I slept in one morning thinking that he would be there to greet me and say " ohio" (good morning) buttons Jeddah ended up hearing moaning sounds in the dog joy thought he may have heard him myself trying to practice a kick or something and then I found out to my horror that Ichi was They're making love to my beloved Masa. I was shocked to see Ichi there in the first place but he followed me to japan.

They were busy making love to each other, Ichi was pinning masa to the wall and masa was kissing him. Obviously my old son said could not forget me or Masa but he ended up going after massa instead. I didn't still hear them dumping against the wall and him (Ichi) in Japanese saying he say you love me Masa. I heard masa say the only love yakuza thugs add the top of his lungs as if he was enjoying himself I thought it was horrible to see what I saw but I try to make sure I wasn't to be seen. Then as I close the door trying to do it quietly as possible Ichi Heard me close the door and I quietly weeping her the sobbing of a guy my age. Masa.

Love you kono yaro," Ichi said said he forced his kissed to Masa who was pinned to the flower with tears streaming down his face. He did not look like the honourable lover I had but someone who was about to hurt himself. I was working all this while at the door frame Lanada collapsing out of emotion and grave. I wanted to help Maza completely with his problem but I knew easy was stronger than anyone and was going to hurt me if I did something.

I ended up calling the police with my phone with Masa had hidden. I end up calling the police saying that there is a Japanese mobster in our dojo attacking the owner of the dojo . The police or is it Masa he has it coming for him anyway and ice cream can you please do something about this. I was so grief stricken there I thought that Marcel was going to kill him self. Something I did not know about the yakuza and bushido culture.

I Decided once each he was gone that I was gonna try to console my lover Masa but Masa didn't wanna have anything to do with me he felt violated he said.

"I am for every going to be in the clutches of the yakuza," he said.

"This isn't the first time"

"No it wasn't" he sobbed. "They look for transgender females or males who are feminine looking to have their way"

"Oh my god"

"Just go or kill our child inside of you."

"Why"

"Because you don't want to remember a male whore like me"

"But I do"

That I he never touched me ever again he was afraid he said that ichi What is going to come back and finish them off or at least rave him which was something he didn't want. He said he's only regret was to have been in a relationship with Ichi. All night I heard him cry and I wish I could've been at least able to put him in my arms and two love him at least but he was so adamant about not being heard he said he was soiled goods.

The next morning I woke up late again only to find him in the garden dad. He had her himself in the ultimate way was Jesus traditional that he was going to take his own life right during the samurai or was he just scared of Ichi. When I read the suicide note I ended up reading it was both his way alive and that he was afraid of his former lover now rapist. I had to call the cops again and say that my one true love had killed him self via Seppuku.

I was wondering decided to leave all together I didn't want to stay in the Island anymore of Japan or it's so by lens I just want the hell out.. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to have his child but I couldn't do so one he was no longer able to provide for my family. I didn't wanna have to do this but I thought about giving up Cynthia and her sister when the time came to be born I was going to give them up because I didn't want to see their father inside the rise as it was going to trigger me even more. I'll never know what is wrong with my first sensor that he caused me so much problems and masa so many great problems that he had a lot of grief in life but I didn't know what to think. I ended up going to the local clubs just to try to hook up with man to see what would happen if I could see a real man like Maza again or if they were just gonna be similar to Ichi.

I won time found one guy who is also Japanese mafia he seemed pleasant enough to be around he was also karate but he Wasn't like the other two that I knew Masa and Ichi.

This guy had a dress for life and didn't even wanna cut off his own pinky finger if he got himself into a part of shit his name was Toshirô he was a very handsome man few years older than Maza making him 30 where I was dressed 23 at the time. It was very hard to know that I was in Japan for three years as a martial artist what is world went down to zero is not as dedicated to karate as I was but it was OK for me to be with him anyway in my opinion because I didn't want to deal with traditionalists anymore who would go and hurt themselves. I decided that I was gonna be with Toshirō weather I liked it or not he was going to be my next love I was gonna make sure of that. He had some tradition when I came to the yakuza but now traditionally I came to karate to the point where he would hurt himself permanently or indefinitely.

Toshirō said that he wanted to be the next oil burn or father or leader of his crime family. I asked him to take down Ichi if he could then this guy had cost me like the life of my lover at one point and the father of my children I didn't want to have those things growing in my head from a guy who is suicided himself.

" what is Ichi guy do"

"More less killed my beautiful Masa."

"I will get my men involved, the lowest is to hurt someone or drive them to suicide."

When he saw that I was crying profusely from having to carry a dead man's child as well as seeing him get murdered more or less he gave me a kiss on the lips it was a gentle kiss. He didn't want to get too deep with me with a kiss because he knew I was still sad. I ended up reciprocating the case and made it deeper. I ended up tackling him And started to takeoff his clothes exposing his similar tattoos Similar to ichi's. He had a hard body but it was hard as a rock he was obviously working out. Probably in president look at a prison sculpted body but I didn't care I wanted to make love to him and hold him. Two month of being a street girl who new karate now I am back and I said a little relationship I always happy to have Toshirô as my lover.

