New UA Rules and Guidelines Against the Complete Destruction of Our Institution
This is an express notice from the board of U.A. Recently it has come to our attention that there has been numerous complaints and hazardous activities that have been directly linked to the students and staff members of this fine academy. Therefore, we find it prudent to implement the following list of rules in order to stop the continued degradation of this institutions reputation and to make sure that the amount of damage to all property, both public and private, is minimized.
1. From now on, the support department may have a maximum of one gram of antimatter per semester and may not stockpile it in any way shape or form.
2. There is no such thing as the Nedzu Underground Supremacy Collective. Anyone that says otherwise or is found hiding in the vents to "subvert the most evil organization in existence" is to report to the medical staff for psyche evaluations.
3. The support department provides hero equipment and costumes only. High class fashion, flesh eating nanomachines, the tightest speedos, and All Might's hair gel are not covered by that mandate.
4. The dating of villains is strictly prohibited under any circumstances. Claiming you were kidnapped only works the first 4 times, essentially when the individual, you know who you are, didn't resist at all.
5. No teacher is allowed to challenge Mirko to a fight their students, especially when she's intoxicated. Leveling half the school should not be a weekly occurrence no matter how much Aizawa wishes to test his classes resilience in the face of a fight "they don't have a chance in hell of winning".
6. Declaring a shadow war is hereafter forbidden. A super-secret lunchtime assault is not a reason to destroy countless school uniforms in a superpowered food fight.
7. The Vent Ninja Clan is hereby disbanded for eternity due to the aid they gave the Anti – Nedzu Underground Supremacy Collective.
8. All Might, stop breaking through walls because you think its cool. Otherwise, we will be forced to rehire a certain someone back as a part time teacher. You have been warned.
9. Saying you want to make babies while wearing a string bikini was funny exactly once. We are still cleaning the resulting blood explosion. Don't play stupid either! You knew exactly what you were doing!
10. Melting a certain someone's hair to make the Glue from Hell, trademark pending, is hereby prohibited. Especially, to "get those thickheaded idiots to kiss already" by permanent attachment. Or for locking Aizawa out. Or for any purpose that falls under "experimental play". Or to shut Mike up. Actually, the last is allowed so long as he can perform his duties.
11. Bakugo is hereby prohibited from rejoining the UA Shippers Alliance. That club was made to keep the shippers away from their victims. Not cause unlimited chaos. And no, keeping "the fucking extras the fuck away from me with constant fucking distractions" is not a valid reason to let you rejoin.
12. Let me be very clear, the Neo Shippers alliance is completely prohibited from operating within 100 leagues of UA. Violators will be given to President Nedzu for "experimental play time".
13. And Bakugo, no, you can't join that group either.
14. Yes, the cookie monster exists and is a real hero. No, you don't have to hide your cookies in an underground bunker ringed with a nuclear bomb fixed with a dead man switch.
15. Human experimentation, from now on, cannot add over 200 kilograms of mass to single individual, combine multiple people together into a "fusion", make an individual that can violate every single Geneva Convention on a dare, make clones of villains to screw with them, or in any way modify their attitude. Or turn people into Pokémon because of the cuteness.
16. Staying up for 48 hours, then going into battle naked because you don't need support gear and will do anything to win is not an excuse.
17. It you blare music at three in the morning, we will not be held liable for anything that happens to you. Your jack slipped excuse didn't save you then and won't save you now. We will not interfere in the resulting carnage.
18. The Weaponized Glitter Sparklenator is not to ever be used as a party confetti thrower. We don't care that the school already looks like an 2nd graders art abomination already. Making it worse is not acceptable.
19. From now on, all hopeful future attendees must pass a rigorous medical, emotional, and psychological evaluation to even be considered to get into UA.
20. Sugar is now classified as a class two drug that is only to be given out by responsible adult. Therefore, each student is entitled to a maximum of 3 grams a day on pickup from Recovery Girl. Let us not have a Second Cupcake Banditry Civil War.
