As I said – on my profile page – I don't have enough free time to write so I present you with this one-shot that I found yesterday when I'd been dusting through my old papers, – there are a few of these old one-shots. :)

As always, no beta! Non–canon! AU! And OOC-ness! Counting it as a first draft more than anything else, old sports.

Hope you'll enjoy it!


He was watching the street from the carriage, but not seeing really anything. He thought nothing could be important anymore. What mattered when his dreams turned to ashes. How he could not understand her, not knowing of her heart when he was always a good judge of character. He wasn't that way. He never was and never would be. It was the second time and hopefully, last of his being stupid, of being wrong. He hadn't such a luxury of not being perfect. He wasn't in the same situation as his cousins were. He promised he wouldn't trust anyone with his precious things anymore. One he trusted that despicable woman, his dearest sister, – the only reminder of his parents, especially his kind sweet mother. And second, he put his heart in her hands and she destroyed it with her cruel remarks.

"The last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry."

What a humiliation was that proposal, yet he could not forget her. It was more a humiliation to be in love with someone who preferred Wickham to him. He felt disgusted with himself for his low self-esteem in loving such a woman, but here he was on his way to Gracechurch street.

One more time, he promised to himself. One more time and would be back to his previous self, to be as good as before her. Before her ensnaring his senses and mind. He would take a look at those fine eyes who hunted his dreams and set himself free from the spell she casted on him.

It took so long, yet so soon the driver brought him to his destination. He was of a mind to order them to turn around and to never look back at his back, but he was better than this. He wasn't one to change his mind at the last minute. No, he would go as it was his plan and close this chapter of his life forever. He came out of the carriage and breathed in trying to relieve the stress, but his breath turned into a grimace. Not to his taste, this side of the city; overcrowded, dusty and more pollutant in comparison to where his house was. A man bumped into him, but without any apology and shame walked out. His lips curled by being the receiver of such a low manner and insulting act.

For umpteen times he asked himself what he was doing here. Wasn't it enough that he was humiliated by her and now being here, bringing himself so low for the sake of one glimpse of her? His drunken state was the problem. His poor valet begged him to stay till he became sober, but he threatened that he would be fired if he didn't do his duty, doing his request. His valet accepted only after declaring the only good thing about his being drunk was that he became sharper when he was drunk. Later, he would be ashamed of such behaviour, but for now, he was too drunk to care about anything.

He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice he collided with another person.

"Pardon me, madam." Feeling ashamed of himself for disrupting the walking of a woman and maybe in process, injuring her. "Are you alright?"

She was smoothing her dress, "yes, sir. Please forgive me, sir, for being such a clumsy person." There was a quiver to her voice. It seemed she'd been crying when they collided.

"Not at all, madam. It was all my fau–" he got silent when he saw who was before him. Of all people knowing him and his knowing them should he see her. The dearest sister of her.

"Mr. Darcy?" She was shocked the same as he. And crying? He guessed right. Her face was tear-stained.

"Miss Bennet?"

"Sir, are you alright?"

Now, he was more aware of his appearance. A sennight worth of facial hair was something that never in his life happened before. He knew there were shadows under his eyes and had bloodshot eyes because of lack of sleep and drinking too much alcohol. And more importantly, he was drunk. He wanted to care. He tried. Yet, he couldn't give a damn what others thought about. What she would think about him.

"Yes, I am, Miss Bennet." Though his voice was devoid of every feeling. He was numb. "How about you, Miss?"

"The same as you, sir." She tried to smile at him, her serene, nauseating sweet smile, but turned to grimace. She was lying the same as he. Both were sad. "I don't take your time, Mr. Darcy. Have a good day."

In haste, he said, "allow me to escort you, Miss Bennet. Here's not a place for a gentlewoman to walk alone." He motioned his hands around, showing the crowded street. Aware that they were getting the attention of people nearby.

"I appreciate your offer sir, but it isn't needed as I'm not alone. My maid is with me."

"It won't do. A maid what could do if someone, God forbid, attempts to attack you? No, Miss Bennet, I won't be at peace till I know you're safe and sound with your family."

"You're so kind Mr. Darcy, but I'm not going to my uncle's home."

He felt ashamed. Taking the only good future she could have and she was praising him for being kind, to her no less. But he didn't have any hard feelings for her, he did what he deemed right for his friend. He gave his opinion, honestly and just.

"It's not a problem. The driver only needs your destination and without delay we shall be there."

"I… I …" she stopped her talking. She looked as if she swallowed a lump in her throat and was trying to bite back her tears. At long last, she breathed deeply and answered, "I confess I don't have any real destination. I was just wanting to go… to go –"

He saw something familiar in her eyes. The desperation he felt after the disaster of the proposal. The desperation he saw in his own eyes, every time he cared to look at his reflection in the mirror.

"Away," he finished for her. For he wanted, wants the same thing.

