BECKETT'S BAD DAY

CHAPTER TWO

Kate tossed her pen down in frustration then leaned her head back against the headrest on her seat. She'd been shuffling paper all morning and well into the middle of the afternoon. Pages and pages of statistics, projections, manpower needs versus budget constraints. She felt like there was a spike thrust right between her eyes as she reached for the bottle of aspirin that she kept in her drawer.

She popped a couple tablets into her mouth and washed them down with what was left of her cup of cold coffee. She grimaced. It was time to refresh her caffeine.

As she was getting up from her chair, Ryan poked his head in her doorway. She couldn't quite identify the look on his face, but she could tell he wasn't about to give her some good news.

"What's up?" She asked.

Kevin just shook his head. "Jenny just called me. I think you better come see this."

Kate followed him out and saw most of the people who were currently in house were all gathered around the TV which hung down from the ceiling. It was tuned to a news station. And the scene behind the reporter looked chaotic.

"This has got to be one of the worst calamities in recent memory." The reporter waved his hand behind him. "As we mentioned when we came on the air. There has been a terrorist attack on Alan Dusk's new Silver Streamer Maglev super train."

Kate froze in place and all the color drained from her face as she stared at the reporter on the screen.

"The miracle of modern transportation was on its maiden trip when disaster struck. As the fastest train in North America came upon a curve along the cliffs of Big Sur it happened. An explosion of significant magnitude was heard and a large portion of the train's elevated track bed was destroyed by the blast." The reporter quickly glanced over his shoulder at what was obvious a pile of concrete wreckage lying about. "The detonation was timed such that the train had no chance to stop as it shot off its track and plunged over the cliff side."

"No!" The single word was torn from Kate's throat as she fell to her knees. Several of her charges glanced over at her in surprise. Tears were pouring down her face and her hand was covering her mouth, but she couldn't take her eyes off the screen.

The reporter was walking toward the edge of the cliff. Well as close as the cordon would let him. "We don't know yet the extent of the damage the train suffered as we haven't been allowed to film over the side of the cliff." He put a finger to his ear. "I've just been informed that our station helicopter is coming near the scene and will be able to patch through a picture of what has happened."

Kate's body was shaking like a victim of palsy. She didn't want to look, but she had to.

"Yes, I have been told that we have a camera shot of the scene."

Suddenly the screen changed to a shot down the side of the cliff toward the ocean shoreline. It was a considerable distance to the shore, but it was still easy to see the crushed and crumbled individual train cars scattered along the shoreline and some even in the water. The copter was also able to get a view of the Coast Guard units coming in from the ocean. The larger ships were sending smaller boats filled with emergency personnel in toward the shore.

Kate wanted to throw up. The image of the shiny twisted cars strewn across the sand and rocks of the shoreline, and even some in the water was burned into her mind.

Suddenly she was being helped up. Someone had their arm around her waist and was guiding her to a chair. She was able to glance over and recognize Kevin helping her to his own desk chair.

"Are you okay, Cap?"

With tears streaming down her face she turned to her longtime partner and friend. Shaking her head back and forth, allowing her long hair to slap her in the face. "No Kevin I'm not. Rick, Alexis, and Martha were on that train." She hiccupped. "He was able to get tickets for the trip from San Francisco to LA at the last minute."

Ryan gasped, then knelt down in front of his Captain, partner, and friend. "Are you sure they were on the train?"

Kate just nodded. "I talked to him this morning, and he said they were on their way to check in their luggage." She took a breath, then got up and ran into her office, slamming the door closed behind her.

She staggered over to the couch in front of her desk and flopped down on it and began to bawl. She let the waterworks flow as her chest cramped from the exertion. She'd never cried like this before. The closest was the night her mother was found dead.

She laid there on the couch crying and shaking until the exhaustion of it all finally knocked her out and she fell into a fitful slumber.

Once Kate had run into her office and slammed the door, Kevin flopped down in his chair and stared at the TV screen. People still buzzed about, especially those who saw Kate's distress, but none had a clue as to why she reacted as she did.

Kevin had tears running down his cheeks and he pulled out his phone and quickly dialed Castle's number. It went to voice mail. He then called Alexis' number. It went to voice mail. He had to look up Martha's number, but he dialed that also. This time he got no response, though knowing Martha, she just might have let the batteries run out of charge.

