you can thank the anon who sent me the prompt for the angst i mean you know i'm a sucker for angst
now, read, ponder, and enjoy!
Orpheus: How will you remember?
Eurydice: That I love you?
Orpheus: Yes.
Eurydice: That's easy. I can't help it.
-Sarah Ruhl, Eurydice
Psychiatrists around the world would have a field day with Lex Luthor. They would clamor at the chance to poke around his brain. His mind. His very heart. These professionals wouldn't hesitate to truly study the man.
And yet, they would never understand why Lex Luthor was the way he was. The unvarnished cruelty and the way he relished in the pain of others. A sociopath? No, he was way too charming for that. A psychopath? Maybe, but even that word would fail to explain the inner workings of his brain.
Kara was sure of it.
At one point, she would have thought renewing the whole world would have been enough. Consolidating all the earths into one – perhaps to make it easier for him to conquer it – would have been satisfying. At one point, she really did think that, but not anymore.
Not when Lex found a way to throw another salvo her way. As if making her watch her home getting destroyed a second time wouldn't suffice, because he seemed to have made it his mission to hurt her species immensely if he couldn't kill them.
"Now, on the matter of my sister –"
"If you hurt her –" If it hadn't been for her comrades holding her back – if it wasn't for Clark wrapping his arms around her torso to keep her away – she would have lunged for him and tore his limbs apart, leaving them all for the dogs.
Lex had chuckled. "Why would I hurt her…when I can hurt you?" he offered. "I suppose it works too, because hurting you would be hurting her, wouldn't it?" He hummed in consideration of his genius. "Well, that is only if she remembers."
Kara froze, not even needing her cousin to hold her back. The rest of the room stilled in anticipation for his next words. She supposed she had an inkling. This wouldn't be the first time.
"I wouldn't spoil you. You're gonna have to find out yourself, Kara Zor-El."
And he vanished. And she wanted – Kara stumbled away from the people with whom she had saved the universe. There was no more multiverse, was there?
She cast a lost look into space, focusing on the earth that had erupted and then reemerged into a whole new one. A whole new world, if she allowed the Disney nerd in her to emerge. But right now, she wasn't feeling all too happy to break into a song.
She had saved the world. They had saved the world. Oliver had sacrificed himself to make sure there was a world left for them to continue. But at what cost?
It almost seemed like there was no difference from Earth-38, from where she had originated. The buildings of National City remained standing, with CatCo and L-Corp having the best views – except L-Corp wasn't even L-Corp anymore. But the buildings were the same. The shops were the same. Noonan's pastries remained wafting through the air in seduction.
And yet, Kara could feel the difference. There was a distinct vibration through the air and the ground that she wasn't all too familiar with. The faces inhabiting her usual haunts were scarce, replaced by new faces from new earths. The café one block down from CatCo no longer stocked up on oat milk.
And Lena – Lena no longer occupied the top floor of LuthorCorp.
In fact, Lena was nowhere to be found.
Not within the radius of National City anyway. Because as soon as the Waverider had landed, she sped off without so much as a goodbye, circling around the city and honing her hearing to the one heartbeat that she had memorized the moment she realized Lena Luthor was going to mean more to her than anyone else.
Kara flew and flew. Broke the sound barrier just to look that one heartbeat that had never become her anchor to mortal plane. So fragile and painful in its existence that sometimes Kara wondered if it was all worth it, until she remembered that Lena existed, which meant anything would be worth it.
And yet, she couldn't find her. She could hear Alex. J'onn. Nia. Everyone else but the one person that Lex hadn't forgotten to remind Kara of, as if she could ever forget.
"I can't find her," she gasped as soon as she landed in the building that housed the headquarters, taking in the confused faces of her peers. "I can't find her," she reiterated stressfully, throwing hands in the air and feet stumbling in desperation.
"Hey, Kara –"
"What if she's –"
"She is not."
"How can you be sure?" she bellowed in Clark's direction, running shaky fingers through blonde strands. "You thought he was your best friend and then he tried to kill you!"
Clark inhaled sharply at the reminder, but remained calm anyway, taking careful steps towards his cousin. "Because Lex, as twisted and abhorrent as he is, would never kill Lena. Because Lex, as cruel and heartless as he is, has always had space to love Lena, even though he's never been the best at showing it." He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Lex would never kill Lena, not even if he hates her."
