Welcome to the latest Clew story:

*Legal: I own nothing but the idea.

Important things to know before reading:

*It's Clare and Adam's senior year, and Dallas' and Drew's second senior year as they are repeating as in the show.

*Clare did have cancer.

*Adam didn't die.

*There was no Paris trip over the summer, and no Zoe, Hollingsworth kids or Chewy.

*Drew and Bianca broke up just after she began at Wilfrid Laurier.

*Eli and Clare broke up in September shortly after he returned to school, when she found out he was rooming with and sleeping with Lenore.

*Adam and Jenna began dating over the summer. Dallas and Alli are also dating.

Everything else should be in the story. Hope you enjoy reading!

Ch. 1 Paralyzed by Phantom Pains

(DREW)

Clare starts to stir in her hospital bed, and we hold our breath waiting to see if her eyes will open. When her eyes do open, and she looks at us we release a simultaneous breath. I actually may have been holding that breath since they called to tell us she was in the hospital.

"Thank goodness, don't ever scare me like that again," Adam says looking at his best friend with concern.

"Adam?" Clare asks in groggy voice, blinking and trying to take in her surroundings. She's confused, but I would be too if I woke up in a hospital. Three hours ago we were all leaving school together, after Thursday afternoon student council. An hour ago, as Mom, Adam and I were eating dinner out, Adam got a call that Clare was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

"I'll go tell the doctor she's awake," Mom says leaving the room.

"What happened?" Clare questions after looking around the room.

"The doctor will be in to see you in a moment Clare," Mom tells us coming back in the room.

"It looks like you slipped or tripped in your washroom after taking a shower and hit your head. You managed to call 911 before passing out. I'm an emergency contact in your phone so they called me," Adam explains.

"With your parents gone we thought it best if you'd come and stay with us for the next few days. We've had some experience with head injuries," Mom remarks managing to smile sweetly to Clare while giving me a reprimanding look at the same time. "You can take Drew's bed and he'll sleep on the sofa downstairs.

"I don't want to impose, I can sleep on the sofa downstairs," Clare says.

"Don't worry about it Clare, I fall asleep down there all the time and that way Adam will be right next door," I tell her and Clare smiles as the doctor comes in.

"Hi Clare, I'm Doctor Selfridge. I have good news, the scans show no bleeding or swelling on the brain. You did have to have a few stitches and you'll need to keep the bandage on for a few days," the doctor tells her. Clare reaches up and touches the large bandage on her forehead right near her temple. The doctor has her follow a flashlight with her eyes and say what year it is, how old she is and then asks her to name all of us. "Very good Clare, your cognitive tests are good. We're going to keep you overnight as a precaution and for observation. Head injuries can be tricky, and we just want to be cautious. If everything looks good, then you should be ready to go home by midday tomorrow."

"Thank you, Doctor, we'll let you get some rest Clare and come get you tomorrow," Mom says.

"I'm glad you're okay, I never want another phone call that you're in the hospital," Adam tells her. He hugs her carefully before following Mom to the door.

"Get better fast, I need my Veep," I comment with a grin earning me a smile from her.

"We'll stop at Clare's on the way home, pack her a bag with enough for a few days. I'll call Helen once we're home, hopefully I can get a hold of her," Mom comments when we're in the car.

Helen and Glen were on a cruise to Mexico and South America. Not wanting to pay roaming charges, they hadn't taken their cell phones. They weren't impossible to get a hold of, but it wasn't the easiest thing either and Mom felt it best that we didn't tell Helen until we knew something. Randall had moved last year, he hadn't even come back when Clare had cancer, so we didn't bother trying to get a hold of Randall.

"Let's pack her a bag and everything she'll need for four or five days. I think she'll be with us until at least Monday, probably longer. I don't think it's a good idea for her to be home alone after such an injury," Mom remarks once we're inside Clare's house. Adam used the spare key to get in and we're all standing in the entry now. I've only been inside Clare's house a handful of times, the downstairs definitely improved after Jake and Glen remolded. Nothing looks out of place; you'd never even tell there was an ambulance and some cops here a few hours ago. "I'll look in the garage for a bag or suitcase for Clare, you boys go upstairs and start getting her things together. Put them on her bed and I'll get her bag packed."