21. From now onwards, all staff are required to wear business attire at all time outside of direct training classes. The Hero Merch Cartel will be stopped at all costs. Also, we refuse to create a second entire column in the budget entirely dedicated to repairing Midnights outfit. Stop making your outfit out of the most expensive toilet paper money can buy. We don't care that the other stuff is itchy.
22. Mr. President, of the Hero Merch Cartel, you are to be tried before the entire student body for crimes against humanity. We know you are here. We will find you. It is only a matter of time.
23. The creation of cults through sleep walking induced quirk usage is hereby labeled as a class two offence and the specific individual is now required by law to where a level three strait jacket during all "normal" sleep hours.
24. For the last time, the fact that the majority of UA's buildings are primarily made up of Cementous's Cement does that mean the school is an eldritch abomination that will one day swallow up all the students to the last man, woman, and child. Going on a crusade against the school is strictly prohibited. And Cementous an evil harbinger of the apocalypse.
25. As of right now, the Knights of the Basketball is an official school organization that will be at liberty to destroy all non-sanctioned school graffiti. We tried to be lenient until the 167th dick was painted outside the vice president's office. The most honorable Saint Thorn is to be given full power to smite wrong doers.
26. From now on, all non-hero staff are be allowed to open carry any form a weaponry they can possibly get their hands on and can use them as they see fit, laws be damned. The Fifth War of the TA will be the last.
27. As of now, all non-hero staff are to turn in all forms of weaponry to the central office. We did not let your arm yourselves just to be manipulated into participating into the first janitor civil war. And if Mr. Prince is reading this. We will find you.
28. The mole people are to be left alone. We don't need the headache of recruiting another underground defense force. And he who shall not be named, control your relatives. Giving beer to a group of superpowered underage lightweights is not, "funny as hell".
29. Mr. President, we are so close to finding you and putting a noose around your neck. You manipulating the mole people to transport your wicked merchandise right under out nose by feeding their alcoholism was clever but, in the end, futile. Any student that aided Mr. President will join him or her at the gallows.
30. Uncle Compass will no longer be allowed on school grounds. Any attempt to help him regain access is to be treated as an act of treason. And will be dealt with as such.
31. The fourth heresy is classified for a reason. All new violators of the anti-trespass clause of vault 133 will be sent to Captain Pink for re-education.
32. Teachers are from now on prohibited from do case studies on any cases that do not have the explicit approval of the board. Showing first year's snuff films will not harden them, it just increases out psyche budget. Doing a media study on the treads in hero themes "adult" products is not appropriate. The black mail material was in no way worth the lawsuits. And finally giving your students your paperwork that you have been procrastinating on for the last two years under the guise of experience is completely outlawed. You will have to redo, every, single, one, of, them.
33. From now on, we have a new head secretary. Instead of paying damages for leveling the school seven times, an amount no hero on earth could ever repay in their entire lifetimes, Mirko will now be the new head secretary of UA for the rest of eternity. No longer will Department of Records be suspect to the rampant corruption inflamed by the Business Students Supremacy Collective. And she has been given full leniency to deal with any violators in any way she sees fits. She is allowed a maximum of three assisted suicides per week. You have been warned.
34. Due to certain recent incidents, we feel that we must make this a specific rule. Students of UA may not go into battle under any circumstances naked. The Manly Nudists and Gains Club is to be moved as far away from the central school buildings as possible.
35. The Vent Ninja Clan is hereby re-instated due to our inability to wipe them off of the face of the planet. Can you please stop booby trapping the vents now? Our maximum allowed level of janitor casualties has already been passed by a hundredfold. Please stop adding to it.
36. All members of the Students Union are to be given a zero on a number of assignments equal to the number of days they have individually rioted with the chosen assignments up to the judgements of the teachers. All members of the Anti-Students Union are required to fulfil the hero paperwork of the Non-Anti-Student Union members for a number of months equal to number of days they counter-rioted.
37. There is no such thing as a lilo. Any student that says or suggests otherwise is to be sent to the psyche division immediately.