Kara sighed. Heaved with all the energy within her. Hung her head and stared at her feet in despair.
"Where else could she be? What's the one place, other than National City, that she's always had an attachment with?" Alex asked from behind Clark, similar concern painted across her face.
Lifting her head, Kara locked eyes with her sister, considering the redhead's words.
Even though Lena had hated her before the world erupted into smithereens, they still had years of friendship prior. Sordid tales of each other's shameful pasts had been spoken to one another. Remembrances of families they were starting to have hard time remembering. Memories of places they once called home.
Kara's eyes lit up at a distant memory. Once upon a time, when Kara had visited Lena's penthouse for the first time, sitting on the couch and drinking red wine that had no influence on her whatsoever, as Lena briefly brought up the home that her mother – birth mother – had died it.
Without another word, she stepped back out to the balcony and flew off. Sped towards the island she had never been. Hoping to a god that she didn't even know existed anymore that she could find Lena.
Ballyvaughan. A strange name on strange lips, but apparently a town that existed on the northeast side of Ireland. Scarce in population, but Lena remembered it, so Kara remembered it.
The Kryptonian absconded with some clothing from the first shop she sighted, making sure to leave some American dollars and hoping that they would make up for whatever the exchange rate was currently – she didn't know in this new world, not that she knew before either. After having changed into those clothes and putting on fake glasses that had been on display at the same shop, she emerged.
There was no doubt that she was a stranger here. Especially in a small town like this. She certainly didn't look like a tourist either, which garnered her even more strange glances. At this point though, she cared little for strange glances, only paying attention to the faint heartbeat that had given her a smidgen of hope to keep looking.
And then the heartbeat became the strongest as she passed a bookstore. She backed up and stared up at the sign.
Walsh's Bookworm Shack.
She frowned, not recalling who a Walsh was in her conversations with Lena. The friendly ones, not the fiery and angry ones that had been exchanged in the later moments of their not-friendship. Still, that heartbeat – Lena was in this shop, somehow.
Bracing herself with a deep breath, Kara pushed into the store to find herself in a relatively quiet room. There was a fireplace to her right, adorned with an armchair and a couch and a small table with a coffee machine on it. Beyond that were shelves and shelves of books. Paperbacks and hardbacks. New and worn.
"Can I help you?"
She turned to her left and quite honestly stopped breathing for a few seconds. Could hardly stop herself from uttering Lena's name like words of worship.
Because there she was.
Lena Luthor, behind the counter, all too comfortable in her surroundings. Rather than the usual pencil skirt and sleeveless blouses and tight ponytail that Kara had become so used to seeing, the raven-haired woman was dressed up in a sweatshirt two sizes too large and her hair flowing in straight glossy locks past her shoulders and a pair of glasses perched on the bridge of her nose.
And rather than forced coldness and pinched lips that had become the object of Kara's nightmares, there was a kind smile across Lena's lips and the jut of her deadly cheekbones that was tinted red and her eyes gazing at Kara with plain curiosity. Not a sense of familiarity. Not a sense of knowing.
In a moment of silence, it dawned upon her. Yes, she had an inkling, but this only made it real. That not knowing in those green eyes that Kara had often found herself drowning in was real. And she could barely fight a gasp. Her heart squeezed up and she didn't know how to muster words.
"Hello?"
She stumbled back a little and cleared her throat. At least she managed to do that. "I'm sorry – I'm sorry," she breathed, wasn't even sure if Lena could hear her, and escaped back out the door.
"There has to be a way."
"We can't go back in time. Barry Allen is the greatest lesson to stop us from going back in time to fix things."
"J'onn, what about –"
"I visited her. This is something entirely different from what he did to us. It would be…unprecedentedly damaging if I go poking around without really understanding the intricacies of it."
"Well, we can't just –"
"Maybe it's better this way."
Her friends stopped bickering and discussing and raising their voices to look at her simultaneously. For the past half hour, Kara had sat there in the corner, hunched over with her forearms on her knees and eyes not really looking at anything.
All she could see was the empty look in Lena's eyes when she looked at the blonde. The not knowing.
