Chapter 6: Love, Tenten

"Meh, he just wants to get in your pants," Osh said disdainfully.

"You haven't seen his face, Osh. Kakashi could get into anyone's pants if he wanted. He didn't have to coax me into agreeing that we would try for an emotional connection as well."

Tenten was methodically sharpening her 1,000th kunai and looking over at her set of naginata to calculate how much time she would need to inspect and clean them. The shuriken were all accounted for, and all her other weapons, large and small, covered the floor in organized rows for routine maintenance.

Tenten was glad that Kakashi, while still Hokage, had approved the construction of the tunnel beneath her home that led to a vast underground cavern, where she could store and take a full inventory of her weapons. Lee had taken it as a challenge to dig as deep and wide as possible, and she'd also coordinated with Shikamaru so they wouldn't end up accidentally unearthing Hidan's head or something while digging.

It was, in a word, satisfying to see her weapons all laid out over an area that extended as far as the eye could see. It would take time to give them the proper care and polishing they deserved, but Tenten enjoyed it.

"Mark what I say, as soon as he gets what he wants from you, il est parti comme un ninja," Osh spat the foreign sounding words to an equally foreign tune, but Tenten was used to the blade's weird quirks by now.

"Then you'll be flattered to learn that what he wants is to find out more about you," she paused and looked at the talking sword, "You're extremely intriguing. He would probably be as fascinated as I am and seek to learn as much as possible about you."

"Hmph," Osh was mollified but trying not to show it, "You're the only one I want to talk to. You and I, we get along like a house on fire."

"Aw, Osh," Tenten said, "That sounds dangerous but somehow fitting. But I could probably tell Kakashi about you, right? Show him what you can do?"

"Nope."

"Well, we can come back to this topic again later," she said diplomatically. "I think you're wonderful and I just want other people to see it too."

"Nope."

Tenten laughed, continuing to polish and sharpen her weapons. It was nice having someone to talk to while she did what she enjoyed.

===/===

The bells hung near the door tinkled as someone entered the shop. Tenten roused herself to begin a listless welcome, then went very still, all her senses on high alert.

Regardless of the body transfers, it was evident in every reincarnation of the Snake Sannin that he had a preference for pale skin, long black hair, slit pupils and purple markings around the eyes. He stood at the entrance of the shop, glancing around in an appraising manner, before finally directing the appraising look at the store owner.

Tenten didn't welcome him with the standard guest greeting. She didn't say anything at all. So Orochimaru took the initiative.

"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

"What?!"

He shrugged, "You were waiting for me to say it at some point."

"Well," Tenten was generally truthful, "Yes. But why are you here?"

Orochimaru gestured at the myriad items displayed throughout the shop, "Why would anyone come here? To buy something. Or compare prices." He gave her a half-smile, "Or call the surveillance squad assigned to me without my having to exert too much effort since I know you must have a panic button for situations like this."

True enough, Yamato materialized in the store, keeping a cautious distance.

"State your business," the Wood Release user said brusquely.

"Just browsing," Orochimaru said lightly, surveying the weapons that were for sale. "Have anything interesting at the back, shopkeep?"

Tenten shook her head.

"Ah." He smiled all-too-knowingly. "Of course. What do we need weapons for in a time of peace, eh?"

Yamato slowly flanked Orochimaru to put himself between the Snake Sannin and the Treasured Tools of the Sage of Six Paths that were on display.

"It was but a passing fancy." He inclined his head, "A nostalgia, if you will, for more exciting times. I'll be taking my leave, then." With a mocking wave, he vanished with a swirl of leaves.

Yamato looked grim, "I can never tell with that one if he's just fooling around with us or is actually up to something." He glanced at Tenten, "Did he mention anything suspicious?"

Tenten looked blank. "He ate someone's liver with a side dish and a bottle of wine?"

"Oh, that again." Yamato drew a hand over his face, exasperated, "He keeps showing up in random places and says that just to freak people out."

Tenten made commiserating sounds as Yamato bemoaned his relegation to being a babysitter – snakesitter? – of a legendary Sannin, as she brought out a broom and began sweeping up the leftover leaves from the floor.

"You know who'd understand your feelings?" an idea struck her as she paused and looked at the former test subject of the founder of Sound Village, "Anko!"

Yamato fixed her with his creepy stare, and Tenten quickly backed down from her impromptu matchmaking attempt.

