Chapter 4 Revelations
A/N: Edited and revised May 2021
As Merlin came over the hillcrest, his heart pounded and his head swam, but he pushed forward, one step at a time. The knights turned as one to watch Merlin as he approached. Arthur, however, remained with his back to him. Merlin came to a stop with a ragged exhale, and out of habit, assumed a proper servant's pose. His head bowed, arms clasped behind his back. Leon, Gwaine and Percival looked to one another and nodded in wordless agreement to hear Merlin out.
"It was not due to your position as my manservant that this treaty request was directed through you, was it," Arthur asked without further preamble, his voice hard.
"No, it was not," Merlin answered simply, not raising his head, his voice barely more than a whisper.
"Tell me something, Merlin. And I want the truth, no evasions or funny answers," Arthur said then paused. The warlock froze, not daring to breathe until the silence stretched to an uncomfortable length.
"What do you want to know?" Merlin asked finally, his heart pounding.
"Do you have magic?"
The king's question hung in the air as a heavy weight between the two men. Leon, Gwaine and Percival looked to one another nervously, though Gwaine was nearly biting through his lip. Merlin sucked in a ragged gasp of air, and opened his mouth to speak, struggling to force the words he had always forbidden himself to say. Merlin dropped his head, staring down at his boots as he worked up his courage.
"Yes. I have magic."
Arthur exhaled forcefully, the scorn audible in that one sound. Merlin held his breath again, willing his tears not to fall.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to tell you," Merlin continued, without lifting his head.
"Wanted to tell me?!" Arthur asked incredulously, whirling around and taking several aggressive steps towards his manservant, his hands in fists, ready to strike. "Gaius has magic, that much I know. But he swore to my father never to practice sorcery again. Tell me that you don't actually practice magic."
"I cannot do that," Merlin said firmly, lifting his head regally. At the warlock's stern tone, Arthur stopped dead in his tracks, taken aback by Merlin's posture and the power that suddenly radiated from the usually humble servant. Merlin's eyes shone like they were lit within. There was an intensity to him that Arthur had never before seen.
Arthur nearly shuddered at the realization that his best and most loyal friend had betrayed him. But he held himself strong, showing no reaction beyond his fierce glare. It was with great effort that he kept his hand off of his sword. Merlin's previously doubtless loyalty and steadfast friendship was the only thing that stayed Arthur's hand. The king closed his eyes and took a deep breath, calming himself and waiting for his manservant to elucidate. He owed Merlin that much; a chance to explain. Arthur met Merlin's unwavering gaze once more and was momentarily stunned by the unshed tears in his servant's eyes.
"Why did they call you Emrys?" Arthur asked. The steel in his voice betraying just how close to breaking he was. "For that matter, why were those druids bowing to you like you were their king?!"
"They called me Emrys because I am Emrys," Merlin said, eyeing Arthur evenly, gauging the king's reaction. Leon looked entirely confused; Gwaine, less confused, but no more certain. However, Percival looked at Merlin with what could only be awe.
"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?" Arthur suddenly yelled, his anger bleeding out at last.
"It is what the druids call me," Merlin offered. Arthur growled in frustration.
"Are you their prince? Their KING?! Is Emrys your name or some sort of title? Is your name even Merlin?! Have you been nothing more than a false friend? A LIAR, A SPY, A TRAITOR, ALL THESE YEARS AT MY SIDE?!"
"Merlin is the name my mother gave me. I did not lie about that. I had actually never even heard the name Emrys before we helped the druid boy Mordred escape Camelot," Merlin said with forced calm.
"How is that possible?" Arthur asked, clearly doubting his manservant's words.
"It's difficult to explain."
"Start trying," Arthur gritted out as he planted his hands on his hips. Merlin took in a shaky breath, grateful, at least, that Arthur's hand hadn't once gone to the hilt of his sword. Merlin opened his mouth, but nothing seemed to want to come out; there was a lump in his throat that felt like a stone.
"Arthur, I think I can help," Percival said.
"Did you know about this?!" Arthur rounded on Percival, fury in his eyes.
"Not about Merlin, sire, but I have heard tell of Emrys."
Everyone looked shocked at the usually quiet knight, even Merlin. Percival met the warlock's gaze, as if asking permission. Merlin nodded.
"I was not born in Camelot, sire," Percival reminded them, finally looking away from the manservant and meeting the eyes of the anxious king. "I was raised in Essetir, the same as Merlin. You know too well that Cenred allowed slavers to work unhindered. I was out hunting when my family was either taken or slaughtered for fighting back. I wandered alone for a while, living off the land, barely surviving, until I met Lancelot and we decided to travel together.
