PERHAPS YOU CAN KEEP THE LIGHTS OFF-3
Hello dear people. Another difficult week has passed and I can go back to continuing the story. Thanks once again for all the reviews. It's nice to know, that after so many stories that I wrote, I can still create a decent piece of work. I'm so grateful to all the fanfiction writers, especially now, when all the news about the upcoming movie 2 are so disappointing, especially when it comes to Chelsie...So, to amend what Fellowes messed up, let's go back to the wonderful world of Chelsie...
Elsie was really struggling with herself during those last few days. After her conversation with Mrs Patmore, she kept on thinking about this whole situation. Mrs Patmore gave her the solution, but there were contradictory ideas in her head.
In some moments, she was thinking, that it was a good idea to talk to her future husband about it and that they could not go on like this and carry on with the preparations, without claryfing such an imortant issue.
But then she looked at him and she was blushing, for the very thought of raising this question with him. How could she possibly do it...That was so embbarassing...What he will think about her, if she starts talking to him...He will be appalled...He wasn't able to talk about anything that was connected to sex. Elsie still remembered, how they were talking about the question of Thomas sexual orientation and how Charles didn't want to analyze this...
All the earlier happiness and excitement, that Elsie was feeling, due to the upcoming wedding, has now vanished, because she knew, that she will never be truly happy, if they will enter this marriage having such different approach to the question of their marital relations..
All this unhappiness and hesitation caused, that she was getting away from Charles and their evening talks with Sherry were not so joyful and full of hope like before...
Elsie was a woman of action. She didn't like to sit and wait for a solution. Whenever there was a problem to solve, she was the first one to solve this, but now, she had a feeling that she was stuck, without any sensible resolution...
In the same time, Charles also felt like there was something very wrong in their relationship...He saw how Elsie was getting further and further away from him and his heart was hurting... He was wondering about the causes of he behavior and every time he tried to analyze, why was she acting so differently than before, this awful thought couldn't leave his mind in peace...
He reckoned, that she probably realized, what going into the marriage meant and it had to be the reason why she wanted out...It was exactly like always...He could easily predict, that she would not want to be intimate with him...Like, who would...Of course they never talked about this openly, because how could they possibly? But it had to be it...She assumed, that once they will be married, he would expect her to perform her wifely duties and she obviously didn't want that..
He felt like he was in the trap...The woman that he loved and adored and until now, considered as the one who shared his feelings, was now slowly and quietly backing away...And there was nothing that he could do about it...
They've been going through this period of uncertainty for few more days, until one evening, when they had too many drinks and once Charles mentioned something about the wedding preparations and he noticed, how Elsie's face expression suddenly changed into less joyful...
He felt, that he can't live in this state anymore..That he simply has to know, what was going on with her.. Why all the sudden she has changed so much, did she still want their marriage or not? He couldn't live in that insecurity no longer...So he asked...
"Mrs Hughes...I was wondering...If I could ask you a question..."
"Of course...Is there something wrong Mr Carson? You look so serious..."
"Becaus it is serious...I don't know how to say that...It's just that...You see...I...You.."
"Mr Carson I don't know what you mean...Please relax and ask me, whatever you wish to ask..."
"I will do my best...Recently I noticed, that you, that you are not so eager to talk about our wedding preparations or anything which is connected to our marriage...Is there...? Has something changed possibly? Do you wish to back out? You no longer want to marry me?"
His heart was beating wildly in his chest now...He lowered his sight and waited for an answer...Whatever it meant to be...
"Mr Carson it's not that...I do not wish to back out at all..."
Charles sighed with relief...So she still wanted to marry him...Then what was the problem?...He raised his eyes again and looked at her...Now she seemed confused and embarrassed, just like he did few moments ago...
"Then what's the problem? I don't understand the cause of your behavior...It's like you suddenly lost all the excitement that we both had before..."
"It's not that Mr Carson, it's just that there are still some unsettled questions...Things we never spoke about...Things that should be clarified before we will marry..."
"Such as? I thought that we went through everything by now...All the details...We spoke about our cottage, about our duties and...I'm not sure what else we could have missed..."
"There is one important question that we never talked about...Much more intimate question..."
"Oh..."
The sudden silence filled the room...So it was about their marital relations...Charles was wondering, what he will hear from her in the moment and Elsie was wondering, how should she put that in a sentence?
