Holly was currently hiding in her office. She knew that Roger was at work, too—he'd taken to arriving well before she did and then leaving ahead of the evening newscast—but so far, she'd been able to keep from seeing him. It was a week later, but she kept replaying their fight over and over in her head. It was a more brutal argument than she'd had in a long time. She wanted to forget it, but it stayed on a loop in her mind anyway. It didn't matter where she was or what she was doing.
"You have to remember that when I left your house, I had just seen you covered in bruises that I put there. I felt like a monster, like all I do is hurt you over and over…"
"Stop it," Holly said, her voice sharp. "You don't get to make decisions about my life. You can't propose to Mindy to save me. You can't keep that engagement secret in order to continue having sex with me. And since you brought up Acapulco, you also promised me that you wouldn't take advantage of me again. There's no other interpretation here. You've tried painting me as someone who wants you on whatever terms possible and you've tried calling me jealous and manipulative. Give me the truth, Roger. I don't want your excuses or your rationalizations. Just tell me the goddamn truth."
"The truth is the same it's always been. I love you. I want you."
"I don't want your love anymore."
The worst part about remembering the fight was the look on his face when she'd said that. He probably would've taken it better if she had yelled it, but she'd said it quietly. It hurt saying it and it clearly hurt him to hear it.
He didn't say anything after that, just turned and left. She hadn't seen him since. She knew that this wouldn't last—in a town of this size, there was no way they'd be able to keep avoiding each other, and that was even if they managed to still keep missing each other at work.
She'd canceled her therapy appointment that week. She was pretty sure she shouldn't have done it but the fight felt too raw and she didn't want to discuss it yet. And she didn't have anyone else she could discuss it with. She considered Maureen and Vanessa friends, but she knew they were best friends and since Vanessa was Mindy's former stepmother, obviously Mindy would get their loyalty. She was friendly with Gilly but they worked together, and even if Roger didn't ALSO work there, she felt a little squeamish at the thought of discussing something so personal with a coworker. (Especially since there were few places more gossipy than a newsroom.)
The problem was that, even though Holly stood by what she said, she still hated that she hurt Roger. She was also angry about that. She doubted Roger ever lost sleep after hurting her.
At the same time, she didn't want to be a person who just…hated someone. Even if it was someone she felt entirely justified in hating. The problem was that she had all these conflicting feelings about Roger. Most of that was his fault. Whenever he was his most charming and kind self, he would eventually hurt her and she never saw it coming. At the same time, whenever she expected malice, he would be vulnerable.
The day crawled by. She knew Roger tended to leave by 3:30 and it was 3:15 now. She cracked her office door and peeked out. "You're being ridiculous," she told herself. "You're allowed to leave your office." She also knew that the longer she went without seeing Roger, the more she was building it up in her head.
She opened the door and walked into the newsroom. Judging from the reactions, it seemed that yes, they noticed that she had spent a full week holed up in her office.
"Nice to see you, too," she said dryly. "Did our newscast get canceled? Because if not, I don't think you have time to stare at me."
"Give them a break," said Roger who, like a horror villain, was standing behind her. "They haven't seen you in days. There was a bet going on whether or not you'd died."
"Really. Who came down on the side of `Holly died'? Besides you, I'm guessing."
"William."
Holly scoffed. "That sounds about right. He's probably guessing I fell and broke a hip."
Holly had disliked that kid ever since he told her she looked nice "for her age." She tried not to think about it but whenever she did, she got angry all over again and she didn't need that today.
Roger laughed. "Look, I know we're not getting along right now but if we can put that aside just for a minute? I can have him killed."
"I can't approve that," Holly said but then added, "I definitely want to" low enough for Roger to hear. "Would you want an alibi or help disposing of the body?"
"Ideally both."
"Done."
He was about to say something else when Gilly called for him.
"Roger? Phone call."
Holly went back into her office and closed the door, annoyed with herself for how much she enjoyed that interaction. To be fair, at least part of it was the thought of harm coming to William. "For my age…" she muttered angrily.
A moment later, there was a knock on her door.
"Come in!"
It was Gilly and Holly stood up.
"Are you doing okay?" she asked Holly, a look of concern on her face.
"I'm fine."
"You've been pretty standoffish this past week."
"I said I'm fine."
"It's just that…" Gilly continued.
"Gilly, if I need to tell you a third time that I'm fine, I will. But I'm also going to wonder about your comprehension skills and I don't think that's something you want me doing."
Gilly looked like she had been slapped and Holly immediately felt horrible.
"I'm sorry. I'm a little…tense, I guess. But I really am fine and you don't need to worry. Either way, I shouldn't have said that. You're the best employee we have here and you're very much appreciated."
Gilly gave a very subtle eyeroll and Holly didn't say anything. She was also overly fond of eyerolls and she'd also be much happier if she could keep from having to apologize to Gilly a second time.
"Was there anything you needed?" she asked, as kindly as she could.
"I was…going to see if you'd heard about Roger and Mindy."
"The engagement? Yes. And if it's okay with you, I really don't want to discuss anything about it. Roger's personal life…it's not my business. And I wouldn't like anyone discussing my personal life with him, so please leave me out of it. I'll contribute to a wedding present but I don't want to go to whatever party we throw."
"No, Holly, that's…"
"I don't want to be part of this. And I don't want to talk about it."
She could see that Gilly still wanted to say something.
"I'm serious. This isn't a `Please don't tell me!' with a wink so you know I don't mean it. I don't want to know about their engagement or their wedding or anything to do with it."
"There isn't going to be a wedding. Roger broke it off."
Holly sank back down into her chair. "I'm sorry, what?"
