Chapter 16

Am I Free or Am I Tied Up?


It had been a long time since she'd woken up this hot and bothered from a dream about Damon. She'd had one the other day when she stayed at the boarding house, but even before that, she dreamed about him occasionally and sometimes those dreams veered into steamy territory. Last night, however, she had practically relived the first night of their honeymoon in the Maldives. The sex was insane that night, as intense as the first time they were together but with an emotional connection that made it euphoric and unforgettable.

Her eyes watered.

The dream left her with a poignant sense of loss mixed with horniness. She was frustrated both sexually and emotionally, and all she wanted was to see Damon.

And she could if she really wanted. He was down the hall in his room. Though sadly she was mature enough to realize how bad of an idea that would be after last night.

Even right after they kissed, she knew they both needed to cool off away from one another, but she was too tipsy to drive home, so she hid herself away inside her room in the boarding house. Slipping out of her dress, she went to sleep in her underwear and dreamed of what would've happened if she gave in. Of him pulling her dress off her shoulders so the soft silk fabric slid from her body to the floor, leaving her standing before him in nothing but her currently drenched thong. He'd kiss her again and his hands would lower to her ass so he could lift her up. Her legs would wrap around him, and he'd bury his face in her neck, sucking and teasing at the sensitive skin while he carried her up to his room. And when he laid her down on the bed and took one of her nipples in his mouth, she moaned and closed her eyes only to open them see them both back in the bedroom of their overwater villa in the Maldives, her Damon smirking over her as he palmed one of her breasts, his thumb circling the peak as he lowered his head back to the other one.

She put her hand up to her forehead and closed her eyes again. If only she could go back to sleep and stay in her dreams with her Damon. That way, she wouldn't have to face this one and deal with having to resist him, because after that kiss, it was going to be harder to ignore the attraction between them, and he was more than likely never going to let her forget it.

Regardless, there were more important things to worry about with the present situation at hand, like how she was going to get to the change of clothes in her car. She'd packed a bag and put it in her car just in case since her staying over at the boarding house was starting to become a thing, but she hadn't expected to stay the night before, so she didn't bring them in with her. She didn't want to put her dress back on, but unless she wanted to steal a shirt from Damon, she was going to have to. With him in the house, even walking into his room seemed like a bad idea.

She put the dress back on and fixed her hair into a messy bun, sneaking her way out into the hall and down the stairs. He was in another room, and she managed not to run into him as she opened the front door and went to the car, but when she came back with the clothes, there was no avoiding him. He was in the kitchen, watching her. Already, he was freshly showered and in a pair of dark jeans and a Henley.

"Morning, Damon." She tried to act as if last night hadn't transpired.

He didn't say anything. His eyes moved from hers down the length of her dress and stopped just below her hips. Under his gaze, her thighs clenched together in a futile effort to lessen the smell of her in the air, because with how wet she was, he was definitely able to smell her. "Good dreams?" His voice was low, but his gaze was borderline predatory.

She rolled her lips between her teeth. A blush threatened to spread across her face as images from her dreams flashed in her mind. Had she said something in her sleep? Had he heard her? Or was he just asking because he smelled her? "They were alright." She inched toward the stairs, her gown dragging after her. "I'm going to go get dressed."

With one hand on the banister, she turned to climb the steps, not waiting for him to say anything else and went back into her room. She locked herself in the bathroom and where she may or may not have put the shower head to good use in order to unwind from everything that happened last night in reality and her dreams.

Feeling refreshed afterwards, she got dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and a forest green t-shirt that clung to her torso. She didn't bring another pair of shoes so she put her heels back on, grabbed her overnight bag and gown, and went back down the steps. Damon was standing by one of the windows overlooking the backyard and drinking his usual...at nine a.m.

Bonnie cleared her throat even though his gaze was already on her as she approached him. She stopped behind the sofa and placed a hand on the back of it, her dark gray painted nails digging lightly into the cushion. "Do we need to talk about last night?"

He turned to face her fully. Damon didn't like to address things, but Bonnie wanted to make sure things would still be somewhat normal between them.

"What is there to talk about?"

She regarded him coolly, adjusting the gown that hung over her arm. "Then are we good?"

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"So we're just going to pretend it didn't happen?"

He quirked a brow. "Isn't that what you want?"

"It is. I'm just making sure we're on the same page." She started to turn, but stopped when he spoke again.

