femslash february 2022 prompt 22: memories.

In the Morning, I Won't Remember Your Face

There is an outline of a girl in her dreams. It's filled with swathes of pinks, blues, and yellows. Something large and red tops her head. Bright green eyes fondly gaze at her, their sparkle never dimming even when they're swimming together among the stars.

But when Ess wakes up, she never remembers her. The events happening in her dream are carried away like a leaf in the wind when her eyelids blink open. When it happens, her body is heavy, weighed down by blankets and regrets, her face fixing in a scowl at the unknown.

She supposes that explains her palpable irritation in the recent mornings. Ess knows she's a lovely girl, but her head is foggy, and her thoughts are in disarray when she stumbles into the kitchen. She snaps at Ai and the twins to give her space, her heart aching for a reason she can never truly comprehend.

Papa says she's longing for someone. Ess doesn't know what he means during the day, but when she dreams, she understands. Clarity dawns on her while she runs in meadows hand-in-hand with a girl as close as a stranger. When her saccharine giggling fills Ess' ears, it's the sound of coming home, and she laughs at the top of her lungs.

But the pattern is cyclical. She'll sleep, dream, and remember. Then, she'll awaken, forget, and ache, her head pounding as a voice whispers sweet nonsense in the back of her mind.

"Do you get what I mean?" she asks, slouching in her seat in the cockpit. She leers at the stars and planets that scorn her while the Starship Tetra flies by them. "I don't fathom it at all. It's like I want to remember something or, well, someone, but my brain just won't-" She raps her knuckles against her temples and huffs. "-let my dreams stay in my head for longer than a millisecond when I start waking up."

Tee nods. He releases the wheel and flicks on a switch. With the autopilot engaged, he gives Ess his full attention. "That's quite a conundrum. I'm sorry you're dealing with that, Ess."

She rolls her eyes so far into her head that it dizzies her. "Wow. What a smart response, captain. You really solved my troubles with your unwanted pity."

Tee tugs his collar. When she came to him detailing her woes, he had silently listened. She expects immediate assistance, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes, the toe of her boot sharply digging into the tiled floor.

He snakes his gloved fingers through his short hair. "Sorry, um, I'm just ruminating over the best option. You've presented to me a very curious situation that frankly, I've never encountered before." He gestures to the stars blinking in the cosmos surrounding them. "And considering other worlds that we've visited, I'm not sure where to look for help if I can't figure it out myself."

Ess tries not to fidget with the hem of her dress. "I mean, duh. Of course, it's unique. I doubt anyone else in the galaxy is dealing with something like this."

"A recurring girl in your dreams. You can never fully make her out. Yet, you're happy when you're around her, but when you wake up, you can't remember her or the details of your dream," Tee mutters, approaching the controls.

With Tee's back to her, she lets her concern plague her features. Her brow knits together, and she gnaws on her lip until it hurts. She threads her fingers through her full hair, lifting it off her neck and enjoying the cool air-conditioned draft on her hot skin. It soothes her, and for a second, she pushes aside her trepidations, closing her eyes.

As soon as she does, pink seeps into her vision. It's a soft shade, like the color of bubblegum. And like sweets, so is the voice that murmurs into her ears. Whoever she is, she says Ess' name and chuckles without malice.

Ess trembles. She feels a hand falling on top of her palm, and her heart pangs. She isn't sure why these sensations are falling over her, forcing her to physically react and curl her fingers inward, but she can't stop a small smile from tugging at her lips.

"Was she a friend from your past?" Tee asks, and she snaps her eyes open.

The feeling is gone. Her hand is cold, and her frown deepens. "I mean, how can I be friends with someone I don't know, Tee? What are you saying, that she's imaginary? Did I make her up somehow, and it's damaging my psyche?" She gasps and claps her hands on her cheeks, her pitch rising. "Am I going crazy? Is that it? Has staying in outer space for so long made me lose my sense of reality?"

Tee shakes his head and raises his hands. He assures her that isn't the case. He requests that she give him time to ponder and come back to her with a resolution.

But Ess swats his gentle hand away and storms out of the cockpit. If he can't supply her with the answers, then she has another option. She stomps back to her room, barging through Jay and Elle when they try accosting her for playtime, and she slams the door in their face when they try again. She ignores the hurt on their faces.

Ess kicks off her boots and throws herself into her bed. Even if she won't remember by the time she awakens, she still needs to understand. Talking with the girl, whoever she is, must provide some semblance of normalcy, and she squeezes her eyes shut, hoping to fall asleep.

It takes nearly an hour of tossing and turning before her body finally shuts down. She sinks into her mattress, her body warm as if suffering from a fever. She feels the fleece blankets cocooning around her, and her mind drifts to another world.

When she opens her eyes, she understands. Her heart skips a beat. The truth washes over her, and she breathes in the scent of citrus wafting from the trees in the Woods of Nahe.

And waiting for under the cool shade of the birch trees wearing that smile she adores is Amitie.

Ess runs to her with her hands outstretched. Amitie throws out her arms, and she clings to Amitie, her arms so tight around Amitie's back that she fears she could have snapped her spine. Amitie's honeyed laughter echoes, calming her uncertainties, letting her realize what she has been missing in the vastness of space.

"Amitie," she murmurs, burying her face in her vest, "I miss you."

"I miss you, too, Ess," she coos, patting her head. "I can't wait to see you again. We'll play lots of Puyo and Tetris when we meet up, okay?"

"I want to remember you in the real world. Why can't I?" Ess sniffles and parts, her eyes watering. She hiccups and clenches her fists. "It's not fair! We went through so much together. Why can't our stupid universes just let us be together? Why won't they let us remember each other?"

Amitie's happiness dims like a light switch flipping off. She grips Ess' trembling hands, smoothing her thumbs across her palms. "Because the Keeper said our memories would vanish, but you keep remembering me, even if it's not when you wake up. It's because you're keeping me in your heart just like I am for you." She brightens. "Don't cry, Ess! I'm sure I'll see you again! You're my-!"

Ess' eyes open involuntarily. She stares at her ceiling. She hears Ai screaming and the twins guffawing in the hallway. Chaos ensues, and she does nothing to intervene. She lays motionlessly in her bed, unsure of why her face is damp. Slowly, she reaches up and wipes her thumbs across her wet eyelashes, mascara running down her cheeks before sucking in a sharp, heavy breath.

"My heart hurts," she whispers, and the dream, like all the others, fades.