"Yes," she smiled, a weak one, not reaching to her eyes. "For an hour or two, just that. I need that. Forgive me sir for troubling you with my own silly problems."

"Don't mention it madam." He looked around and saw others were looking at them, especially with valuing the worth of his attires, it was obvious he didn't belong to this side of the city. "Please, come into the carriage. There's a park that's very good for having time to yourself."

And by that, not letting another word from her, he helped her into the carriage and the carriage started driving away from the stifling street by his order. His own valet was a trustworthy man, but Miss Bennet's maid? He wasn't sure about her. He couldn't let the words of their being in a carriage reach their acquaintances.

He looked at Miss Jane Bennet. She was trying to control her emotions, but failing so hard. Soon her silent tears rolled down her cheeks, one after another. Seeing her kerchief was soaked, he gave his own to her and she with an appreciative look took it.

It astonished him how she was thankful for such a small kindness towards her. The only ones he saw that way were his sister and mother, not any other woman had possessed such a personality.

She broke the silence at last. "Please forgive me, Mr. Darcy, for my silly tears. I am not usually this way. I don't like to put my silly problems on other people's shoulders."

Silly problem! It was so apparent that it wasn't a silly problem. And he agreed he never saw her showing any other emotions other than angelic smile.

His thoughts came to a halt. He now understood why she was this way. The desperation in her eyes. The crying before him despite her unwillingness. The yearning being alone.

She was heartbroken. The same as he.

He reached into his coat's inner pocket and brought a flask of whiskey to his lips. He felt more ashamed of himself. He was aware she was looking at his flask for it wasn't a gentlemanly act before a gentlewoman, but he was too numb to care.

"Not at all and please don't say silly tears. I'm sure you have a good reason to be this way."

She opened her mouth to say something, but after glancing at their servants, she closed and looked out the carriage window at the scenery. He didn't push further, for now.

The silence had lingered even after they reached the park and had been strolling through it. They decided to sit on a bench under a tree and she broke the silence when he lost hope of knowing the reason for this unusual behaviour, "may I ask a question from you?" Receiving a nod as his response, she asked, "what would you feel if your sister hid something from you?"

That threw him off. He didn't expect such a question. "I would be devastated." His mind turned to Georgiana. She hid her little relationship with Wickham from him and he was devastated by her act, but he would be more devastated if she would hide their plan of elopement!

"Let me correct my question. What would you feel if she hid something related to you while assuming she was protecting you from the sadness that would bring the revelation of that?"

"Ah!" Now it all clicked in his mind. She knew her sister knew he was the reason for Bingley's departure. "I would be devastated less than before, but I would feel offended by her by thinking she could be a better judge for my receiving the information."

He wasn't that way. He didn't like to hide his sentiment of something that that was related to a person from the same person. He was regretful for a lifetime for not telling Wickham's true personality to his father. And certainly, he wouldn't hide from Georgiana if he knew even for one percent that Georgiana would want to talk or be friends with Wickham. And he didn't do that when Bingley asked for advice in regards to Miss Bennet.

"I feel the same." She wrung her hands together. She was in turmoil, he noticed. "But… but I feel bad for feeling this way for Lizzy. She has been my only confidante till this very moment." She laughed, but it was bitter. "I suppose I am betraying her too by crying my heart out with a man she despised with all her heart."

He winced. He took another gulp from his flask.

Her eyes rounded as if noticing what she was saying and started talking in rapid, "please forgive me, sir. I am very very sorry. I didn't intend to hurt you."

He put her worries to rest and after that said, "I'm afraid I should confess that I'm the reason for your separation."

"I don't see it that way."

"Pardon?"

"I don't see it that way, Mr Darcy. From the letter you had written to Lizzy –" A blush crawled up from the collar of her dress to her cheeks. "I know I shouldn't have read it, but amidst the anger she slipped up, you're the reason for my heartbreaking, but even from so much begging from me, she didn't elaborate and changed the topic. I wanted to know what was the reason and – anyway, I see a friend, a good friend who gave honest advice to his friend. You had not known of my feelings and you advised him with that misunderstanding, but there wasn't any deceit or lie or omission on your part, Mr. Darcy." She breathed and continued, "you respect him enough to let him know all the facts that you'd thought were true and decide for himself." He could sense a comparison to her own sister, Miss Elizabeth, that despite her love for her sister feeling she knew better than her own sister about her separation from the man she fell in love with. "He was the one responsible for our separation, because against all of our spending time with each other he only related to your advice and not knowing me."

"Bingley is in low spirits after we left Netherfield."

"Being in low spirits is very different from being heartbroken. Though I should not be harsh on him, sir. After all, I didn't know him well and I even saw myself in love with him. I didn't expect him to be so flighty, to go by the first rock he saw in his way. Maybe, it was all a tender feeling towards a cheerful, happy man."

