Chapter 11 Former General
Michael supposes he's had weirder experiences. No, scratch that, he knows he has and just in the last ten days. The fact that now Sam is experiencing his morning sickness in tandem is a lot to deal with. Both because the Devil is miserable with it, and Samael has always been so precious about every damn thing. So, even though he's spending time at Ella's and mostly enjoying it save for that weird gremlin thing of hers, he still gets a petulant call every morning about 4 a.m. after he's done blowing chunks for the mid-night.
Sam blaming him for his weak stomach and nausea as if Michael was doing it, as if he could control some weird twin link that's started up again between them since his pregnancy was announced. Take it up with Father in nine weeks at the Chucky-palooza party. It's not like Michael wants to be so sickly either.
Though in the last nine days, even if he has the morning sickness and the annoyed Devil calling him, Michael has gotten some comfort from Lopez's mint tea and ginger root diet. The root she tends to add to cookies, but both things settle his stomach enough during the day to eat and keep food down. The morning sickness is still annoying and will probably last into the end of this trimester, which isn't far off, but he can keep food down. That's something.
But as he sits one-on-one with the well he won't say good doctor, but he will say highly paid and concerned one, Michael realizes that no longer always barfing might not be good enough. The earlier part of the appointment was the weird part, the very extensive physical and ultrasound, until today and his first formal appointment, Michael didn't know they had the option to even go there.
Honestly?
If Scrappy hadn't been by his side and Linda waiting outside the door of his bedroom at Sam's on standby, Michael would have stormed out.
But the twins needed…he was many things but he was going to be better for them. He was going to do everything he could to keep the two alive and healthy, and part of that included check ups. So, like so often in his immortal life, Michael bore the indignities like a champ. But now, they were onto the fully clothed, no more sonogram part of the check in, and he'd been asked to sit privately with William.
It was almost funny the way Scrappy had glared at the doc and said quite plainly that if anything happened while she wasn't here, then he'd answer to her brass knuckles. The doc hadn't quite known how to take that, and Michael just found it endearing. Scraps could handle a good-sized guy and while Will was in the weight class of the chronically strung out, he was tall. Probably about Sam's height, so she might have had a few problems in that arena.
Then again, he'd learned early on in their road trip never to underestimate one Ella Lopez. But he was safe, and even if he didn't want a heart to heart with his, ugh fuck you Dad, ersatz obstetrician, he wasn't in any danger.
So she was, like Linda, perched outside the door, as Will pulls up his stool to talk to him.
Michael moves from the bed to an overstuffed armchair. He's been lying splayed out too much in this exam already thank you very much. He looks to Will and sighs heavily. "If this is about if someone is hurting me and if I'm okay-"
"I'm obligated to ask."
"Are you? You probably don't ask that of most of your clientele. I mean, I'm betting you don't give a shit about sewing up the average gangbanger as long as the cash is plentiful and in unmarked bills, right?"
There is a slight catch in the doc's breath, but he's a complex read. Not an impossible one. He hasn't had time to probe as deeply as he might want, but this is still the so-called expert (or doc who'd take the bribes same difference currently) responsible for Lopez's kids, and Michael wasn't leaving things to chance and Linda's sign off only.
Or to Sam's bank balance even.
Will had fears, and Michael hadn't probed more about the Daddy didn't love me enough crap or the even the really intense claxon blaring about Will's own stepmother who seemed not any older than Will and fucking L.A., right? But the less complicated things about the dragon the young doc was chasing and the fear he'd never be back in a real hospital again…oh yes easy enough to read. As was some of the lowlights of client visits gone wrong or nearly wrong.
And Will saw to more than his fair share of gangbangers. Though sometimes cops who couldn't afford to explain "accidents" they'd experienced. So, the shadiness went both ways.
"I don't…"
Michael taps the side of his head. "Don't lie. Sam has some trumped up honor system over it, but he talks around things. I will give my twin credit, small as it is. He doesn't lie directly. I just know when people like most of the time, better than a literal lie detector."
Which was true, except for complete sociopaths, humans got nervous when they lied, worried about being caught, showed their fear in little, autonomic responses and, if you were the Angel of Fear, it wafted from them.
