Sakura swallows, and she finds that the horror curling within her gut is so strong that it feels unreal.

This… wasn't supposed to happen, she notes with a detached inner tone.

Their plan wasn't much - Sakura would be the first to admit that. But at least it was something, and at least it had a basis in reality.

A combination of Naruto's seal work and his father's Hirashin should've taken her back to when she was young - back far enough where she could fix everything.

Except everything is wrong.

She knew it as soon as she had awoken. Her body felt unfamiliar to her - for several reasons - and the room wasn't anywhere she'd ever been. Still, she hoped. Almost desperately, she prayed that she was in a nightmare, and soon she'd wake up either in the war or in her childhood bedroom.

Neither happened, and she soon found herself in front of the mirror, unable to tear her eyes away from the image that was so incredibly wrong.

Instead of soft, pink locks, silver tufts sprouted from her head. Baby fat still clings to her cheeks, but there's clear sharpness underneath - so unlike the round, cherubic face she remembers from her childhood. A mask stretches up from the undershirt she's wearing and over the bridge of her nose, leaving only her eyes - or rather, someone else's, since her eyes weren't gray - visible. Most distinctly of all, she most certainly isn't the small, little girl she'd been for so many years of her life - no, she's somehow a short yet toned little boy.

She isn't a six-year-old Sakura, she recognizes almost hysterically, but a six-year-old Kakashi Hatake.

She closes her eyes and takes in a shaky breath. She counts to five and opens her eyes, and she straightens her shoulders and fixes her posture.

It doesn't help at all.

She… isn't quite sure what to do, now. She had been so sure that she'd be prepared for everything - and how could she not be when she was a member of the notorious Team Seven? - but even she didn't expect this.

And she really, really hates it.

Not only is she in the wrong body - and in the wrong type of body - but she's… lost, to say the least. Sure, Kakashi had told them stories of his childhood - only on particularly lonely nights, and only ever truly elaborating on the good ones - but she wasn't prepared to have to be him.

Except, she thinks, feeling dread curl within her gut, she is.

Her memories are melding with Kakashi's, somehow. Images of a pale, golden-haired man with black sclera clash with a blinding smile and sun-kissed skin, and she recognizes him both as The Fourth Hokage and Minato-sensei. She sees a horribly scarred man without a direction in the world and horrifyingly, she also recognizes him as a cheerful young boy with orange goggles and too many late excuses who is both Obito the Dead Last and Obito Uchiha, the one who sparked the Fourth Shinobi World War. A younger Sarutobi instead of the wrinkled, old man she remembers, a simply quiet Orochimaru instead of a scheming one, a father instead of a war hero, and so much more that she hates because none of these memories belong to her.

She doesn't want this. She doesn't want to be someone else - to have her memories overwritten, no matter how selfish it sounds. And she doesn't want to take her sensei's life away from him because what does that mean for him? Is he gone? Did she erase him from existence when she appeared, killing a child for her own sake?

Her hand flies up to her chest and she squeezes her shirt in a white-knuckled fist, feeling tears drip from her eyes as she hates. Hates how her first thought is that she's weak for crying, hates that she's taking everything away from the man who, while flawed, gave her so much, and hates that she's even stuck here in the first place because she shouldn't have been the one sent back.

And she'd always known that, hadn't she? Known when the topic of time travel had been brought up, known when she'd been suggested to fill the task, known even when it was too late and chakra was already lighting up the seal and—

She inhales, pressing the heels of her palms against her eyes.

It should've been someone like Naruto, who could make the best of any situation. Or Sasuke who, while embittered, was a prodigy and could handle just about anything life threw at him. Kakashi, who deserved a second chance that she was stealing. Shikamaru, who, with his genius, could've wrapped everything up within months. Ino, who was so incredibly good with people, and who could've gotten anyone on her side if she tried hard enough. Lee, who would've brute-forced his way through the situation, but would've made it work anyway because that's just who he was. Even Sai, who, while awkward at the best of times, was, in the end, incredibly intelligent and even more resourceful.