"Though I am curious. What did you mean when you said I wasn't ready for someone like you?"

She thought about how to phrase the answer. At this point, there was no guarantee his interest in her wasn't passing and her interest in him was not. What she wanted was to give him everything, all of her, and in order for her to do that, she would need the same in return. To be able to trust him in every sense of the word and for her to receive that same trust back. As he was now, he wasn't ready to receive the kind of love she was willing to give him, nor did she think he would be able to give her what she would require of him. He was too busy chasing after a little girl whose personality was far too egocentric to understand what he needed, and he was too blinded by his desire for her to understand that she wasn't what he needed either.

His infatuation with Elena was shallow, a projection of everything he wanted with Katherine onto a girl who resembled her because she was the better version of her doppelganger. She was nothing but a fix for him. His desire for her was a symptom of his past.

And Bonnie intended to be his future.

Explaining all of this to him was impossible without revealing how much she wanted him for herself, so she chose to avoid his question. "I thought you didn't want me to play therapist with you?"

"I don't. But I am curious to know why you think I can't handle you." His gaze licked at her skin as he seemed to measure her up.

She shifted on her feet. "Oh, I'm sure you could handle me just fine," his eyes darkened at hearing her freely admit that, "but being able to handle me and being ready for me are two slightly different things."

"Pray tell, what exactly is the difference?"

"Does it matter since we're going to go back to pretending last night didn't happen anyway?"

He took a sip of his drink and watched her. "You're avoiding the question."

"Because there's no point in answering."

"So you say."

"Anyway, I'm gonna get going now." She turned on her heels and left him staring after her as she walked out the door.

The full moon was later that day, and Bonnie spent the rest of her morning formulating a plan to deal with Esther. She knew that if she did nothing, Esther would be more suspicious and maybe even figure out that her plans would fail without Bonnie's interference in the first place. There was some sort of plan the others had going that day that was supposed to stop the spell. A plan that didn't involve them turning her mother. If she helped them with that, it would make Esther think that's what stopped the spell instead of leaving her to possibly come to the conclusion that her mother would be killed.

Only this time, she would try her damnedest to make sure the other plan succeeded so her mother could live. Abby remaining human would not affect anything important to the timeline. She didn't have to die. But if Bonnie failed, then she would have to. There was no other way to stop the spell besides killing Esther, and that posed a far greater risk to the timeline.

Everyone thought Esther was on their side. She wanted the Originals gone. So if Bonnie killed her, how was she supposed to explain to everyone why she killed her? The only way that wouldn't be a problem would be if she waited until after Elena was captured. It would all make sense then. Saving Elena could be her excuse.

Getting close to Esther might be difficult though, especially with Finn around, but she might be able to do it. Still, the consequences of that made her nervous. Esther turned Alaric into an enhanced hunter and then he died and would be revived at a later date, but wasn't Esther already dead before that happened? Bonnie couldn't quite remember.

A dull pounding started in the back of her head.

Her phone rang. It was her mother and Bonnie answered.

"Esther told me what she intends to do. She told me that you're against it and that you don't trust her."

"I don't," Bonnie admitted. "but I'm not lifting a finger to stop it."

"I'm confused about why you don't trust her."

"How could I ever trust the woman responsible for the creation of vampires."

"She regrets what she's done, and she's trying to make it right."

"That might be true, but she's already tried to have Elena killed from beyond the grave to try and prevent Klaus from making hybrids. It'd be naïve to think her plans wouldn't involve killing any of my other friends even as collateral."

"Hm, you may have a point." Abby didn't say anything for a moment. "You know it amazes me how you're dealing with all of this, how you've been dealing with all of this."

"After everything that's happened, I've had to learn how to adapt to situations and be wary of who I trust."

"A good lesson to have learned, but I'm sorry for the way you've had to learn it," her mother sounded regretful.

"There's no use in apologizing. The past can't be changed." She almost snorted at her own words since that was exactly what she was currently doing.

"I know there's no making up for what I've done, but I'd like to spend more time with you after all of this is over." Her voice was hopeful.

"I'd like that too," Bonnie said, meaning it, but knowing it might not happen for a while.

After she and her mother got off the phone, she rubbed at her forehead. The headache was growing worse to the point where it was growing harder for her to think. She went into the bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet and popping a few Tylenol. When she returned to her room, her phone was going off again and she blinked at whose name was across her screen. She wasn't expecting him to call this soon.

