew she was racing towards a thin line between helping and losing her friend, but she had to take the chance, that, and she was a bit too ticked off to stop now "You think that there's something wrong with you, that you get to be the only one that brings misfortune, but that's wrong. You've pointed out plenty of times that my own beliefs are more likely just spotting patterns cause I'm looking for them, but you won't accept that the same is true for you. I just pointed out a number of others like you that don't bring misfortune by accepting themselves, but you choose to ignore it and turn back against yourself. And I hate that, I hate how you're always cutting yourself down, diminishing your accomplishments, saying you're not worthy of anything, how you reduce yourself to being nothing but a ship or a burden. How you won't let anyone close. But at the same time, you desperately want to be my friend, how you're willing to give up any and everything just to be around me, but then pull back, how you don't say what you really want.

"I understand that you might not even know what that is, but you won't even be honest with yourself enough to admit that. Oh, it also drives me crazy that you seem to think you're some kind of burden on me, how you won't get it through your thick skull that you were the one who saved me, when I had no one else and needed saving more than I knew. How you stood by my side, even when I gave you no reason to, when I was the worst person in the galaxy. You gave me another chance, and then another and I love you for it, but you need to give yourself that chance. You need to try.

"As for me, I'll try too. I'll try not to disappoint you any more, though I know I will. I'll try to be there for you when you need. And I'll try to figure out what I want for myself, but only if you do the same."

Gaige felt her chest heaving and her heart pounding, having forced herself to pour everything that she'd had built up off her chest and was forced to stand there, waiting for to find out if she'd pushed things too far, if she'd destroyed her friendship, or if maybe, just maybe, things would improve.

For the longest time Artemis just stared ahead, but eventually she slowly turned, face down so that Gaige couldn't read her expression.

"I don't know." The voice was so soft that Gaige almost missed it "I don't know what I want, or if I could change to get it. I don't know what you see when you look at me. I don't know what you think when you say all these things. And I don't know what to say."

Gaige let her stand, feeling that this was something that she needed to work out for herself.

Eventually Artemis looked up a little and said in a stronger voice "It's probably a good thing I spotted you, I wouldn't even use this stuff as engine degreaser."

Gaige blinked. It seemed that Artemis was trying to dodge the discussion for now and Gaige was tempted to let her, but she knew that the longer she put this off, the harder it was. Plus, if they didn't finish this now, she'd have to repeat all of her points, again.

"Yeah, it was a good thing you stopped me, because we finally got to get this out in the open, but we need to deal with it, as much as neither of us wants to."

"This isn't a good place to do this."

"Nowhere's gonna be, so as long as we've started"

"You started."

"It's started, we should finish it, or at least get things moving in the right direction."

"And who's to say that status qoo isn't good enough?"

"Status quo, and I'm happy with things now too, so much so that I don't want to rock the ship out of fear of losing what I've got, but I want you to be happy, really, truly happy, and because of that, I've got to risk what I've got to at least try and move us into being better."

"Better what? And I am happy."

"No, you're satisfied. You only think you're happy because you haven't had much experience with it. And before you argue with me, think back and ask yourself, when were you the happiest?"

Artemis gave her a blank stare, as if she didn't want to play along, but inside, she was flashing through all the times she'd thought she was happy. When she'd won her ship. When she took down the Keeper of the End, no wait, that was more of a sense of relief. When she first met Gaige. When Gaige said she wanted to travel with her for a while longer.

Gaige was right, she'd known it all along, she was clinging to the merest scraps of happiness and calling them good enough, and while deep down she knew that they were more than someone like her deserved, a small voice, long ignored in the back of her mind asked, is that really enough?

For her part, Gaige was also thinking back to the times she'd been happiest, the rare moments across the years where she'd been genuinely happy, not just content or pleased, but truly, genuinely, completely happy. Her first night back at home. Realizing that her parents and Artemis had managed to spring a surprise party on her. Defeating Holloway. There'd been other moments that came close, but they were all older, the death of Handsome Jack, becoming a Vault Hunter, sitting on her father's lap as he showed her how to properly solder a circuit in. But more recently they had all been spending time with Artemis, even if it was nothing more than lounging in the bedroom, watching an old movie.

Which made her wonder, what do I want from her? What would make her happy? And most troubling, what would I do if she doesn't want me around anymore.

