This one was inspired by a prompt from a writing tumblr I follow: "You're a supervillain who has just captured your rival's child. Rather than being afraid, they're begging you to let them stay."

I didn't follow the prompt itself, just let it inspire this. Did I make Rodney a genuinely nasty villain? Yes, yes I did. Did I also finally give Monogram a break and make him the firm but overall genuinely nice person he is? Also yes lol.

My favorite characteristic of Heinz is him just being a dad. To Vanessa, to the boys, to the friend group overall. I mean...almost every story I've put him in involves him having some kind of fatherly interaction with a child or teenager. It's his most interesting trait, imo - the juxtaposition of him being evil but also refusing to hurt a kid because of his own morals and upbringing.

TW for mentions of child abuse in this one. Nothing explicit or vulgar, but worth a warning.


Heinz Doofenshmirtz was not so evil as to kidnap or harm a child, ever. He'd had enough experience with childhood trauma to know that he never wanted it to happen to another kid again, and he stood by that, even when other members of the LOVEMUFFIN organization didn't. All of them had their own codes, their own morals, and while the ones Heinz tended to gravitate towards most refused to harm children (Dr. Diminutive, for example), there were a few scattered through LOVEMUFFIN who didn't have those same qualms.

Rodney, of course, being one of them.

It was one of the many reasons Heinz despised him, up at the top of the list. Rodney was not so kind as to spare children from his evil plans, or even considerate enough to lock them away while he carried out those evil plans. And sure, some of Heinz's plans were kind of "blow up the Earth" worthy, but hey, at that point, no one would exist, so it wouldn't really matter.

All that being a way to explain where Heinz was now, hunkered down between Perry the Platypus, Peter the Panda, and the Chihuahua Perry had worked with that one time at City Hall, who had handed over a card that labelled him "Pinky." There were too many "P" named agents in this organization, seriously.

To his shock, he wasn't the only evil scientist they'd convinced to do this – Diminutive was there somewhere, and so was Bainbridge, and probably a few others he'd yet to see.

Oh yeah. "This."

The run down from Monogram, via Perry the Platypus' wristwatch, was that Rodney, and a few other scientists who supported him, had kidnapped an entire warehouse full of various children of various ages. This, of course, had been done without Heinz's input. Without a lot of the scientist's input, it turned out when Heinz called Diminutive in a rage.

Perry had kicked down Heinz's door in a murderous fit that morning, his eyes more pissed than Heinz could ever remember them being. He'd been petrified, for a moment, that his nemesis had finally snapped, but then Perry had thrust his watch in the air and let Monogram explain, and Heinz realized the agent was asking for help.

As soon as they'd discovered that not all the members of LOVEMUFFIN condoned the actions Rodney and the others had taken, Perry sent out an alert to his fellow agents, asking them to recruit their own nemeses to help them. It was shockingly easy once it was brought up that little kids were involved.

If Heinz remembered correctly, Bainbridge had twin girls, in middle school. Diminutive had a nephew in kindergarten. It didn't shock him how fast they'd agreed to join him and the other agents to rescue the rest of the kids. He wondered who the other scientists had in their lives to make them so quick to join in – most LOVEMUFFIN members tended to keep their lives private from one another.

Even evil scientists cared about their families, most of the time.

So now they were at an abandoned warehouse Professor Rihanoff had remembered Rodney purchasing a few months back, hunkered down in the outer shell of it. The ceiling towered above them, all concrete and beams. To Heinz's left was a staircase that led up to a wraparound office that he assumed was an observation deck into the main room, and directly in front of him and the three P's was said main room that he assumed must have been some kind of factory floor in the past. The part they were sitting in was clearly some kind of delivery bay, if the garage doors behind Heinz were any indicator, and even through the concrete he could hear the faint crying of children in the factory room.

It made him sick.

Perry chattered, low, and looked over to Pinky, making a few motions with his hands. The dog and the platypus were on much higher alert than the rest of the agents, Heinz had noticed since getting there. Of course all the agents were at the ready, but the two of them seemed livid in a way the rest did not. He could only assume they knew some of the kids that had been kidnapped, and his stomach churned in anger.

"What do I do, Perry the Platypus?" he asked, trying to keep his voice quiet.

Perry jerked his head over his shoulder, up towards the offices that overlooked the warehouse. He gestured to Peter, then pointed between the two of them. The look in his eyes was deadly.

