It's been a long day. Maya has been craving rest from the moment she came home, still sore from the explosion, but her mind hasn't stopped racing. So she ran, and showered, and tidied up the apartment a little bit. And when Carina came home she let the warmth and comfort wash over her all the way through dinner until right now, on the couch, with her wife's arms around her, watching some movie that hasn't really manage to catch her attention.

And her mind's still racing.

"Carina," she turns to look at her wife, "is this really what you want?"

"What I want?" Carina has that puzzled look on her face, and she realize she had started this conversation from the middle.

"For Jack to be our donor. Do you really want that?" she goes back a little, enough to let her wife catch up to where her thoughts are.

"I do, that's why I've spent the day trying to sell you on that." Carina has that little smile on her face, the one that says she loves her even if she's asked that question in a hundred different ways already.

The blonde sighs and moves away a little, now sitting next to her wife so she can look at her without straining her neck. She misses the warmth immediately though, and Carina's expression turns serious. "It's just-" She sighs again, then starts over, "it's Jack. He and I – " She doesn't think she can say it, and it'll hurt Carina more than her anyway. "We have history, not just before you and I met, not the good kind. And I know you two are friends now, but can you really be OK with him being our donor? Do you really want him to be?"

For a moment, Carina just looks at her. They've gone through that, and deep down she thinks she may be too tired to go over it again tonight. She should have known it was coming, Maya did text her they should talk about it tonight. She just let herself believe they might finally be on the same page here. "I told you Maya, I think we should move on to the future. He's a good guy, I know that. And he's someone we know, which is what you wanted, and he offered. It all just falls into place." She's tired of this argument, it's clear enough, but Maya can't let this go yet, not until she's perfectly sure.

"That's what worries me, how well it all falls into place."

She knew it. Or at least she should have known. This has been dragging on long enough for her to wonder if Maya was having second thoughts about the whole thing. "Why?" she whispers, almost afraid to know the answer, not wanting to have this taken from her too. Not now, she doesn't know if she's strong enough to handle this right now.

Maya can see the fear in her wife's eyes and move a little closer, taking her hands in her own. "Because… Well, because it hasn't, not until now. And you've wanted this for so long, and I'm finally on board and it still takes forever. I think- " she doesn't know how Carina is going to take this next part, she might be setting herself up for a big fight, but she has to say it. She takes a deep breath and push through.

"I'm worried you're only suggesting it because you think I'll want it. That you're giving me this just so we'll finally have a child, so we can move on with the process." She's not sure how to read the expression on her wife's face. There are tears in her eyes, but are they the good kind or the bad?

"I know you're worried" she has to get this out, "about your age, about waiting too long. I don't want us to-" the tears in Carina's eyes spill over now and she stops, just for a second, to wipe them with her thumbs. She's surprised Carina hasn't stopped her yet, but decides it's a sign she should finish.

"If you need this to happen now, it doesn't have to be Jack. We can work something out. We can decide on a donor tonight without it being Jack."

Carina is full on sobbing by now, holding on to Maya's hands, still on her face. The blonde is not sure what to do. She wants to pull her wife in, to hold her close. But then – she's the reason for her tears, should she really try for closer contact?

"I love you. I'm only saying that because I love you." She tries, getting more nervous by the second. She clearly said something wrong. "I don't mind your age, that's why it took me so long to figure out you might be worried, you have to know that. I don't - " Carina's hands are leaving hers and for a second her heart stops, but then there's a finger pressed against her lips, shushing her, and her wife is clearly trying to say something through her tears.

"I kn– know" she manages, breath still hitching, "that's not why I'm – " then the tears take her over again, and Maya's heart is breaking just a little bit more.

"Can I hold you?" she asks, and the nod comes even before she's finished asking. She pulls her wife to her, relived she's still allowed in. "I love you" she whispers against Carina's hair when she feels her starting to calm down. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't." Carina's tears have stopped now, her breath calmer. Her face is still buried in Maya's neck, arms still holding tight to her wife, needing the comfort. "I just – I really needed to hear you still want it, our child. I'm not hurt, I'm –" she can feel Maya's arms relax around her, and looks up, making sure to look her wife in the eyes for this, "I love you, and you just made me feel really lucky to be loved by you." Maya's eyes are extremely soft as she breaks eye contact again to lay her head back on her shoulder. Then she feels her wife's arms pulling her closer, moving them both back a little to lean against the couch. She let herself be pulled, closing her eyes and breathing in her wife, needing this moment, this calm between them.

"What do you want?" Maya asks finally. They've been sitting like that for a while now, reveling in the closeness and quiet. There was real quiet, she suddenly realize. Her mind had finally calm.

"To have a baby with you." It's automatic, the words seem to leave her lips before they even form in her brain, but Carina knows it to be true. She also knows it's not what her wife meant, and if she didn't there's that adorable humff her wife makes to clue her in. "I mean it. We've been hung over the details for so long, but it doesn't matter. Because you're right, I am worried. I've been through this process with women my age. It doesn't always work and when it does it takes time." She can feel Maya moving under her, sitting straighter, trying to coax her to lift her head and look at her, but she doesn't. Instead she buries her head further into Maya's neck.

"We still need to agree on a donor."

Maya is kissing her head now, and she know she's not comfortable not seeing her. Classic Maya. Always needing to know where she stands, how her words land. She's still not ready though. She's too comfortable like this, having Maya so close, all around her. "Maybe not tonight?" she asks.

"Really?" Maya can't hide her surprise. She didn't expect this.

"I just – I know we should, and I love you for saying we can choose tonight without it being Jack, I do. But I really can't separate it all in my head right now. I do think he's a great guy, but maybe I did suggest him so you'd go along with it?" she sighs, and rises her head. Maya deserves this, at least: to know how honest she is in her next words, "I want to have a baby with you, and tonight the details don't matter. Tonight I love you too much to care about the details." She puts her head down, settling back to that cozy position where Maya's body fits hers in every possible way. "I'll care about them tomorrow though." She says, and feels Maya's smile as she rests her head back against her own.

Her wife wants a baby with her, and the details don't matter.