I walk in a very familiar school corridor, my feet slowly dragging me towards the door leading to the court, before seeing her in the distance mixed with a few other students of our grade. I could recognize her everywhere, her beautiful and gentle face, her slender body with developping features, her shoulder-length dark hair...
She is barely a few meters away from me, and I can feel my heart thumping underneath my skin, in my chest just watching her standing there, talking to someone else, not paying me attention.
'Of course, I think to myself... She never payed, and never would pay attention to a guy like me...'
And still, I can't help but being entranced by her, and despite my internal sad smile and resignation, I still secretly hope I'm wrong because all I can see, feel imagine right now is me and her, alone in the world, shyly approaching each other, my set of eyes staring deeply in hers, trying to convey the swirling mass of emotions I have for her, and naïvely pray that she will understand, and accept them.
But before I can do that, before any of this comes to pass in my mind, reality stabs me again through an invisible spear through the chest as my eyes become glued to her frame suddenly being wrapped by a strong guy's arm, and her face turns to give him a kiss on the cheek.
My whole universe grows cold, dead in a fraction of a second. Every hope, dream, goal I had and could've had became ashes, then were blown away by a gust of wind, leaving nothing but emptiness.
As the young couple of lovers pick up their schoolbags and make their way towards the next classroom, and while I'm staring at the spot she had been standing before with dead eyes, I feel a glance being directed my way. Was it apologetic? Was it questionning? Was it taunting?
What was it? I can't help but repeat this question in my mind as I am more and more pushed by faceless silhouettes, feeling lost to the world. Did someone or something just stabbed me to death, and took my reason to live? If so, then why do I still feel pain? Why am I flooded by so many negative emotions at the same time, drowning in a sea, an ocean of them, and watching the bright light of the suface becoming blurred as I am dragged in a cold, damp, deepless abyss?
Why don't I struggle? Why can't I move? Why can't I talk? Why can't I cry?
Crying?
I can't cry... Not anymore...
And even if I did cry, my tears wouldn't be seen or sensed by anyone. Because, after all...
Who can distinguish with perfect clarity what are tears, in an ocean of limitless water droplets?
'...ian. ...mian. ...mian-nii.'
...
Whomst is trying to awaken the slumbering ancient one?
I painfully open my eyelids, and am staring directly in the blurry shape of Komachi in the darkness of my, our room.
Yeah, I remember now. Ever since the afternoon where I confessed the truth to them, Komachi included, she started sleeping with me, in the same bed, as a way to find some comfort to deal with the cold hard truth. Her real older brother Hikigaya Hachiman had died, and a stranger was now inhabiting his body.
The poor younger girl took the reality of the situation with incredible courage, and it didn't deter her to think of me as her brother nonetheless.
I do admit I was both surprised and a bit suspicious at how, almost easily, she took the fact in and dealt with it.
It had been a few nights since that day happened, and right now, she is on top of me, in what seems to be the middle of the night, with a frown on her cute face. She also has her hands on my shoulders and is shaking me lightly, forcibly pulling me out of my sleep.
"Komachi? Hey what's up? It's still nighttime. Did you had a nightmare?" I croak out with a little grunt in my voice, my body not being fully functional just yet.
She keeps staring at me, and puff her cheeks before straigthening the serious expressoin that remains on her adorable visage. She then points out her finger at me.
"I should be the one asking you those questions, Gomi-nii. You look like the one who had a rough dream, or maybe a nightmare. Here, look."
With that said, she rubs the tip of her finger from underneath my right eye and trail it down my cheek, before pointing it at me.
"See? You were crying in your sleep. And you were also acting weird, one moment all gentle and kind and then... You felt as if all the joy and life of you had been stripped away, leaving you... dead..."
Shit.
I doubt she would have a reason to wake me up in the middle of the night to lie to my face. Add to that the fact that she felt exactly what I went through during that nightmare, that memory of my past...