"One winter, we were in Mercia and got caught in a bad storm. We thought we would die, until we found a druid encampment. They took us in and saved our lives. While we were with them, they told us the story of Emrys, the greatest warlock to ever live. They said it was his destiny to protect the Once and Future King so that together, they can unite Albion and bring about a golden age."
"Why have you never shared this before," Arthur asked, his brows furrowed in consternation. Percival shrugged.
"I thought it was just a bedtime story."
"Some bedtime story," Gwaine chuckled, eying Merlin speculatively.
Arthur's eyes suddenly widened, tearing away from Percival and locking his cool blue gaze on Merlin's.
"Once and Future King. You've called me that before, Merlin." Arthur said, gaining some control over himself.
"Yes, I have called you the Once and Future King before," Merlin agreed, finding his voice.
"But what does that mean?!" Arthur asked, gritting his teeth and balling his hands into fists once more. Merlin's eyes fell to the king's hands, his voice growing softer as he continued.
"That bedtime story is actually a prophecy, held sacred by the druids. It was foretold before either of us was born, that together, we would unite Albion and return magic to the land."
"Return magic?!" Arthur ground out, his anger stoked once more. "Tell me Merlin, why would I bring back magic?! Why would I restore the very thing that killed my parents? Magic is evil! Why would you learn magic? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? I TRUSTED YOU!" Arthur took three hasty steps towards Merlin, intent on grabbing the young man as he'd wanted to.
"IT WAS NEVER A CHOICE, NOT FOR ME!" Merlin yelled right back, as he stepped backwards, keeping the distance between them, shocking Arthur to a halt with his defiance.
"EVERY MAN HAS A CHOICE! You taught me that, Merlin," Arthur growled, jabbing his finger at his manservant while struggling to regain his composure.
"Oh, now you remember everything I ever said!" Merlin said, exasperated.
"Yes, I also remember you saying more than once that you wouldn't lie to me," Arthur stated, calm, yet steely.
"Do you think I wanted to have to lie every day? Excuse me for liking where my head sat on my shoulders," Merlin spat.
"Do you honestly think that I could kill you, Merlin?" Arthur asked, shaking his head. "Banish you, perhaps, but I could not kill you."
"And that is exactly why I lied. You need me to protect you, and I can't very well do that while exiled, can I?"
"I don't need your protection," Arthur growled, folding his arms across his chest to keep himself from throttling his manservant.
"Maybe not from your run of the mill threat, but you absolutely need my protection from the magical ones."
"When did you start practicing magic?" Arthur asked, hurt. Merlin folded his arms defensively, unconsciously mirroring Arthur's pose.
"I was a newborn babe in my mother's arms when I performed magic for the first time."
"That's impossible," Arthur argued. Merlin merely laughed, though it was entirely without humor.
"I promise you, on my mother's life, it is true. I lit every candle in our house when I cried."
Arthur and the knights' eyes widened at the implications of that statement, but Merlin plunged on.
"So ponder this, sire, before you get so angry at me. I have spent every hour, every minute of my entire life, terrified that someone would realize that I had magic and take me straight to the pyre. That sort of fear never really leaves you. I may have been born in Ealdor, but we were too close to Camelot to risk discovery. The first lesson my mother ever taught me was to keep the magic secret."
"How did you hide it, if you had magic so young?" Gwaine asked, his voice hoarse as he fought back the lump in his throat. Merlin only flicked his gaze away from Arthur for a brief moment, taking in the knights as well, relieved to see that none of them had their hands on their swords.
"When I was very small, and travelers came through Ealdor, my mother would keep me in the house, not letting me near them. Whenever soldiers came through, she would hide me in a grain barrel, worried that I'd be taken or killed for something I couldn't help and could hardly control at that age."
"Why on earth would you come to Camelot?" Leon asked, dumbfounded at what he saw as utter foolishness.
"My lack of control was exactly why my mother sent me to Camelot; to Gaius. She hoped that he'd be able to help me control my gift before it completely controlled me or got me killed. I had not been in Camelot for more than an hour before Gaius insisted, '...tell no one, or you'll lose your head.' I couldn't help but believe him since I had just witnessed a man's beheading for having used magic." Merlin fell silent and waited for Arthur to process that.
"My father has been dead for nearly a year, Merlin. Why did you not tell me since then?"
"Believe me, I wanted to, but every time I thought that maybe I could, you'd say something like 'magic is evil, magic is dangerous, magic cannot be trusted,' shall I go on? Every time you've said that, you've basically told me that if you knew what I was, you would see me as evil, dangerous and untrustworthy."