"Then, I take who I can take. I try and take people who aren't actively hurting other people at the time. That's true, but I can't always control who calls and who can pay…is a limited set. But, yeah, I've asked other people before-savory or not-how they're doing. Had a whole kid who basically kidnapped me at gun point and worked somehow on helping him semi-patch things up with his dad. So, yeah, I have a random assortment of patients, but I care even when I try hard not to, and I have to ask that same question because you looked rough the first night, and you look rough now."
Michael sighs again, and he can't keep his hand from caressing the left side of his face, the newer scar from Samael. It's healing slowly, but it is. He worries his left eye will never quite close right, might always be a bit droopy, but it's only been a few months and it is a wound that came from another angel's wings. If it does heal better, it could take many more months or several years to be its best.
"I've had it rough."
"And if your brother is the reason no matter how much he's footing for your care now-"
"I said it was my father who was the real pain in my ass."
Will slouches a bit in his seat. "If you can call my bluff, then I'd appreciate some honesty from my patient back. What happened to your face doesn't just happen."
"True, but my family has its own ways of getting its frustrations out," Michael replied. "If you think I'm in danger from Sam now, then I can promise you I'm really not."
He almost laughs at that. So far, their empathetic bond or whatever it is only really connects them via morning sickness. However, at least until Michael gives birth, it's probably better for Sam if he doesn't hurt him. Not just because of Dad's rules, but also because Sam might just find that pain or even that scarring reflected back on himself through the bond. Oh, how delicious in a way it would be for Sam to end up scarring himself.
"Are you sure because I know sometimes when women hide for family or people they also care about. Eve, my assistant now-"
"Sam's not a threat. And he adores Lopez. He wouldn't do a thing to me because he wants to protect her kids," Michael emphasizes the point by put a hand over his belly. It's as flat as it has been, but the twins are in there, and they're coming. It's more than enough to weigh heavily on his mind. Always does. "They're safe and I am. I…my father is a different story, but I'm under Sam's protection for now, so it's the best we have till we think of something better."
"Real bastard of a dad, huh?"
"Like I said, the Master of the Universe type."
"Right, but if you ever need-"
"There is no shelter on earth that could protect me from Dad's anger better than Lux can. I hate it too because Sam? Not my favorite person, but we're working on it or at least being better till the twins get here. I dunno what happens after. But this is literally the safest place in the universe for me."
Michael thinks, probably, the weird, little sake place in The Dreaming he's popped into twice more since his first dream of Matthew the Raven might be safer, but that's in a plane that is far from earthly and doesn't quite count for this universe only.
Will nods and rubs his hands together. "Fine, but I just had to try. I can see you do have someone who cares about you a lot. Ella is intense, but she really wants the best for you."
"Of course she does, and she's the mom…uh, the other one," Michael says, not in the mood for an angel 20-questions or explaining he's the father. Because none of it makes much sense if you don't know God's a demented asshole who just wants to replace his best weapon and muscle to apparently expand the multiverse. But, again, far beyond the grasp of a mortal. Even a nosy one. "I wasn't sure how to tell her at first, but sis was better about letting the pregnant cat out of the bag and here we are. I was worried Lopez wouldn't be on board because it's a lot, but she is, and she's definitely in my corner."
Will nods. "Good, so did you all try IVF and you weren't expecting it to take or it took later than you'd planned? I've seen couples who tried and the process is so tense that it can split them up. Never quite seen a case where it takes after the fireworks and the break up, but I guess it happens. The hormone therapy alone for that can really tax one partner's moods."
Michael runs a hand through his hair. "We didn't do IVF."
"Right, so she's committed to adopting them?"
"No, they're hers and mine."
Will arches an eyebrow at him. "I am unclear of the math on that. But I think it probably relates to this," the doc emphasizes his point by pulling out a syringe. Its tip is bent back almost ninety degrees and rendered completely unusable.
Michael honestly doesn't remember the doc trying to take any samples, but his skin is divinely-infused, so no needle is going to affect him much. Didn't apparently even tickle. "Faulty merch, doc?"
"No…but I will need blood work along with other samples to be able to see how you're progressing."
"Oh, so can't get it all from jamming wands places they definitely shouldn't go and me peeing in a cup?" Michael chirps sweetly. He even bats his eyes for good measure, throwing in the coquettish training he learned at Lopez's knee.
"If you don't want me to lie to you-"
"I'd prefer it because I can tell when you do. It's just insulting both of our intelligence when you try, you know?"
"Do I?" the doc counters.
