The streets of Tokyo-3 stood empty, a far cry from the hustle and bustle they possessed a few hours ago. The human residents have long since retreated to the safety of the shelters, awaiting the all-is-well signal to release them from their metal tomb. But until then? Then is when the short folk do battle.


Shamus O'Shamrock darts across the street, P90 heavy in his hands. The rest of his squad was dead, and he would be soon to follow if he didn't keep moving. Those SEELE bastards who were holding his pot o' gold hostage had told him and his kin that if they survived the war against Christmas that they would return the leprechaun's gold. Shamus didn't believe them, but what else was he supposed to do? He would survive this bloody night and get his-

Suddenly a candy cane-tipped .308 bullet pierced through Shamus' skull, killing him. He exploded into Lucky Charms (part of a balanced breakfast) as leprechauns are wont to do when killed. The elven sniper cycled the next round into the rifle's chamber as he began searching for a new target. Throughout the city it was like this, the enslaved leprechaun forces had no chance against the coordinated elf forces sent to secure a bridgehead.

"This is Jingle Seven to Big Red, infantry forces are ninety-seven percent eliminated, and straggler mop-up is proceeding." An elf radioed back to command as he executed a surrendering leprechaun. "You are clear for entry."

"Roger, All Hail Christmas."

"All Hail Christmas." As more leprechauns were gunned down Santa's Slay Fortress descended upon Tokyo-3, preparing to face the foe that had yet to be deployed. The Evangelions.


"Idiot." Asuka muttered as she glared at Shinji as he was entering his Entry Plug. She scoffed as she entered her own. "Stupid idiot, being a stupid Scrooge." She wouldn't say she was concerned about the idiot and his concerning bloodlust. She wasn't, not at all. Anyone who suggested otherwise was a liar. She clutched the small box in her hand with frustration as the LCL filled her Entry Plug, thanking past Asuka for springing for the waterproof box.

"Pilot Soryu."

"Gah?!" Asuka jumped as she turned to the holoscreen displaying First's dumb face. "Gott First, don't do that!" She glared at First. "What do you want?" She didn't want to deal with this dumb doll right now, she had other things she had to worry about.

"Is Pilot Ikari okay? I was concerned as his mood appeared to be deteriorating throughout December, and now his aggression and aggravation appeared to have reached a critical point. I am worried he is not well." His mood was worsening? How did the doll notice that and not her?!

"I don't know! What are you asking me anyway?!" She hissed back at First and her stupid blank face.

"He spends far more time with you than he does me, so you would know better than I about his average mood." Was that a hint of jealousy in First's tone? No, it was probably just her imagination, there was no way the doll had any emotions. "Also, you appear to be getting along better with one another since the fourth of December, which is your birthday." First pauses for a moment. "I would have wished to a happy birthday sooner, but I appear to have not been invited to the party-" First's face disappears as Asuka forcibly disconnects the communications channel.

"Yeah, that was intentional." She explains to the now absent First. " Good thing too, because I'm pretty sure you being there would've ruined things." She's positive First would've somehow found a way to retroactively curdle the milk used to make her cake. And Third worked hard to surprise her with that cake and the tasteful silver ring he got her! She wasn't going to let First ruin it by being a sourpuss. So what if she was getting along better with that idiot Shinji because he actually took initiative and got her a nice present? So what if she didn't notice his worsening mood because she was struggling to find a Christmas present for him? She was Asuka Langley Soryu, and… where was she going with this?

"Asuka?" Misato's voice cut through her thoughts. "You alright there? You're not responding."

"Yeah, I'm fine Misato. Just….. trying to come to grips with the fact that we have to kill Santa Claus." Asuka half lied, while she was still trying to wrap her head around that, she was far more focused on other things.

"Tell me about it. I started today thinking Santa Claus wasn't real and now I'm being told Spec-Ops elves have eliminated our leprechaun army." Asuka opened her mouth to retort but it quickly snapped back shut as the weight of that sentence hit her like a road roller going a hundred miles an hour.

"What."

"That was my reaction. Anyway, prepare for deployment, you're our last line of defense against Santa." Asuka blinked as her grip tightened on the control yolks.

"Fine. I guess this is a chance to show the superiority of the Evas."