In the brief moment Kara had seen the woman, she could already tell that Lena was…happy. Content with where she was. Manning a little bookshop in a little town. She probably had a little cottage somewhere nearby as well.
She lifted a hand – trembling – to her face and covered her mouth with it, willing her heart to stop wringing at the thought of Lena no longer knowing who she was. Who she had been. Who they had been to one another. Those were all wishful thinking, and Kara couldn't find it in herself to take away that contentment that had been obvious at first glance.
"She's safe. That's all that matters, right?" she mumbled against the palm against her lips, still refusing to look at any of them.
"Kara, this cannot be it," Nia pleaded. "She's Lena."
"Yeah," Kara agreed with a barely there nod. "And she'll always be Lena. She just…won't know who we are. Who I am," she added. "But she's safe."
"Will she always be?" Kara looked up to find her sister staring back at her, doubt filling her eyes and arms crossed. "Kara, I know Clark said Lex would never kill Lena." The blonde flinched at the reminder. "But who's to say he won't harm her in some way? Her being sequestered away in bumfuck, Ireland, doesn't mean he won't find a way. And he's still out there, in case you need a reminder."
"I'll watch over her."
"Excuse me?"
Kara stood up, akimbo, determined in her latest mission. To protect Lena at all costs. Screw this city that had given her nothing in return for all that she had given it. Screw the damn world, of which she had spent years trying to save, and yet it didn't seem to show any sort of gratitude.
She knew, inadvertently, that as a superhero, she wasn't supposed to need the gratitude.
There was nothing to be reaped from the blood and pain she had suffered for it. Supergirl was supposed to be selfless and immortal and ever-present. But right now, after having watched her mother die twice on a distant planet and everything else, she was tired.
And she was going to be selfish.
"National City was fine before I showed up. It's going to be fine after I retire." They all balked, but she paid them no heed. "I'll watch over her. I'll make sure she's safe. I won't let Lex have even a chance of touching a hair on her."
"And how are you going to do that?" Alex asked carefully.
"Retire. Move to Ireland. Be her friend. Or something. I'll figure it out."
Alex, who had been the most vehement against her even coming out to the world as the second Kryptonian, only nodded. And Kara found herself immensely grateful for it, even though the others seemed on the brink of protesting her decision.
It wasn't exactly the most difficult decision to make. It was Lena or the world. And it would always be Lena. Maybe Kara had realized it too late, but Kara would always choose Lena.
"I saw her, you know. And she was – she didn't look…haunted anymore. She seemed genuinely at ease. And it would be cruel to take that away from her. I don't – Lena has done enough. For this city. This stupid world. She deserves respite. And if this is what it takes, then so be it."
"If you're certain about this," J'onn commented.
"I'm sure."
It wasn't the most difficult decision to make. She would break the world for Lena Luthor. Or Lena Walsh now, if that bookstore was any indication.
No official announcement was made. No podium or special banners or mass farewells. One day, after multiple earths had combined into one – not that the people really knew – and the saviors decided to take a chill pill, Supergirl disappeared.
The DEO welcomed it without any fanfare. Alex and J'onn's split team went about their superhero-ing ways without Supergirl as their powerhouse. The president seemed all too pleased with the lack of a blonde intruder who cared not a lick for country leadership whatsoever.
Kara Danvers settled in Ballyvaughan, Ireland.
Well, she didn't exactly buy a house, because even with her annual salary at CatCo and compensations from DEO, she couldn't exactly afford a whole house to herself. Not just yet. She just rented a small two-bedroom apartment that had easy access to the town and hopefully wherever Lena lived.
Amongst all these, one of the most surprising things during the transition was Sam's insistence to help her with the moving. Kara had visited Metropolis before she left. Not to convince the CFO to take up the mantle, but to ask Sam for help if the team ever needed it. Her memories had been tampered with as well, but J'onn managed to restore them, which he mentioned wasn't as complicated as with Lena's.
Lex had done his fair share to make things irreversible, it seemed.
"I'll make sure he doesn't get away with it," Sam had said with determination on the flight over.
"Honestly, I'm too tired to even care right now. I just want to take care of Lena. Make sure she's safe," Kara admitted with a pinched smile, to which Sam only nodded with understanding.