"You see...Marriage is not only living together and sharing duties and joys of everyday life...It's also about being together, intimate..And I was wondering...If you...If you wish us to?...You know..."
"Uhm...I know what you mean Mrs Hughes...Can I be honest with you?"
"Yes, please, always..."
"I didn't raise this question, because I was not entirely sure, what are your feelings about that...If you will want to...You know..."
He lowered his sight again...There it was...The words that couldn't possibly go through his mouth..Ever...
Elsie looked at him and she realized, that if they will keep talking like this, beating around the bush, they will never find any platform of communication and things will still be the way they were now...This was the moment, when she had to take a risk and say what she had to say...
She took his hand in hers, causing his amazement and she finally said it...
"Mr Carson...I sincerely hope, that after I will say what I have to say, you won't find me a woman with no standards..."
"I could never thought of you as a woman with no standards Mrs Hughes..."
"That's odd..Because you once told me that I was that woman..."
"Forgive me...I'm an old fool, who can make a cruel remarks sometimes, but they are almost never true...Please continue and tell me what is it that you wanted to tell me..."
"As I said...I hope that you won't think of me as a woman with no standards, when I will tell you, that yes...I have thought about that side of our marriage life and yes...I know how I feel about it...I know exactly how I feel about..."
"And how do you feel about it?"-once again during this conversation, Charles felt like his world was turning round and round, without any control...
"I want us to have intimate relations...I want us to be close, to be husband and wife in full meaning of that word..."
Charles thought, that it was possibly his imagination playing tricks on him, because surely it wasn't possible, that for the first time in his life, he heard such thing and from the lips of the woman that he adored...
"Mrs Hughes, does it mean that you really? That you want us...To...To...?"
"Yes Mr Carson...Very much...And it costs me nothing to say it..."
Charles felt like the carousel in his head was spinning faster and faster...He knew, that she used those words before, but he couldn't remember when it was...He dared to look at her and he saw pride and pure love in her eyes...Her face and her whole attitude were telling him, that she wasn't lying..She really wanted this...She wanted him...As hard as it was to believe, he knew that it was the truth...
"Mrs Hughes...I don't know what to say...I've never been in such situation before...Never...No woman has ever..."
"Somehow I find that very difficult to believe Mr Carson..."-Elsie smiled faintly..."The question is- are you sharing those feelings, or did I just made a fool of myself in your eyes?"
"No Mrs Hughes...You haven't...Of course I share these feelings...I always wanted this...You..."
Elsie's eyes began to fill with tears, tears of happiness...After all this emotional hell, she finally knew how he felt about her...She was finally sure, that he wanted this as much as she did...
Without any hesitation, going with her instinct, she reached his face and stroke it with her hand tenderly...There was so much emotions in this small gesture, so much love in this simple touch, that he decided to do the same-to go with his instincts too...He leaned to her and they shared their first, shy kiss...They both trembled inside, once they finally felt the touch of the lips of the beloved person...It wasn't a long or pasionate kiss...It was sweet, insecure, but full of love...
When it ended, Elsie felt like she has to tell him everything...She didn't want any more secrets between them...
"Mr Carson...I feel so relieved...All this time, I felt like you didn't want this...Like you didn't want me.."
"I felt the same way...I was afraid that you wouldn't want to...That you were not interested with being with me that way..."
"It looks like we need to have a better communication in the future...Look what we almost missed... I wouldn't want to be deprived of that...Never..."
"Neither would I..."
They were caressing their hands gently, enjoying those slight touches...They didn't want to be aprat now...No force could separate them...Once they finally resolved their mutual doubts, there was like a beginning of their new life...They knew each other for so long and it seemed like there wasn't much secrets between them, but somehow, in that moment, they felt like they just started their journey together, most wonderful journey and at the end of the road, there was something spectacular waiting for them, what they both wanted to experience so much...
That was quite a conversation...Just like I always imagined it should be...As much as I liked Mrs Patmore humorous contribution in the series, this could easily be wonderfully played with just Charles and Elsie...It generally should be the end of the story, but it is an open ending..You can decide, whether you wish to have one more chapter with the wedding night or not...It's up to you...I always listen to the wishes of my readers (unlike Fellowes)...Sorry, I had to get it out of my chest...Part of a big "no Chelsie in the new movie" disappointment...Hope you liked that one and if you did, please give me a sign :D Have a wonderful day, afternoon, evening (depending from your time zone). See you soon!