Right. He and Peter would go up the stairs and check to make sure there were no stragglers in the upper hallways. Whether that was more scientists or more kids, Heinz didn't know, but he was sure he'd figure it out when it came to it. He tilted his head at Perry and watched as he and the other Agent P scampered off, keeping low to the ground and joining with their fellow agents.

Heinz glanced towards Peter – again, too many Agent P's – and the panda nodded towards the steps, pulling out some kind of ray gun from his hat and pointing it behind them. He was backup, then, and Heinz was going first. Right. Typical.

But for kids? Heinz steeled himself and hunched over, bolting for the steps and taking them as quickly as he could, Peter's footsteps tinny and light behind him. The staircase was long and winding, metal, which made it hard to keep quiet, but it didn't matter, because as soon as he and Peter reached the landing and were faced with the door to the observation room of the warehouse, the rest of the building was filled with the chaotic shrieks of every animal known to man.

The sound sent a chill down Heinz's spine, and he risked one glance back to see the animals and scientists swarming the doors on the inner room where the children were being held. Peter made a clicking sound with his tongue and Heinz blinked, coming back to himself. "Right, right, yeah," he muttered, turning again to the door and trying to turn the knob. His nose wrinkled as it didn't go more than an inch. "Locked. What kind of person locks a door unless something important is in there?"

Peter huffed, Heinz hoped in agreement, and motioned him away. He stepped back and the panda aimed his blaster carefully, shooting the handle off the door and turning it into a steaming pile of goo. Heinz stared at it for a long moment before glancing back at the gun. "Remind me not to get on your bad side again," he said.

The look Peter shot him was a mix of amused and exasperated, and he waved a paw at the room. Wishing he had some kind of weapon beyond a walking teddy-bear and a gun that could melt stuff, Heinz pushed the door open, frowning as an empty room with an observation window was revealed. It was mostly dark, kind of cold, and-

Peter chuffed angrily and pushed past Doof, bolting for the center of the room.

Heinz was frozen in the doorway, anger slowly crawling its way up his throat. His head ached, and he suddenly felt like his body was going to explode – it felt like there was pressure building under the surface of his skin that was trying to escape. It was a feeling he'd only experienced a few times in his life; every single time had involved Vanessa being hurt in some way.

He was pissed.

In the center of the room, tied to a chair with a concerning number of ropes that Peter was diligently working to untie, was Rodney's son Orville.

His hair was mussed up and sweat slicked, there were telling burns along his wrists from how long he'd been tied up, and his white lab shirt that Heinz had seen him in a few times was more of a dingy gray. He'd been there for a while.

Oh, he was going to murder Rodney.

Orville glanced up at Heinz as the man approached, eyes wary. "What are you here for?" he mumbled, and it was clear by the scratchiness of his voice that he'd been crying.

Heinz didn't know Orville well. The kid was barely 15, and Rodney rarely ever mentioned him but to brag at how intelligent he was. He was smart, incredibly so, if Rodney's word was anything to go by, and he'd been told that he had a bit of an attitude. But then, so did every teenager Heinz had ever met.

Regardless, he was tied up. In a warehouse his father had purchased and was using to run some kind of experimentation on children.

Peter snapped the first of the ropes and moved to the second set, and Heinz leaned in to join him, fingers settling just on the knots at Orville's wrists. The boy flinched, and Heinz jerked his hands back, leveling him with a stare. "Did your father do this to you?" he demanded. He knew the answer, of course, but he wanted to hear it from the kid.

Orville swallowed, looking away. Tears gathered behind his glasses. "He's trying to take over the world," he whispered. "He had to."

"What's the -inizer?" Heinz asked, changing tracks, trying to keep the kid talking as Peter worked. Monogram hadn't known; maybe Heinz could get more information here and keep Orville from panicking while he was untied.

The boy's mouth pursed, like he was debating telling him anything at all. "Turns…turns children into robots," he said eventually. "To work for him. Because no one would hurt children. But it only works if they agree to it, otherwise if they resist too hard it overloads the -inizer. So he's threatening their friends and families." His eyes glinted menacingly when he looked back at Heinz. "He got the idea from you," he snapped.

