welcome to my most recently finished chapter of my newest 'Xiaolin Showdown' fanfiction which doubles as a parody of the movie, '27 Dresses'. the title of my fanfiction is none other than that of 'Kimiko Tohomiko's 27 Dresses: A 'Xiaolin Showdown' AU'. anyway, this fourth chapter of my newest 'Xiaolin Showdown' fanfiction, here, is a full-on three-thousand-three-hundred-fifty-nine words of storyline, give or take a comment from yours truly or two disguised as an author's note. the storyline also doesn't not include this explanatory headnote, right here, nor does it include the (mandatory) disclaimer which makes up the paragraph following this one.
disclamation: I don't own either 'Xiaolin Showdown' or its trashy reboot series that is 'Xiaolin Chronicles'. I also don't own '27 Dresses', not even on Blu-ray or DVD. 'Xiaolin Showdown' and 'Xiaolin Chronicles' are owned fully by Christy Hui. '27 Dresses' is owned exclusively by Anne Fletcher and is written solely by Aline Brosh McKenna.
So, there Raimundo was, on his way back to his own house in Jack Spicer's taxicab. Suddenly, something or other caught his eye that did not seem to belong to him. Upon spotting a little datebook in the backseat with him in the cab, Raimundo just picked it up wondering if it had belonged to Kimiko.
Raimundo's brain: Well, what do ya know? Kim left her datebook behind.
Raimundo: Hey, you know what, Jack? Could you_
Jack Spicer: Yeah, could I what?
Raimundo suddenly weighed out his options in a war between telling Jack to take him back to Kimiko's place so that he could give her back her datebook, or he could just keep it for a while and return it to her later as soon as he had gotten to know her a little better through her datebook. In the end, however, Raimundo's self-will or his id won him over his conscience and he chose for the latter of the two to be his decision. He waved his hands at Jack as he replied to him about what he had in mind.
Raimundo: Forget it.
Jack Spicer: Gotcha, man.
A/N: I honestly don't really know if I should've allowed for that to happen. I don't know why, but I personally think that it's kinda wrong to let your id guide your actions. it's basically the opposite of letting your conscience be your guide. Raimundo basically just caved into the devil on his shoulders just now when deciding what to do with Kimiko's datebook.
As though he could not have gone any further towards the moral event horizon, Raimundo actually opened up Kimiko's little datebook and even looked through it.
Back at Kimiko's place, the poor girl worked to fit her two newest bridesmaid dress and yukata into her bridesmaids' dress closet, or at least she had tried to fit the both of them into her bridesmaids' dress closet. She presently had a total of twenty-six bridesmaids' dresses in her bridesmaids' dress closet at the time. Kimiko had finally gotten her two newest bridesmaids' dresses into her bridesmaids' dress closet, though just barely, when she grabbed her Sunday newspaper and plopped down onto the couch in her house. She knew what would be at the top of it. She was looking for one section of the paper in particular.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Death. Destruction. Wedding vows. Yeah!
Kimiko pulled open the front page of the commitments section in her newspaper.
Kimiko Tohomiko (continued): Come to oka-san.
A/N: oka-san is the Japanese word for mom, and this is technically coming from Kimiko Tohomiko.
Kimiko had pulled herself to the front page of the commitments section to the article written by her all-time favorite newspaper writer who wrote his columns under the name of Fernando Pedrosa. The article was all about a wedding which had happened on a Royal Caribbean Cruise ocean liner. Fernando gave his article the title of the 'Cruise of a Lifetime'. Kimiko sighed at it contently.
The following day on Monday, that Raimundo guy who Kimiko had met back on the prior Saturday during the wedding at which she had attended, he was on his way to his workplace in the Orlando newspaper journal. His work friend, Jermaine Rhynch, had greeted him upon his entry to work.
Jermaine Rhynch: Hey-yo, buddy, 'sup?
Raimundo: Hey, Jermaine. Nice to see your face again for the week. So, how was the game for you?
Jermaine Rhynch: Well, buddy, gotta tell ya, the Magic lost their most recent game against their opponents, the Indiana Pacers. Then, they headed to the walk of shame in their defeat. The basketball team here in Orlando often makes me wonder why I even moved here from NYC.
Raimundo: Didn't you originally come here just for the sake of going to college?
With what his work friend, Raimundo, had told him, Jermaine suddenly realized why he had moved from New York City to Orlando. It was for the sake of getting away from his own parents and becoming independent. Originally he had plans to stay somewhere in New York, but when he realized that his parents would be able to hover over him had he stayed in the same city, Jermaine packed up his bags and moved all the way out to Orlando in the sunny state of Florida.