"That's the spirit Asuka! And hey, if we get through this I'll let all of you have some egg nog."

"I'll hold you to that Misato. And it better be the alcoholic kind!" Misato's response is drowned out by the sound of the launch catapults launching her to the surface. As she breached the surface her eyes darted to the hulking form of Unit-01 and Shinji within. "Just you wait Shinji, I always pay my dues." She muttered as her eyes fell on the giant sky fortress approaching them. "But for now, let's dance Sinterklaas!"


"Hmph." Santa scoffs as the giant biomechanical titans emerge from the tainted hollows of the Geofront. "You dare raise your hand at Santa Claus? Foolishness! You will soon find that even Santa Claus has Santa Claws! Deploy Rudolph and Frosty!"

"Yes, Lord Santa! Deploy Red One and Frost-T!" The cargo bay opened as two figures walked down the ramp. With a running start Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman jumped out of the cargo bay, descending towards Tokyo-3.

"Let's begin then!" A dread incantation emerged from Frosty's mouth, and snow soon coalesced around the frost homunculus, engorging his form to a ridiculous size. With a 'thumpity thump thump' Frosty, a homunculus without a soul landed within Tokyo-3, bloodstained boomstick in his hand.

"I'll be joining you soon…" Rudolph lamented his fate as he struck a pose reminiscent of a little-known character known as Ultraman, causing the experimental Jingle reactor implanted within his body to activate. Holiday power coursed through Rudolph's body, making it expand outwards as it matched the size of the Evas. "Prepare to die NERV!" There stood two battle-hardened holiday warriors, ready to fight to save Christmas. Standing opposite were three teenagers piloting biomechanical titans of death.

"I'm going to beat you to death with your own liver." Shinji stated with barely contained hate in his voice.

"Shinji, what the actual fuck?!" Asuka exclaimed, looking aghast that Shinji would even say that.

"I do not believe a liver is hard enough to use as a blunt instrument." Rei informed him.

"I'll make it work."

"Vile brats, just as rotten as I'd thought you were. Rudolph sneered at the Eva as he unsheathed his blade forged from the North Pole itself. "I will have vengeance for the murder of my wife and children, no matter the cost!"

"Wait what are you OH SHIT!" Asuka rolled out of the way of the cleaving blade as Shinji dodged blasts from Frosty's cursed boomstick. "First! A little assistance here?!"

"I am being assaulted by elves and unable to help." Rei ground out as she took cover behind a building, wondering how candy cane rockets were able to pierce her AT field.

"Wunderbar! Any more good news?!" Rudolph's nose began shining even more. Asuka instinctually dodges to the side as a lance of light burst forth from the nose and cut a swath through Tokyo-3. "That wasn't an invitation! Also, laser nose?! Really?!"

"Ho Ho Ho Ho! If this is your best NERV then you should surrender and be exterminated already!"

"Santa!" Shinji hissed out as Frosty's boomstick took out a large piece of his cover.

"Your fate is sealed under the Star of Deathlaham! You only delay the inevitable!"

"Shut the hell up, you jolly red bastard!" Shinji screamed in fury. "I'll make you eat those words! Because all I want for Christmas is for YOU TO DIE!"

"Really? Mariah Carey Third?" Asuka interjects before dodging another slice.

"Ah, young Shinji Ikari, spawn of that worm Gendo." Santa sneered at Unit-01. "You are welcome to try, and you are welcome to die! Because yule fail! Ho Ho Ho!"

"We'll see about that Patron Saint of Prostitutes." Shinji glared as Frosty took a chunk out of his side.

"Look, it was a different time, alright!" Santa shouted indignantly as he slammed the intercom off. He then whispered to one of his helpers. "Prepare Krampus and my personal Sleigh. Tonight, NERV will die, even if I have to go crazy."

"Yes, Lord Santa!" The elf scurried off.

"Indeed." Santa surveyed the battle before him. "Tonight's the night Santa goes crazy. All Hail Christmas."


NERV vs SANTA CLAUS: AN EVANGELION CHRISTMAS TALE

CHAPTER 2: STAR OF DEATHLAHAM

END


Apologies to any Irish reader for the 'Shamus O'Shamrock' name. Anyway, tune in next time for what will most likely be the final chapter. Until then, hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and have a pleasant day.