He didn't know what to say about that. It seemed she was forgetting he was there, but her words had an effect on him. Not harsh on him. Betraying her own sister. Feeling bad for thinking bad about her sister. How could two sisters different as night and day could be so close to each other. Even Bingley wasn't a forgiving person when the matter was to have not his own entertainment because of another person, even if that person to be his own sister. Even he wasn't that close to Bingley as they were. He felt bad when finding this deficiency in this picturesque portrait of two loving sisters, one who cared for her dearest sister, but thinking she knew better. Even doing this out of kindness, it was unforgivable, in his opinion.

Fresh tears came to her eyes. "Forgive me for a moment." And with that she stood and walked further than where they were seated. He could see the shaking of her shoulders. It should be a very devastating revelation for her. He wanted to reach out. To console her. But he supposed the best way was to let her console herself.

He should have talked to Bingley, to say he had mistaken. He had judged wrongly. He deserved to know she had true feelings for him. She deserved more to not be under such a censure.

She came back, with a smile on her face, a fake one. Now he could distinguish between her fake smiles and the real ones. It was disconcerting to know how she expressed such strong sadness. Bitter laugh. Fake smile. Far away look. Losing her pride before anyone. She was broken. A broken angel.

He blurted out something that he had not talked with anyone, not Bingley, not his cousin, Colonel, "Your sister said, I am the last man in the world whom she could ever be prevailed on to marry."

"Lizzy isn't bad. She hadn't thought right at that moment. You make her feel insulted with your proposal, sir."

"Insulted?" He was astonished.

She nodded her head. "Yes. If I were in Lizzy's place and you were Mr, Bingley I would reject his hands on marriage. I wouldn't say the things Lizzy said, but still my answer would be the same. Not for Mr. Wickham, because in my opinion, there are two sides of a story to hear and judge. And not for advising your friend to not marry a woman you could not see love in her eyes. But I would reject him for insulting my family when I know they are not what you or in this example he said about them despite not knowing them more than I."

He wanted to object that he saw enough of their manners that he never saw in entire of his life, but she continued, "let me say Mr. Darcy. You saw my mother, a woman who said inappropriate words very loudly before everyone at the ball. But did you know, her constant concern of if something happened to us. She said the most disconcerting things, but she never thought them thoroughly, for if she did she would be scared of her own words. But she always showed in her acts. She never left any of her children to a nurse, no she took care of all of us. She loved a man, her husband despite knowing he didn't have any respect for her. Being the older sibling would bring this. Knowing about your parents more than ought to know." She smiled, rather uncertainly.

He was intrigued by how she was defending her family. Miss Elizabeth was ashamed of her mother and younger siblings, but didn't want others to point out the deficiency of her family. Her vanity didn't let that. Miss Jane Bannet really believed in their goodness. She mistook her sister. Miss Elizabeth didn't see goodness in them.

"She wasn't that way. A distressful life would do that to her. Mary, my sister. I can't believe how someone could find anything bad about her. She's so hard-working. So adept at her skills. But stress didn't let her to show her true talent. My two youngest sisters. They are young. They would grow up one day. We could not be angry at young girls whose only sin was being lively. And my father, I feel sorry for him wanting a son, but all he got were five daughters."

He disagreed with the last one. The man was neglecting everything. And disrespecting his own children. He couldn't forget how he mocked his own girl for the amusement of himself. Maybe she was right that Miss Mary was under pressure. Her father mocked her. She should be afraid of everytime playing piano or something he would mock her. Hell, he would be afraid if he had such a father.

"But again with that proposal, you showed you're willing to sacrifice for Lizzy. I know she didn't see it that way, but I'm seeing it. I would fear how you could be welcomed to the ton after marrying so low in position and status. Your reputation would be tarnished and more importantly your sister's future. You sacrificed all this for the woman you love."

He didn't know if it was a compliment or rather a chastisement for being remiss in his duty in regard to his sister. What was he thinking? Of course he wouldn't risk the future of Georgiana. It showed he was not rationally thinking.

After a peaceful silence between, she spoke again, "being in love with a person who doesn't know you has these consequences. But really, Mr. Darcy, how could we be in love with them when we don't know them too. I call it desire now. Desire for wanting more from them. Maybe even lust."

Now she said it that way he could accept this definition more than love. Yes, desire was a better word for his feelings. He wanted the same from her, but he wasn't really in love with her. Now he defined his emotion with another word he felt lighter. As if a heavy stone was lifted from his chest and he could freely breathe.

Then she looked at him intensely. "Forgive me if I'm intruding into your privacy, but… but… you ought to care more about your appearance, especially for a man of your standing. You are a strong man. I know you could stand this."

"You help me, Miss Bennet, to feel better." He, indeed, felt better.

"I'm happy to be of use. It's getting late. I would better go back."

"Yes. Yes."

He felt now this chapter of his life was closed. Forever.