"That still doesn't excuse your lies," Arthur argued. Merlin rolled his eyes in frustration.
"What would you do, Arthur, in my place?"
"I certainly wouldn't go to a place where magic was illegal!" Arthur said indignantly. Merlin scoffed and shook his head in frustration.
"Do I have to spell it out to you? Look at this from my perspective! What if something you couldn't help doing was illegal?"
"Easy, I wouldn't do it," Arthur proclaimed.
"Of course, your majesty. The mighty Arthur has all the answers," Merlin said, rolling his eyes. Then the warlock shifted tactics. "Just pretend for one moment that there was a kingdom where being born royal was illegal."
"I cannot help the fact that I am of royal birth, Merlin, it would be inhumane to make that illegal."
"Oh good job, sire, you're starting to understand!" Merlin snarked, stepping forward and poking Arthur in the chest. "Let's pretend now that your father was very worried about you, thought you were an uncontrollable prat of a prince, liable to hurt yourself as much as the next person, and that you needed to be taught how to control yourself."
"Wha-?!" Arthur interrupted, only for Merlin to raise his voice and speak over his king, desperate to get through to him.
"Let's say your father sent you to this imaginary kingdom, since he's got a friend there who can guide you, teach you, how to be less prattish. But the day you get to this little kingdom, you find out that they hate royalty, especially princes. They even have a captive prince in the town square, waiting to be executed for the terrible crime of being born royal. Perhaps you stood there, helpless, when the leader of that royal-hating kingdom brought that axe down and lopped off that prince's head. All because he had been born of a certain household."
Arthur's face paled and he swallowed hard, his eyes starting to prickle with unshed tears.
"If you had just witnessed that prince lose his head, sire, maybe you would think twice about staying in that barbaric kingdom. Until you find your father's friend, and then you're told that you're really there because of destiny."
"Destiny?" Arthur whispered.
"Destiny!" Merlin confirmed. "You didn't ask for it, you didn't even want it! Yet now it's your job, nay, your duty, to return royalty to this village. But, oh, ho! There's a catch! There are certain princes, angry at being made illegal when they couldn't help it, and they hate this kingdom and everything it stands for. And it's your destiny to have to protect every prince-hater there from revenge-seeking princes, while at the same time, convince the people that princes aren't really so bad, all while you make sure that no one realizes you're a prince. Otherwise, your head is next on the block and your destiny is lost, forcing the land into years of darkness and chaos."
Arthur gaped at Merlin, who stood breathing heavily after his outburst.
"Is that really how things have been for you?" Percival asked softly, his gentle heart on his sleeve.
"Merlin," Gwaine whispered, hurt that his friend had been dealing with this for so long. Arthur and Leon stood silently, contemplating everything. Arthur closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and really allowing himself to ponder what Merlin had said. Would he himself have done any differently in the situation Merlin had described? Could he have done any differently?
If it was inhumane to make royalty illegal, then how could Arthur say any different about someone who was born with the ability to use magic from birth? How could he be a good king for everyone in his kingdom if he wasn't considering all of his peoples? How many of HIS people had died because their very existence was deemed illegal? Arthur had adopted the round table with his inner circle to show that no one person was worth more than another, so how could he not believe the same when it came to the potential of someone with magic or without?
"Why did you stay, if you've hated things in Camelot so much?" Arthur murmured, his heart aching at Merlin's harsh words.
"Because I realized that, destiny or not, you were a good man, Arthur. And that you would be an amazing king. And mostly, because I realized that you had very quickly become my friend. Someone I would willingly give my life for, in service, or in death, because I believe in you, Arthur and I believe in the Camelot you want to create."
"It was you," Arthur said, mind whirling.
"What?" Merlin asked, confused.
"After Gaius was abducted. When I apologized for doubting him, he said that there were many people with different beliefs who were seeking to protect me, because they believed in the land I wanted to create. That someday, I would know how much they had done for me. That I would understand. He wasn't talking about just anyone, was he? All this talk about destiny... Gaius was talking about you, Merlin."
"I suppose he was," Merlin admitted, holding his head high.
"I've been taught all my life that magic is evil, Merlin," Arthur said, finally softening.
"I've lived all my life knowing that it isn't, Arthur,' Merlin replied.
"What is it then?" Arthur asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Merlin pondered the king's question for a moment.
"I was once told that magic was neither good nor bad, it just is. Magic is, it's like herbs!"
"Magic is like herbs?" Arthur said dryly, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, even from you, Merlin."