They stood lost in thought for a while, until Deathtrap, who had been reluctant to interrupt, couldn't take it any longer and finally spoke up.

"Urrrggr"

"Right, sorry babe, just give me one more moment." She turned back to Artemis and looked at her "I don't know what you've thought of, but for me, there was a lot of you in those happy memories and that's something that I don't want to lose, so I'm sorry that I slipped up, I can't promise it won't happen again, but if it does, I hope you're there to catch me, that you won't give up on me. I also hope that you can at least start to understand that there's nothing wrong with you. Well, that's not true, we've all got plenty wrong with us, but what I'm trying to say is that you liking girls isn't something wrong and that someday, I hope you and me can figure out what's gonna happen with us, but for now, let's move on as friends and get outta this place so we can do some real thinking on the matter."

Artemis reluctantly nodded, not looking Gaige in the face, which worried her, but she let it slide.

"Alright, now, we need to get back to looking for this secret entrance, but unfortunately I don't think it's back here, which leaves us with the main area, though I'm a bit reluctant to think it's out there, since everyone would see it when it opens, so you got any ideas?"

Artemis shrugged. It seemed that she was reluctant to speak after everything that Gaige had said, which caused Gaige to groan internally and made her want a drink again. Squashing the thought down, she tried a different tact.

"Alright, so if you've got any idea or somewhere you wanna look, lead on, cause I got nothing other than continuing to wander around until either we find it, the loaders find us, or they get so bored that they give up and we slip out."

Artemis thought for a moment and then said in a rather flat tone "Maybe." And walked across the room. Gaige gave Deathtrap a shrug, but he replied with a thumbs up, indicating that she'd done alright and they followed along after. They headed through a side door and past another set of bathrooms till they came to a large set of swinging doors that led back out into the main area.

Once Gaige got there, Artemis pushed the door open slightly and pointed. It took a bit of wiggling to get herself into a position where she could see what the other girl was indicating, but once she did, she nodded. It was an area at the back of the building, partially hidden behind a few vehicles, but she could tell that it led to a room of some kind since the loaders were going in and out. After a moment, she realized that the numbers didn't add up, that the room must have been massive for that many to go in and different ones to be coming out. The only problem was how were they going to get there.

Pulling back, she asked that exact question, to which Artemis rolled her eyes and just said "Follow me."

She slid back up to the door before pausing and turning back, putting a finger to her lips with over dramatic fashion, causing Gaige to roll her eyes, but she caught the slight smirk on the other girls face before she slipped out which sent a wave of relief flooding thought Gaige's chest. She'd been worried that she'd managed to screw things up beyond repair, but it seemed that she still had hope.

But that would have to be put on hold for later, she chastised herself and slid the door open, glancing around. She quickly spotted Artemis hiding behind a small bit of cover with her hand up, telling Gaige to wait. Not that she needed to, Gaige could see the three loaders walking past and considering the one in the back was an RPG loader, she really didn't want to cause any unnecessary fights.

After a few moments, Artemis waved her over. Gaige followed the directions, even though she thought it was awfully risky considering there were over a dozen loaders in the area, but she made it without trouble. By the time she'd got to the cover, Artemis had sprinted to the next bit, which was how they crossed the room, darting from one bit of cover to the next, taking an oblique route to the room, but after a while, they were as close as they could get without exposing themselves.

Gaige looked over and mouthed 'Now what?' but Artemis just held her hand up, telling her to wait. She sat there, watching the shadows of the loaders going in and out for what felt like hours, or maybe it was only a few minutes, she'd never been the most patient person, in contrast, Artemis was watching and counting as the loaders moved and when she was sure of the timing, she pulled out the bottle that Gaige had been trying to take and stuffed a rag into it.

Turning she mouthed 'Anybody got a light?', but Gaige only shook her head. It seemed that Artemis hadn't been serious because she had dug out an old lighter and popped it open silently, lighting the trailing cloth.

Before she could throw it, Deathtrap nudged her and held out his hand. Artemis gave him an appraising look, but he only nodded in response, so she carefully set the bottle in his hand and pointed to where she wanted it. Deathtrap nodded again and waited for her to give him the sign. Turning away, Artemis watched the loaders for a few seconds, then dropped her hand.