"I already lost one brother, the only brother I thought I would have and care about, no matter how weird he was, I loved him and he died. Now that I have another brother to make up for the one I lost, I don't want to lose this one too... Komachi loves you, Damian-nii, so please, don't abandon me, okay? Komachi need you!"
Even with our current attires, which isn't much per say, I take hold of her in my arms and I instinctively give her a kiss on her forehead. An action that doesn't go unnoticed it seems, as she lifts her head in surprise, and if there was a tiny bit more light, I'm sure I would be able to see the beginning of a blush on her cheeks.
"Komachi... I don't really know what to say because I never had a sibling. If I tried to wrack my brains to find some comforting words, I'm pretty sure it would sound like what your brother would've said to you. But from my mouth, it would be nothing more than lip service. I am socially inept, and the arguably only 'good' things I am capable of doing is seeing through people, planning ahead of time something, and being a rather mediocre copycat."
I can see her face lowering itself slightly at the mention of her departed brother. Of course things aren't exactly the same between me and her as they were between the two of them. They shared the same genes, the same parents, they had an understanding of each other that I know I will never match. What had allowed me to play the part of the older brother until the day of my confession was my knowledge of the story.
I tried, I really tried to fake emotions along with everything I would say on a daily basis, and I may have been doing a decent job for no one to notice that something was wrong in the normal behaviour of Hikigaya Hachiman. But despite being a copycat in most of what I do, I could never mimick something genuine.
I tighten my embrace over her a bit more, and let my chin rest atop of her head, eyes gazing forward, unfocused.
"What I do know is that you are a part of something I never had before. You, and the others who know the truth about me. You are more than just someone I am related to by blood, you are a friend. And I can count on three digits top how many I had in my former life. So needless to say how important you and the others are to me now."
I hear her soft voice letting out a gasp of shock, and her arms wrap themselves around me, hugging me as tightly as I do with her.
I lift my head from atop hers, and stare down at her with a ghost of a smile on my face, soon meeting her shining orbs.
"Not only you are more than a little sister, more than a friend, you are also an incredibly cute, adorable, cheeky young girl transforming slowly into an even more beautiful young woman as time goes by. I seriously envy the guy who will snatch you away from our parents and my grasp. And that better not be that bug-"
"Baka gomi-nii! I've heard you say stupid stuff before, but even by your standards, that was very low! As low as you are in Komachi points! And don't call Taishi a bug!"
Getting exactly the reaction I wanted from her, on top of telling her a truth she seemed to skip, I can't contain myself as I keep looking at her pouting face and I silence my howling laughter as much as I can, making her even more embarassed than she already was.
"That's not funny, Baka Damian-nii! Nghh, you're making your precious imouto uncomfortable now. That's all your fault!"
I don't even care if she calls me stupid, if she means what she says or not, if she hates me for making her embarrassed or if she just likes to pretend. She makes me laugh, and I am thankful.
A minute or two pass as my laughter dies down, but Komachi doesn't let go of the hug. Instead, she appears to be at ease in our embrace, and lifts her arms a bit, putting her hands on the back of my shoulders.
I look down at her, her face harbouring a peaceful smile with her eyes closed. Either she has fallen asleep, or she is in her little world of happiness. If it's the latter, I am glad that a good for nothing like me can provide that for her.
Before I can call her name, to tell her that we should go back to sleep, I feel her petite body gently brushing against mine, her head buried against my chest, emitting a content noise.
Her left hand lifts my upper back, and she raises her hand to cup my right cheek. I am a bit surprised by that action, but even more so by what follows.
"Komac-!"
I can feel my eyes widening and my body beginning to grow hotter as I feel something I know I shouldn't.
Her soft, wet lips, claiming mine!
Hikigaya Komachi is kissing me!
Hikigaya Komachi is kissing Hikigaya 'Hachiman', her biological brother, which body is now inhabited by a former dead person!
Hikigaya Komachi is kissing me... And it feels perfect.