"No, really! Think about it, if you can manage it! If you use herbs improperly, they can be a deadly poison. Use them for the right purposes, and they can be a great instrument for good. It depends on how you use them that makes the difference. As it is with magic. It is the heart, the intent, of the magic user that decides whether it is light or dark."
"You honestly believe that?" Arthur said, hope shining in his eyes for the first time.
"Do I seem evil to you, Arthur? I have never known a moment without magic. If I were evil, would I have willingly drunk poison for you, faced a dragon with you, or jumped in front of a Dorocha in your stead? Would I have stood by your side, given you strength when you were lost? Would I have 'ridden into the mouth of hell' for you?"
"No," Arthur answered, shaking his head, his voice now the barest whisper. He looked to each of his knights in turn, seeking their opinions.
"I have to say I agree with Merlin, my lord," Leon offered. "I owe my very life to magic. Were it not for the druids, I would have died long ago."
"And I," Percival agreed.
"I can't say that I'm particularly fond of Morgana's brand of magic," Gwaine said. "But I've been all over the five kingdoms and I've seen what Merlin says. There are plenty of people out there who have magic that aren't out for blood."
Arthur stood still, taking in the council of three of his best knights and trying to swallow the enormous lump in his throat. More than once after he was crowned prince of Camelot, Arthur had questioned his father's stance on magic. He had developed a genuine distaste for how quick his father was to jump to conclusions when it came to magic and sorcerers.
Guinevere herself had been an innocent victim of Uther's prejudice; more than once, in fact. The first time for something as innocuous as a healing poultice. Arthur thought back on that particular experience and was taken aback at the memory of Merlin bursting through the doors of the council chamber and declaring that he was the sorcerer that had healed Tom, not Guinevere. Arthur himself had been the one to deny Merlin's claims, insisting his manservant was a fool in love. The idiot had been telling the truth then, and he had dismissed it as foolishness. Now who was the fool?
Arthur thought back over the years that his manservant had been with him. Merlin had always been there for him and for Guinevere, from the very first week he had come to Camelot. Pulling Arthur out of the path of a dagger or knowingly drinking poison for him. Facing a dragon or prodding a recalcitrant prince or storming a castle full of immortal men set on killing them. Merlin had always done more for Arthur and Camelot than any other servant. Arthur could not deny it. He wondered what else Merlin had said or done that Arthur had dismissed as impossible.
"What of my mother? Were you telling the truth then?" Arthur asked, entirely vulnerable.
"Not entirely," Merlin admitted, quickly elaborating when Arthur's eyes darkened. "You were born of magic, but your father didn't know that it would be your mother's life taken in the bargain. Morgause truly did twist the truth to her liking to try and get you to kill your father."
"Why did you stop me? I was prepared to accept magic at that point. I was ready to kill my father for his lies and his hypocrisy. Yet you stopped me. It would have made your life much easier had you let me kill him."
"Yes, it would have. But it would have destroyed you. Once your father was dead, you would have realized what you had done and you would have begun your reign tainted by guilt. Not to mention the distrust of your people."
"You said then that magic was evil and that sorcerers lied."
"Well, I lied, obviously."
"That's not exactly encouraging, Merlin," Arthur said, narrowing his eyes at the warlock.
"I had to say something, you wouldn't have listened otherwise."
"What of Morgana? Agravaine? Did you know about them?"
"Yes," Merlin confirmed.
"Why did you say nothing? How much could we have avoided if you hadn't held your tongue?"
"I did say something," Merlin replied indignantly. "As I recall, you threatened to exile me for it. As a servant, my word means nothing, even when I've been right more than a dozen times before."
"If you're so powerful, why haven't you tried to take the throne yourself?" Arthur asked warily. "Why wait for me at all?"
"I have no desire to rule, Arthur. It is my destiny to help you to fulfill your destiny to rule over all of Albion as the greatest king history will ever know. And you can be sure that, in this, I am telling the complete truth. For nearly seven years I have let you order me about, use me as a training dummy, repeatedly put me in the stocks and occasionally arrest me when I could have killed you anytime I wanted."
Arthur froze at Merlin's blunt answer. Leon tensed, shocked at Merlin's admission, his eyes shifting between the king and his manservant. Gwaine and Percival looked to one another with wide eyes. None of them could imagine Merlin as a real threat to Arthur. The skinny servant was the clumsiest man to ever wield a sword on the training fields.
"You say that you could have killed me anytime you wanted. Would it really have been that easy?" Arthur asked doubtfully. He too couldn't imagine Merlin being able to hurt a fly.
"Do you remember when we first met?" Merlin asked.