"But there isn't anything to really be gained by lying. Samael has you paid off, and even if you did try and fuck me over, I'll level with you," Michael adds, letting his eyes glow gold. "It's not my twin you'll have to worry about. At all."
Will jumps to his feet and blinks a lot. "I swear if it's that damn ayahuasca again…"
Michael groans because this is the best natal care he can muster, and it's not necessarily reassuring him right now. "No, I mean Sam never shuts up about it. It's his whole schtick. I mean, cover is not his thing. So, I'm betting you can guess that Lucifer Morningstar isn't actually a stage name or anything like it."
"I…but the devil isn't real."
"Yeah, well maybe you need to get up to speed faster," Michael says pointing to the needle. "He's that Lucifer, and I'm his twin, Michael…that Michael, unless you're not Christian then I can break out the Google search on my phone an Wikipedia-splain that to you."
"No I…wait. Like the archangel?"
"Kind of," Michael mutters as Will doesn't sit back down but doesn't try to flee either. The goddess takes that as encouragement to at least continue. "It's too long a story to explain in one appointment, but I'm the Archangel Michael or, well, I was. I've been put in a time out deal, more or less. So this is what I am now. The kiddos are more of a surprise than I could have imagined."
"Were you different when you and Ella…"
"No, and that's why this was not expected, but also angels aren't supposed to be able to period. So, you know, you're in charge of not fucking up two miracles-technically-and getting them on the ground safely. I guess that starts with getting you decent equipment or, you know, angel-compliant needles and other things. I…I'll talk to Linda, and I think she and Maze together can get you metal that'll work for the kind of metal you need."
Will gapes at him and blinks owlishly. Michael has a moment then where he's afraid he broke his doctor's brain. "I'm not high?"
"No, that would probably be more fun and involve less pregnant chicks, well technically a chick," he says, gesturing to his form.
"The Devil is cutting my checks?"
"Well not all of them I think."
"And his sister-"
"Brother, but it's a real long ass story."
"Right, sorry, the Devil's brother is pregnant with angel twins and I have to be the ob/gyn even though that's not necessarily my specialty."
"But you've delivered human babies before right? These are half-Lopez so at least half-human. I'm pretty sure the end, uh, way they come is basically the same." He blanches at that because that's in six or seven more months, and not his problem till then.
"A handful, maybe five or six and at least the last few under emergency circumstances, but I think angel ups the risk factor."
"Maybe it does the reverse right? I'm clearly pretty indestructible," Michael adds, pointing to the mangled needle. "But, yeah, if it makes this whole process safer or easier to let you know all of it, and it gets Lopez's kids here as safely as possible, then welcome to the show, Doc. Angels and demons and the Devil…all real."
"And you're sure I'm not high?" He finally sits down, falling hard into his office chair.
"I'm sure you're not high on a hallucinogen as far as I can tell. If you came here hopped on coke, then that's between you and my dad, I guess."
Will's eyes are the widest they've been all night, and Michael half-wonders if that's good for him, if they'll get stuck that way. "Your dad's literally God."
"Well, I don't like Him, so if it could have been literally any other guy in the universe, that would have been better."
"God. The Almighty."
"Yeah, that's the one. Yahweh, Alpha and Omega, I am that I am…etc. That's my dad."
"You said He really did abuse you and that Lucifer was protecting you from Him," Will says, and by now he's reached into his back to pop some pills of his own. Michael assumes they're aspirin. It's more comfortable for him to keep assuming that at least.
"But I wasn't bull shitting you. It's beyond complicated, but for now, Lucifer's place is safe territory and my twin is offering me asylum. God isn't going to touch you here or me or the babies," he says, still getting used to that word applying to the beings inside of him. Or to the idea of beings growing inside of him for that matter. "I think them being born is literally the only thing my whole family does agree on right now. So, you're needed and safe and Linda I bet wouldn't have dragged you into this anyway if you weren't and, deep down, you know that."
"I…this is not what I expected."
"I should hope not. I'd be more worried about my doctor if he just attended to angelic pregnancies all the time or, being honest, was so nuts or high as a kite he thought he was."
"So you're uh sisters?"
"Never, we're sterile or supposed to be. I just get to be so unique. Imagine my utter joy at that," Michael huffs, drawing his arms around his waist and hugging himself tightly.
The shock seems to be wearing off from Will's face, or at leas the doctor has the sense to hear what hasn't exactly been said. "Why you? Because you're an archangel?"
