She could hear her heart hammering underneath her chest, her nerves slowly getting to her. Was it the right decision? Was she pressuring him to agree to something he didn't even want? Well, he surely would have said something if he didn't. She wasn't so sure anymore. With everything that had happened, she had grown cautious with her feelings.

Yes, she had decided to put off the wedding, but it wasn't because she didn't want to get married. She didn't want to get married like this. Everything that could possibly go wrong had gone wrong and Jack didn't seem to put up much of a fight for their marriage when it was put into question.

She knew he loved her. There was no doubt in the world that he did, but she had felt like he didn't love the idea of getting married to her enough to fight for it the way she had. She had been tired of fighting, she had been tired of all these opinions and people meddling. They had started to spend less and less time together and that was the furthest from what she had wanted when she asked for a change.

So calling it off was the best option…

Yet, still burnt from that fiasco, she couldn't help but question if this was the same. Would it end in a disaster just as their pressured engagement had? He would have never proposed to her at the time he did, when she hadn't given him an ultimatum, so factually speaking it was her fault this whole thing blew up in their faces.

Would their trial move-in be the same? After all she pressured him into this as well. What if he didn't want her to move in? Would he tell her or would he simply nod his head, so she stopped bothering him like he does most of the time.

"No, he surely would tell me if it bothered him that much," she agreed as she zipped her bag shut. There was no time for self-doubt. In her work she was confident, strong minded and no opinion in the world could shake her, but when it came to Jack, she sometimes felt like a school girl going through the process of falling in love for the first time all over again.

She had packed the essentials for five days of staying at the Bartletts'. Five days would be a good start, she figured. With the weekend ahead it would be mere three business days away from Fairfield and things surely wouldn't go that terribly wrong that she had to come home before those three business days had ended.

When Dan had still been around, they used to leave for all sorts of trips all the time. Not the romantic kinds of course. That would have been too kind for him.

He'd drag her along for anything and everything, probably afraid she'd find someone else to make her happier. She should have left him way before she did, but she loved hard and strong. She fought for his affection until he made it clear that there would be no change in their relationship. When she realized that, she left.

She didn't want that to happen with Jack, she loved him too much for that.

Truth be told, she didn't like leaving her business unattended. It meant giving up control, not knowing what happens when you're not there. But her employees would call if they needed her, right? After all, it wasn't the first time she had left them alone.

"Stop it, Lisa. It was your idea and now you have to stick with it. They won't burn the place down just because you're at Jack's for a while," she said to herself, trying to calm her racing thoughts.

She grabbed the last bag and headed for the front door, going through everything she would need for the last time. It had been a while since she had stayed with a man, let alone with his entire family. It was a stupid thing to be nervous about, she knew that. She had stayed a night or two with Jack in the past but never more than that.

Their lives were just so busy that time to themselves got lost along the way and as much as she would have liked to spend every day with him, it never seemed to work out. "Which is exactly why we need to do this," she said and looked around her big, yet cold living room one last time, before turning off the lights and shutting the door behind her.

It had long stopped being a home to her. Yes, it was the house she grew up in, but ever since her father's death and her marriage to Dan, it changed. She didn't even know when it had happened but this house turned into just that; a house.

After the estate became hers, Dan insisted on a complete make-over, turning everything into modern furniture and exchanging everything she liked about the interior into the things he liked. At this point, she had grown tired of fighting about every single thing, so she simply agreed to it. Now, she regretted it deeply.

She headed for her car after locking the front door, double checking if she did. When she closed the trunk her eyes found a familiar face.

"Oh Paul, can you come over here for a second?" she called for her assistant, nearly forgetting to tell him about her absence in the excitement of the day. She watched as he jogged over to her with a smile on his face.

"Yes, Ms. Stillman? Is everything okay?"

"Oh, I just wanted to let you know that I'll be gone for a few days. I'll be taking a private leave and should be back on Wednesday. If anything goes wrong or happens, you call me. Understand?" she said, a stern look on her face and a warning in her tone. He had been her right hand for a few years now and she trusted him, but she had learned to never trust anyone fully. They can always turn around and stab you in the back when you least expect it. Especially when it comes to money.

"Of course. We'll manage just fine without you here," he said and smiled at her.

"That's what I wanted to hear. I'll be taking some of the paper work with me and work from… my hotel," she said, deciding it'd be best if none of her employees knew where she'd be staying. Gossip was bad enough with her canceled engagement floating around.

Thanks Val, she thought.

"That doesn't sound like a vacation to me," he said, frowning.

"What can I say… A business doesn't run itself, but you should know that as well," she said, laughing.

"I must say that I think you deserve five days off. You're doing so much around here that you earned some time off. Especially after everything that happened recently," he said and she smiled bitterly. He was probably the only person in the world that had seen what calling off the engagement had truly done to her.

For everybody she seemed sad, but assured that it was the right thing to do. She portrayed the image of relief, tainted with imagination of what ifs. The reality was quite different when she was alone.

He had come to her home late at night, needing her assistance in a matter that needed immediate attention. She hadn't heard him come in, too emotionally drained to register anything anymore. That's when he found her crying on her couch, wrapped in a blanket and an empty wine bottle in front of her.

She felt deep shame about that to this day. She had never wanted anybody to see her like this. She hated crying in front of people. It showed weakness. She didn't even allow herself to share all parts of her life with Jack, so sharing that deeply embarrassing moment with her employee, someone who worked for her, made her want to bury herself five feet deep.

"Well sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it to. It's for the best. With Fairfield being my business and Heartland being his, this wouldn't have worked out well anyways. I'm here all the time and he's there all the time and as long as we don't figure that out, it's best if things stay the way they are," she said, knowing that he wouldn't engage in the gossip. She trusted him with this info.

After all, she didn't have a lot of friends with her lifestyle being heavily focused on work and he was there for her that night. He listened and respected her boundaries when she no longer wanted to talk. He never spoke of that night again, both sharing that secret in silence.

"Then enjoy what you can and come back well rested," he said and bowed before he made his way back to wherever he had come from.

"I don't know if I will yet," she said, biting her lips nervously.

If it were just Jack, she knew she'd have the best time of her life, but his family wasn't really all for her. She loved them in a way she never thought she would and most of the time they got along great, but especially Lou seemed to give her a hard time whenever they announced any big changes in their relationship.

She understood how difficult it must be for them to accept her in their life after their grandmother had passed and so she tried to be understanding and give them space, but she had to admit that it hurt nevertheless. Still she tried to make the best of it.

She loved the way his family stood behind him, but that also meant she wasn't just marrying him, she was marrying his whole family… if they ever did get married. But that was an entirely different matter.

"First comes moving in, then getting married," she reminded herself before she got in her car and started the engine.

"Lou will be fine with it… I mean… I'm just staying for a few days."

{o.O.o}

Ahhhh I feel like a horrible person for literally abandoning this fic for two, nearly three, years. I had so many plans for this but sometimes life sweeps in and takes you to different places unexpectedly. I can't promise this won't happen again, but for now this is active (?).
I hope you enjoyed it and are excited for what's to come!