It was like a slap in the face. Heinz remembered that scheme, vaguely; he'd wanted to make a baby army. But never in his life would he have actually harmed the babies – they would have been taken care of, not…not destroyed. Not turned into machines.

"And if they resist?" Heinz found himself asking, swallowing his own self-loathing.

Orville gave a half shrug. It was all he could manage in his bonds. "They die," he said simply, his voice quivering uncomfortably. "Friends, family, the person resisting. All of them."

"Did you resist him?"

His lip trembled, and Heinz took the moment to grab at the ropes on Orville's wrists and tug the knots apart. Peter was on the last of the knots on the legs of the chair, and when the ropes fell slack, Orville stumbled away from the seat, breathing hard despite the fact that he hadn't exerted any physical energy. "Kid?" Heinz said quietly.

The boy looked at him and his face crumpled. "I didn't want to be a robot," he whispered, voice crackling in pain. "And Dad said that was an embarrassment to his name, and he wouldn't have an embarrassment as a son."

Orville's hands twisted around each other, fisting in his t-shirt. "I thought…I thought he'd want me to succeed with him." His volume dropped until Heinz could barely hear him. "Not that he'd use me to get there."

He looked up at Heinz, his eyes watering. "We were gonna take over the world together."

Heinz swallowed, rubbing a hand up and down his arm. "Look, I-I…I'm not a great dad. But I would never, ever harm my daughter to get the world." He pointed behind him, out the window, where from his peripheral he could see the agents and less-evil scientists taking down the remaining evil-evil scientists. "None of those scientists out there fighting with the agents would want to take over the world if it meant hurting their families."

Orville glanced out the window, and Heinz followed his gaze, tracking down Perry the Platypus quickly – it was easy to find the spot of teal in the crowd. He had his arms tight around the shoulders of two boys, an older girl hovering over the three of them protectively with her hand on his shoulder. Pinky was nearby, clutched in the grasp of a dark-haired girl, and Heinz pried his eyes away before he could identify too much about the kids.

He was sure the Agent P's wouldn't appreciate him knowing that much.

"Our kids are supposed to be our world," Heinz said without thinking. He could feel Orville looking at him, but he kept his gaze on the rest of the room, watching as his colleagues helped pick up toddlers from the ground and soothe them. "What's the point of ruling the world if our kids aren't by our side?"

When he looked back at Orville the kid had crumpled, his arms wrapped tight around himself and tears streaming down his cheeks. Heinz relented and moved to him, setting a careful arm around his shoulders and tugging him into a side hug. "I'm sorry," Heinz murmured, and he genuinely, truly was.

After all, he knew what it felt like for your parents to have a world that wasn't you.

Peter coughed, and Heinz glanced at the panda, lifting an eyebrow. The agent gestured to the steps, and Heinz pulled back from Orville a bit, nodding to the door. "C'mon. I'll make sure OWCA doesn't take you in."

Orville hesitated, his fingers curling and uncurling into fists. "My father?" he whispered.

Heinz frowned. "I don't know, kid."

He didn't protest again, and Heinz led him out the door and down the stairs, following Peter and keeping what he hoped was a soothing hand on Orville's shoulder. When they hit the bottom of the steps, it was to the sight of several dozen human OWCA agents leading out the scientists involved.

Heinz peered around the agents, spotting Monogram quickly. He followed Peter in that direction, sneering in disgust at the scientists who'd been a part of the scheme, and approached the man with more confidence than he felt. "Francis," he said with a nod.

He saw Orville give the tiniest smile from the corner of his eyes, and Heinz considered it a win. Monogram looked at him with what Heinz could only describe as "complete and utter irritation," but he held a begrudging look of respect about him. "Heinz," he grumbled, before his eyes shot to Orville. His jaw tightened. "Another kid?"

Orville shrank back into Heinz's touch, and he gripped his shoulder. "Rodney's kid," Heinz said, feeling another round of murderous rage bubbling up under his skin. "Was planning to use him for the scheme. I'm demanding he be left alone."

Half of Monogram's monobrow quirked in surprise. "Demanding, hmm?"

Heinz jutted his chin out. "Yes."

"Well then," Monogram said. His voice was stern, but Heinz could see the tiniest smile at the corner of his lips. "I think that can be arranged." His gaze shifted back to Orville. "Any family you can contact, son? Mom? Grandparents?"

Orville swallowed, shaking his head. "No sir. Was just myself and my father."