The instant she did, Deathtrap launched the bottle across the room, where it shattered against the crates and barrels stacked against the wall.

The fire spread quickly up the dry tarps that had been thrown over them and onto the crates. Just as the loaders were starting to go on high alert, the first of the barrels caught fire, exploding dramatically. Then to Gaige's surprise, there was a massive secondary explosion followed by another and another.

Artemis didn't bother looking, instead, the instant that the loaders went for the main door to try and find the intruder or barring that, cutting them off, she took off sprinting towards the hidden room.

It took her a second, but once Deathtrap nudged Gaige in the back, she took off as well, glancing into the main area to see what was happening.

At a glance she could tell that the initial explosion had caught an EXP-loader with its shrapnel, destroying it and triggering its own explosion, which had chained into a couple others. The resulting mess had taken a number of other loaders with them and damaged quite a few others, leading to a general sense of panic as they fought to not only put out the spreading fire, but also get the fallen loaders out of the way.

As Gaige was marveling at the timing of it, Deathtrap grabbed her and drug her along, not bothering to pick her up. After a few yards, Gaige managed to get her feet under her and ran for herself, shooting him a look, which he returned.

They ducked into the room and looked around, one of the walls was slid to the side, revealing an opening with a ramp leading down. Artemis was already part way down, rifle out when they caught up to her.

"Nice timing." Gaige whispered.

Artemis didn't respond but instead gave a partial shrug, partial nod, and started moving forward faster. The other two fell in behind her as the ramp ended, exiting out into a room lined with pillars. Along the sides were crates of all sizes, from tall ones that were thin and wide, to short square ones. Many of them had been rooted through, with packing material strewn about. But most notable about the room was the wide central path, as if the crates had been carefully moved out of the way so that something the size of a truck could move through.

Hearing the sounds of loaders rushing their way, the three of them dove behind cover as another group of loaders rushed into the room and up the ramp. From their new vantage point, the girls carefully peered out to make sure it was clear and then looked at the crate they were hiding behind.

Leaving it to Artemis, since she was the quieter of the two, Gaige watched as she pulled the packing foam out of the way, revealing a life size Handsome Jack standee.

Gaige hopped up and looked into the crate and found it full with over a dozen of the things. Scrunching her eyebrows together, she moved to the next crate and peeked in. This time she came out with a tube. Opening it up she slid the poster out and unrolled it and found herself staring at a bad parody of a famous ad from long before she was born, with Handsome Jack winking at the audience while pointing at them. Beneath it had the tagline 'I Want You, To Stop Reading This And Get Back To Work.'.

She glanced over to where Artemis and Deathtrap had pried open a pair of smaller crates, exposing perfectly lined up, desk sized statues of Jack. In one, was him standing atop a fallen pile of creature's and bandits, in the other was Jack sitting, reading a book. She recognized both of them as versions of the statues that she'd seen in Opportunity.

"I've been meaning to ask" Artemis whispered, giving the statues a disgusted look "But this guy, he was, well..."

"In love with himself?"

"A narcissist. Yeah."

"Yeah, he was."

"OK, good."

"Why's that good?"

"Cause if he wasn't, and this was normal, I'd have a problem."

"You have a problem anyway." Gaige muttered, instantly regretting it.

"Yeah." Came the sad reply, confirming what Gaige had been afraid of.

"Yeah, you do," Gaige pushed forward "You're a weirdo who hangs around me and despite everything you've done and accomplished, still won't give yourself credit. You're like the inverse Handsome Jack."

"I'm not"

"And the only thing I'd change about you is to make you more confident in yourself." Gaige said, patting her on the shoulder "But enough of that, we need to get outta here before we get trapped."

As if that was their cue, a set of loaders started down the ramp, forcing them to hide once again. This procession took longer, since the loaders were carrying the damaged ones past, making Gaige wonder where they were taking them and if there was something else further in.

After a painfully long time, the loaders started back out and soon the flow trickled off, allowing the girls to breathe a sigh of relief.

Looking around, Gaige whispered "Should we see where they took them?"

"You think there'll be anything we can use back there?"

"Probably not, but better to find out if there's a back way out then have to fight out the way we came in."

Artemis looked around "What is this place anyway?"

"I think it's a propaganda storage room."

"Then why hide it?"

"Because Jack would think that all the employees would be so in love with him that they'd steal all this crap."