===/===

After Yamato had gone, Tenten's clone made its way to the back room, dispersing in front of the real Tenten, who was gasping in exertion from making her way back in a hurry. Tenten often had better things to do than to mind an empty shop, and unless it was one of the days she expected Kakashi, Gai or Lee to visit, she utilized a clone with relative frequency to stand in for her.

'That was close!' her clone's and her thoughts were one and the same. Even if it was costly on her chakra reserves, her precaution of using an actual shadow clone to mind the shop instead of a basic clone had proven wise.

Tenten scowled, as she checked every inch of her shop for any hidden seals or mini snake summons or just anything weird that the Sannin might have left behind to spy on her. Yamato had already done a sweep and found nothing, so Tenten was also checking if the former Anbu had left his own version of spying devices in her shop. She found a small, indistinct mark, like an imperfection in the wood finish of the display case, that Yamato had apparently placed near the Treasured Tools, and decided to let it be. He'd grow bored of monitoring her eventually.

Tenten deliberated for a moment, then decided to close up early today.

"Why me?" she asked aloud, as she did one last inspection of the back room to ensure everything was in order.

"What is it? What happened?" Osh's hushed voice came from the scabbard she'd hastily strapped to her waist.

"The main area is bugged. Let me close up then we'll talk outside." With a quiet tap, she sealed Osh into one of her scrolls, which she sealed into another scroll, and then another scroll, which she then put in her belt pouch. She exited the back room, locked up her store front, and started a relaxed stroll home.

A faint knock sounded inside her head, Osh requesting permission to access her mind so they could talk. She let it.

"Orochimaru was here," she took up the conversation from where they had left off, "Just looking, he said."

"Uh oh," Osh was uneasy, "What could have brought him here to 'look'?"

"He's one of the Sannin. Who knows what goes on in his head?"

"So irresponsible of your village to let him roam around freely like that, even with an ANBU guard."

"You know the saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

"This is way too close for comfort. I could do something to him. Just say the word."

Tenten kept her footsteps steady, but her stomach tightened. "We've talked about this, Osh."

"If there's any risk of threat to you, I want to protect you!"

"He visited my shop. Yamato is now watching my shop. Have you ever heard of 'mind like water'? Gai taught us about it when we were genin. Respond appropriately to whatever shows up — without giving it more or less attention than it deserves."

"That's not an original concept Gai thought up, Tenten. It's not even an original saying from this world," Osh grumbled. "A visit from a garden-variety villain is fine, but we're talking about a legendary Sannin here. You need to go on full red alert until you figure out what he wants."

Tenten mulled it over. "I supposed I could go on a trip again, till his interest, or whatever it is, dies down. I've been able to get by most of my life without being noticed by too many people, especially major players like him. It was probably a glitch."

"I want to go with you!"

"No can do, my precious," she liked the short story he'd told her about a ring that turned the wearer invisible. She quite identified with the scrawny darkness-dwelling creature, who was very obsessed with an artifact that had strange powers and wanted to hide it from the rest of the world, "You're safer at home."

"Where slithery Sannin might snoop around and find me!" the blade had a penchant for alliteration as well.

"Even if I hide you in my underwear drawer?"

"Tenten!"

She giggled. She was getting closer to confirming that Osh had been a man once, since he seemed to be quite scandalized about things a genderless object should not be concerned about.

"You can hide me anywhere, Tenten, in a brooch, a bandage, a belt, a bracelet. It's not like you're limited to using scrolls anymore. I'd love it if you dedicated a tattoo to me."

"But I wouldn't use you on the trip, Osh. It's too dangerous when I activate your powers."

"I just want to see the world through your eyes, Tenten. I show you other worlds, can't you show me this one?"

"I thought you'd seen enough of this world and hated it?"

"It's not so bad, now that I've discovered you're in it."

Tenten bit back a grin. Flatterer.

She stopped short.

"I forgot," she felt a twinge of guilt. "Kakashi."

"What about your boyfriend?" Osh asked derisively.

"I should… invite him to come with me if I'm leaving the village for a trip," Tenten began walking slowly again. "Or something."

"Go through the motions of inviting him, you mean? You know he won't agree. He's too important. And if he does go with you, he gets a security detail as well. Three's a crowd."

She stared up at the clouds and mused aloud, "He IS too important."

"Who's too important?"

Tenten looked around and saw Ino falling in step beside her.

They both smiled, knowing the reason Ino was there.

"My fiancé, the Sixth," Tenten was a believer, together with her surviving team mates, of going big or going home. The fact that she was already on her way home did not detract for her desire to go big.