"You mean in the market when you called me a prat for the first time?" Arthur said in frustration at the memory and at the sudden change of subject.
"Yes. You told me 'I could take you apart with one blow,'" Merlin raised his eyebrow, hoping Arthur would remember the rest.
"You said you could take me apart with less," Arthur said skeptically. "How?"
Merlin just eyed the king as though he were stupid.
"What have we just spent the last twenty minutes discussing Arthur? What do you think 'most powerful warlock ever' means?!"
"Show me, then," Arthur demanded.
"You want a demonstration of how I could kill you?!" Merlin asked incredulously.
"No, who's the idiot now?" Arthur asked. "Show me something. Give me something to measure against." Merlin sighed in frustration, then cast his eyes about for something to give a demonstration with.
"You see that tree stump over there?" Merlin asked, gesturing with a tilt of his head to a large tree stump, left behind when its tree was felled. Arthur answered with a confused nod. With a flash of his eyes and a jerk of his chin, Merlin obliterated the stump in a shower of splinters. Arthur's mouth dropped open and he met his friend's solemn eyes with newfound respect. Then he looked back to the demolished stump with undisguised amazement.
"Have mercy," Leon breathed, causing Merlin to shift nervously where he stood. Gwaine and Percival smiled at him; there was a hint of pride in their expressions. Leon looked just as shocked as Arthur, though there was no anger in his countenance.
"How many times do I really owe you my life? How many times has it been you who has saved Camelot from the brink of destruction?" Arthur asked, finally pulling his eyes away from the shattered stump. His mind swirled with undefeatable magical beasts and immortal armies that disappeared, or collapsed, or exploded inexplicably. How many times had he ridden out to certain death, only to return with naught but a cheeky, unarmed manservant at his side?
"I'm not sure you really want to know that, Arthur," Merlin smirked. "Your head may not withstand the deflation."
"I do want to know. No more secrets. I want to know everything."
"You may not like everything that you hear."
"I don't care. I want to know."
"We haven't got time now. We could just sit here all day, going over everything that has happened since I have been your servant, but there is a gathering over that hill that is waiting for us to take the proverbial axe off their necks."
"Proverbial? That's a big word, Merlin," Arthur teased, slipping easily into their usual banter.
"Yes, I do have a rather impressive vocabulary," Merlin agreed, smiling impishly. Arthur narrowed his eyes at Merlin's very effective diffusion of his barb.
"Do you promise me that you are on our side in this?" Arthur asked.
"I have always been on your side, Arthur. That will never change."
"Then let's work together to earn peace for your people," Arthur said, holding his arm out to Merlin. The warlock slowly shook his head, causing Arthur's heart to pound nervously. The warlock looked at the offered arm for just a second before reaching out his own.
"Our people," Merlin countered. Arthur grinned, letting the breath he'd been holding out in a loud rush. Then the king surprised Merlin by gripping the thin man's forearm and pulling him into a friendly embrace, complete with a few thumps to the back that knocked the air from the manservant's lungs.
"Thank you, Arthur," Merlin said without a hint of sarcasm as they pulled away. His eyes were once again brimming with tears.
"I feel that I should be thanking you, instead," Arthur replied, his eyes no clearer than his manservant's.
"This is incredibly touching and all, but perhaps we should actually accomplish what we came here for? Besides, it's dinner time, and there is something cooking in that camp that smells delicious," Gwaine interrupted.
"As usual, Gwaine, you have such an amazing way with words," Arthur said sarcastically as he quickly wiped away any evidence of his tears.
"I am pretty amazing, aren't I?"
"Gwaine, we don't need any more fat heads. Our horses will hardly be able to carry the burden," Merlin taunted, throwing a smile over his shoulder as he started over the hill once more, the other's chuckling as they followed him without hesitation.
As the five of them crested the hill and rejoined the gathering of druids, they were met again by children. The eldest and bravest of them grabbed Merlin and Arthur by the hands and led them into the camp, the three knights following behind. There in the center of camp the three largest tents were arranged in a triangle and facing a fire pit in the center of a large open area.
Iseldir was there waiting for them with the other two chieftains that Merlin had met before, Morien and Heilyn. Iseldir stepped forward and bowed his head in respect to Merlin before turning to Arthur and greeting him as an equal.
"Arthur Pendragon, as I said previously, I am Iseldir, chieftain of the eastern clans." He gestured to the two men beside him. "This is Heilyn, chieftain of the northern clans, and Morien, chieftain of the southern clans."
"Are there no western clans?" Arthur asked curiously.