Javier Esposito stepped off the elevator having just returned from a quick canvas he had gone on. It had been pointless and that put him in a grumpy mood. He noticed that there was a crowd of people around the TV that was showing something that he couldn't make any sense out of since he couldn't hear what the talking head on screen was saying.

Espo came up behind his partner and slapped him on the back. When Ryan turned Espo was shocked to see tears in his eyes.

"Whoa bro, I didn't think I hit you that hard."

Ryan just gave him a shake of the head. "Sit down Javi. There's something you need to know."

Espo suddenly looked confused. Not only by what Ryan said, but how he'd said it. Kevin was definitely upset about something. "What's going on bro?"

Kevin sighed and fully turned to face his longtime partner. Ryan spent the next several minutes explaining what had been happening in the bullpen since someone turned on the TV to the coverage of the calamity.

After Ryan stopped talking, Espo looked over toward the closed door on the Captain's office.

"What about Beckett? How is she holding up?"

Kevin shook his head. "How do you think? She fell apart. After watching the coverage and seeing the overhead shots of the smashed and crumpled train cars lying on the beach and in the water, she ran into her office." Kevin had tears in his eyes when he looked at his partner. "I could hear her crying for a while, but finally I think she just exhausted herself and dozed off."

Javi glanced over at the closed office door. "Do you think we should take her home?"

Kevin shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe we should let her get as much sleep as she can. If the worst has happened, she's going to be going through hell for the next few weeks."

"But she'll still have us."

Ryan nodded. "Somehow I don't think that's going to be enough."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

"Dad, what are we going to go?" Alexis was using her whiny voice. "The door is locked and we don't know when or if anyone is going to be coming to check or clean this restroom." She paced around in an ever tightening circle. "That guy who robbed us said this station isn't going to be open for a few weeks yet."

Castle looked over at the door which had easily resisted his attempts of forcing it open. He could tell by the darkening shadow showing under the door that it was getting late.

He waved at the door. "Well, from what I can see under the door. It's getting late and the odds of there being anyone else around are slim." He paced a bit himself. "If there was a janitor this morning, maybe there'll be one making his rounds tomorrow." Castle walked over and rapped his fist on the door. It gave off a nice hearty thud.

"Once its light out we can take turns shouting and pounding on the door hoping someone will hear us." He saw the glare Martha gave him. "I don't expect them to be equal turns, Mother."

Alexis frowned. "What about a night guard. Someone who walks regular rounds here at night to prevent vandalizing?"

Castle shrugged. "If you noticed when we came, this whole station is surrounded by high metal fencing and gates at every entrance. They probably don't feel they'd need a live guard, or they could just have cameras that send their video to some central security service. I have no idea what this place has or doesn't have. Also, I doubt any of these shops have anything in them yet."

Alexis pouted. "So what do we do? Just wait until someone finds us?"

Castle pulled his daughter in for a hug. "There's not a lot we can do until we get out of here. I propose that we keep the lights on so they will show under the door jamb if, by some chance there is a live security guard." He walked over to one wall and slid down and leaned against it. "Then once it gets light again, and the time tells us there might be a chance someone might be working around here, we can take turns pounding on the door to try and attract attention."

"So, what? Are you just going to sit here and… what, sleep?" Alexis was getting cranky.

Castle adjusted his position. "Yep, I'm going to sit right here where I can see the door, and if I fall asleep, anyone who opens the door to check on the light will see me. And if you ladies wish to. You can snuggle up against me on either side and try to get some rest yourselves. I'm hoping that by sometime tomorrow someone will have discovered us and we can make whatever arrangements we need to get home."

He got sour looks from both his ladies, but eventually they both surrendered to the inevitable and sat down beside him. He put an arm around each of them and pulled them against him.

"Now isn't this comfy?"

"Shut up and go to sleep." He wasn't sure who said it, but it seemed like sound advice.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Kate struggled to wake up. Her back ached from the awkward position she had wound up on the sofa. Her head was pounding from a splitting headache, and her eyes were puffy and sore from crying. She pushed her lank hair off of her face as she managed to get herself oriented into a sitting position.

She recognized that she was in her office even in the dark. Light from the precinct floor leaked past the blinds on her windows, but someone had turned off the overhead lights in her office.

She stared out into the darkness, not feeling any reason to move just yet. Her mind was still trying to come to terms with the horrible destruction of her life that she'd suffered hours earlier.

The lack of activity outside her door told her that the precinct was still on the overnight shift, which meant the station was staffed with less than a third of a daytime shift. A glance at her phone confirmed her supposition. It was only four A.M.