"WHAT?" it had been years since she had seen a reaction like that from Ino. The kunoichi had frightened some birds that were perched in a nearby tree into flight with her screech.

"I'm kidding. We aren't engaged yet," Tenten waved her hand modestly, "It could be because Kakashi is really finicky about finding The One Ring, if his kunai fussiness is anything to go by. Anyway, did you want to talk to me about something, Ino?"

"I- yes, but…" Ino waved her own hand to vigorously fan herself, "Way to distract me, Tenten! I'm supposed to check you for any mind control jutsu that Orochimaru might have trapped you in. I promise I won't pry into memories of your sexy times with Kakashi."

"If you do, I want to see your sexy times with Sai too. It's only fair," Tenten walked ahead of Ino, who had gone beet red. Tenten thought only Hinata could turn that shade of crimson, but it seemed Ino could still get as flustered about being teased regarding her former ROOT husband as when they had first become a couple.

"AHHH!" Ino grabbed Tenten's hand and began to drag her in another direction, "Your distraction tactic succeeded! I need to hear about this first over yakiniku!"

===/===

As she watched Ino pile pieces of meat on the iron griddle with a vengeance, Tenten surmised that her friend was also a little unhinged due to another diet she was failing to adhere to.

"So? Tell me. Tell me," Ino was impatient.

"What kind of interrogation tactic is that?" Tenten fake-pouted, "Tell me, tell me?" She thought she deserved some special treatment from someone known to have the best mind-probing skills in the Yamanaka clan.

Ino grabbed the weapons master by the shoulders and began to shake her, "Tell me NOW."

Tenten laughed and told her.

It was an outlandish aggrandizement of the truth, with Tenten adding the odds and ends over the years of the first time she met Kakashi and he'd taught her to dance for a mission, then his bizarre genjutsu prank on her later on in her chuunin years when he claimed that they should marry when she was older, culminating in his frequent visits to the shop now that he had laid down the reins of Hokage and thought it was time to settle down with someone.

"Oh my," Ino was rapt, or as rapt as someone could be while scarfing down yakiniku. "He's loved you all this time."

"No, no," Tenten put up her hands to slow down Ino's barreling straight into floral arrangements for the wedding, "He said he noticed me, that's all. I was kidding about the engagement. We aren't in love."

"Not yet. Not in love yet," Ino pointed her chopsticks at Tenten with emphasis. "You're perfect for him, Tenten. I'm sorry, he's the Sixth, but he's also full of crap sometimes. You'll straighten him out."

"What is with all these insults against Kakashi?" Tenten dipped some meat in her preferred sauce before wrapping it in lettuce - she liked adding sesame oil and garlic to the mixture of soy sauce, mirin, sugar, and sesame seeds to give the flavor more boldness and complexity. "You can't make us match better by tearing him down in order to build me up. I know we're very different from each other."

"What are you talking about? Fighting ability? If everyone married based on that, then only Kages would marry one another, and Naruto would have had to marry himself, or Sasuke," Ino scoffed. "That's hardly any kind of measure of romantic compatibility. Obviously you have different skill sets and talents in battle. It doesn't make him emotionally mature. Or even very good husband material."

Ino froze, chopsticks halfway to her mouth. She turned to Tenten.

"You tell me if he lays a finger on you, do you hear?"

Tenten had heard Ino make this offer to Hinata as well before Naruto's wedding. Ino was just that confident in her mind control abilities - she was ready to use them on the two men who possessed some of the strongest wills in Konoha.

"You're a great friend, Ino, but I can't make that promise. And I want you to keep out of our relationship. I will tie him down and whip him myself if he gets out of line."

Tenten rubbed her hands together evilly as Ino grabbed a tissue to prevent herself from spewing her drink all over the table.

"I knew it," she sputtered. "Perfect for each other."

===/===

Tenten opened her eyes. She was surprised that the sunlight in the room had faded to dusk and the woman in front of her looked exhausted.

"Ino?"

The blond woman groaned and dramatically collapsed on the couch they had been sitting on. "TENTEN. Why DO YOU HAVE SO MANY WEAPONS?"

"You're asking ME," Tenten raised a finger to point to herself, "Why I have so many weapons?"

"I know it's your thing. But you're the only person I know with that kind of a memory palace. Weapons, weapons, everywhere, and not a flower in sight." Ino raised a hand to her forehead, wondering not for the first time why some of her friends were so weird.