Jermaine Rhynch: Oh, right, that's why. I know I had plans to move back to New York, but then I actually managed to get all dazzled by all o' the amusement parks in this city. I just couldn't believe how many of 'em this city's even known fo'. So, I just decided to stay in Florida and simply report on the sports.
Raimundo: Yeah, same reason I decided to stay in this city after I moved here for college from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. I gotta admit, though… I wanted to report on the sports section, too, you know from the city's own soccer teams. I couldn't believe that they make me work with the_
Raimundo then shuddered in emotional disturbance when realizing what he was about to say to his friend, Jermaine.
Raimundo (continued): _Commitments section.
Raimundo absolutely despised having to write in the Commitments section of the newspaper. Sure he wrote his stories under the alias of 'Fernando Pedrosa' to keep the women whom he did not want a safe distance away from him, even though Pedrosa really was his actual last name and Fernando was the real alias, but he still absolutely loathed his own section in the newspaper.
Jermaine Rhynch: Oh yeah, ya work on those kinds o' stories on Saturday nights, eatin' coconut cake and doin' the Electric Slide.
What really got under Raimundo's skin about being forced to run the Commitments section was the fact that his boss was his ex-fiancée, Ashley's, tremendously and obsessively loyal Aunt Wuya, if that was even a real name, and that Jermaine, his own best friend in his line of work at the newspaper journal, always felt the need to relentlessly tease him about the part of his job which he had hated so much he wanted to hang or decapitate himself every single time he had to write in it just to put food on his own table.
Jermaine Rhynch (continued): So, how'd it go, dude?
If anything good came out of Jermaine's question to his work friend, Raimundo, it was that the African-American young man was finally done teasing the young Brazilian about his position in the Orlando News Journal.
Raimundo Pedrosa: Oh, let's see. The bride wore a gown that sparkled like the groom's eyes as he saw her approaching through a shower of rose petals.
Raimundo then turned around to walk away from his work friend, Jermaine, but the African-American young man was not willing to let his Brazilian friend go just yet. So, he began following his work friend.
Jermaine Rhynch: And you're not getting laid? Come on, man. Commitments is the gold standard of wedding announcements. Every girl on the planet rips open that page, first thing every Sunday morning. Brides kill to get in there. Do you have any idea what you could be doin'?
Raimundo only continued not wanting to listen.
Raimundo Pedrosa: You mean to women who are about to get married?
Jermaine Rhynch: Yeah, dude. They won't call you. They won't bother you. They'll pretend that they've never even met you. You can't beat that, man.
Raimundo Pedrosa: Well, it's not gonna matter much longer anyway.
Raimundo then pulled out the book he had grabbed from within the taxicab he rode in just the prior Saturday night. It was Kimiko's own datebook.
Raimundo Pedrosa (continued): You are looking at my own personal ticket outta the taffeta ghetto, my friend.
Of course, Jermaine did not believe one word of that which his Brazilian work friend, Raimundo, was saying about the datebook in his hands.
Jermaine Rhynch: Pfft. Keep on dreaming, man.
Raimundo only continued with not wanting to even listen to what his African-American work friend, Jermaine, was pointing out to him, even with it being the obvious.
Raimundo Pedrosa: Uh, go away.
Jermaine Rhynch: Yes. OK.
Meanwhile that same Monday, Kimiko was on her way to work and ran into both of her two work friends, Jessie Bailey and Marie Burlington, on the way to her workplace. While Jessie was carrying a bag that held her maid of honor dress, Marie held a bag in her own right hand which held her bridesmaid's dress. Kimiko only gave the two of them a certain kind of a look.
Jessie Bailey: What is it?
Kimiko Tohomiko: Oh, nothing really.
Marie Burlington: Oh come on, Kim. It ain't like we was gonna come to work in our dresses from the wedding.
Kimiko Tohomiko: No, no, nothing like that at all, you guys. It's just that your two-day walk of shame outfits are so in and real elegant with such class.
It was at that moment when Kimiko, Jessie, and Marie all arrived at their collective workplace, 'Urban Tibet', a Pan-Asian-style television studio which was run by a man in his early to mid-thirties.
Jessie Bailey: I wanted ta ask ya this since we got outta my brother's wedding; what the heck happened to ya Saturday night?
Marie Burlington: Yeah, Kim. Ya were barely there, then ya just disappeared on everyone there.
Suddenly, Jessie and Marie got huge grins on their faces towards Kimiko.
Jessie Bailey and Marie Burlington: OOOOOOOOOO, did ya meet someone?