"Can I see her?" Sam asked once they had unboxed everything with their superspeed. It was all done within a matter of minutes.
Kara nodded, but she slumped down on the couch. "Yeah. There's only one bookstore in town. You can't miss it," she said, recalling her survey of the place a few days earlier.
"You're not coming with?"
"No."
Kara wasn't brave enough to admit that she wasn't brave enough to face Lena. Not yet. She didn't know what she needed, but maybe a few days familiarizing herself with this new place would help. Perhaps she could find a job that paid well to survive in this village that didn't seem to have a lot going on. Maybe fix up this place that seemed to be leaking everywhere.
She told herself that as long as she could tune in to Lena's heartbeat, everything would be fine. She could still do her job of being Lena's silent protector, whether she knew it or not. But to be frank, she could go forever without Lex coming for his sister again. She could use this rest herself.
Sam observed her from the doorway, before she nodded and went out the door. Kara sat on the couch, and wondered how saving the world could end up so unsatisfactory.
Ballyvaughan was beautiful in its own ways. The people were curious about this new girl in town, but they were nevertheless friendly. Welcoming in their own way. She managed to befriend the sole florist and carpenter when she was looking for plants to liven up her new home and equipment to fix it up.
Kara found a job as a bartender in one of the village's ostensible three bars. Her experience part-timing in college was more helpful than she thought. And her inability to get drunk made her the best bartender the bar had ever had, given that its employees had a tendency to imbibe while on the job, not that Teddy seemed to care.
And she avoided the bookstore like a plague. She wasn't much of a reader anyway, so it wasn't exactly a big loss. Materialistically, anyway.
In all the other ways, well, that was another story.
"Are you avoiding me?"
She really shouldn't have been surprised, because Lena Luthor – or Lena Walsh now; Kara really had to get used to that after years of having to defend the woman from her cursed former last name – was a woman who always got her way. And if things weren't going her way, Lena would make damn sure to twist the damn railway to ensure the train was going in the direction she wanted.
And it seemed the fact that the new girl in town hadn't even made so much of an effort to introduce herself to her, when she had at least introduced herself to practically everyone in town, was noticeable to the raven-haired woman. And the fact that she was here right now meant that she really took issue with it.
Regardless of how often Kara had seen Lena's face in the last four years, she would never not be taken aback by the woman's utter magnificence.
Just smack in the face, all blinding and unparalleled in her effervescence. It was no wonder the rest of town had tried so hard to convince her that Lena was just the loveliest person, in the words of the mayor herself.
Hence, she found herself having stopped wiping the bar top, just gaping at the woman on the other side of the bar. Lena wasn't exactly angry. More like…disappointed. As if she hated the idea of someone going out of their way to avoid her. Especially a stranger. The Lena of the past wouldn't have given a shit.
"Um," Kara managed eloquently.
"I'll have a stout, please."
Dutifully, the blonde set about opening a bottle stout fresh from the fridge, placing it on a coaster in front of Lena, who had opted to make herself comfortable on a stool at the bar.
"So, are you?" Lena asked after taking a swig. "Because you've made yourself known to the rest of the village, from what I've heard. Paul and Sarah have great things to say about this new Kara girl who just moved here for some inexplicable reason. And yet, I find myself having never met you. Properly, at least." Ah, so she recalled Kara's fumbling attempt of searching for her and then fumbling attempt of escaping.
"I've been busy," Kara weakly defended.
"In Ballyvaughan?"
Right, okay, point to Lena. "I have papers to settle. And I just moved here."
"You moved here three weeks ago."
"That apartment was a real fixer-upper."
"Paul said you fixed it up last week."
Damn small town and its gossip. Damn Lena and her propensity to be right. Damn it all to hell. Kara wondered if she could switch places with Sam. Or even Alex. This was humiliating in a not-fun way.
"I'm not a big reader," Kara offered as her last defense, which wasn't actually a lie. Lena stared at her, narrowing her eyes, and Kara resisted from smiling at a rare victory against the woman. "Anyway, now that you're here, I'm Kara, but you know that already."
Lena sighed and said, "Lena."
"Nice to finally meet you, Lena."
It was, actually. It was nice. This felt like a new beginning.