"We took up the language of flowers way back in kunoichi classes. Not anything like the amount of information you and Sai have to know for your flower shop, but I'm sure there are flowers in my memories!"

"What you have are lotus-shaped stabbing weapons that fire poison-tipped senbon!"

"So?" Tenten argued, "I think flowers are pretty even if they're metallic and can be used to conceal projectiles. You said you were just checking for mind control jutsu. Did you find any?"

"No," Ino sighed, sitting up and bending her neck to get out the cricks, "You're clean. Dangerously close to having a clinical addiction to weapons, but clean."

"One definition of addiction is the progressive narrowing of things that bring one pleasure," Tenten recited, having heard this concern expressed about her before. "As you saw for yourself, there are a great many things that bring me pleasure."

"But they're all weapons! It's like different kinds of sex, it's just all sex."

Tenten put both palms against her cheeks, pretending to blush, "Wow, you know, I've never heard someone describe wielding weapons as similar to having sex, but you might have a point! Some are too big, others too small, but it doesn't matter the size, it's how you use them!"

"You're incorrigible!" They both burst into giggles, then Ino got up, sighing. "Well. All right. I've checked Shino's mind and he was all about the bugs, and Choji's mind always makes me hungry afterwards. You're still very even-keeled, so I guess a better description is that you have a burning passion for weapons just as Lee has a burning passion for youth."

"Thank you, Doctor," Tenten teased, standing up as well to walk Ino out. "I'm sorry my mind seemed to give you a hard time. That was a long session. We started at four in the afternoon and it's already early evening."

Ino threw her hands up, "I thought I was caught in a recursive loop genjutsu because I was rifling through your memories and I went past a row of kunai, then there was another row of kunai, then another row... endless rows of kunai, then endless rows of scrolls, then endless rows of bombs, until I realized these were all your real memories of your very well-ordered inventory and it wasn't a loop. Those are really way too many weapons for a single person to have."

"Most shinobi have way too few, in my opinion."

"See you next time, Tenten."

===/===

Tenten waved goodbye to her friend and shut the door. After a moment, she walked to the pouch she had placed on the table, and took out the scroll holding Osh. She began walking to her storage room. She ignored the urgent but quiet tapping in her head.

The scroll began to quiver.

Tenten reached the alcove with the drawers holding her scrolls. She opened one drawer and brought out four sealing scrolls.

Placing Osh's scroll in the first one, she started sealing. The sealing jutsu she had used on the first three scrolls to carry Osh home were only for inanimate objects. Obviously, since Osh could still reach out into her mind, the sealing was not airtight. She had not intended it to be.

Tenten had actually been curious and open to finding out what Ino thought of her memories of Osh. She had promised the blade she would not tell others of its sentience, but it wasn't breaking the promise if village safety protocol required her to submit to a mind probe by the leader of Konoha's Barrier Team.

However, Ino's extensive mind search had not even shown a single memory of Osh, or Tenten's forays into the blade's alternate dimensions. It wasn't that Tenten did not retain the memories, but that Ino had completely missed seeing them.

A weapon that could erase itself from detection while Ino Yamanaka was directly probing the mind of the user was not something to be trifled with.

Tenten began activating the seals per scroll that had each been created with a particular objective.

After sealing Osh into the first scroll that could contain living beings, the tapping in her head went silent. As a precaution, she continued to seal the scroll away further into the other scrolls meant for reanimated corpses, ninjutsu, and nature elements, respectively.

As the sixth scroll disappeared into the seventh scroll, she stiffened as writing that had not come from her brush appeared on the margin of the paper.

'It was not my intention to frighten you. I can explain, Tenten.'

She took a brush and swiftly wrote: 'Can you give me time? I need to think.'

It didn't surprise her that both her words and Osh's disappeared into the paper. Anything seemed possible with this weapon.

'You need to think about whether you can trust me. All right. I'll wait.'

'Thank you.'

Tenten rolled up the scroll. Placing a final seal on it, she locked it into a drawer especially constructed to block chakra.

She stood for a moment, taking slow breaths. Her mind was in a whirl.

She looked out the window at the dusky sky, then decided to go for a walk.

===/===

"It's a… plant," Tenten said lamely.

She was at the Royal Bandit Love Gardening Store at the outskirts of Konoha that was owned by the tattooed former ANBU who had followed his dream to become a gardener so many years ago.