She answered and brought the phone up to her ear. "Did you know what Esther was planning?" Damon immediately asked.

"Yes. She's planning on channeling me and my mother to do the spell." Sitting back down on her bed, she clenched her eyes shut, praying the pain reliever kicked in soon.

"And you didn't think it was important to mention."

"I was a bit distracted with other things. Besides, it wasn't really necessary for you to know, and I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up. How did you find out?"

"Elena. She told me about the link though she's waxing poetic over how Elijah doesn't deserve to die." She could hear the eye-roll in his voice.

"Hmm."

"You don't sound too enthused either."

"I just have a headache."

"I'm sure it's nothing a celebratory glass of bourbon won't fix."

She went back to massaging her temples. "Trying to get me back over to the boarding house already?"

"What's wrong with me wanting a drink with my friend?" he asked innocently.

"Nothing, but don't you think it's a bit early to be celebrating?"

He sighed. "Both you and Stefan are spoilsports."

"Did he say something similar?" She moved to stand up, and a sharp pain shot through her skull.

"The exact same thing actually."

On two feet the headache turned excruciating. It was as if her mind was burning as the pain tore through her skull. It grew so intense so quickly that she could no longer feel herself outside of the pain. All she could feel was the headache scorching her mind. It was not unlike the headache she had the moment he disappeared and she lost everything. Panic rose up in her as she lost her balance and tumbled over. Her cell phone fell to the floor somewhere beside her head and she must have made some noise that Damon could hear because he was calling her name as things began to fade, sounding concerned.


The next time Bonnie woke up, she was in a hospital. A nurse was standing at her bedside, checking the machine showing her vitals. When the beeping increased ever so slightly, she looked over at Bonnie, her eyes wide.

"How did I get here?" Bonnie pulled herself into a seated position. The headache was gone thank goodness.

"Your friend found you unconscious. She brought you here."

"She?" The last thing she remembered was being on the phone with Damon.

"Yes, I didn't catch her name, but she was tall and blonde." Caroline, probably.

"Is it still October 25th, 2010?" Bonnie had to ask just to make sure. She held her breath as she waited for the answer.

The nurse eyed her with concern. "Yes, you weren't out for that long, just a few hours."

She was even more relieved to discover it was the same day. Immediately, she started scanning the room for her phone. There was barely any light outside so she was sure they were dealing with Elena being captured already.

"Where are my things?"

"They're over there," she pointed at a table beside the bed that Bonnie had overlooked, "but you can't leave yet. There are still some tests that we need to run to make sure you're alright. Speaking of, let me go and get the doctor." She scurried out of the room, leaving Bonnie alone.

From the table beside her bed, she reached inside the plastic bag that held her things and grabbed her phone. The moon was definitely up with how late the time was. Had she missed everything?

She called Caroline first, but she didn't answer. When that didn't work, she called Damon who also didn't answer.

After Damon didn't answer, she called Stefan.

Then she called Elena.

Then she called Matt.

Then she finally called her mother.

No one answered.

Just as she was about to rip the IV out of her arm and sneak out of the hospital, she felt the pull of magic flowing through her. She was being channeled. It was already too late. There was no chance she'd make it and she missed her opportunity to change things. Holding her head in her hands, she wanted to scream her frustration.

Matt was the first person to get back to her and show up to the hospital. He was left out of the plan didn't know much about what was going on. He was more worried about whatever was going on with her, especially when she revealed that she'd been having the headaches for a while and thought they were a magical thing, but wouldn't give him any details about why she thought that. She was swearing him to secrecy when Caroline finally called back, relieved that Bonnie was okay and confirming that she was the one who brought Bonnie to the hospital. Then, hesitating, she asked her if she knew what happened to her mother. Bonnie asked her where she was, and Caroline told her that her mother was at her house, unconscious and in transition.

The doctor came back and she had to get off the phone, but Bonnie promised her that as soon as she was able to leave, she would head over there. Hearing the situation, Matt agreed to give her a ride. He stayed with her until the doctor agreed to discharge her. They wanted to run more tests, but she refused them, so he let her go with a prescription for medicine to help with migraines, and after a short car ride of sympathetic apologies, Matt dropped her off at Caroline's.