Slowly, carefully, I reciprocate the kiss, and we move step by step, until the point where we are basically making out, in my room, our room, our little sanctuary where we can be our true selves, away from the rest of the world.
For what seems to be an eternity that I almost wished never ends, we pull back, staring intently into each other's eyes, a very thin and practically unnoticeable trail of saliva connecting my mouth to hers.
We are panting, obviously wanting more, hot and bothered, the lustful glint in our eyes never wavering, rather making us want to cross the forbidden line... badly!
She smiles her beautiful fanged smile that makes her so irresistible, and the sound of her voice being filled with happiness would wash away all the pain and despair of the world if it was witnessed.
"You have been wanting to do this too with Komachi, right Damian-nii? Komachi didn't knew if what she felt for you was real or not, but after what you said earlier, it made her heart beating so hard, so fast... Komachi meant it when she said she loves you."
Komachi breaks away from the hug we share, and she removes one of my baggy t-shirt she uses to sleep with me, leaving her only in her underwear.
Of course it's not as if I had never seen Komachi's body before. The occurences at home where she would come from the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around herself, or the summer camp where I saw her in a two-piece yellow swimsuit had been engraved in my mind, especially the latter.
Thinking back to it now, it wasn't just Komachi back then. There was also Shizuka, Yui, Yukino...
What I would've given to see Saki, Haruno, Iroha, in their respective swimsuits!
I believe that while I'm pretty insensitive to nosebleeds, the lower part of my own body would've been much more difficult to handle with all these half-naked girls in my sights.
Shizuka...
"I have already chosen who I want to share my first time with, and you'll probably be quite happy to know she smokes a bit too much of her 'beloved' cigarettes to my taste, especially today. Although, I have to say, those cigarettes have something in it that makes them more bearable when they're shared..." I turn my face to look at the ashtray, and let her know my choice, even though it's not my final word just yet.
Her reaction is almost comical, and I really have to pinch my thigh hard not to laugh at how Hiratsuka Shizuka is reacting when she puts the pieces together in her mind, which doesn't take very long.
Her face burns a deep shade of red, almost crimson, her purple eyes wide open, threatening to pop out of her skull, her mouth forming a ' o ', in complete and utter shock, spluttering an uncomprehensible gibberish.
She lowers her head and hide underneath her long hair, her body trembling slightly. Yeah, if I am at least sure of something, despite my lack of sleep, despite all my defauts and my fucked-up personality, it's that I want to have Hiratsuka in my life. Hikigaya Shizuka doesn't sound half-bad...
"Oh, one last thing, Shizuka-chan. You asked me earlier why I should be concerned about your personal life." I slowly mutter as I place my hand in a gentle manner on her right shoulder after standing up.
"It concerns me because you are a part of my life. A part I'm glad to have, and would love to keep by my side, no matter what the future has in store for me, for us..."
Remembering this part of the conversation with Shizuka, I get a clear refresher of the situation I currently am in. I am this close to break my promise to her, by being Komachi's first.
She is clearly ready when I land my gaze upon her again, seeing her top half completly bare, the small bra having been removed, hiding her breasts with her arms clumsily, a blush on her cute face putting a tomato to shame.
Her eyes are staring at me expectantly, shining brightly. She doesn't speak, her lips only slightly parted open, and yet I can hear in my head the words stuck in her throat that can't get out yet.
'Make a woman out of me tonight, Damian-nii, please. Your woman.'
I have no choice but to pretend I am stunned by the sight in front of me, which I truly am to an extent. I use this to calculate the possible consequences of each action I may undertake.
'If I do it with Komachi right now, two things happen. The first is, I break my promise to Shizuka. And there is no point in hiding it since even if I try to lie, the truth will come out sooner or later and have a much worse impact. The second is we are at night, in our room, in our home, with our parents sleeping, so there is a risk to get caught in the act, no matter how small the probabilities are...'