"Yes Ma'am," Adam and I say as we start going upstairs.

"And, boys," Mom calls and we stop and look at her, "stay out of her intimates I'll pack those."

Adam and I roll our eyes and go upstairs. We stop when we see Clare's washroom, the downstairs didn't look disturbed, but her washroom is a wreck. There's a lot of blood, which is common for a head injury. The shower curtain is ripped, things from the vanity knocked off and scattered on the floor. Bandage wrappers and other evidence of the EMTs being there and treating her is littered about. Adam cringes but manages to grab Clare's toothbrush, mouthwash, hairbrush and deodorant. Mom already had Clare's phone, the cops had it, that's how they called Adam, apparently, he's the first emergency contact in there.

Adam and I go into Clare's room, he sets her hairbrush and deodorant on her bed, so I go back into the washroom. I look around at the mess, no time to clean it now, but it's a mess. There's even boot prints from the EMT and the towel Clare had wrapped around her when she got out of the shower is on the floor, partially soaked in blood. Something about the EMTs seeing Clare naked when they got here bothers me. I don't have time to dwell on that or the destruction in the room right now. Unsure of Clare's usual routine I grab anything from her washroom I think she might want. Hair products, makeup, facewash, moisturizer, gathering it all and dumping it on the bed in her room. If we missed something, we can come back for it or pick it up for her.

Adam has some clothes on the bed for Clare, a few pairs of jeans, shirts, a pair of sweats and pajamas so she'll be comfortable. Mom comes in and goes through Clare's dresser and closet quickly packing the two suitcases she brought upstairs. We probably have enough for Clare to stay with us for two weeks, but I guess it's better that she has options. Adam grabs Clare's maintenance meds and I grab her backpack. She won't be going to school tomorrow obviously, but probably will Monday.

When we get home, Dad asks how Clare is, Adam and I go downstairs to see Dallas. He's doing homework in the basement since he had practice after school. Adam and I both had therapy which is why Mom picked us up and we got dinner after.

"There you guys are, you aren't usually back so late," Dallas comments.

"We were at the hospital, Clare tripped or slipped getting out of her shower. She got a pretty nasty bump on the head. She managed to call 911 before losing consciousness at least. Since I'm the first emergency contact in her phone I got called while we were at dinner," Adam enlightens Dallas.

"Shit, she okay?" Dallas asks.

"A nasty bump and a few stiches. She'll probably be released tomorrow, with her parents out of town Mom wants her to stay with us a few days. So, starting tomorrow night I'll be crashing on the sofa down here for a while," I inform Dallas.

"Cool," he shrugs.

"I'm going to go get my room ready for Clare," I comment. Adam follows me upstairs, but he goes into his room. I look around my room and start hiding the things I don't want Clare to see, or the things I'm sure she doesn't want to see.

(CLARE)

The beeping of the heart monitor has been my constant companion all night. I watched the sun come up; I couldn't bring myself to sleep. Every time I tried to close my eyes, I felt uneasy, I attributed that to being in the hospital. It felt too much like the cancer clinic, they usually drugged me to sleep there. No drugs tonight, and a nurse came in every two hours to make sure I wasn't in a coma and check my vitals. So, I lay awake all night mindlessly watching horrid late-night TV.

A doctor comes in and checks my vitals, asks me cognitive questions. Then he says they'll bring me breakfast, after which they'll send me down for one more scan. If the scan is clear then I can go home, which is good because I'm ready to be out of the hospital. Shortly after the doctor leaves an orderly brings in a tray. I don't have much an appetite since I haven't slept and my head kind of hurts, nor does it look appetizing, so I don't eat. The morning seems to last forever, it's nearly two hours after I'm brought breakfast that an orderly comes back to take me for a scan. When Audra comes in my room just after eleven, I'm very happy to see her.

"The doctor said you were cleared to leave. We packed a couple bags for you last night and you should have everything you need at our house. If not, we can pick it up. I brought you some sweats, a bra, underwear, socks, and sneakers, along with your winter coat to wear out of the hospital. In this bag are your hairbrush, toothbrush and deodorant," Audra says setting a large shopping bag and a small plastic bag on my hospital bed.