The door was unlocked, and Bonnie walked inside. Caroline called out to her, letting her know they were in the guest room. Bonnie headed upstairs to find her mother laying on the bed, still not awake yet. She took a seat beside Caroline on the comforter.

Bonnie asked her how everything happened.

Her best friend gave her an apologetic look as she explained how Elena was taken by Elijah and Rebekah when he found out what his mother was up to and how they tried and failed at daggering Kol Mikaelson in order take out the rest of the Originals before Esther started the spell. So nothing really changed, it seemed.

"Did Damon turn her?" was the first question out of Bonnie's mouth when Caroline paused.

"You would think it would've been Damon, but it was actually Stefan."

Bonnie frowned. "What?"

"Stefan turned her," Caroline said, and then studied the look on Bonnie's face. "Wait, was it supposed to be Damon?"

"It was. I was supposed to be there with my mother, but maybe me not being there changed it."

Originally, Stefan had come to distract her while Damon went off to turn her mother, so that could be it. There was also the fact that their relationship was a little bit different with them being kind of sort of friends, but she didn't think Damon would let them supposedly being friends get in the way of doing what needed to be done in order to save Elena.

"Maybe." She switched subjects. "I'm sorry I've been a bit distant lately, by the way."

"I understand, Caroline. I basically let your father die."

She put her hand on Bonnie's shoulder. "It's not your fault. You tried to warn me and you can't blame yourself for the actions of others."

"Still, I was selfish enough to have had a plan to change my mother's fate, but it seems like time is fighting against me sometimes."

"You think what happened today is because of that."

"I don't know, but I've been having these headaches for a while and I'm starting to think they might be a residual effect of the spell that brought me back."

"So is there a way to stop them from happening?"

"I don't know, but if this happens at the wrong moment..." Bonnie looked away. "I was lucky that today didn't really involve me doing anything else or who knows what might have happened. It was bad enough that things were already in question because Esther knows. And me not being there already resulted in Stefan turning my mother instead of Damon."

"Esther knows that you're not..."

Bonnie nodded. "And she and the ancestors are mad at me for just letting things happen the way i am, but it's funny. The one time I wasn't going to sit back and just let something happen, the universe intervened and things pretty much happened as they did anyway."

"I'm sorry, Bonnie."

Her mother began to stir. Both she and Caroline's heads snapped towards her.

"'If she chooses to go through with it, I promise I'll help her in anyway I can," Caroline whispered as Abby's eyes fluttered open.

Slowly, she sat up and looked around, confused. Bonnie grabbed her hand. "Mom, I'm so sorry."

"Bonnie? What happened?"

"You're in transition to be a vampire now, but it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay." She squeezed her hand.

It took Abby a moment to remember the events leading up to her death, but when she did, she began to cry and Bonnie offered her shoulder, trying not to cry herself. Letting them have a moment together, Caroline excused herself. When she was gone, Bonnie apologized again.

Her mother grabbed her other hand so she held both of them. "Why do you keep apologizing? It's not your fault."

"I know. I just wish I would've been there." She looked down at her hands, debating on whether or not to tell her mother that she was in the hospital. But in thinking about how that might upset her and all the questions she would ask made Bonnie decide against it.

In looking at her daughter, tears welled up in Abby's eyes again.

Bonnie comforted her mother as much as she could. Abby was distraught, and Bonnie tried to allay her fears at becoming a vampire. It worked to an extent. Her mother's desire to live was more than her fear of becoming a vampire, so she agreed to go through with the transition and have Caroline help her just as she did in the past. Eventually, when her mother had calmed down and they had a plan to have Caroline take her home in the morning, Bonnie stood to leave. "I should probably go before the hunger starts. Call me when you get home tomorrow." She squeezed her mother's hand one last time and let go as her mother agreed.

Bonnie left the room and found Caroline waiting outside. "You'll be okay helping her on your own for a while right? I might be out of town for a few days."

Her best friend frowned at that. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to check up on the headache thing and go see someone who might know what's going on with me."

"Are you taking someone with you?"

She couldn't. "How am I going to explain where I'm going and why I'm going there to anyone?"

"I don't know, but what if you pass out again?"

"I've been fine for the past few hours, so I think whatever pills the doctors gave me are working."

Caroline looked skeptical.

"I'll be fine, Care."

"Just...be careful."