"And would they?"

"Some of them, yeah."

"That's just messed up."

Gaige couldn't help but nod to that.

They snuck back out and started moving deeper into the room, pausing occasionally to duck into cover when another group of loaders went past and had almost made it through the room when Artemis didn't move after the latest group had made its way past.

Noticing that, Gaige cautiously moved over to where she was sitting.

"This might be useful." Came the soft whisper as she moved her head out of the way to show what she was looking at. In front of her was a smaller crate filled with polished wooden boxes, or at least they looked wooden, they were probably just simulated wood judging by everything Gaige knew of Jack. Artemis held one of them up and emblazoned on the cover was the Hyperion H, and in its center was Handsome Jack's mask. Burned into the wood around it were the words 'Handsome Jack Commemorative Pocket Watch'.

Cautiously Artemis opened the box and inside was a piece of paper. Unfolding it she could read 'In honor of your _(Reason)_ Handsome Jack would like to present _(Name)_ with this replica of his own pocket watch. Note: CL4P-TP unit not included, you must wind watch by hand. Due to strangulation hazard, watch chain not included.' and underneath it was an obvious cheap knock off pocket watch.

"Uhg" Artemis groaned "You'd think he'd at least make it look expensive."

"He didn't really care about his employees."

"I know, but you'd think he'd still give it the appearance."

"Nah, they'd either throw it out, or cherish it no matter how crappy it was."

"Still, we might be able to use these. For the bomb I mean."

"Yeah." Gaige said, brightening at the thought of setting off the explosives with and destroying something of Handsome Jack's all in the same motion. "Let's take them."

As Artemis got to work emptying boxes and placing the watches in her bag, Gaige looked around a bit wistfully.

"What? I know that look, so what else do you want me to carry?"

"Am I really that transparent?"

"Yes. So what is it?"

"Well, it wasn't really that I wanted you to carry anything, it was just that I was thinking it would be great if we could take some of the rest of this stuff as well."

"And why would we want that? You don't...have a thing for him, do you?"

"Ewww. Oh god, no, ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little just thinking about that. Blagh." She gave a shake, as if trying to get the mental image out of her head.

"Oh, good, but then why do you want this crap? Nostalgia?"

"Maybe a little, but mostly I wanted to give it to Tina and the rest of B-Team, so they could use it for target practice."

"Little vindictive."

"Yeah, well, there's a story behind that."

"I'm sure there is, and I'll listen to it on the way back, but for now, if you want something, I'll try and carry it. Except those standee's, there's no way I'm carrying one of them."

"Eh, maybe we can come back for them once we see what's ahead."

"It's now or never, cause I don't wanna hear any bitching about it later cause there's a good chance we're gonna be getting outta here at top speed."

"Alright, fine." Gaige grabbed out a few things "Just these for now."

Artemis rolled her eyes, but stuffed them into her pack with little ceremony.

"There, now can we go?"

"We coulda went at any point, but yes, we can go."

Artemis didn't respond, instead she ducked back down and let another group of loaders go past. Gaige wished the loaders were guards, not that she wanted to kill people, but because they tended to talk to each other, which could give her some idea as to the general state of things, like if they were still looking for the intruders, what was going on or who was in charge, instead she got loaders tromping back and forth wordlessly. They reminded her of Artemis in that regard, quietly going about their business without letting anyone else in.

Shaking the thought off, she slipped out and followed the other girl the rest of the distance across the room and after a brief check, through the far door and found herself in a short hall. On one side was an old office with the lights out, on the other was another smaller room that looked like some kind of shrine to Handsome Jack, with statues and standees, pictures and artifacts. It creeped her out so she moved on.

Artemis also shuddered at the sight of the shrine and turned away, leading them down the hall. So far, she hadn't found where they'd taken the damaged loaders, which worried her. She felt that they weren't just being taken down here to get them out of the way, but she didn't hear any sounds of repairs, so she wondered what was going on.

It didn't take long for her to find out, since the hall ended in a large room with a vaulted ceiling. A second floor was visible behind a railing and she could just make out doors, but she couldn't tell what was through them. On her level, spread out on the floor were the damaged and destroyed loaders, lined up in neat rows.

At the far end of the room was a man sitting in a chair and over his shoulder, in the dark was an ominous glowing red lens.