"Increase to light speed," Captain Norman said. "And tell the robot to bring me a cup of smooth coffee and a cat sandwich."

A soft siren went off! "We're caught in a Triptocaine Beam," the pilot said. "I think-"

An incredible light filled the bridge. Norman blinked and there in front of him was an alien. A beautiful alien, well, probably an alien. He actually looked nearly normal except for his ravishing mouth and the Triptocaine he was carrying. In fact, Norman thought he looked pretty great, for an alien.

The alien waved the Triptocaine at Norman. "I am Ethan of the Velvet System. You have violated our territory and must be destroyed like a butterfly freed from its cocoon!"

"Our mission is peaceful!" Norman yelled. "And anyway, you were the one who stopped us from leaving."

"Sorry," Ethan said. "I don't make the rules." He tapped appreciatively at the Triptocaine.

Norman grabbed for his blaster but he had forgotten it on his bed. The ship was doomed for sure this time.

Just then the robot rolled into the room with the cup of smooth coffee and the cat sandwich. It bumped softly into Ethan. Ethan looked at the smooth coffee, then up at Norman. His mouth seemed to get even more ravishing and he dropped his Triptocaine. "I accept your romantic gesture," Ethan said. "Of lunch."

"Um," Norman said. Maybe he should tell Ethan that it was actually Norman's lunch.

"Also, I'll waive the destruction." Ethan came up to Norman and took his arm, then caressed him tenderly.

Norman felt his lips become shimmering and then warm. He decided not to say anything about the lunch. He caressed Ethan back for quite a long time, and kissed Ethan's ravishing mouth.

"Every damn planet, it's the same damn thing," the pilot muttered and ate the cat sandwich.