The truth was that Bonnie was more worried about the headaches coming back than she cared to admit. It was only a matter of time, and the only thing that seemed to alleviate those headaches aside from alcohol was being around a certain vampire.

Bonnie was putting clothes in her bag when she sensed him near. In fact, she was certain he was just outside of her window. She turned around to look, but there was nothing there, so she went back to packing while he watched her.

She could guess at why he was there. The Damon of her past had never come before as far as she knew, but this one was supposedly her friend. The night before they had kissed, and after agreeing to pretend it never happened, they were still supposed to be friends, but even if he wasn't the one to snap her neck, he was involved in the plan to turn her mother, and she wouldn't be surprised if he was the one who came up with it. Regardless, this Damon who more openly cared about her than the old Damon of her past probably felt at least a little bit of guilt for his involvement. Or, she surmised he might be curious to know how she was doing after getting out of the hospital. He was the one on the phone with her when she passed out, so he must have been the one to get in contact with Caroline since she was the only vampire invited inside her house. Whether it was the first reason or the second or both, he was there because he was likely worried about her.

When she finished packing her overnight bag, she zipped it up and took it out to her car. She stepped outside, clamping down on the urge to immediately look in the direction he was in. Popping open the trunk, she threw the small duffel inside and closed it. Her head turned to find him in the darkness, but wherever she thought he was, he wasn't there.

"I know you're here, Damon."

She blinked and he materialized in front of her. He kept a respectable distance for once and the expression on his face was muted.

"Why are you lurking outside my house?"

He glanced over at the trunk she just closed and ignored her question. "Where are you going?"

Typical of him to skirt around the issue. He always loved to turn things into elephants.

"Are you just going to pretend like you don't know that my mother is currently in transition because your brother turned her?" She was past being mad at him for doing it in the past, and she wasn't mad at Stefan either because her mother being turned was something that already happened to her. She just hated that he did what he did and another one of her family members had died to save someone else.

"Stefan regrets doing it. If there was another way, trust me, we would've." Remorse flashed through his eyes.

"Was it his idea?" Bonnie still wanted to know why it ended up being Stefan who turned her mother and not Damon.

"It was mine. If Stefan didn't do it, I would have."

"Why didn't you?"

"Stefan got to her quicker."

So it was her not being there that changed things.

"If it was you they were threatening instead of Elena, we would've done the same thing."

Glowering at him, she folded her arms across her chest. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? My mother would still be dead, still be a vampire, and I'd still be upset about it. But since we're talking about hypotheticals, let me ask you this: If you couldn't find my mother and had to turn me in order to save Elena, would you have done it?"

The silence stretched between them.

She scoffed. "You know, sometimes it feels like you don't try hard enough to find another way when an easy solution presents itself to you, when all you have to do is snap the neck of someone you don't care about. But I know this was the best option given the timing of things. It just hurts that it's my family that tends to suffer for the sake of everyone else."

"I'm sorry." The apology pushed past his lips with some effort as if the words were foreign on his tongue, but she could hear the sincerity in them.

It caught her off guard and she sighed. "Sorry won't make my mother human again," she said more in resignation than anger.

They stared at one another. She was going to turn and walk away, but his voice stopped her. "Where are you going?" he asked again.

"Out of town for a day or two."

"You were just in the hospital."

"The reason I passed out and the headaches I've been getting are likely a magical thing, so I'm going to see someone who might be able to help."

"Alone?"

She nodded. "And I would appreciate you not telling the others that I'm leaving."

He asked the same question as Caroline. "What if you pass out again?"

"I won't."

"Take someone with you."

"No. I'll be fine."

His jaw clenched. "Bonnie..." he started to protest.

"What? Are you going to come?"

He was silent.

"Didn't think so."

She actually wished he'd said yes. He was the best option considering her headaches tended to fade around him, but asking him would have been odd and who knows what he was supposed to be doing in the meantime and whether or not it was important. It was probably for the best that he stayed.


A/N:

This was one I struggled with and going back and forth over whether or not to have Abby become a vampire was one of the reasons I stopped writing for a while and had written out different timelines trying to figure out whether or not to let things deviate more here or later, and I chose later because things just seemed to work out better storywise, but we'll see because every time I plan things they seem to fall apart anyway lol.

Thanks for reading!

Chapter title from "Animal" by Miike Snow.