"Read this."
Kara raised her brows, smiled at a customer to whom she handed a pint of craft beer, and stared at Lena, who seemed to have found it appropriate to barge in and slam a book on the surface of the bar. They were not, in any way, friendly, not with this new version of Lena anyway.
Sure, the woman had made more frequent appearances in the pub since they introduced themselves to each other. And they would wave whenever they passed each other. And Lena had done the kind thing of warning her way from a certain Evie, who was said to be extremely religious and very unkind to new people.
But that was all there was to it. Kara certainly still wasn't courageous enough to take the next step forward. She was content with just reassuring herself by listening to Lena's heartbeat all day.
"Excuse me, I am working," Kara protested, eyeing the book with barely disguised disdain.
"I'm determined to change your stance on your reading, and this book will change your life."
This felt oddly familiar. Her heart panged.
Back when Lena Walsh was simply a childhood ghost and Lena Luthor was one of the most powerful women – if not people – on earth, she had made that promise as well. Only she didn't really get around to it because she was a busy CEO with a busy schedule who hardly had time to read on her own time.
"Look, I know I said I'm not a big reader, but I have read this title." She pointed at the copy of Pride & Prejudice. "It's a great book, but it certainly didn't change my life." She didn't let slip the you did that was sitting at the tip of her tongue.
Lena gasped and snatched the book back. "How dare you." Kara shrugged unapologetically, just as she did four years ago when Lena had shoved the same book at her.
"Is this gonna be a pattern?"
"You bet your ass."
It was Kara's turn to gasp. "The language in this sacred house," she complained.
Lena frowned deeply and turned her head slightly to focus her gaze on a couple of dudes sitting at a table, one of them shirtless and seemingly ready to whip out his penis at any moment's notice. Kara was all the more glad that she was not the bouncer in this place. But perhaps she should take care of that if that actually happened.
And yet, as she wiped down the bar top later that night, she found herself genuinely smiling for the first time since she came back to a restored earth. This was going to be fun, and she had missed having fun with Lena without all the baggage.
"She's making me read," Kara explained when Alex surreptitiously raised her brows at the stack of books sitting on the coffee table. "She comes in every other day and slams a book in my face and tells me to read." Alex's brows rose higher. "I like it," Kara added with a blissful smile.
"I still can't believe you moved here for her," Alex muttered as she joined Kara on the couch, stealing Kara's throw pillow and ignoring her protests. "This is a surprisingly comfy place."
"Cheap too."
"I imagine everything's cheap here."
"Not her books." Kara remembered her jaw dropping at the price tags on the books that Lena was giving her for free, unable to believe that books actually cost that much nowadays. "How are things back in National City?"
"National City?"
Kara bit her lip and swallowed. "Home is…wherever she is."
Alex studied for a long moment. Kara had always hated her. The redhead had this weird propensity of digging out her innermost thoughts by just looking at her with those piercing eyes of hers. No wonder Sam was so done for her sister. No wonder Sara chose to sleep with her.
"Can I ask you something?" Kara nodded for her sister to proceed. "Are you in love with her?"
"Yes," the blonde replied without waiting so much for a second to pass.
Alex raised her brows again. "You used to be more oblivious to your feelings," she commented.
"This is a small town and I've had a lot of time to think."
Frankly, Kara had realized her feelings far too late. So much time wasted hiding her identity. Trying things with Mon-El, whom she realized she'd only dated because he provided a sense of companionship and understanding that she didn't think she could find with anyone else, not recognizing that Lena had been there the whole time.
She had fallen for Lena far earlier than she thought possible. If she was being romantic, she would say Lena had entrapped her the moment they met in her office that very first day. Entrapped in the nicest way possible. And now it was all too late, and Kara wasn't sure if it was possible to start things over again.
"I'm not even surprised. Kelly hinted as much."
"Yeah, what's the situation there? Is it Sam? Or is it Kelly? I'm so confused," Kara inquired with a tone of complaint.
"Don't ask."
"My god, Alex, aren't you the Casanova now?"
And what she got in response was a throw pillow in the face, which she supposed she deserved. At least she got the pillow back.