'If I deny her this chance, or explain her why I can't, she might resent me. She herself is willing to do that after forgiving me for unwillingly taking her brother's place, mourning for him, and had a will strong enough to bounce back, to the point where she developped strong feelings for me, of a romantic nature. She is literally offering me the most precious thing she possesses, right now: herself!'
'If I remove even just my own t-shirt or make any move that might be considered a step in this direction, I will give her false hopes and break her heart once I tell her that it wasn't my intention...'
She still hasn't moved from where she is sitting, in front of me, her gaze intensifying while looking, analyzing, maybe even stripping me of my clothes in her mind. The few seconds I took to process everything, I can only come to a single conclusion. And I hate it for multiple reasons!
I place my hands on her shoulders, and stare intensely in her glowing, widening eyes.
"Komachi, I'm not even going to question if you are sure of what you want, because you are giving me enough proof that you truly do want this. I want this too, but can't... at least not completly..."
A half-assed truth. Maybe she will see through it, or maybe, just maybe hopefully...
"What do you mean, Damian-nii?"
I hold back a sigh of relief. It seems that at first glance, she isn't realizing that I am trying to defuse the tense situation without breaking my word to any of them.
"We are in our home at night, with our parents sleeping, and if we do it, we will probably make some noise, eventually causing us to be heard, and get caught. Not only that, but if I were to go all out, I would probably end up getting you pregnant at such a young age, Komachi. The thing is, as absurd as I know it will sound, I can't... put a rubber on..."
Komachi looks at me incredulous. Yes, whether you want to believe me or not, I always had trouble when using a condom even in my past. It would block all sensations, and my bloodflow for some reason, causing me to go limp. And due to some medication for aesthma, I couldn't nor wouldn't take the magical 'blue pill' to counter this unfortunate effect.
As if I needed some sort of 'crutch' to keep being in shape for that sort of occasion! What about my pride, huh?
"I know that it may sound like bullshit. But I am not feeding you any kind of lie, I reassure you, this is the pure truth. I wouldn't be able to stop myself if I were to go all out, and wouldn't pull out in time. Even taking into consideration you taking the morning pill to avoid a pregnancy at an age this young, no methods are entirely foolproof, despite what science says. However, both you and I are clearly bothered right now, and I can't let you stay that way, so I propose you an alternate solution, if you are alright with it."
I look at her face, her practically naked body in front of me, the reactions she has...
I can almost superpose on top of each other the girl in my dream with Komachi, and they could easily pass out as sisters.
Am I making what they call a 'transfer' from my past to this present? Am I so far out of my god damned mind?
I see her coming forward, placing her hands and tugging on the lower edges of my t-shirt, with a fierce determination on her beautiful face.
"You better make Komachi yours, Damian-nii! Or else Komachi will never forgive you!"
I raise my arms and let her getting me rid of my t-shirt, exposing my naked top half to her greedy and lust-filled eyes.
"You can't become mine, if you already are, silly imouto~." I tell her with a knowing small smirk on my face, completly catching her off-guard.
She sputters and try to put out a decent comeback, but before she can, I take hold of both her hands, lock my fingers with hers, and claim her lips while gently lowering ourselves on the bed.
And that night with Komachi was the most beautiful I ever had, in both of my lives.
Only a few days have past since the double date incident with Hayama, Orimoto and Whatever-her-name-was. The same day where we ended up, Yui, Haruno, Yukino and I, at Yui's house with the endearing and lovable Saori Yuigahama.
Just the simple memory of her face, her looks, her voice, her smile... Damn it, calm the fuck out of yourself, down there! Not at school!
A few more days passed after that evening, and last night, Komachi and I spent a night together that broke the 'legal' boundary between siblings. Both of us clearly admitted we wanted to be more than just brother and sister, that we cared for each other on a romantic level, one I pretty much already had with Shizuka, and Haruno if she means what she says.
Speaking of which, I have to go to Shizuka during lunch break, and find a way to tell her what happened between me and Komachi. But fortunately, with the way I have with words, I can make her understand everything and not having a ravishing yet brutal teacher/girlfriend trying to murder her student/boyfriend.