By instinct alone, she reached back and gathered her dirty hair into a loose knot at the back of her neck as she made her way to her desk.

She sat in her chair and booted up her computer. She skipped over any of her official work connections and went straight to the CNN news feed. As she expected, it was rife with news about the attack on the Silver Streamer from yesterday morning.

There were pictures, and horrific video of the scene, but Kate went right to the running text under the heart-breaking shots that filled her computer screen.

She read that some anti-technology group claimed credit for sabotaging the maiden trip of the new maglev train. The first of its kind in the United States. Apparently, the terrorists or protestors, or whatever you wanted to call them, had set explosives at a particular section of the trains track bed. It was a section along an area where the coastal cliffs would provide a particularly impressive view.

The explosives were detonated just before the train, traveling 200 mph, reached that point. There was no way for the train to stop before it reached that spot. Because of the elevated track, and the speed of the train itself. It had been literally launched over the cliff side and down some five hundred feet to the ocean coast below.

The video of the wreckage was heart rendering. The smashed and twisted train cars were strewn along the base of the cliffs, and some in the ocean waters. This wasn't a coastline with a soft sandy beach gradually leading out into the Pacific. The rocky cliffs engaged the ocean's waters at a fairly steep slope.

A couple of the cars were completely submerged, which presented even more problems for the Coast Guard personnel who were on scene in whatever rescue capacity they could provide.

There were one hundred thirty seven people, including staff that records say left the terminal at 10:16 A.M. local time. So far the rescue efforts have accounted for ninety six, but no one can estimate how many bodies might have been pulled out into the open ocean with the tide. So far no living survivors had been found.

Tears began to retrace the tracks left from last night. She was trapped in a nightmare. There were forty one people they hadn't even found yet. What if Rick, or Alexis, or Martha were among those that were missing. What if they were never found? How would she be able to deal with the not knowing? How would she ever be able to have closure?

She had to wipe away tears in order to be able to see her screen clearly. There was an information scroll at the bottom of the screen. It indicated that next of kin were being notified as soon as identifications were being made. It was asked that no one call in to the Coast Guard or Red Cross until after 12:00 noon Pacific Time to allow those on site the time to make those notifications. After noon, calls would be taken to answer inquiries from family members of passengers or staff only.

Kate wrote down the number, then switched her computer over to the NYPD access. She sent a quick email to her supervisor at 1PP. She gave her a brief account of the situation and notified her that she would be out for an indefinite time. After that she shut down her computer, and left.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Castle was the first to wake up. He glanced toward the restroom door and noticed a slight graying of the light coming in under the door. It was morning, and soon he hoped that there might be some people wandering around, even if it were only maintenance workers.

Both Alexis and Martha were still sleeping using Castle's shoulders as their pillows. He contented himself with just listening for a while. There was no noises of any movement that he could discern, but he'd keep his ears open. At least until his 'girls' woke up.

According to Rick's Rolex it had been nearly an hour since he woke when Alexis began to stir. Her movement were enough to rouse Martha also.

Alexis rubbed her eyes and looked over at her father. "What time is it?"

Rick looked at his wrist again. "It's a little past seven."

"Oh my god." Martha tried to stretch her numbed arms. "It should be illegal to be awake this early in the morning."

"Oh grams, I get up this early every day I have classes." Alexis smirked at her grandmother. "You don't want to miss the best part of the day."

Martha shook her head. "Oh, I don't. And I have all those bright lights to show me the way. The places I prefer to frequent aren't even open at such a time as this."

Castle managed to extradite himself from his two sleep partners and stood up on legs just a bit wobbly. He made his way over to the door and put his ear to it. After listening for a few minutes and hearing nothing he made a fist and pounded on the door, while yelling if anyone was out there. It kept it up for about five minutes then stopped.

He shrugged. "Well, I'd say there was no one out there any place close to this restroom." He gave the women an unconvincing smile. "I'll try again in a few minutes. Then I'll try again… and again… and again until someone answers us."

Both ladies gave him a look of pity.

They took turns pounding and yelling on their side of the door every five to ten minutes, and each took turns sitting or standing next to the door listening for any noises that might indicate a person nearby.

"So what do we do if no one comes by?" Alexis asked.

He smiled at her and gave her a hug. "We have water, so we aren't in any danger beyond getting hungry." He squeezed her again. "It might be a bit uncomfortable, but I can't believe that we won't be stuck here more than a couple days."

