He was serious about getting there quickly and knocked on her door at least ten minutes before he should've. Given her mood, it was probably a bad sign for him that police weren't out on the roads.
She let him in and he went to kiss her but she stepped back.
"I understand congratulations are in order," she said. Her voice was the most acidic it had been in a long time.
His face fell and she could see him trying to come up with a good lie. He couldn't so he settled for the worst possible one.
"I thought you knew," he said. "You…you said you wanted sex and no relationship. I thought someone had told you."
She had thought she couldn't be any angrier but that did it.
"No, you didn't. You came here to tell me about it but after I told you what I wanted, you decided not to say anything. Why would you? You could have it all. Mindy and her money and the probability of a bunch of children and then me over here whenever you wanted. Right? That's how this was supposed to go."
"Are you upset that I'm marrying her and that we'll probably start a family soon?"
Holly had no idea how she managed to not slap him repeatedly for that question.
"I can't believe you'd even say that to me. I feel like I should send her flowers and an apology. She's so young, Roger; she doesn't see you for who you are. She doesn't understand that you don't know how to be in a healthy relationship or even how to be a good person. She thinks that you've been misunderstood and unfairly maligned; she doesn't understand that you're just a horrible, broken person."
She was so angry, she could feel herself shaking.
"Here's what I don't get. Was I ever supposed to find out? Would you have told me before the wedding? It would almost certainly have been covered at work and definitely in the paper. Would you have let me find out that way? Or would you have hoped that I'd go on vacation the week of your wedding and just never find out? Mindy and I don't really run in the same circles so odds are decent you could've kept us separate for quite some time. I like to think Blake would've mentioned it, but she's always loved you best so she'd probably keep your secret."
He didn't take the bait, just cleared his throat.
"How did you find out?"
"Vanessa told me."
"Why aren't you mad at Vanessa? She clearly wanted to hurt you."
"YOU hurt me. You could've made sure I knew before now and this wouldn't have been an issue. She didn't know about us. Well, she didn't know about the most recent updates. If she did, she would've told me differently. She would've been…careful about it, I think. But no, none of this is on Vanessa. This is your fault, Roger. And you've told me you never stopped loving me, but this isn't how you treat people you love."
"I do love you. But I love Mindy, too. And I didn't think you were an option, especially if you knew we were engaged."
"I'm glad you can admit that but that's not how this works. If you loved me, you would've told me the situation and given me space and time to decide what I wanted. Instead, you let me presume the situation hadn't changed and you slept with me knowing I wouldn't have done it if I had known the truth."
She let that sink in and saw the realization hit him.
"That's not what happened, Holly. You wanted what happened as much as I did. Maybe even more. Tell me that's not how you really feel."
"Did you hold me down and ignore me crying and begging you not to, pleading for you to stop? No. But did you have sex with me knowing that I wouldn't have done it if I had known you were engaged to Mindy? I didn't consent to that, Roger. You know I didn't and you know I wouldn't have. You always tell me that you know me better than anyone else. It's true, even though I hate it a lot of the time. You know how to make me fall for you, how to ignore everything I know to be true. It's an unfair advantage and you always exploit it. But the responsibility there is that you also know what you did."
He started to defend himself again and she stopped him.
"You just said it, Roger. You said you didn't think I was an option especially if I knew you and Mindy were engaged. There's no other explanation for what you said. Don't pretend you didn't say it. You owe me at least that much."
"You're right. I'm sorry. I just…I do love you and after Acapulco, I couldn't stand the thought of not having you in my life. I thought I'd ruined everything for us and when you forgave me, when we made love…it was everything I've ever wanted. It looked like it would all come true, but then…"
"Then Mindy," Holly said. "I get that. But what I don't understand is why you proposed to her if you loved me. I could understand it if she were still pregnant but you said she lost the baby."
"You have to remember that when I left your house, I had just seen you covered in bruises that I put there. I felt like a monster, like all I do is hurt you over and over…"
"Stop it," Holly said, her voice sharp. "You don't get to make decisions about my life. You can't propose to Mindy to save me. You can't keep that engagement secret in order to continue having sex with me. And since you brought up Acapulco, you also promised me that you wouldn't take advantage of me again. There's no other interpretation here. You've tried painting me as someone who wants you on whatever terms possible you've tried calling me jealous and manipulative. Give me the truth, Roger. I don't want your excuses or your rationalizations. Just tell me the goddamn truth."
"The truth is the same it's always been. I love you. I want you."
She closed her eyes and felt most of her anger dissolve. It was replaced by a bone-deep exhaustion.
"I don't want your love anymore."