Jessie and Marie had always had this conversation with Kimiko about putting herself out there just so that she could experience what it was like to be in love with someone other than their collective employer, Chase Young. Unfortunately, Kimiko still remained even loyal to the man of her dreams like a lovesick kitten.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Come on, you two. No, I didn't.
Jessie and Marie knew how undyingly loyal Kimiko was to their boss, Chase Young, and that she had never once thought about any other man on Earth for the entire time she was alive.
Jessie Bailey: Oh yeah, Kim.
Marie Burlington: We know it's a ridiculous question when talking to er about ya.
A/N: by the way, in case anyone is wondering about me using Chase to be George in this story, the 'Chase Young' I'm using as Jane's employer, George, is the good Chase from around fifteen-hundred or one-thousand-five-hundred years before the time of the monks in the series 'Xiaolin Showdown', not the evil Chase Young who turns into a hideous giant lizard creature from the effects of the Loa Meng Long Soup which turned him evil in the first place. I still could not believe that the future actually changed for the worse instead of for the better when Omi deterred the good Chase from the dark side. what an ironic consequence.
The three of them all walked into the lobby of their work building and as soon as they entered, Kimiko had a question for the goth receptionist.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Hey, what up, Lisa.
Lisa Culotteé: Hey, Kimiko.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Hey, you, uh, haven't seen my Filofax datebook anywhere, have you? I can't find it.
Lisa Culotteé: No. I'm pretty sure the last time I saw that thing, you had it on you on Friday.
Kimiko Tohomiko: No. OK. I'll go and look for it.
Kimiko was just about ready to head out and search for her Filofax datebook when she turned back around and asked Lisa another question.
Kimiko Tohomiko (continued): Oh, did you get those videos in for Chase? He wants to see them on his TV screen first thing this morning.
Lisa Culotteé: No, I'm pretty sure that I didn't do that.
Granted Lisa was slightly chatty for a goth, but she was still pretty antisocial about it, anyway.
Kimiko Tohomiko: OK, Lisa, no worries. I'll just go and see them in production.
With that in mind, Kimiko walked towards production with Jessie and Marie in tow.
Jessie Bailey: Atta girl, Kimiko. Show that goth girl who's boss.
Kimiko Tohomiko: I'm not her boss, Jessie.
Marie Burlington: Yer the boss's assistant. Same diff. What's the good of the power in your job if ya can't abuse it a little?
Kimiko Tohomiko: Jessie, go to the camera crew. Marie, go to stage five. You know, the places where you two belong.
Jessie Bailey: Great!
Marie Burlington: So, now yer bossy.
Kimiko just let out a smug chuckle at her two cowgirl work friends for trying to control her and make her irresponsible for her actions in her own office.
Later before she could go to the production studio to look at the video shots of Chase for the boss man, Kimiko tried to search for her Filofax datebook.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Where the hey did I put that thing?
Meanwhile at the Orlando News Journal editor and chief's office, Raimundo presented the datebook belonging to the girl in question onto his employer, Wuya's, desk right before placing his finger on it to express his views about making it into a piece in the newspaper.
Raimundo Pedrosa: That is a great idea for the front page of the section.
Wuya, the editor and chief of the Orlando News Journal, placed her hands on her forehead with what her formerly Brazilian employee had claimed about the datebook he had placed on her desk in front of her and massaged her temples.
Wuya: Oh, come on, Pedrosa. How often have I heard this story from you? It's getting tired.
Raimundo Pedrosa: I'm tellin' you, Wuya, it's a great idea.
Wuya: Really now? Is it as great as your last great idea, an expose on the price-fixing at wedding bakeries?
Raimundo Pedrosa: Yes, yes, Wuya. They're rippin' people off. Flour cost pennies per ounce. That is an eight-hundred percent markup. It's way outrageous.
Wuya: Yes, I suppose it is. Also, no one cares.
Raimundo was not willing to back down to Wuya's unfair demands for him to stop shooting for a position in covering a different section of the newspaper.
Raimundo Pedrosa: Alright. Well, what about the piece I wanted to do on the exploitation of workers in hand-made lace factories. Now, that… that was a killer piece, if I do say so, myself.
Wuya: Oh right, because that's what people really wanna read about in the style section. Raimundo, the Commitments section practically pays for the entire paper. Our advertisers want colorful, upbeat, and fun human-interest stories opposite of their products.
Raimundo Pedrosa: So that's all that we're about now? Makin' money?
Wuya decided that she did not need to listen to her niece, Ashley's, ex-fiancé's nagging, ranting and griping anymore.