Martha glared at her optimistic son. "And what magic crystal ball gave you that forecast?"

Castle's smile got bigger. "What do you think is going to happen if we don't show up back in New York when we are supposed to? No call, no message, just a no show."

Alexis smiled. "Kate."

Castle nodded in agreement. "Kate."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Kate sat on one of the stools next to the island counter in the kitchen. She been sitting there since she got back to the loft after leaving the precinct early this morning. She just sat there staring at the wedding ring encircling the third finger on her left hand.

She glanced at her father's watch which still daily found itself wrapped around her wrist. She'd put away her mother's ring once her case had been closed, but her father was still here for her and so was his watch.

The reliable old time piece told her it was still some minutes before she would be allowed to call the special emergency number the Coast Guard and Red Cross would have set up for people who hadn't been contacted about loved ones who had been on the train during the disaster.

They had asked that no one call in before noon California time to give them time to deal with those who had been found in the crash and identified. Since she hadn't yet been contacted it was probable that their bodies hadn't been found. It was possible that Castle's seats were in a car that had wound up in the ocean, and their bodies were no longer in the broken train car. A tear found its way down her cheek…again. She had thought she's shed all that she had already, but apparently not.

Her zombie-like self was suddenly startled by a loud knock on the front door. She had no idea who it might be. She didn't want to see anyone and since it was the middle of the day, no one should have expected for her to be home. She was going to ignore them and hope they'd go away.

"Beckett, it's us. Let us in." The familiar sound of Esposito's voice penetrated the door that was, unfortunately, not sound proof. She grudgingly got off her stool and went over and opened the door, then walked back and sat back down on her stool.

As they entered and closed the door behind them. She glared at them. "What are you two doing here? You should still be on shift."

The duo came over to the island. "We were worried. So we came over to see how you were doing." Espo had begun to talk but Ryan finished the sentence.

Her glare hardened. "How in the hell do you think I'm doing! It's almost certain that my life has been torn to shreds, that the family that I was blessed to be able to join is now gone." She used both her hands to roughly drag her hair back behind her ears.

She took a deep breath. "Look, I know you mean well, but I don't even know anything for certain yet. No one has tried to contact me and let me know they've found…" She hiccupped. "…their bodies yet."

Esposito took a step closer. "You don't even know if they were on that train."

She narrowed her eyes at both of them. "You've met Rick Castle haven't you? This was a chance for him to ride on a futuristic Super Conducting Magnetic Levitation propelled train. Do you really think he'd miss that chance?"

Ryan shuffled his feet. "Well no, unless something else came up that delayed him."

She rolled her eyes. "He would have called me if he missed the train." She clenched her hands into painfully tight fists. "Look guys, in a few minutes one way or another, I'm going to find out what I really don't want to know and I really don't want you here to see me fall completely apart."

Javier just shook his head. "That's not going to happen."

Kate voice dripped with sarcastic anger. "Oh, and how is it that you know that."

"Because we are going to be right here to hold up you up."

Kate felt a warmth in her core for her boys. She knew they would do anything within their power, and maybe a bit out of their power, to support her through this. But the sad thing was, no matter how much support they would be able to provide, the loss of Richard Castle would be life changing for her.

Her morbid thoughts were just then interrupted by a ring of a telephone. She was confused as she looked around to locate the origin of the noise. It took a few moments for her to locate the landline phone that sat at the end of the island counter top. It was a line that Castle kept specifically for business purposes when he didn't want to give out his personal number.

Kate stared at the phone like it was a poisonous snake. She knew what was coming from that phone call and she didn't know if she'd have the strength to answer it. After a deep breath, and the third ring, she reached over and answered.

"Hello?" Since it was the Castle loft landline she couldn't very well answer it with 'Beckett'.

"Is this the residence of Richard Castle?" The voice on the other end sounded tired.

Kate found herself shaking. "It is. This is Mrs. Castle, Richard Castle's wife."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was under the impression that Alexis Castle was his wife."

Kate shook her head. "No, Alexis Castle is his daughter."

She could hear him writing something down. "I'm Mr. Dolan, calling from the Red Cross Emergency Task Force of California. I'm assuming that you've heard about the terrorist attack on the Silver Streamer train yesterday."

Kate nodded, then spoke when she realized what she'd done. "Yes, I am." She paused to swallow a lump in her throat before she spoke again. "Have you found… them?" She couldn't say 'their bodies'.