"You recognise the druid symbol, yes?" Iseldir pulled back his sleeve, showing the triskelion tattoo on his forearm. We believe in the power of three; past, present and future. Therefore, we separate ourselves into three main groups. Each clan then separates into many small encampments as our need for concealment prevents large groupings. We avoid the west as a general rule as its fewer, thinner forests make it harder to hide our presence."
Arthur nodded in understanding. Then he, Merlin and the knights followed Iseldir to sit around the fire pit to discuss peace.
"I promise you, Iseldir, Morien, and Heilyn," Arthur said nearly an hour later as he looked to each clan leader in turn. "Your people will be safe and protected. You will be given the respect you deserve."
All three druids smiled gratefully and bowed in respect.
"We have waited many years to hear those words, King Arthur," Morien said.
"Indeed, this is a time long spoken of in prophecy," Heilyn agreed.
"Let us share a meal together and celebrate new friendships," Iseldir said, gesturing to several young men and women who immediately brought bowls of a simple but hearty stew to them. Water was poured into carved wooden cups and passed around to the gathered men.
Throughout the afternoon, Merlin watched with unrestrained happiness as magic was used without fear in front of four of his closest friends; neither they nor the magicians seemed uneasy. There was one boy, however, who seemed timid in the presence of the king of Camelot and the knights. He was in charge of the fire, feeding logs into it as the fire burned down. Merlin was certain that the boy was afraid of them, and he couldn't bear to see the tense set of the boy's shoulders any more.
"What is your name?" Merlin asked mentally. The boy looked over to him, surprised.
"Delwyn," came the timid response. Merlin could tell that he wasn't used to being addressed, his role there at the fire to be unobtrusive.
"I'm Merlin," he replied. The confusion on the boy's face was evident.
"Are you not Emrys?"
"Yes, I am him. But I am also Merlin. That is the name my mother gave me."
"You really serve the king of Camelot?"
"I do. I'm his manservant. He really is a good king, despite being a bit of a prat. He won't hurt you, if you use your magic. That's how you usually tend to your duties, is it not?"
The boy merely gave a solemn nod, looking quickly at the king and the elders who had all taken notice of their conversation. Merlin followed his glance and then got a mischievous look on his face.
"Want to have some fun?" Merlin asked, his mischievous grin contagious as Delwyn nodded excitedly. With a flash of gold and a twitch of his fingers, Merlin stirred the logs in the fire, causing a great cloud of smoke and sparks to rise up. With another flash and a tilt of his head, Merlin formed Kilgharrah in the smoke, complete with flapping wings and breathing sparks. Delwyn and the other children gasped, their faces awed as they watched the dragon fade into the air. Merlin grinned when he saw the same expression on Arthur's and the knights' faces.
"Go ahead, Delwyn," Merlin encouraged, gesturing to the fire, glad to see the boy lose some of his timidity as he began to use his magic more openly, the other children joining him in making their own smoke figures as Merlin congratulated them on their efforts.
Soon, the food was gone, and Iseldir, Morien and Heilyn began to regale Arthur, Merlin, Leon, Gwaine and Percival with stories of past, present and future. Merlin told of some of the things he had done to protect Arthur and Camelot. Notably, how he had met the Great Dragon and consulted with him many times. When Iseldir recounted how it was foretold that Morgana and Morgause would thrice siege Camelot with an immortal army, only to be thwarted by Emrys at every turn, Arthur gave Merlin a long, hard look.
"So it wasn't Morgana who destroyed the skeleton army," Arthur stated, without looking away from Merlin.
"No, it was me. I followed her into the burial vaults and tried to convince her to stop, but she wouldn't give up. I broke the staff that animated the bones, after I dueled Morgana with a sword, I might add." Arthur's eyes widened at the pleased smile on Merlin's face.
"Why does she hate us so much?" Arthur asked, still hurt over his sister's betrayal.
"I'm afraid some of that fault lies with me," Merlin admitted, all trace of his smile gone.
"How?" Arthur asked, wondering if this was part of what he wasn't going to like.
"You remember her nightmares?"
Arthur nodded, and Merlin continued.
"She's a seer; her magic is natural and powerful, like mine, though it didn't manifest until she was an adult. Gaius and I recognized it for what it was, but we disagreed on whether or not to tell Morgana that she had magic. Gaius felt that she would do better not knowing about her gift because if Uther found out he wouldn't see it as a gift, but a curse.
"Morgana was terrified that she was becoming a monster; she confided in me that she was scared and that she knew it was magic. I wanted so badly to tell her that I had magic and that I understood what she was going through, but Gaius had made me promise above and beyond the usual, not to reveal my magic to her. So I did the next best thing I could and helped her to run away and find the druids for guidance. They never kidnapped her; they were trying to help Morgana."