"No, other archs can't either."
"Then why you and why now?"
"Now, no clue, but me? Well, I…all angels have abilities. Samael…Lucifer, I mean, has his powers. He can elicit desires from others. I can do something similar with fears."
"Which is why you can tell when I'm lying, the anxiety provoking galvanic skin responses and other signs you can hone in on."
Michael nods. "Basically, but I can also Create. Having babies? I have recently learned falls under the Creation umbrella so here I am, knocked up and relying on a not-quite-licensed human doctor for help. So now you know, and I really will get you needles that can work on a Celestial being soon. I just…that's why it doesn't matter."
"What?" Will asks, narrowing his eyes at him.
"That my father is an abusive monster. That this alliance with Sam is new and fragile, or that most of the Host-my brothers and sisters-have taken time recently making me the literal family punching bag. Despite everything else about you, from your obvious habits to your demeanor…and questionable business cards."
"I like those cards."
Michael smirks. "Sure, Dr. Hooker, M.D. But despite all the red flags from you, you're a nice guy. You feel like a nice guy, like someone who does try like apparently you did for your assistant once a long time ago. I...it would be nice if someone could help save me from my father." He sighs and hugs himself tighter. "Could save them even more, but it's God. And I cope."
"Just because your father is hurting you and he's the head of apparently the whole fucking universe and real, that doesn't make this right."
"Of course not, but it makes it inescapable. Way I see it, I have one job to do, and since it's bound to be my last most likely, I don't want to screw it up. I…these kids-Lopez's kids-didn't ask for this. I mean, none of us did, but especially not fetuses. They're pure innocents inveigled into all of this. I just want to get them out of me safely when it's time and find a way for them and Ella to have a life far outside of my father's reach."
"But if He's God…"
"Yeah, still not so great on how part 2 is gonna work. But you're on team part 1 where you help me get the kiddos here. That's all, so again whatever blood or even worse samples you need, have them. Whatever you need to know about how I work and my powers work to make delivery easier, great. That's the deal, as far as I see it."
Will sits back at that, really at all the revelations and seems to digest the load of them for a long time. Michael thinks that as well as the doctor has done so far, that he may have finally broken the healer's capacity for logical thought with so much truth and big cosmic realities in so little a time.
Finally, though, the doctor speaks, "How do I know? I mean, I don't have to spell it out for you but I use a lot of crap. I've had bad trips before. This wouldn't be the first time if I'm just high and tripping out."
"Oh, I don't doubt it."
"So, if you're an angel, can't you just floof out those wings so I'll know for sure."
Michael sits up taller at that and glares back at his physician. "First, I'm not some pet pigeon. Angels don't just floof out wings for mortals on demand. Second, usually our wings drive mortals insane. Too much divinity overload and you all want to lie prostate before us and worship not stop. It's not great."
"But you did the eye thing-"
"And I was worried for a hot minute you were going to go cuckoo for cocoa puffs anyway." Michael sighs again and looks down, studying his hands. They are nothing like they're supposed to be, and it's glaring how little of himself he sees in the form left to him. "I don't have wings, not anymore. Father yanked them out as punishment."
And there are tears welling in his eyes, and Michael feels stupid and small and too human-like in this moment. He doesn't even try and burden Scrappy with these worries and pains, but a mortal he barely knows-one who might still go nuts from knowing the full truth-is someone he can't stop speaking too. Suddenly, it flows forward like a torrent.
Everything about his missing wings, his punishment and all its insidious aspects, and the pain. The truth of how he aches, how badly he needs to Fear to survive, the pain deep inside of him all the time. The pain and urgency to scare mortals that has amplified over the last couple months and that now Michael is worrying with greater clarity may be a side effect of the pressure the pregnancy is putting on him. That the twins take so much more energy than he needed to sustain himself before, that it's more like ten days before he has to hunt and not two weeks, and that he hates that and hates all he has to do, all he's become.
He keeps talking, keeps shaking and feeling so incredibly small and pathetic. At some point after he chokes out "Fear Vampire," Michael is shocked to have the doctor scoot closer to him, to have the doc patting his back, trying to comfort him.