"According to the information that I have we have not recovered a body for either a Richard Castle or an Alexis Castle."

"Was a Martha Rogers recovered? She is Mr. Castle's mother and was supposed to be with him."

She could hear the shuffling of papers. "Ah yes, here it is. That's one more that is accounted for."

Kate had a flash of pain. "Did you recover her body?"

More paper shuffling. "No."

Kate swallowed past another lump. "So, I have to ask. If you don't have their bodies how do you know they were on the train at all?"

She steeled herself for what she imagined she was going to hear. "Well, we don't have anything like ticket stubs for verification since all those went into the ocean with the train. What I do have is two… now three recovered suitcases with name tags on them, and a company log that shows they checked their luggage in about a half an hour before the train departed."

Kate couldn't stop the tears from sneaking out of the corner of her eyes again. "So, you haven't found any bodies that you can identify as them." He responded in the negative. "Can I ask how many passengers are as yet unaccounted for?"

"There are still 17 bodies not accounted for."

"How many of the passengers were found alive?"

There was a long pause. "None, I'm afraid. The distance the train cars fell to the bottom of the cliff face was hundreds of feet. And if any had managed to survive the fall, they most likely drowned before they could get out of the water."

Kate closed her eyes to clear tears. "I will be out on the next plane to claim my family's belongings. Where are you located?"

She grabbed a pad of paper and the pen that was kept on the counter for the purpose of taking notes from calls on that landline. She scribbled the information on the pad and hung up the phone. She looked up at Esposito and Ryan.

"I appreciate your stopping by guys, but I'm on indefinite leave as of this morning. I can't tell you if or when I'll be back."

She stood up from the stool and walked over and gave each of them a hug.

"I've got to go out there and find out what happened to Rick, Alexis, and Martha. There are still 17 supposed passengers that are unaccounted for. I'm not going to just assume they died in the crash and drifted out into the ocean." She bit down hard on her bottom lip. "I want proof that they got on that train before I give up on any of them."

Ryan shook his head. "Kate that is a fool's mission. You could spend the rest of your life trying to find some sort of proof as to whether they got on that train, or were lost in the Pacific."

She walked over to the door and opened it.

"It's my life."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Castle had been doing his best to keep the spirits up in their porcelain prison. He told stories. He told jokes. He even asked his mother to give them a few memorable soliloquies from some of her best performances. But that only took their mind off where they were for a short time.

Boredom was their greatest enemy.

Alexis was worried about her classes she'd be missing if they didn't get out of there soon. Castle had assumed that they hadn't heard anyone going by was due to the fact that it was the weekend, and the probability of there being some maintenance workers wandering around would be considerably less on the weekend in a, as yet, not open facility.

Castle began to make up games that they could play to pass the time. He still went over and pounded on the door and yelled every ten to fifteen minutes, but he never got a response, nor had he been able to hear anyone moving outside.

"Dad, I'm getting really hungry." Alexis was sitting on the floor, her knees up against her chest and her arms around her legs.

"I know pumpkin, we all are. Drink some more water, if you fill your belly, you won't feel as hungry."

A grumpy Alexis stood up and using her cupped hands, she drank some cold water from the faucet. They all had kept up with drinking water knowing that as long as they had water they could last for days without food. Of course, that didn't mean that they wouldn't be hungry.

"So," Alexis leaned against her father. "Do you think that Kate is wondering about us yet?"

Castle put his arm around his daughter and they paced the tiled floor. "I have to assume that she's tried to call a few times by now wondering why we haven't contacted her with the flight information, and such."

Alexis looked up at her father. "I would think that she would be worried since we should have touched down in New York last night."

Castle frowned. "If I just had my phone, this whole mess would be resolved before this day ended."

"Well if I know Katherine, she's already on her way here to find out what happened to her family." Martha added to the conversation.

Alexis turned to her grandmother. "Yeah, but how is she going to find us here? We were supposed to fly out of Los Angeles not San Francisco. She'll be trying to find us down there."

Castle nodded. "And when she finds no record of us down there, she'll realize that we must still be up here and she'll come looking for us in San Francisco. We just have to be a bit more patient."

Alexis pulled away from her father and went back to sitting on the floor.

"She will come for us."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Kate was tired, cranky, and frustrated. After the boys had left she was on the phone looking for a seat on a plane heading west. There had been two flights leaving New York and destined for San Francisco that evening. Both had intermediate stops. One was going to stop in Chicago, and the other at the Minneapolis, St. Paul airport. Both were disembarking some passengers, and taking on others that would be going on to San Francisco.