He had originally meant to leave the village entirely to embrace the civilian life in the larger cities of the Land of Fire, but apparently shinobi blood ran true in his family - his daughter had expressed interest in becoming a ninja, and was starting her first year at the Konoha Academy. So he had stayed in the village and set up shop.

"Can you describe it further?" he was patient. Since the Leaf village was a mixture of civilians and shinobi, more often than not, his customers were the former. He rarely got ninja customers unless they were already friends from his old life.

This kunoichi in particular had only ever visited on official business, checking up on him. The store was already closed for the night, but she had a look in her eye that had made him decide to accommodate her request.

It wasn't his former training and experience as a member of the ANBU special corps that told him to let her in. It was a gut feeling as a father. In this pretty, self-possessed kunoichi, he saw a resemblance to his daughter when she was hiding her troubles.

"It's this big," she measured with her hands. "It has leaves. And stems."

He nodded.

Tenten pursed her lips, feeling foolish. "I'm sorry I can't be more detailed. Does it help if I think it's more than fifteen years old already and still looks the same?"

"Whoever owns it must be very committed to its care. Most indoor plants live 2 to 5 years minimum, but it's not uncommon for some types to live upwards of 20 years."

He began to warm up to his subject, even if it was entirely generic, "In fact, with the proper care, house plants could live forever and would not die of old age but due to external causes."

Tenten smiled a little as the gardener began to lecture her on common mistakes such as under and overwatering, too little or too much sun, wrong soil and overfertilizing. She kept mum about the fact that the plant she was talking about apparently survived the decimation of Konoha during the attack of Pain, but was willing to give credence to the powers of immortality that one could achieve with proper horticultural knowledge.

The gardener paused after he had fully-explained the basics of caring for an indoor plant and found the kunoichi smiling at him. Not patronizingly, but more like - she was happy for him? He knew she loved weapons, and it seemed she was glad to see someone pursuing their own passion as well.

"Dad, I'm home," a teeny voice came from the front gate.

"Ah, excuse me for a bit, Miss Tenten–"

Tenten waved him away so he could greet his daughter. She started to walk along the rows of plants and gardening tools on display. She heard delighted shrieks as the burly former ANBU spun his child in the air.

"What did you learn today, sweetheart?"

"They made us put a leaf on our foreheads! If I wanted to do that I'd just go to our garden!" she said scornfully.

The proud father laughed and placed her on his shoulders. "Well, listen to your teachers. They still know more than you do."

Something caught Tenten's eye and she pointed, asking "How much for this?"

The shop owner came around, his daughter inquisitively staring from where she sat atop his shoulders. "Ah, that's a cute one. Since you've been so kind to me whenever you visit, consider it a gift."

"No," Tenten raised a hand to decline, "Please allow me to pay. I own a shop too. Small businesses should support each other."

He tried to insist, and his daughter watched, amazed, as her father and the lady customer spoke in an extremely polite manner toward each other but with increasing volume and forcefulness, each trying to outdo the other in how magnanimous they were being.

It ended with the little girl getting a set of senbon that the strange lady suddenly produced from nowhere. She learned the concept of barter on that day.

"Are you a ninja?" she asked, awestruck, as she received the gleaming, flawless senbon carefully in her handkerchief.

"Yes," Tenten smiled. "Do you want to become one too?"

"Yes!" the girl nodded, "And I also want to become a gardener! And an ice skater!"

Tenten didn't bat an eyelash and beamed at the girl, "If you're willing to work hard, you can do it!"

She left the shop feeling like a true graduate of the Gai school of motivation.

===/===

Kakashi paused upon arriving home that night, noticing a small package hanging from the handle of his front door, and Tenten's neat handwriting letting him know it wasn't a booby trap.

He was familiar with the packaging of the gardening store, Royal Bandit Love, having purchased a replacement pot and some new soil for Mr. Ukki from there a few years ago. It had been a while since he'd dropped by, but if he recalled correctly, the gardener's daughter would probably be of age to enter the Academy by now.

He pried open the paper bag carefully, revealing a small watering can in the shape of a mouse, with the snout functioning as the water spout.

His pleasure at the gift was dampened by the short note Tenten had included inside, telling him she was going on a two week trip and that she was sorry she had to postpone their date.

She had signed off with 'Love, Tenten.'

Kakashi thoughtfully placed her note into his pocket.

He was going to have to clear his schedule, then.

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A/N: Beware, dear readers. Your names are fair game for this author to use in disguised cameos in this story. Princess thieves of heart, you are now a haven for plant-lovers in Konoha.