Stupid Stick. Stupid, jerky Stick.
Matt wiped the tears from his unseeing eyes and miserably pulled his legs closer to where he sat in the corner where he had hidden from the world months ago. Even thinking about that day brought fresh tears to his eyes that he forced himself to hold back.
It had all gone so wrong.
His idea had been to give Stick the bracelet Matt had made from the ice cream cone the older man had bought for him when they had first met. Matt knew that Stick didn't like gestures or talking of feelings and emotions, considering sentimentality to be a weakness. But Matt didn't see the harm, figuring it was only one little ice cream wrapper. His older memories as Harry told him that even the most hardened, bitter people enjoyed gifts of appreciation.
He'd figured wrong.
And now Stick, who'd bandaged his bruises and cuts, who'd taught him to see without seeing, who had been the first complete stranger to give him something-
-was gone. Had crumpled Matt's lovingly twisted bracelet and stomped on it underfoot. Had mocked him for his emotions, had thrown his love for Stick back in Matthew's face.
And it hurt. It hurt far more than Matt thought it would, because even though Stick had knocked him down over and over, even though he had insulted Jack Murdock more times than Matt could count, even though Matt had come back to the orphanage with more bruises than fair skin-
Stick had been there for him. He had-
{-protected him from Quirrel, sent him to detention, loved his mother, hated his father, gave up his life for him-}
-helped him when he needed it most. He'd aided Matt in controlling his senses when he could have just looked the other way when Matt had been in pain and overwhelmed with grief and anger.
Matt hadn't realized it until Stick himself had said it, but before tonight he had seen the older man as something of a father-figure. He was no-
{-James Potter, dancing around with Harry's mother, with a smile on his face and you look very much like your father-}
-Jack Murdock, but then again, Matt wasn't Stick's biological child anyway. He wasn't emotionally tied in the same way someone who raised him from birth would have been.
Now though, Stick was gone.
And Matt couldn't help but blame himself.
\\\
Time passed.
With no outlet for his raw hatred and anger, Matt turned it on those around him. With barely the slightest provocation he started and finished fights until he gained a reputation among his peers as the blind boy who somehow always took bullies down a few pegs.
Even Father Lantom heard the rumors and confronted him.
I hear you've been fighting again, he said, and Matt told him he couldn't prove anything.
Matt's relationship with religion was complicated.
Harry had never been religious, he'd been far too busy trying to survive his relatives' abuse and then attempting and failing to live past 17. On the other hand, Matt's father was religious, and Matt himself had been raised in the Catholic Faith. He wanted his father to be proud of him, so he learned his prayers and listened to the nuns. He didn't see anything particularly wrong with being a Catholic, and reciting the prayers he'd known since birth calmed him down, and so he stuck with it and tried to devote himself.
However, that day he just wasn't having it.
He threw back in Father Lantom's face that maybe it was just God's Plan for him, that he was meant to fight the bullies, in which case he was doing nothing wrong.
The older man responded with we all have free will, Matty, and Matt complained that he never hears God telling him what he's supposed to do.
(He's whispering, Matty. Just listen closer.)
\\\
The one and only time Matt was thankful his father had refused to take a dive was when he realized he could afford Law School. Being blind and a genius meant he received scholarships and financial aid, but dorms, food, and taxi services weren't cheep.
His roommate, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson was amazing. He didn't care that Matt was often silent and sullen, didn't treat him like glass when he realized Matt was blind. Foggy became his best friend near-instantaneously, and he found himself thinking that he couldn't have wished for a better roommate.
Like Matt, Foggy came from a family that was barely scraping by, so Matt found himself once again in luck when he realized the two of them had the same dream; to open a law firm for the 'little guy.'
{It wasn't quite like a boy, a girl, a train to a castle, and shouts of Gryffindor!, but it was close enough.}
To Matt, Foggy was all jokes and poor decisions. Instead of dancing around the subject, he often good-naturedly teased Matt about his blindness and refrained from behaving awkwardly about it. In return, Matthew did the same with what they dubbed the 'Punjabi Incident,' where Foggy had had the not-so-brilliant idea to learn a language to get closer to a girl he had a crush on.
{A pair of twins, laughter and red-heads, loyalty and one ear and the pair forever split-}
In the end, all that mattered was that he finally had someone fully in his corner.
That was enough for him.
\\\
Elektra had reminded Matt of Ginny, with her beautiful voice, fiery sprit, and mischievous streak. Though Elektra was significantly richer than Ginny had ever been, she claimed that she didn't care for money or social status, much like Harry's girlfriend once had. It brought him a wave of nostalgia, and for those brief days, he'd felt like his two lives were finally connected.
And then, she left him.
Like Stick, when he'd shown his more compassionate side and refused to murder his father's killer, she'd up and left him. Once more he had opened his heart to someone and gotten it trampled on, and it hurt.
He loved Elektra.
But she didn't seem to love him with the same fervor.
She set him up.
She'd lied.
In that way she wasn't like Ginny at all. Ginny had been a fierce fighter, yes, but she'd also been kind, compassionate, and had loved him because he was the same way. She had never lied to him-she'd lied for him, to protect him from the people that wanted to hurt him, but she had always been completely honest with him, and in a world that constantly tried to deceive him she had been a breath of fresh air.
{Blood red locks, chocolate brown eyes, kisses and a hidden room and I never gave up on you-}
Matt knew that intentionally killing someone in cold blood was wrong. Jack Murdock himself had taught him that. Matt also knew that Jack wouldn't have wanted him to kill Roscoe Sweeney, his father's murderer or not, and Matt was not about to disrespect his father's ideals. He might have been stupid and too prideful to stay alive, but his father had always wanted the best for him, he knew that now. Logically, he knew he had done the right thing.
But it didn't feel like it.
(It never would.)