The bar wasn't busy. It usually wasn't on a Tuesday night, because Irish people and their propensity to drink did not blend well with day jobs. Still, there were stubborn Irish, and they dotted around the room, laughing raucously and speaking in an accent that was sometimes still indecipherable to Kara.
Alex sat at the bar, nursing a glass of cocktail. She was set to fly back to National City in the morning. But never let it be said that a plane could ever stop Alex from her alcohol. Kara wondered briefly if Sam took her request to heart and tried to stop the redhead from drinking.
"We're still looking for him, you know," Alex muttered, her speech slightly slurred. "The man who did this to her. To you."
Kara wringed the cloth in the sink and moved to wipe newly washed glasses, determined to not look at her sister. "Okay," she offered.
"You don't care?"
Kara clenched her jaw, feeling that long hidden flame of hate for Lex Luthor rising in her stomach, but she suppressed it. "All I care about right now –"
"– Is Lena. Yeah, I know," Alex murmured. "But we – the team – won't just sit there and let him play. He's like an omniscient god or something. Pretty sure they're gonna elect him as mayor next year. And we can't just let that sit." Imagine that: Lex Luthor as mayor. "Brainy is more resolute than the rest of us. He wouldn't rest until he gets him."
That wasn't at all surprising.
Brainy and Lena had struck up the oddest friendship. A human and a 12th-level intellect alien, albeit that human's intelligence perhaps far surpassed any alien species in existence. Still, Kara had always been grateful that at least Brainy was there to offer Lena a genius shoulder when she needed it.
Before Kara could say anything else, she was distracted by Lena entering the bar, another book in hand. She couldn't help but grin at the sight before her. Luthor or not, Lena was still the most stubborn person on the face of the planet.
"Let me guess: read that?" she quipped as soon as Lena reached the bar.
"You know how it goes," Lena replied with a shrug and a knowing smile. Then she noticed Alex sitting there and watching her. Lena gulped and said meekly, "Um, hi?"
Really, anyone would be scared at the end of that look. Alex's eyes were gleaming with curiosity and a sense of grief as she eyed Lena and realized all that had been lost with one utterance to a stupid book. Kara understood what Alex was feeling – she herself had felt it tenfold since she found out – but now was not the time.
She smacked Alex's arm gently to get her out of her reverie and smiled forcefully at Lena. "This is my sister, Alex. She's visiting."
"Oh, I see," Lena said, that tension in her voice disappearing. "I'm Lena."
"Right, hi." Alex shook the hand Lena offered and released it quickly. "Kara's told me a lot about you."
"Did she tell you she avoided me like a plague when she first moved here?"
Kara groaned loudly and dropped her head. "I told you I wasn't avoiding you!"
She totally was. And by the look on Alex's face, she knew Kara had been avoiding Lena too.
The three of them descended into easy conversation. From Kara's lame attempt of avoiding Lena to the books that were gathering dust on Kara's coffee table.
Alex and Lena eventually launched into a long-winded conversation about scientific stuff that the blonde couldn't care less about, but she stood there, serving the customers whenever one came, and wondered if things would always be this easy.
Of course, there were times when Kara would wish that Lena could be the Lena of the old, despite the loathing and distress that had brewed up unwittingly between them without Kara even really knowing until it had been too late. But there was history there, and it was still difficult to believe that a single book could change the course of history just like that.
Kara missed her Lena when the woman said her favorite flowers were tulips. Kara missed her when Lena devoured books on complicated physics theories and chemistry equations, without having the practical skills in them.
Kara missed her especially when Lena looked at her like a new friend on the horizon, not someone who had been her one pillar of trust before it all went crumbling down.
But she stopped wishing for Lena to have her memories back one supposedly ordinary Friday night, when they sat by the harbor nursing two bottles of beer that Kara had absconded from the pub once she'd closed down for the night.
Lena's cheeks turned redder and redder with each sip she took.
"My mother died here," she whispered, gesturing aimlessly at the ocean stretching beyond them.
Kara knew that. She knew that, because she had borne witness to Lena's despair as she recounted the events years ago. But she sat next to the woman and let herself listen once more, because she would listen to this woman for ages.