I am so not fucking dying again! And younger than last time to top it off!
Haruno, if informed, will no doubt have a field day with me to 'make up for it'... And it wouldn't surprise me if she learns of it from none other than Shizuka, after my visit, which if I refer to the time shown by the classroom's clock, is due in about a few minutes from now.
Looks like I'll be eating inside. Stupid rain...
As the bell for lunch break rings, and temporarely frees us students from the merciless grasp of the teachers, offering us a short time to breathe and eat, I rise from my seat and walk towards the door to head for a vending machine. I need something to quench my thirst first and foremost, food can wait.
The moment I am about to pass the door and enter the hallway, I catch a glimpse of something quite curious if I have to say so myself. 4 different pairs of eyes are locked on me, and solely me. 4 of my classmates, 2 whom I can confortably say I wouldn't mind dating, but 2 others who I don't know what to think, nor what to make of their gazes.
On the first hand, Yui and Saki. I could say I was slowly getting used to receiving some looks from the two of them, and it's not unpleasant. Especially when I see their cheeks flush the moment I lock my own gaze onto them, and they feel caught in the act.
On the second, and most intriguing part, Yumiko Miura and... wait for it...
Minami Sagami.
Nope, I didn't stutter, and you read well!
When it comes to Yumiko, being close to Yui, and having witnessed a part of Hayama's true nature back in Kyoto, I can understand why she would choose to keep me under her 'surveillance'. I was the one who 'woke her up' from her daydream, after all. In my weird way.
For Sagami... Heh! Who knows and who cares? If she has something to tell me, she can do it herself. Maybe just like Yumiko, my 'wake up call' was something she too needed, but won't acknoledge it. Maybe she has some sort of petty vengeance planned ahead...
If that's the latter case, she better be creative, and make sure I have no proof it's her doing, because as I have mentionned in the past, I am someone who hold grudges.
"Well, you took your sweet time coming here today, brat. Now, I received a strange text from your sister before class began. Mind explaining me what this is about? But first and foremost, I heard that you had a pretty 'nice evening' the other day at Yuigahama's house, along with should I mention, the two Yukinoshita sisters~."
I roll my eyes on the side and give a deadpan stare to an imaginary camera that would be approximatively on my left side, similar to what you would see in american comedy shows, except this time, I am staring at you, the reader.
Yes, this is indeed, a fourth wall breaking moment. Why would I do that in those circumstances? Oh, let me guess...
'Why does this teacher/girlfriend of mine is jealous about? Does she think I have cheated on her already, somehow? I know she can be a bit obsessive, but really? That's all the faith and trust you have in me, woman?'
I can't help but sigh as I palm my face, and place down on the table the drink I bought at the vending machine, a Coke Zero. Never thought I would find it good despite the lack of sugar Coke normally contains, but this kind does have a replacemant, aspartame if I recall correctly. Funnily enough, it's more dangerous than real sugar so hey, congrats Coke for making something supposedly 'less harmful'. Thumbs up guys, great job!
"As you may have heard from one source or another, the evening at Yuigahama's house was due to the fact that Hayama had asked me a favor earlier in the week and I agreed to it. When I not only had enough of the mood, and felt that I had fulfilled my obligation, I gave to everyone present my two cents on the joke it had been, and found out that he, on his own, had lied to both Yukino and Yui, making them come to a place he had chosen beforehand. Haruno was there too, probably for both her entertainment and also watching over her sister. Since the four of us were gathered at the same place, and had two options, one splitting up or two, spending a bit more time together, I decided we go to some neutral grounds, hence, Yui's house. I met her mother, and chose to reveal my real self to her as well."
As I was rambling and giving my take on that evening while skipping some unnecessary details, Shizuka stared at me, like a hawk surveiling its prey before deciding whether or not going for the attack. She nodded every now and then, and it seems, couldn't detect a single trace of deceit coming from me, because well, I was telling the truth after all!