She thought, in the moment, that she'd be strong enough. She'd seen the trust and hope in everyone's eyes, and realistically, she knew that she was the only one who could go back - because Naruto was the one fueling the seal and she was the only one with a decent shot at survival because of the chakra stored in her Byakugou seal - but only now is she struck by the realization that she's scared. Scared of fucking things up, of not doing enough, of doing too much - of doing something wrong. She's scared and unsure and worried and she just… wishes that her team was there with her.

But, whispers a cynical voice in the back of her mind, You'll never be part of Team Seven again. Not in the same way, at least.

Much to her embarrassment, that thought cracks her resolve. It's what sends her thoughts spiraling and makes her breaths ragged as she practically collapses on the ground, failing at something as simple as trying to breathe.

She isn't sure how much time passes before she hears a faint sound that she just barely recognizes as the door opening, but it doesn't matter since she's hyperventilating enough that her brain seems to turn to mush and her thoughts to static.

Something feather-light touches her skin, but it doesn't register until several minutes later as she pathetically gulps down tears and air and snot.

"-okay, Kashi," a soothing voice murmurs, and Sakura finally raises half-lidded eyes to look at whoever is holding her. She squints at the fuzzy outline of who is clearly a man, only to freeze when she sees the familiar face of the silver haired man above her. She's nearly sent into another fit, and she's only stopped when her mind recognizes the figure as Dad.

She feels the air knocked out of her lungs as her mind screams at her - tells her that this man betrayed her, that she hated him because he broke the rules and it was his fault that everything went wrong; tells her that she's sorry, she didn't mean it, she doesn't want to see him die, no matter how angry she is; tells her that this man isn't her father and he needs to get away right now, but kami she needs someone and—

"Hey," the man says before she can fall back into hysterics, and she hears the slight panic in his voice that makes her stomach churn with a mixture of satisfaction - because he's part of the reason she's panicking so much, and he's the one who brought this upon himself by failing that mission - and horrible, crippling guilt - because no, none of this is fault, and she's blaming a man for her own faults. "It'll be okay. You're okay," he continues, running his fingers through Kakashi's hair - not hers, never hers - and continues speaking in a baritone that's somehow soft and gravelly at the same time. "Your name is Kakashi Hatake, you're in Konoha, and you're at home in your room. It's seven in the morning and there's no one here but me and you. You're safe."

Sakura chokes back a wet laugh at his response - because the first words out of his mouth do the opposite of reassuring her - but, for whatever reason - probably having to do with the body's (hers? Kakashi's?) ingrained response - her breaths begin to slow and her heartbeat begins to sound less deafening.

"S-sorry," she finally croaks out, squeezing her eyes and only briefly entertaining the idea of never opening them up again before pushing the thought aside and forcing herself to look at last near the man, if not directly at him.

"It's alright," Sakumo - father? - replies, both worry and relief creeping into his voice. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

She immediately jerks her head back and forth, and although she feels a twinge of guilt at the sad look in his eyes, she's relieved that he doesn't press any further. Somehow, she feels like launching into an explanation about Rabbit Goddesses, Uchihas-gone-mad, time travel, and not actually being Kakashi Hatake would go down very well.

(Not that she could tell him, even if she wanted to. She'd undoubtedly break down before then, and she doesn't think she should allow her mind to splinter more than it already has.)

The man remains silent for a moment, and she barely keeps herself from squirming under his gaze, but he eventually lets up and helps her sit up. "Alright, then," he says, and now that her eyes aren't blurred with tears, she can't help but notice just how sickly he looks. His skin is pale and his eyes are sunken, and overall, he just gives off a defeated air that gives her chills because she knows - not from her own memories, but she still knows - that he isn't supposed to look like that. He's supposed to have color to his skin - a healthy tan and a pleasant flush to his cheeks - and an ever-present smile, and he's supposed to be strong and unwavering.

But he's not. He's not all-there, and he doesn't look healthy, and if she were still Head Medic, she'd have him thrown into a hospital room the moment she so much as set eyes on him.

Sakumo hesitates briefly before seeming to steel himself, and it makes her heart ache to see, even if she doesn't feel as connected to him as Kakashi might have, if he were in her position. "I'll be in my office if you need me."