"Thanks Audra, I appreciate everything," I smile at her just as the doctor comes in.

Audra smiles at me while the doctor looks at my chart. He goes over caring for my stiches and warning signs of a deeper injury, when to bring me back in. After that I sign the papers for release and get unhooked from the IV and heart monitor. I take the bags Audra brought me into the washroom, changing out of my hospital gown into the clothes. I put on deodorant, brush my hair and teeth, and put those back into the small bag. I get my sneakers on and my winter coat leaving the hospital with Audra.

When we get back to the Torres house, she tells me to rest on the sofa while she makes me some lunch. I do eat lunch as I'm fairly hungry now and fall asleep on the sofa to the sounds of the TV and Audra in the kitchen. Audra wakes me up after a couple of hours though and keeps me awake in the living room until Adam gets home from school.

There's an Ice Hounds game tonight, all of student council was going to go, but I'm supposed to rest, and Adam came home to keep me company. Audra orders pizza for dinner for me and Adam, she and Omar go out to dinner. Adam tells me about school, and says there wasn't homework, and he'll catch me up with what I missed in class when my head feels better. Adam and I watch movies in the basement until Drew and Dallas get home just before curfew.

"Hey Clare, how you feelin'?" Dallas asks.

"Okay, my head hurts a little, and I'm pretty tired since I didn't sleep at all in the hospital."

"Both to be expected, I hate sleeping in hospitals too, unless they drug me out," Dallas replies.

"How was the game?" Adam questions.

"Great, we won," Dallas grins.

"Congrats on the win Dallas, I'm pretty tired, I think I'll start getting ready for bed," I remark.

"Yeah, me too," Adam nods.

"I'll brush my teeth and be down," Drew tells Dallas.

The three of us go upstairs, say goodnight to Audra and Omar who are in the kitchen and were probably waiting for Drew and Dallas to get home. I follow Adam upstairs and into the washroom he shares with Drew. Audra put all the toiletries she brought me at the hospital on the counter. I shared a washroom with Jake for over a year, so I'm used to brushing my teeth with someone else there. It's a bit crowded with the three of us brushing our teeth together, but we manage. After brushing my teeth, I let Adam have the washroom and go into Drew's room, he follows me in.

"I changed the sheets and everything, and Adam's right next door if you need anything," Drew tells me as he goes to his dresser.

"Thanks Drew," I smile noting the suitcases on the bed. I open them and see everything they brought me. Looking at all the panties and another of my bras I really hope Audra packed this suitcase. I do find my favorite pajamas, a deep purple button up short sleeve shirt with matching pajama bottoms. They're very pretty and very silky, I love sleeping in them, though the pajama bottoms often get too hot and I nearly always end up taking them off.

"Night Clare," Drew smiles having grabbed a pair of boxers and some pajamas from his drawer.

"Goodnight Drew," I smile.

He closes the bedroom door as he leaves the room. I change into my pajamas; finish getting ready for bed and turn out the light. Drew's bed is warm the mattress feels good and I yawn, very tired and ready to sleep. Now that the light is off though I'm feeling unsettled, almost rattled. My eyes shoot open and I look at the room. I'm no longer tired just on edge, and I get out of bed. I turn the light back on and look around the room again. If I were a different person, I might take the opportunity to poke through Drew's bedroom, but I won't invade his privacy. As tired as I was, I'm wide awake now, and wonder if this will be another sleepless night?

(DREW)

I wake up and look at my phone for the time, it's just after three in the morning. I've only been asleep for about an hour, but I have to pee. I get up with a yawn, make my way to the washroom down here and just keep the door open rather than turning on the light. Dallas can sleep through anything, so I'm not worried about waking him.

When I come out of the washroom, I see a bright glow from upstairs coming under the basement door. Looks like every light in the living room and kitchen is on. Adam and my parents would not have turned on all the lights, just the dimmer light in the hallway or kitchen. If Dallas was hungry or wanted something to drink, he'd have used the kitchenette down here, besides which I can hear him snoring. So, I know Clare must be up and I go up the stairs and open the door to the main floor. I have to shield my eyes from the sudden burst of bright lights.

