Night Crawler
Amanda exhaled and closed the file she had been reviewing, attempting to clear her mind. How could she be both so joyful to be engaged to Lee, and at the slightest provocation? It had been that way since the Birol ordeal had ended.
On Billy's orders, she had taken several days off, and only coming into the office for sessions with Dr. Pfaff. The sessions had not been successful in resolving her anxiety. Only time and Lee's love and support would make her world safe again.
She was reluctant to speak to Lee about Birol. She did not want to upset him any more than he already was. He blamed himself for her kidnapping. There was really no one she could talk to.
Wait, there's one person she could speak to. She nodded and wrote a note to Lee that she would be back soon.
She left her badge at Mrs. Marston's desk and strode to the car. Before starting the car, she reached into her purse and retrieved her engagement ring. She kissed the ring and slipped it on her finger. Amanda wished that she was free to wear it all the time. Most of all, she wished she could tell everyone that she was engaged to Lee.
Arriving at her destination, she walked the familiar path to her father's grave. She gathered her coat around her and fastened the buttons. Stepping up to the grave, she gathered her thoughts before speaking.
"Hi, Dad." She paused again. "I have a lot to tell you, but I'm not sure where to start." Once again, the emotions warring within her reared again. "I guess I'll start with the rough parts.
"Something terrible happened to me. This terrorist, his name was Birol, took me hostage. Lee had an informant in his organization, and Birol wanted to trade me for her. But Birol had no intention of letting me go. He was trying to draw Lee into his trap, and sell me to the Libyans. Dad, I was so terrified for us."
She could not admit this to anyone. She was in the process of earning full status as an agent. A part of her was concerned that somehow the knowledge of the sessions would get back to Dr. Smyth, and it would jeopardize her status.
"I've been having nightmares. At first, they're a pleasant dream, then it changes." Amanda took a deep breath. "Birol is about to kill Lee, and I can't help him. He kills him while I watch."
Her breath came faster, nearing panic. With an effort, she calmed herself. "Lee knows about the nightmares, but I haven't told him what happens. He feels it's his fault Birol made me a target, that he should have taken me off the ATAC team. He's my partner. I was right where I needed to be.
"Birol wouldn't let me sleep, and I started hallucinating or something. I kept imagining Lee was there, that he was talking to me, that he was going to free me. Then Lee would be gone, and Birol would be there. I didn't know what was real and what was my imagination. It was so confusing and frightening.
"And then Lee was there. He was really there, his body against me when he held me. We had no idea if we were going to get away from Birol, but I felt safe. And then…," Amanda chuckled at the memory.:He proposed to me in the middle of all this. He said…well, what he said was stunning. And of course, I said yes.
"He bought me a stunning diamond engagement ring. We don't know when we're going to get married. He's only met mother once, and he doesn't know the boys. I want him to get to know everybody before we tell them we're engaged.
"Don't worry about me, I'm going to be fine. I just need a little time. And, about the engagement. Dad, I know you'd like Lee. He's nothing like Joe. He wants to be a good stepfather to the boys. We love each other so much."
She glanced at her watch. "Well, I've got to get back to work. I feel better talking about everything that happened. You were always a good listener. I have so much more to tell you about Lee. But I'll save that until next time. I love you, Dad."
Her mood lighter, she touched his headstone. Then with a final look back, she made her way to her car, and her new life.