Arthur closed his eyes, feeling even more guilty for raiding the druid camp that his sister had sought refuge with.
"When I realized that Uther was going to kill everyone he'd arrested because he thought Morgana had been kidnapped, I went to her and begged her to come back. She didn't want to, but in the end she didn't have much choice. After that, Morgana despised Uther even more than when he condemned Gwen's father."
"Sending her to the druids doesn't make you responsible for her actions, Merlin," Arthur said sternly. Merlin, however, shook his head in denial.
"I could have told her then that I had magic, helped her to see that she wasn't alone, but I didn't. I left her alone and scared in order to keep myself safe." Merlin shook his head, eyes blank as he reviewed his memories and allowed the guilt to surface.
"Wanting safety isn't terrible, Merlin," Gwaine reasoned, but Merlin laughed humorlessly.
"I was a coward with Morgana, and my mistakes with her are some of my deepest regrets.
I left her vulnerable when I could have helped her. Then she met Morgause and was taken in by her promises of family and power and revenge. Worse of all, I thwarted Morgause's intention to take Camelot with the Knights of Medhir because she underestimated me and how far I would go to protect you and Camelot." Merlin looked down at his boots shamefully and picked up a twig on the ground, twirling it absentmindedly.
"Just how far did you go, Merlin?" Arthur asked, knowing that it had to be bad if Merlin still felt the shame this deeply, despite what Morgana had done to them in the intervening years.
"Morgause needed an anchor, a vessel, if you will, for the spell that caused everyone to fall asleep. For the energy needed for that spell, the vessel had to be powerful in their own right." Merlin glanced around, seeing the apprehension on everyone's faces.
"I definitely don't like where this is going," Gwaine said, throwing the twig he had been chewing absentmindedly into the fire. Merlin swallowed heavily and continued.
"Morgause made Morgana the vessel. The only way to end the spell and save Camelot was by destroying the anchoring vessel."
Arthur gasped, the implications coming all too clearly. Merlin met the king's eye and nodded sadly, his eyes welling with unshed tears yet again. The warlock shrugged, swallowing hard and continuing his tale.
"It was Morgana or all of Camelot. I had to kill her. I tricked her into drinking hemlock to break the sleeping spell and bargained with Morgause; Morgana's life in return for Morgause calling off the Knights of Medhir. Morgana has never forgiven me and I'm afraid that my actions may have eliminated any sense of loyalty to Camelot that she once had."
Silence fell around the fire; everyone pondering the magnitude of what Merlin had just shared. Finally, Arthur looked up and met Merlin's anxious eyes.
"We all have our choices, Merlin. Even Morgana. You didn't make her hate us, she did that on her own. If she didn't appreciate your betrayal, then she shouldn't have betrayed us first. I do not blame you Merlin."
Merlin smiled weakly. "Would you be so forgiving if I told you that I used one of the swords of the knights of Medhir to release the dragon and that you never killed him?"
Arthur's face burned with sudden anger. "What?!"
"I didn't know he would attack Camelot, I swear," Merlin defended himself hurriedly. "But as I said before, I had gone to him for knowledge and advice many times, and he said that he wouldn't help me anymore until I promised to free him. I had already promised to free him a year before the Knights of Medhir attacked, but I had never intended to follow through and he knew it. He wouldn't tell me how to break the sleeping enchantment until I promised on my mother's life that I would set him free." Merlin was frustrated to find that he had tears in his eyes again. He blinked them back furiously, hoping that Arthur would forgive him.
"Many people lost their lives, their loved ones, when that dragon attacked, Merlin."
"I know, I know. And I hold myself responsible for every last one of them. But I and Camelot have greatly benefited from Kilgharrah's freedom as well."
"Kilgharrah? That beast has a name? I suppose you gave it to him, soft-hearted fool that you are," Arthur groused irritatedly.
"Kilgharrah has had a name for more than a thousand years, Arthur. I couldn't change that no matter how much control I have over him."
"Control? You have control over the dragon?"
"Did I not mention that?" Merlin asked, his eyes widening innocently.
"No, Merlin, you conveniently left that bit out."
"Are you a dragonlord, then?" Leon asked, confused. He recalled the time when Uther had sent the then prince on a quest to find the last dragonlord. "I thought that Balinor had been the last?"
"Balinor was a dragonlord, but he was not the last," Merlin explained. He looked to Arthur, hoping he wouldn't have to say it. "The gift is passed on from father to son, upon the death of the father."