"I was four, and my mother took me out here for a swim. She used to do that. She liked the water, and she taught me how to swim," Lena said monotonously, resting the beer bottle against her cheek, eyes staring at the calm water in the night. "I didn't wanna swim that day, so I watched her from…here. Right on this bench, actually. And she…drowned. And I just watched her. Right on this bench."
All those words were spoken so monotonously that one would think Lena was just telling a story of someone else's experience. Not herself. Never herself.
Except Kara understood completely. She had seen Lena at her worst – literally – and at her best – also literally. This Lena wasn't the worst or the best, but perhaps it was time she stopped being either. She should just be Lena in this little village with her people.
"I haven't swam since."
Kryptonian intellect or not, the blonde was certain that she would never be certain of how the Book of Destiny really worked. She wasn't sure if she even wanted to anyway. That book had done irreparable damage to her life and the people she loved.
But perhaps, she deduced, the book had rewritten lives in such a way that Lena had actually gotten to live a relatively peaceful life in Ballyvaughan. No Lionel Luthor to pick her up and change the trajectory of her journey for the worse. No Kara Danvers and Supergirl to break her heart with her dichotomy.
Just a bookstore. And an expanse of water that she wasn't brave enough to swim in.
To have to watch her mother die and not be able to do anything about it was the worst thing Kara could ever want for anyone – she'd done it herself twice. And the Lena of before didn't have to go through only that, but also a myriad of issues that no one should ever have to experience.
Perhaps this was for the best. This was a chance for the raven-haired woman to finally be at peace. Of course, Kara still missed her Lena, but she stopped wishing for Lena to have her old memories back. She wouldn't be so cruel.
"We're also looking into how to restore her memories."
"Don't you guys have other stuff to do?"
"Yes, but this is Lena we're talking about. You may not think it, but she's important to us too. And we have a lot to make up for, not just you."
"Right. Can I tell you something, Alex?"
"What?"
"Sometimes, I think this might be the kindest thing Lex has ever done for Lena."
Kara couldn't explain what came over her.
Alex's visit was a catalyst, but she supposed her time spent in Ballyvaughan and rebuilding a whole new friendship – free from the weight of being National City's sweetheart and Lex Luthor's sister respectively – had been slowly building up to this moment.
The moment in question being her making a rare appearance in the bookstore run by the rumored kindest person in the whole village. Kara had debated purchasing some flowers from Sarah's shop before making her way over, but ultimately decided that any delay would only convince her that this was a bad idea all around
Hence, the blonde woke up one morning and didn't even bother to run her usual errands before her shift at the pub. She just traced the short walk up the street to Lena's business, greeting a few villagers on the way. And before she could let her feet turn her around, she forced herself to enter the store.
"Well, isn't this a rare sight?" Lena commented from the armchair at the fireplace, one book typically in her hands, a curious smile on her face.
"Uh, morning."
"Morning."
"Can I take you out?" Yep, Kara Danvers and her lack of brain-to-mouth filter. It was almost always unhelpful, but whether it remained so remained to be seen.
Lena blinked and the book flopped close without a bookmark. The fire crackled, warming up the store in the chilly morning. Still, they just stared at one another. Lena frozen on the armchair, while Kara was doing her best to not fidget so hard that she created a tornado.
"Take me out…as in?" Lena inquired, eyes wide and slightly hopeful – so, okay, this may be going in the direction if Kara played her cards right.
"Um, a date. Take you out on a date. Can I?" Kara clarified timidly, willing her feet to just stop shuffling on the goddamn hardwood floor.
"A date."
"Yes."
"Like a romantic date. You and me. Romantically on a date."
"Uh, yes? Isn't that what all dates are?"
"I wouldn't know. I'm just a villager in a small village."
It was that twinkle in Lena's eyes, all teasing and mirthful, that made Kara threw all caution out the window. Nerves be damned. Fuck that potential tornado even.
She heaved impatiently and went, "Look, Lena, I'm into you. I've been into you since before I even properly met you." That was a lie, but Lena didn't need to know that. "I think you're stubborn and temperamental and sometimes very annoying." Lena raised a brow at that, which was so inexplicably hot. "I want to take you out on a date. Maybe I'll kiss you after that date. But if you're a kiss-on-third-date kind of person, I'm cool with that too. I always want to kiss you. I want to do a lot of things, actually."