Wuya: Get out.
Raimundo Pedrosa: All right, listen. That wasn't right. I get it, but this one is.
Raimundo then opened Kimiko's Filofax datebook.
Raimundo Pedrosa (continued): Look, this chick has been in seven weddings.
Wuya: So?
Raimundo then showed his boss who was also his ex-fiancée's very loyal aunt what he was talking to her about by pointing into Kimiko's datebook.
Raimundo Pedrosa: This year. She was in two on Saturday, alone.
Raimundo then set Kimiko's datebook down onto Ashley's Aunt Wuya's desk if only to prove to his employer at the Orlando Newspaper Journal that he had more in mind than just that of which was found within Kimiko's datebook for planning her weddings.
Raimundo Pedrosa (continued): But it won't just be about her. It'll be an incisive look at how the wedding industry's turned something that should be an important rite of passage into nothing more than a corporate revenue stream.
Wuya only gave her least favorite journalist in her entire workplace a suspicious expression from her face.
Raimundo Pedrosa (continued): In a fun, upbeat, you know, cheerful way.
Raimundo finally made his stand to Wuya about how he desperately wanted to be released from his job in the Commitments journal of the Orlando Newspaper Journal while placing his hands firmly on her desk.
Raimundo Pedrosa (continued): Look, Wuya. I'm dying back there in Commitments. If I have to write another sentence about baby's breath, I am so gonna shoot myself. This is a real story. This is what I wanna do.
Wuya just looked at her journalist, Raimundo, with a distasteful smirk on her face towards the former Brazilian's surprisingly demanding request. She was not going to let him off of the hook that easily with the way his engagement to her niece, Ashley, went down.
Wuya: I need you covering weddings, Raimundo. That's what you're good at, and that's what I need you to do.
Raimundo, however, was not going to take such an order from his ex-fiancée's aunt just because Ashley had the nerve to play the victim in their break-up, especially since she was the one who left him. It was that very thing about their break-up that Ashley's Aunt Wuya not only knew about, but was also willing to make poor Raimundo's life miserable over just because the aunt-niece duo of evil women never wanted the aunt's journalist to feel happy again.
Raimundo Pedrosa: Alright, that does it, boss woman. If you don't start giving me feature stories, I'll have no choice but to quit your stupid journal.
There it was. Raimundo had finally threatened Wuya and her niece, Ashley, with the idea of not being able to watch him be miserable thanks to the niece dumping him for another right at their wedding. He was probably even going to tell the police and Orlando's top news stations about what really happened at that particular wedding. Wuya had no choice but to take her journalist's words seriously. It was not so much the risk of losing a great journalist that she was worried about as it was actually the risk of Raimundo taking himself away from her and her niece Ashley so that the both of them could not watch him be miserable over Ashley leaving the poor guy at their wedding, no less. Wuya only sighed at what she had realized she needed to say to the former Brazilian soccer dreamer turned Orlando journalist.
Wuya: Alright. One chance.
Ashley could barely believe what she was hearing her own aunt say to the man that the two of them both loved to torture as a hobby just because the niece had the nerve to break up with Raimundo at the wedding, and on text messaging like it was not the worst way possible to dump someone.
Ashley: What? You're gonna give him the chance to write about something besides wedding vows? I thought you were on my side, Aunt Wuya.
Wuya suddenly pulled her niece to the side so she could explain her motives to the young woman.
Wuya: I'm not doing this to cater to his desires. I just don't wanna risk him going to the police or the media news with what happened at your wedding to him from that day.
Ashley: Oh, I get it, Auntie. Go right ahead and give him that chance.
Wuya and her niece then turned to face Raimundo with Ashley telling the guy their conditions to him getting to write about what he had wanted.
Ashley (continued): If we don't like it, you should be sure to go back to Commitments for the rest of your life with a big smile on that ridiculously handsome face of yours. Ya got that, sucker?
Granted that Ashley had only wanted to see her ex-fiancé suffer through the pain of being put right back into Commitments, but she was more than willing to let him have a chance to struggle his way out of the section of her aunt's newspaper journal which talked solely about wedding announcements and what not.
Raimundo Pedrosa: Oh, I got it alright, suckers. You're so gonna get what you want from me and you're gonna love it. I guarantee you that.
Ashley then opened the door for her ex-fiancé, Raimundo Pedrosa.
Ashley: Get out! Now, my former honey!
Raimundo Pedrosa: Deal, ladies.
With those final two words to his editor-and-chief and his ex-fiancé, Raimundo finally made his way out of Wuya's office.
