En Route to Volk (Guntz)
It's been several hours since we left Breezegale. The sun had just finished setting, giving way to a black sky lined with stars.
"So, Klonoa…" I said, still driving the Red Clan II. "You think we should camp out for the night, or can you stay up 'till we find an inn?"
Klonoa didn't respond.
"Klonoa, did you hear-?"
I looked back at him. He seemed to be staring off into space, oblivious to my presence…
"Klonoa?"
He still didn't respond. Was he this oblivious back at Bell Hill? Like I said, I thought I saw him staring at the Sakura tree then, about a week before I had my nightma… shit!
"KLONOA!"
He instantly came to, almost falling off the bike from the shock – I just barely caught him.
"Agh!" he yelled. "Guntz, what was that for!?"
"Sorry, you were…" I tried to calm myself down. "You were staring blankly again, like back at Bell Hill. I was worried you were…"
"No," he cut in, "it's nothing like that. Though…" He paused for a moment. "Those thoughts… they're not normal, right?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, the bike still in motion.
"Well… I know I shouldn't consider joining Lolo, but… the thought still crosses my mind occasionally… even after we talked it out… that's not normal, right?"
I thought for a moment. "Not… not usually, but… if you loved her that much, then maybe…"
"Loved her like… romantically?" He looked shocked again. "I… don't think we were ever romantic with each other, though."
"I know. I just meant… it doesn't have to be romantic love. You could've loved her as a close friend, or…"
"Like how you loved Butz as his son?"
"Right."
"Then that must be it. You think I'm having these thoughts because I can't bear to be apart from my close friend?"
"Possibly."
"So, those thoughts are normal for me, then?"
"Like I said, probably. I know I'd have those thoughts occasionally after my pops died, more so at your age…"
"Right, you told me on the radio."
"Indeed. Though…" I hesitated. "What would you think if I told you, that I… that I almost acted on those thoughts?"
Klonoa froze for a bit. "I… honestly, I don't know if I'd be shocked or blindsided. I figured you'd at least wanna kill Janga first, and you don't seem like the kind of guy who'd actually-"
"Neither did you, but here we are."
"Fair enough. So… when was it?"
"It may've… it may've been last year. Though I've kept myself busy with various different gigs by that point, I was no closer to finding Janga than I was at your age. I'd hear news bulletins about his victims in different towns, but nobody was willing to say anything."
"I see… they were that scared of him, huh?"
"Yep. Eventually, I thought he was just keeping up a wild goose chase to try and torment me… until the day that he came back to kill me. So, I figured that if I just… if I killed myself before then, well, he wouldn't have that same satisfaction…"
"Yikes… I thought you told me you couldn't rest until that cat was dead… was that what stopped you?"
"Partially… one night, as I pressed one of my pistols to my chin, I thought I could hear the cat taunting me. He said 'Giving up already, eh, Guntzy-boy? Kinda wanted to do the deed myself, but… eh, whatever works – if you think Butz'd approve, go to it.'"
"And hearing Butz's name… that's what stopped you?"
"Yep. I could almost see his face… almost urging me to change my mind, do what he would've done. So… I lowered my pistol."
"And that's when you decided you couldn't rest…"
"Pretty much."
"Wait… did you see something similar on the moon, when we cornered Janga?"
"…I think so."
"Christ…"
An hour or two later, we stopped at an inn near the Jugkettle port, Volk City a few miles off the opposite shore, and got settled into our room – a standard setup with 2 full-size beds and a shower-equipped bathroom.
The port's boathouse wasn't open this late, so my plan was to go there in the morning and get us passage somewhere close to Volk. I made sure to pack extra nausea medication this time – after what happened last time we took a boat, I wanted to ensure I wouldn't throw up again.
As we changed into our nightclothes, I noticed Klonoa partially staring off again… he was still changing, but… it looked as though he were on autopilot or something.
"Klonoa?" I asked him, just as he pulled off his shirt. His chest still bore three red, now-faded slash marks – a little 'parting gift' from Janga.
He blinked rapidly again. "Yeah, what's up?"
"You were staring off again."
"Oh… it's just… what you said about… well, how you'd join your father... it's… it's kinda unsettling to think about, even with the thoughts I had. I don't think I've been more freaked out since Nahatomb absorbed Lolo… or when I had to hold her as she died…"
"Jesus… sorry I put that in your head, but…"
"It's fine. To be fair, I… may've thought up some pretty messed-up ways to join Lolo on our way back…"
"Such as?"
"Like, when we flew home… I briefly considered throwing myself out of the rocket's airlock… and back at Bell Hill… you said I was staring blankly there?"
"Yeah – you were looking at Blossom Pass… at that Sakura tree, I'm guessing?"
"Yep… I think that was when I was considering hanging myself from it."
"Like in my nightmare…"
Klonoa shot me a confused look. "Wait… what?"
"Last night, I… I dreamed that you… well… did just that. I remember crying as I held your lifeless body and…"
"Like when Janga poisoned me?" he asked, glancing at his chest.
"Yep."
He sighed. "Christ… was it 'cause I told you about-"
"No… I probably would've had that nightmare anyway. I mean, seeing you that devastated, like when I lost Pops, I… I couldn't help but wonder if you'd really be alright… considering how upbeat and carefree you were before then…"
"I see…"
By this point, we finished changing into our nightclothes and got in our beds. I was about to turn out the lights, when Klonoa asked me one last question:
"Does Popka know?"
I almost fell out of bed in shock. "I'm sorry?"
"Before we left this afternoon, he told me 'How do you think I'll feel if I lost you, too?' I thought he was worried about the phantom beasts killing me, but… he seemed dead-set on making sure I promised to come back safe. 'You know how much this means to me, right?' he said.
"He didn't seem fazed by the fact I was poisoned, either, so I just figured… that he thought I'm gonna try and join Lolo while I was out. If he saw me that devastated somewhere, like how you saw me, then…"
He seemed to put two and two together. "…Did you tell him?"
I hesitated. "…Yes."
"Goddamnit!" he shouted, with the same mix of agitation and grief I let slip during our radio conversation. "What made you decide to do that!?"
"I didn't really have a choice." I lied, trying to keep my voice calm. "He saw me wake up from that nightmare and… well, we talked about whether or not he was considering joining Lolo – he wasn't – and he just… sorta figured it out from there."
"Shit, I just…" His agitation subsided. "Just… you just told him, right?"
"Right. And he said he wouldn't tell anyone else."
He sighed. "Good… the last thing I need is the entire village worrying for me, especially Grandpa…"
"Okay, but if you ask me, they're already worried for you… your grandpa and I especially."
"I see…" He lied down, deflated. "But… next time, can you please talk to me before telling someone else about our conversations?"
"Sure thing, Klonoa."
He seemed to relax. "Thanks, Guntz."
As we turned out the lights, I couldn't help but think… if Klonoa's been having dreams about Lolo… I wonder what kind of fantasy, for lack of a better term, the two of them'll live out tonight…