When my eyes finally adjust, I find Clare nervously pacing the living room and kitchen. She's kind of darting her head around and ringing her hands together. She looks really jumpy, more than that, she looks scared. I've seen Clare get neurotic before but not like this, it's a little worrisome and I don't think hitting her head would do this. After all, she seemed okay when we got home.

"Clare?" I say approaching her slowly. She turns to me and I see that she's biting her lower lip. It's pressed so hard between her teeth that the lip is white, and I'm worried she might draw blood. I reach up slowly and pull her lip from between her teeth.

"Can't sleep," she whispers but her voice is nervous and shaking.

"You need to sleep, are you worried about your concussion?" I question, she shakes her head and looks away from me. "Come on, you need to sleep, I'll take you back to my room," I assert reaching for her, but she pulls away from me.

"No, I don't want to, I'm not tired, I'm fine," she snaps quickly. There's this odd urgency and desperation in her tone.

"You have to sleep Clare; you can't pace the living room all night. Besides the bright light could wake the rest of the house," I tell her. She stops pacing and looks at me apologetically, I think I even see tears brimming in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake everyone up," she says, and a few tears slip from her eyes. I brush her tears away and put my arm around her. She doesn't pull away this time, in fact she seems to lean into me a little.

"You didn't wake everyone up, not even me I got up to use the washroom. You do need to sleep though," I say, trying to pull her to my room but Clare resists. Her feet planted on the floor and her small frame unmoving. I stop trying to pull her and look at her with concern, this behavior is worrisome and not like Clare.

"No, I...I can't...I don't want to be alone right now. H...I…" she trips on her words and starts to choke up. She's trying to tell me something, but the words aren't coming. I'm very worried, something is very wrong. She shouldn't be this agitated and frightened after a fall.

"I'll stay with you, if you want me to," I offer.

At this point it's as much for her as it is for me. Clare doesn't look at me, but she does nod, I keep a tight arm around her, turn off the living room and kitchen lights, bringing her upstairs. I keep my arm around her until she's sitting on my bed. I'm about to tell her that I'll grab a pillow and blanket to lie on the floor, but she grabs my hand and pulls me to the bed with her. I get her under the covers, and me too since it's cold. We lie on our sides facing each other. We're not touching but we're close enough to feel the other's breath and body heat.

"Why can't you sleep?" I question after a moment.

"I just can't, I d...h...th…" she's stumbling over her words again and it's like she's holding something back.

She's clearly trying to tell me something, but she can't get the words out, her mind, or just plain fear isn't letting her. It all seems very familiar and I realize this behavior is typical of some of the people in my PTSD support group. Only that doesn't seem to make sense for someone with a head injury from a fall out of the shower. I do know head injuries can cause personality changes and all that but I'm certain that only a severe head injury would do that. A car accident or fall from up high or getting impaled with shrapnel or something. Clare had none of that, her injury was relatively minor, they think she hit her head on the sink. Concerning for sure, but not a major head injury, not something that should cause personality changes or this kind of agitation. Not to mention she was fine earlier, and yesterday at the hospital she wasn't like this. If she'd been this anxious and afraid all day Mom and Adam would have said something.

"It's okay, you're safe, I won't leave you all night long," I assure her.

"Okay," she whispers while nodding her head slightly and then goes silent.

I lie there watching her, silent but worried. Given how nervous she was I'm worried she won't get to sleep for a long time. For a few minutes her eyes stay locked on mine, then they begin to close. The first few times they close her eyes shoot open again and then she relaxes when she sees me. Pretty soon though her eyes stay closed and by her deep rhythmic breathing I can tell she's asleep.

I am not finding getting back to sleep very easy however, and it's not because there's a hot girl in my bed. I'm thinking about her behavior tonight, running over the times I've seen it before in group. One pattern stands out to me, everyone I've ever seen act that way before was attacked. Most of the girls in my group that exhibit that sort of behavior were raped or brutally attacked. Attacks so brutal that they then try to suppress the memory, only the mind wants them to deal with it and things surface at unexpected times. Which leads to the nervous agitation, the fear, the paranoia. I've been there, after Vince's attack I had a lot of that too.