"Are you saying that Balinor was your father?" Arthur asked, finally understanding Merlin's incredibly emotional response to the dragonlord's death. He looked to his manservant with empathy in his eyes.
"Yes. He escaped the purge with help from Gaius. Did you know Gaius is actually my great-uncle? My mother is his sister's daughter, so he sent Balinor to her, in Ealdor. She took in Balinor and hid him, for a time. They fell in love," Merlin explained.
"Why didn't he stay?" Percival asked. Merlin shrugged helplessly looking down at his fidgeting hands.
"Uther tracked my father to Ealdor. Despite its being beyond Camelot's borders, the soldiers came for Balinor, intending to bring him back to Camelot to be executed. My father fled to protect my mother, since she would have been executed for sheltering him. He didn't know I existed until we found him in that cave. I knew him for two days before he died protecting me from Cenred's men. He wouldn't have been there if not for me; I killed him when I released Kilgharrah just as much as I killed everyone else who died in those attacks."
"How then can you defend the beast?" Arthur asked. "Has his freedom really been that beneficial?"
"Yes. He healed me when Morgause and Morgana bound me and left me to the serkets. He's carried me safely over hostile territory. He saved Lancelot and I from the Dorocha when we were catching up to you, and he covered our retreat from Ealdor when Agravaine led the Southrons right to us. He incinerated the entire legion, save Agravaine and five men," Merlin explained. The knights and Arthur raised their eyebrows in astonishment.
"Then what happened to Agra- You killed Agravaine, when you went back in the tunnels," Arthur said, realization dawning.
"Yes."
"And the other men with him as well? You said there were five?" Gwaine asked, amazed.
"They cornered me, left me no choice. I had to protect Arthur and Gwen." Merlin twirled his twig some more, using it to draw shapes in the dirt and avoid the astonished gazes of those around him.
"You really are the most loyal man I've ever met, Merlin," Leon said, shaking his head in wonder. Gwaine and Percival both nodded wordlessly.
"No sense of self preservation, though," Arthur said wryly. Merlin finally lifted his head and gave a chagrined smile.
"I bet you're a load of fun when you're drunk though, huh?" Gwaine laughed.
"No, not a good idea, Gwaine." Merlin said solemnly.
"So you do more than summon flagons from across a table then?"
"What?! Did you know about Merlin before today, Gwaine?" Arthur asked incredulously.
"I've suspected for a while that there was something funny about Merlin, but I didn't have proof until your wedding banquet," Gwaine said, meeting Arthur's curious eyes. "Merlin here was rather tipsy and he held out a hand for his mug and it came right to him without a word. At first I thought I imagined it, that I'd had too much to drink myself. Then Merlin started avoiding me like a pair of dirty socks. I finally caught up to him two weeks ago and forced him to spill the beans."
Arthur narrowed his eyes at Gwaine, considering the angst that could have been saved if his knight had been more loyal to him rather than Merlin. Then he decided that actually wasn't a bad thing, considering how alone Merlin had been. It wasn't worth it to argue with the mead-loving knight.
"So what else happens when you're drunk? Why is moving flagons so bad?" Percival asked reasonably.
"It's not a pretty sight," Merlin hedged, refusing to elaborate further.
"What's the worst that could happen? So you turn Princess into a toad," Gwaine chuckled along with the other knights. Arthur grunted indignantly and Merlin sighed in defeat.
"I gave a cow a unicorn's horn, turned a pig purple and made all the chickens lay blue robin's eggs for two days straight the first and only time I've ever been truly drunk," Merlin said, much to everyone's amusement.
"What are you so worried about then?" Arthur asked curiously, trying not to laugh in the face of Merlin's seriousness.
"I'm not sure how I did those things; Will said I was doing strange things every time I hiccupped. But I was maybe just fifteen at the time; I didn't know any spells then. And my powers have increased greatly as I've grown older and more experienced. I worry that if I ever truly lost control like that again, what happened to that tree stump earlier would be the least of my worries."
With that, all of them sobered. Arthur realized that the sun had begun to sink lower in the sky and he stood to signal their need to depart. Once everyone was on their feet, Arthur nodded to the chieftains with respect.
"I hope that our peoples will forever more live in peace," he said. "We left our horses and our provisions in a clearing a few miles back. I feel it is time for us to bid you farewell, and return to our horses to make camp."
"Thank you for coming; we appreciate your willingness for peace."
All three chieftains bowed their heads at Iseldir's words. The five representatives of Camelot returned the gesture before they turned and made their way back through the forest.
A/N: Reviews are appreciated. :)