It… almost hurts to look at him. It makes her gut twist with all sorts of unpleasant, conflicting emotions, especially because she knows - as Sakura, at least - that he has nothing to be ashamed of. The village is harsh on him, unusually so, and it reminds her of how people would look at Naruto when he was younger - when people couldn't separate him from Kurama. Sasuke, when he eventually returned, and no one could quite trust him anymore. Kakashi, amongst a certain group of people who called him things like 'friend-killer' and 'cold-blooded' behind his back. Even her, when she was forced to heal shinobi no matter how much they wanted to just rest because they needed manpower and couldn't afford to let anyone go.

Except Sakumo had truly done nothing wrong, except care for his teammates. Care that they'd be able to go home, and care that they survived even if he was punished. And Sakura knows - more than anyone else, now - that such a trait is something to treasure rather than treat with scorn.

(Those who break the rules are scum. But those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.)

Even if part of her - the Kakashi part - feels a certain way about the situation, she knows what her Kakashi thought, in the end. Knows that he regretted treating him the way he did - regretted choosing everyone else over his own father - and that he'd forgiven him long ago. So, with an intake of breath, she makes a split-second decision.

"...Dad," she says, swallowing back the discomfort she feels calling him that - both as herself and as Kakashi - before raising her gaze to meet his suddenly confused one. "I'm… I was wrong." She takes in a breath, feeling slightly dirty for being the one to do this instead of Kakashi, but knowing that, right now, she's the only one there, and that it's her responsibility to get some sort of message across. "I think you made the right choice to save your teammates," she says, and she sees the man still, breath catching in his throat. Before he can interrupt, or before she can back out, she offers a small smile. "I'm… I'm proud of you."

Her smile falters when he simply stares at her, uncomprehending, only to finally take in a breath several seconds later, looking slightly teary-eyed.

"Kakashi, I…," he chokes out, and he sounds so broken that she doesn't even spare a thought before launching herself at him, wrapping her arms around him as best she can and squeezing him tight.

"From now on, I'll be on your side. No matter what anyone else thinks or says," she says, and to her surprise, she finds herself wholeheartedly meaning it. She will stick by him, from now on. She will make sure that he doesn't meet the same fate as before. Because she may not be Kakashi, and she may still think that someone else could've done better than her, but this, at least, is something she can do. And it'll be hard to get used to - and she may not ever be entirely comfortable with the situation - but she'll at least try. If not for her, then for Kakashi. For Sakumo. For everyone who deserves to be saved - deserves to be loved. "And don't try to tell me no," she says after a few moments, and the man lets out a startled laugh.

"This is new," he says, sounding equal parts terrified, bewildered, and hopeful.

Sakura - Kakashi - gives a soft hum. "Sometimes new is good."

Sakumo pauses, and she feels his hands tentatively reach behind her to hug her back. "I…," he lets out, and his lips quirk into a small, tentative smile. "I guess it is."


unfortunately, this is a oneshot - no matter how much i'd like to continue it - due to a few reasons
a.) i've already got *several* fix-it fic ideas, and you can only have so many before they start looking similar enough to be boring/repetitive
b.) writing sakura-as-kakashi is kinda awkward, and tbh, i'd rather just write a genuine kakashi timetravel fic no matter how interesting the concept is
c.) i have no idea where i'd go from here :D
if you want to continue, go ahead - just lmk so I can read it too, ig :P

as for my other fics, if you've read any of them, they aren't abandoned, i've just been struggling with updates because i have a lot of junk on my plate rn, and it's easier to write a simple oneshot than writing for a story which needs very specific plot points/ideas to work

and apologies for how... philosophical sakura gets? or not that, but hero-y? i really don't know how to explain it, but i know the sudden change is awkward and i tried fixing it, but this is the best i've got for now
maybe i'll come back to this later and fix it, or maybe even add some extra junk

for now know that sakumo survives whatever AU this is (and so does obito [due to healing prowess] rin, minato [due to a lot of stressful looking into the sealing arts and knowledge from naruto, because there's no way the kyuubi thing wouldn't happen just because *obito* wasn't the one to unleash it], and kushina [again due to healing prowess]) and kakashi-sakura becomes a very good big brother/sister to Naruto

anyways
thanks for reading!