There's three girls in my group that keep coming to mind. Marlice, a sixteen-year-old that broke up with her boyfriend and was attacked two weeks later after a football game. She spent three days in the hospital but at first everyone thought she was mugged by strangers; including Marlice. She started panicking at school though, any time she saw her ex. After a panic attack at school sent her back to the emergency room one of the doctors recommended hypnotherapy and she was able to recall that her ex and two of his friends beat and molested her. They were caught, arrested, plead guilty and sentenced but she still dropped out of school. That was nearly a year ago, but even mention going out at night or a high school football game to her and she'll go into a panic attack.

Rose, she's twenty-three, lived alone in an apartment and when changing for bed one night was attacked and raped. He suffocated her, when she regained consciousness, she thought it was a dream. Until she found blood on her sheets a couple days later. The guy was never caught, she moved back in with her parents and hardly ever leaves the house. She can't be in a dark room and hates to be anywhere alone, the attack was four months ago, and her mom is still bringing her to group.

Crystal, she just turned nineteen, eight months ago alone in her off-campus apartment. A guy she'd rejected multiple times broke in and attacked her as she was getting into the shower. He raped her, stabbed her, beat her, and left her for dead. He wore a condom when he raped her, disposed of it somewhere else and when she woke up in the hospital, she didn't remember her attacker. It was nearly three weeks before she remembered even pieces and suspected she was raped. By then of course there was no evidence, and she didn't remember who attacked her until she saw him on campus when she returned. She had a mental breakdown, quit school, moved home, and didn't press charges. She attends group but hardly does anything else and can barely look a guy in the eye, even those of us in group.

The reason I continue to think specifically of these three girls is that behavior I've seen them exhibit before, during and after group reminds me of Clare tonight. I think back to the scene in her washroom, the blood, the ripped curtain, her stuff scattered all over the floor, her call to 911. It's entirely possible that all of it was not that Clare fell or slipped getting out of the shower, but someone was there and attacked her. This scenario seems even more likely when I think about what she was trying to tell me tonight. A couple of times it sounded like she was trying to say "he" although I can't be sure as she was stuttering so badly.

Thinking that someone was lying in wait for Clare in her washroom, to attack her, possibly rape her, maybe even kill her makes me feel sick. I almost want to throw up, but at the same time I don't want to leave Clare. I lie there and watch her, eventually my eyes begin to droop, but any time she moves my eyes shoot open again. All night I'm hyper aware of her movements and noises and I barely sleep at all. I'm not asleep very long when I'm woken by Clare whimpering and thrashing. I realize she's having a nightmare and gently put my hand on her arm.

"Clare, wake up, it's okay you're safe," I tell her. Her eyes shoot open with a gasp, she looks at me and bites her lip, she seems to be fighting back tears. "What were you dreaming about?" I question.

She responds by shutting her eyes tight and shaking her head.

"Can you get back to sleep?" I ask her.

She shakes her head again.

"We should probably get up then," I comment.

Clare doesn't say anything but gets out of bed with a yawn. I follow her out of bed, grabbing a t-shirt from my dresser and slipping it on. Clare already has the door open and we come out of my room together just as my parents come out of their room. Mom's face remains placid, but I see fire in her eyes because we're both leaving my room at dawn.

"Clare Honey, would you go downstairs and start the coffee? Think about what you'd like for breakfast," Mom tells her.

"Sure," Clare says with another yawn before she goes downstairs. I don't know if she was trying to get away from Mom's wrath or was too tired to notice Mom was angry.

"You better have been in there to get clothes Andrew," Mom snaps but keeps her voice fairly low. Although at this point Adam comes out of his room, so either our talking woke him, or he was already up and heard the commotion.

"Mom, do you honestly think I would sneak into my room and try to get between Clare's legs? Not only is she just out of the hospital with a head injury but she's my Veep and Adam's best friend. I would never do that to any girl, I know better than that, you raised me better than that," I shoot back without keeping my voice down or the anger out of it.