"You think there's gonna be a third –"
"Can I take you out on a date or not?" Kara huffed, resisting from stomping her foot. She really should have brought flowers.
The next few moments were perhaps the longest of Kara's life, and she had spent decades in a pod hovering in the Phantom Zone, ageless and asleep. But when Lena's smile widened, Kara knew she hit the jackpot.
The fact that Kara didn't actually spend time to plan the date before asking Lena out was beside the point. The fact that Kara subsequently spent probably far too long to make sure it was a perfect date was also beside the point.
Everything was beside the point.
The point, though, was that Lena Walsh was definitely not a kiss-on-third-date kind of person. Not even when she grew up in a relatively small village with late magazines and hardly anything on the cable.
"When I said I wanted to kiss you," Kara murmured, only to stop short when Lena wrapped her arms around Kara's neck to pull her lips to hers. "This is a very nice surprise," she couldn't help but say against Lena's lips, smiling.
"God, you're a talker, aren't you?"
Kara groaned and clasped her hands on the bottom of Lena's thighs, lifting her up slightly to press her against the wall outside Lena's front door. No talking. Just kissing. Lots and lots of kissing, because Lena tasted really nice and her lips were like pillows, and for Rao's sake, how did Kara not realize her feelings sooner?
The date hadn't been spectacular – look, Ballyvaughan wasn't exactly a great dating prospect, okay – but it was nice. The nicest date Kara had been on. For as long as she could spend time in Lena's presence, they could be digging around trash for all she cared.
They had a nice dinner outside of town. They took a walk around a random park outside of town, and Kara saved Lena from being splattered with muddy water as a biker rushed by. And Kara, being a gentleman, offered to walk Lena back once they'd driven back to Ballyvaughan. All those with no intention of actually getting to kiss Lena, because she was a gentleman.
Except then Lena gave her that look when they'd reached her door by the cul-de-sac. Hot and dark and anticipatory, as if she was expecting Kara to make good on her promise – not that it was much of a promise. And Kara found that she was a very weak gentleman.
"You're very strong," Lena commented in gasps of air as Kara's lips traveled across her face and down to her neck, sucking gently. "Do you think you're strong enough to carry me inside?"
The blonde drew back, eyes wide and crotch probably wet through. "I – um, are you serious?"
Lena shot her a gentle look. The gentlest. Cheeks pink and breaths trembling. Hands softly stroking through Kara's disheveled ponytail. "Yes, Kara, I'm serious," she reaffirmed.
See, definitely not a kiss on the third date kind of girl.
And Kara was all the more grateful, but she would be grateful later on. For now, she opened the door – they kept their doors unlocked because that was how safe this place was, unbelievable – and stepped inside. Everything else, she would worry about after she worshipped Lena like the goddess that she was.
I love you, Kara whispered in her heart as she placed kisses all over Lena's magnificent body.
I love you, Kara whispered in her heart as she drew out sinful noises from Lena with gentle touches and feather pecks.
I love you, Kara whispered in her heart as she admired the very worldly breasts that had taken Kara's breath away often.
I love you, Kara whispered in her heart as she watched Lena tumble over her throes of climax, all keening and naked and oh so sweaty.
Wherever Lena was, Kara Danvers would be there. It was written in the stars. The Book of Destiny probably didn't predict that.
There were still times when Kara missed her old Lena, but she was learning that this wasn't too bad either. This was, in fact, the best, given that she could visit Lena and kiss her whenever she wanted. She could look at Lena and not have to hide her utter adoration for the woman, who had changed the course of her life for the better, knowingly or not.
Kara still would break the world for Lena – Walsh or Luthor didn't really matter in the long run. Still, she was glad she didn't have to. Maybe not just yet.
This was peace she had been seeking for a long time. And perhaps one day, Lex Luthor would grow bored and decide to mess their lives again. But when that time came, he should be damn sure that Kara wouldn't just stand back and take it. Her purpose was to protect Lena, and she would fulfill that purpose even at the cost of everything else.
That was a promise she made herself as she entered the bookstore and found Lena there, prepared with a joyful smile and a ready kiss.
this seems like a good place to end in my books - not everything could be perfect
but who knows, i might write a second chapter down the road
ciao!