She had opted for the one that was making a stop in the Twin Cities. Even though it was leaving almost an hour later, she figured that the layover in Minnesota would be quicker than it would be in Chicago O'Hare. Also, the later flight still had first class seats available.

Even with the extra time, she had barely been able to pack a small suitcase and get to the airport in time for her plane's departure.

Knowing she was going to be in the air a long time, and that she would be 'in her head' the whole time she brought a book. It was her hope that by reading she could focus her mind on the book and not be constantly thinking of the fact that her family was most likely gone.

It hadn't worked. She never got past the first chapter, and she had to ask the stewardess multiple times for some antacids to try to settle her stomach which constantly churned like a cement mixer as her thoughts kept getting darker and darker.

When she hit the Twins Cities and while they were being refueled and transferring those who were leaving and those who were joining, she pulled out her phone and called her dad.

Between a few near breakdowns she was able to explain to her father that the terrible train disaster that had happened out in California had probably taken the Castle family from her. Jim had been horrified by what she told him, but his sympathetic support of her and what she was doing was some small comfort to her.

Once they were back in the air, she spent the time trying to map out a plan of action while holding off the crippling depression. She wasn't sure how, but she did survive the trip.

She now found herself, in an airport rental car, speeding toward the address she had for the Red Cross Disaster Center's address that she had gotten the day before. Even though the morning sun hadn't fully risen above the horizon yet, she knew that there would be people there, still searching through belongings found in the wreckage and contacting next of kin.

Not really knowing her way around San Francisco, it took Kate longer than she wanted to finally reach her destination. She knew that the Disaster Center would be open around the clock until they had exhausted all means of search, recovery, and notification of loved ones.

As it turned out, the Red Cross was set up in an empty building that had once been an outlet store. Apparently whatever they had been selling lost favor with the local customer base. But it did have a large parking lot which she found convenient.

She turned off the engine of her rental and sat there staring off into the distance. Her body began to shake as she tried to talk herself into moving. She knew she needed to go in there and claim the salt water soaked luggage that they were holding. But she couldn't get her arms and legs to unbuckle her seat belt and get out of the car.

She was certain that she would probably break down by something in Castle's suitcase. It would be just one more indication that he wasn't going to be coming home with her. The future she'd been allowing herself to imagine over that last few months was crumbling like a sand castle on the beach when the tide rolled in.

Lately she had more and more questioned why she was still working. She had money that her mother had left for her, and Castle had lots of money. Why did she continue to spend excessive hours doing something that no longer fulfilled her?

She had no problem being a leader, in fact she liked being a leader when it involved an activity or a purpose that gave you satisfaction. She was not cut out to be a desk jockey. Being someone who pushed paper around her desk, and was constantly tip toeing through the politics of management. She should have realized earlier. That was just not for her.

After this last ridiculous "tea party" that she'd experienced at 1PP, she began to seriously consider either cutting back, or resigning all together. Neither her or Rick were getting any younger and if they wanted to do somethings for themselves, they should think about that now.

She had wanted to travel with him. She had always dreamed about going to London, Paris, Rome, and many other romantic places that she'd only read about. If she wasn't working for a pay check they didn't need, they would've been free to go wherever and whenever they wanted to while they could still enjoy it.

She knew she was getting up there in age, but maybe a kid or two of their own could've been in their near future. It had seemed absolutely wonderful in her mind. But now, what was there to look forward to. She would be alone…again.

Not that she didn't have 'friends' and her father. But friends didn't keep you warm at night. Friends didn't know just what to say when you were down. Friends hadn't learned exactly how you liked to be made love to. Friends meant well, but they were no substitute for the 'love of your life'.

Kate pounded on her thighs to break her morbidity, and she angrily wiped at the tears which had taken advantage to slip past her barriers while she wasn't aware. This was going to be hard. As hard as dealing with her mother's murder. But she wasn't in control. She was only able to stumble through the heartache and deal with the wreckage of her new life.

She threw open the car door and tore herself out of the rental vehicle and marched toward the outer door of the building as if marching toward her own execution. At least that's what it felt like.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

A/N: I apologize to those who think that these are rather long chapters. I had originally planned this as a one shot so I just wrote until I finished. When I realized I had to break in into chapters I had to go back and find break points.

All Readers are Appreciated, Review if you wish