"You heard me, right? I'm dangerous to…to everyone. My fucking power works even on other archangels. Less than two weeks ago, I gutted Gabriel. Not literally, but I tore all his fears from him, publicly humiliated my shit brother. The second time Scrappy…Ella and I met, she didn't understand my problem. She reached out and just touched me when I was unsteady and craving and I…" he pulls away from Will to spare him the pain or a potential back fire. "…she was catatonic for hours after, and my powers have grown since then…grown since I got pregnant but I can't control it. I…I need more of it."
Will scoots closer anyway and reaches out to stroke his rat's nest of hair slowly. "Then, it sounds like you actually have two nutritional, so to speak, issues at once. I'm not happy with the lack of weight gain since your first check up. You haven't gone down, but you're carrying twins and they need so much. I'm going to give you and Ella a diet to follow. I mean, she'll monitor it. You need so much protein and calcium and to try and eat 5-6x a day to keep that up. I'll also get some shakes to supplement for you. Knowing you're an angel….I don't exactly know the calorie requirements there, but I'll do the best I can. I'm more worried about the pain and the Fear issues."
"Sam is too," Michael admits. He wants to pull away from the doc, to remind him that he's never quite safe or stable, but he can't. Because except for Scrappy, no one is even ever nice to him, and it's reassuring that this strange, strung out mortal cares at least. That he has a doctor who gives a shit. "I just try and put it off because I hate it. It's not what angels do. I mean, I've always had Fear…but not like this. I shouldn't just take." He looks away and shivers. "sometimes, I just get so desperate and…hungry is as good a word as any but so hungry that I can't help but leave the human's mind in pieces, leaving them catatonic or shrieking lately. I don't want that, but I don't know how to control it without my wings."
Will stops futzing with Michael's hair and nods at that. "But that's probably our most pressing worry. If the Fearing…the scaring humans helps keep you stable and physically out of pain enough to carry the twins, then it's basically its own dietary need. A weird stretch of the term, but you need it, and it needs to be done in a way that's not you just denying it until you get desperate and overtaking. And maybe if we work together, we can find a way to recreate what you get from using your power without having to use it or at least go as far."
He snorts at that. Sam wants the same thing. Damn if Michael doesn't want it too, but he hardly believes he'll be able to avoid taking. That he can outrun what Father has remade him to be, and Michael's not thinking in his instant about pregnant goddess. He's a predator now, feeds on fear and deeply so.
"Can a human doctor even understand a fear vampire, let alone fix him?" Michael asks, and his tone is more needy and desperate than the sarcastic one he'd hoped for.
He wants to be dismissive of his pain, of his embarrassing complications. He wants to run from the fact he's hardly the Sword of God anymore, hardly a noble angelic general if he ever was that. If he just pretends it's not happening, maybe it'll stop.
But it is happening, and he's even scaring the Devil with how much he needs. How much he craves, and the type of damage he even wrought against Gabriel.
What if one day he stretches out time till a feeding, and it's Ella who gets caught in his grip again. He was so much weaker in his needs and power then. This time she might not survive it.
"We can try. Get me a needle or a few that'll work, and then next time you have an appointment, part of it can be me and you and your twin figuring this out." Will stands and starts gathering his bag of supplies. He offers a pointed look toward Michael as he prepares to duck out. "I think that meeting should include the mom too. She clearly cares a fuck ton about you."
"She's human and-"
"So am I."
"She's not a doctor."
"No, but she cares, and maybe she'll have good ideas. I've only just met her, but she seems like the kind of person who can figure just about anything out. Am I wrong?"
Michael can't help smiling at that. It's Lopez, and he is so gone on her than acting like dreamy human sap is inevitable when it comes to her. "She's the best human I know. Honestly, I wasn't really fond of humans before. I don't know if I am now, but you and her both seem like maybe you all aren't so bad. Like I was ignoring something really good down here for a long time. I dunno yet about the rest of the human race, but yeah, I would put every ounce of my faith in Ella Lopez. She's amazing."
Will nods. "That's good, actually. The children should have that kind of security, a stable, loving connection between their parents. It's great to hear."
He pauses then and Michael has fuck all idea why he gets some weird flash of the doc's stepmother of all people, and for now, he has so many fucking problems that Michael doesn't want to know why. Burden of fear, always knowing too much, but the former Sword is too tapped out and exhausted to take on the good doc's burdens too.
Not now.
"Yeah, so next time, Doc?"
"Sure, but you know now that I do understand how big a deal this pregnancy is, I'm going to charge double."
Michael smirks. "Sure, take that up with Samael. Trust me, my twin owes me."