"You're right, I'm sorry Drew," Mom replies with an apologetic voice.

"What were you doing in there?" Adam asks but it's not accusatory it's curious and worried. He knows I wouldn't do something like that and would only be in there because something was wrong.

"I woke up and found her pacing the living room. She seemed nervous and the only way I could get her to go back to my room to sleep was by promising to stay with her."

"Why was she nervous?" Dad questions.

I consider if I should tell them my suspicion that she was attacked? I decide not to though, at least for the moment. I have no proof, and I don't want Adam thinking about that right now. Besides I'm sure Mom will start asking questions, want to call the cops and I'm not sure how Clare will react to that. If she doesn't remember and her mind is doing it for her sanity it could send her into a mental breakdown. I decide to have something more concrete before I go opening that Pandora's Box.

"I don't know, but she did fall asleep once I was in the room with her," I tell them. I purposely leave out the detail of us being in the same bed.

"We should get down there or she's going to think she's being a burden," Adam says.

"Coffee's on," Clare tells us when we come into the kitchen. She's not mentioning us sleeping in the same room, whether that's for her protection or mine I'm not sure.

"Thank you, Clare," Mom smiles giving her a gentle hug. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Better, after getting some sleep, my head isn't hurting as much."

"I'm glad to hear it, how about pancakes for breakfast?" Mom offers.

While Adam and I give each enthusiastic "Yeah" Clare simply smiles. Mom and Dad set about getting things out for the pancake batter and heating the griddle. Adam and I start getting out everything anyone likes on their pancakes. When we start setting the table Clare offers to help but we tell her to sit. Once the smell of pancakes and bacon hit the griddle Dallas gets up. We eat breakfast together, then Mom and Dad go upstairs to get ready for their day. With their crazy schedules Saturday is usually the one day they can spend together.

I watched Clare over breakfast, she was a bit tired maybe but otherwise happy. She smiled, and ate two pancakes and two pieces of bacon which is quite a bit for her. She doesn't seem worried, or agitated, or afraid at all. I'm beginning to think I imagined last night, maybe she was sleep walking when I found her in the kitchen. Right now, other than the bandage on her head and that she's just a tiny bit pale she seems perfectly normal. Maybe it wasn't fear of someone else last night, but she was worried to sleep alone because of her injury and didn't want to tell me that.

Mom and Dad leave to run errands while we're still cleaning the kitchen. After cleaning we go down to the basement. Adam, Dallas, and I play video games for about an hour while Clare watches. Adam puts on the TV after we turn of the video game and we watch together for a while. Dallas and Adam have a double date planned with Alli and Jenna today. I can see when they start watching the clock to get ready, I wonder if Clare notices as well.

"We could cancel with Alli and Jenna today," Adam offers.

"No, don't do that," Clare says, "I'll be okay," she adds with a smile plastered on her face and a falter in her voice, but I don't know if they picked up on it.

"I'm keeping my Veep company today," I speak up putting my arm loosely around her shoulders and hugging her from the side. I really had no plans but would have stayed anyway especially after last night.

Adam smiles and goes upstairs while Dallas goes into his room. Adam and Dallas get ready for their date calling goodbye when they leave. They're taking Dallas' car on the date, so we still have the car Adam and I share, not that I plan to take Clare anywhere. We watch TV in silence for a while before I break it.

"Do you want to shower? Not that you stink or anything," I say quickly hoping I didn't offend her. "You smell great as always. I mean…" I stumble on my words and Clare giggles. "Just that, you know hospitals...I uh, I always want to shower when I come home from the hospital," I remark rubbing the back of my neck uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I should probably shower," Clare says with a soft smile.

I turn off the TV and take her upstairs, she goes into my room and starts going through her suitcase. I get her a towel from the linen closet and hand it to her when she leaves my room. She smiles at me and takes the towel into the washroom turning on the shower. I go into my room to change out of pajamas, but don't close the bedroom door. It's just the two of us here and she's in the shower. Just as I'm getting clothes from my dresser, I hear the washroom door open. I look over just in time to catch Clare as she runs out of the washroom into my arms! She's wearing nothing but my bathrobe but she's shaking with terror and gripping to me tightly.