"Mhm, I see. Yuigahama-san is a cheerful person, and rather open-minded, so I don't think you've made a mistake by including her in that little circle of people you trust. Was she surprised by that reveal? I know I was when you first told me about it."
"That you were, yeah, I can still remember it." I say as I let out a small chuckle, causing her to pout in embarassment.
"Well, she wasn't that surprised by it, I think. Probably not expecting something of that level, but understood why I chose to hide it for so long. Since it was also the first time we met, and given the fact that we're only technically a few years apart, she felt... comfortable with the way I explained my point of view on different topics, I'd say?" I end up my sentence as I look at the ceiling, wondering if what I was saying at this moment made any sense.
Sometimes, either by nostalgia or because I lose myself in an endless amount of questions, I would do that. Lift my head up, gaze towards the sky with my eyes unfocused, shutting the rest of the world around me and ponder on different matters. It has always been a thing I liked to do.
Hearing no answers, no sign that Shizuka had acknowledged any of what I just told her, I lower my gaze and see her with her facial expression slightly contorted in some form of... worry? I couldn't put my finger on what it is precisely, but it feels as she's having an internal struggle.
I don't know why, but... Oh
Wait for it...
"Say, since we're still on the topic, and I know it might be silly of me to ask that kind of question, because I'm pretty much your girlfriend at this point, but..."
"..."
"What... What do you think of Saori Yuigahama?"
... Bingo...
I sink into my seat even deeper, let my arms fall on either side of my body, tilt my head backwards slowly, and let out one of my most grumpiest sighs to date.
"The perspective that a woman as beautiful, as understanding, as kind as you, yet less prone to resort to violence, slightly older, and as far as I know, avoids drugs like alcohol and cigarettes than you is making you thinking that I might eventually prefer her to you in the longer term? Is that what plagues your mind? Do you really think I would ditch you because you have some flaws?"
I can see a blush painting Shizuka's cheeks, both from embarassment in a positive than negative way as I describe the pros and cons of the person sitting across the table in that small lounge of hers.
She says nothing but her gaze flinches and she stares at the ground, giving me for sole answer an almost imperceptible nod of her head.
I stand up, and go sit next to her, before wrapping my arms around her waist.
My action, even though slow, catches her off-guard and she lifts her head back up to stare at me in shock.
Which gives me the perfect occasion to give her some comfort, and a kiss on those glistening lips.
She doesn't move, she doesn't say anything, she just releases a tiny content moan as the young man she loves expresses his feelings for her, probably relieving a good amount of doubts from her mind as a result.
We stay there for a few minutes, alternating between chaste kisses and slow and sensual making-out, two lovers in the arms of each other alone in their shared little bubble of happiness.
She is now sitting on my lap, the left side of her body leaning against my chest, her head and dark long tresses of hair cascading down both sides of my body, her face buried in my neck, letting out calm, long breaths.
"You also talked about Komachi sending you a text before class, right? What did it said?"
She searches without looking for her cellphone in her white blouse, pull it out, and shows me the text in question, with a picture in it.
It's not just the picture that gets my eyebrows to raise straight up to the middle of my forehead, but also the written words.
"'Komachi has mustered the courage to find the words to talk to Damian-nii about her feelings, and we did it, Hiratsuka-sensei! Kyaaaah~! Komachi is so over the moon! You are so lucky sensei, I envy you!'"
Beneath it, a picture of Komachi in my t-shirt she uses to sleep doing a peace sign with a wink, kissing me on the corner of the lips, with my naked top half plain and bare, completly exposed.
But the most striking details are the not-so-subtly bra and pair of panties strewn carelessly on the bed.
Komachi, even if you are the cutest, the most adorable, the sweetest, the most lovable little sister in the entire universe, if you just caused me my relationship with Shizuka, you will know the consequences of your actions...
"So, Damian-kun, is there something you want to tell your girlfriend, maybe~?"