T hero was a very gentle man when he came to his love making he was very gentle more so than Mahsa. I ended up telling him I didn't wanna have mosses killed her anymore that they were going to go to an orphanage he said that wasn't a good idea that he would take them in but I said they would just trigger me. And I said that I wanted nothing to do with them that they had to be gone from my life not at half the plan for dress out of my life for good. I rolled up tour international adoption agency and said that I had two girls that I wanted to give her up for adoption Cynthia and what's your face there I ended up saying that I wanted to give them up because their father had done something horrible to him self. That was sad enough for me that I had to do that I spent many days after writing that letter and filling out that form to the adoption agency that I cried in Toshirô's arm so many times for a few weeks. I love my girls but I didn't love them to the point where I would keep them because it would just remind me of painful times. I didn't even honour Masa in anyway because I thought that he would just haunt me in my dreams which she did many times. Maza Madurai always ended up coming back to me in my dreams saying why are you leaving your children away for someone else. And stuff like that in a fog a smoke and then he would disappear. I didn't really care after a while but the first time when I heard his voice in my dreams it scared the stuffing out of me. One morning I cried all morning because of having MASA in my dreams.

I ended up keeping a dream here just for my sake for my own mental health as I was gearing up to give birth to my little monsters as I called them. When I gave birth to them I ended up easily giving them out for adoption to the social worker who was there working for the agency and I told them just give them a good home I don't care what happens. I know my father would be upset with me for not giving him grand children but I couldn't handle being with these two horrors as I called them. So I just left it at that and then when I was discharged from the hospital I went about my life with Tootsie Roll I didn't even go as far as to write letters to the adopt a family To acknowledge Cynthia's actual life or her sister's actual life I just wish them well and I was in the of that. It kind of hurt me know why I wanted to write a letter to them in the trailer hello I'm your birth mom I had to give you a up because your father the love of my life was the one that died and I couldn't handle seeing you. But I couldn't even put pen to paper. Even though I did Have the adopted family's address I couldn't put panda paper for many years it was one there or six years old and I've been getting their first letter from me. You don't have to family never know very much about me except that I was a poverty-stricken martial artist who was trying to make ends meet.

At 2001 was the termite put panda paper and this is what I said to my two little girls that were supposed to be in my no man in the first place but we're no longer there because of my own hatred and grief instead they were back in the states with another family of strangers.

Cynthia and Kurai

I am your actual birth mother I couldn't keep you because your father the love of my life had murdered himself and took himself away from me because of a Sarajac that happened to him I coon looking look you in the face because I was afraid I was seeing the ghost of my own love Masa your father. I wanted nothing to do with you for quite some time now you're in kindergarten I believe in the US and you're doing pretty well I hope and I hope this doesn't ruin your day. I am Cynthia I was a daughter of a rapper and then I fell in love with To Senseis say to her teaching me karate. But one of them really touched my heart Marsha who is your father and I ended up making sure he was happy all the time but I couldn't even do that right as he was murdered by my former sensei ichi who killed him.

Your mom

I send them a picture of me in a karate gear of chorus just to see what I would look like if they were wanting to look for me. I ended up getting a very disturbing message from the family saying that the girls didn't wanna have anything to do with me either and I didn't blame them for that they were angry that I wasn't their mother. I wrote many letters and gave them many toys as I was in a life of Opryland's now and I told him that I was with a better man and that I was going to make it up through GIFs. But that wasn't enough for them they wanted more they actually wanted money from me my own children that was there so mad even though they were six years old give me money for Xbox give me money for this as if I was made of the damn stuff. I know the Japanese yakuza code has nothing to do with money so I didn't even bother with him anymore I didn't want to feel like that but they were getting greedy they were spoiled. Some thing I wasn't to begin with I had to make my way through life after my father gave me up for disowned me for Ichi and then I ended up falling in love with Marsa. I ended up thinking about Marsa and how he would feel that his children look down on their mother. Made me cry When I had a right to be adoptive family so I cannot give money to greedy kids. It's against my code. And then I ended up leaving it out that I never heard a word from the Flannigans on the fly lands whatever their name was.

I ended up having my tubes tied so I couldn't have anymore children that was the end of it and turned me off completely. I was emotionally crippled when I got my tubes tied and I was not using the word crap all day and a very late term I was very depressed for sometime because I part of me still wanted to have children with Toshirō. And I wanted to be able to give them children. But he ended up understanding my plate and so you don't have to have children on the account to me. But I was just scared that he would leave me if he didn't have children with me I was always paranoid that he would be murdered or other stuff that was hard since I want to seedy world of the Japanese slums in the first place.

One night I ended up feeling like I felt the touch of Masa again that gentle touch it made me wanna wait for his kiss or another touch it was just a dream when I woke up trying to respond to that to that sensation and I was just that sensation nothing more nothing less I was saddened by my own Body was playing tricks with me or was it the ghost of my Masa.