Monogram hummed, taking a clipboard from the intern at his side – Heinz was a little ashamed to admit he'd forgotten his name – and flipping through the pages for a moment. "Well, we could always try and fit you in with one of our host families that hosts our human agents, if you wanted to-"

"Please, Francis," Heinz scoffed, waving a flippant hand at the man. "I'll take him in. None of that goody-two shoes OWCA mumbo-jumbo."

Orville stiffened in surprise under Heinz's hand. At least, he hoped it was surprise. Monogram's brow creeped even further up his forehead, and Heinz bit back the urge to tell him to catch it. "What makes you think I'd let you take an evil scientist's kid back to your evil scientist lair?"

A harsh chatter came from behind him and Heinz jumped, spinning on his heel to see Perry standing there, his arms crossed and his eyebrow quirked at Monogram. Behind him stood the group of kids from earlier, with Pinky guarding them, but Heinz forced himself once again to keep his eyes on his nemesis.

He gestured at Heinz, then at Orville, and something in his expression must have meant something different to Monogram than it did to Heinz, because Monogram sighed reluctantly. When Heinz glanced back at him, the man was nodding. "All right. But Agent P is checking up on you, and if I hear one word-"

"You take your FILTHY hands off me!"

Orville tensed at Heinz's side, and he scowled as he followed the teen's gaze to where Rodney was being led out in cuffs by two large human agents, flanked by several of the more menacing animal agents. Rodney's gaze lighted on Orville and the smile he gave was almost too wicked for Heinz to stomach. "Orville, please!" the man whined. "We can get out of this together; we can work together and take over these idiots."

Orville hesitated, and when Heinz glanced over at him, he saw a sight that he'd seen on his own face in the mirror time and time again growing up – longing. For a family, for a father who gave a shit, for approval. Heinz pursed his lips and sneered at Rodney. "Please, Rodney," he snapped. "You had him tied up ready to die for your experiment."

Rodney's expression twisted in rage. "Doofenshmirtz." His laugh was pitched with nerves. "I should have known you would help these goody-two-shoes. Some evil scientist you are."

"I don't know if you noticed," Heinz said, quirking an eyebrow, "but I wasn't the only one. We didn't feel like, oh, I don't know, killing actual children to try and conquer the world. Including your own kid, what kind of sicko does that?"

Rodney's nose was wrinkled in an ugly way. "I don't take to anyone standing in my way. He would have come to his senses before it was too late." He struggled against the agents, to no avail, and shot a pathetic attempt at "pleading" back at Orville. "Please, son, you know I would never have let you get harmed."

Orville swallowed audibly and took a half step forward. "You tied me up," he whispered. "You locked me in that room."

Something like surprise flickered over Rodney's features. "Th-That was just to ensure no one else would harm you!"

Orville looked back at Heinz. His brows were creased, his eyes glassy behind his frames. Heinz crossed his arms over his chest to keep from fidgeting too much. "I've never had to tie Vanessa up to keep people from harming her," he said. "Because I would never put her in harm's way, because she's my daughter."

Rodney scoffed. "Please. As if anyone would consider that pathetic little girl a threat."

Heinz whipped a glare to Monogram. "He leaves or I deck him," he growled.

Monogram's eyes glittered in a way Heinz had never seen before. "That, I'd pay to see," the man muttered, but he straightened his uniform and turned to the agents, who had been waiting while Rodney spoke to his son. "Take him out of here."

"You little – Orville! Orville, don't you dare just stand there!"

Orville swallowed and backed up until his back bumped into Heinz's elbow, where his shoulders eased into a more relaxed position. Rodney's face grew a deep shade of red. "Pathetic," he snapped, twisting his head over his shoulder so he could glare at his son. "A waste of a good evil scientist."

He was led from the warehouse snapping and fighting against the agents, and the following silence was deafening. Perry the Platypus was still standing there, and when Heinz looked over at him, the monotreme offered him a small smile and a tilt of his hat. His gaze shot past Heinz's shoulder to Monogram, and he jutted a thumb over his shoulder, an inquisitive look in his eyes.

Oh yeah. Heinz had kind of forgotten he had a whole family standing there.

He kept his gaze lowered as Monogram stepped up next to him. "Take them home, Agent P," the man ordered. "I'll contact you all later, and we'll figure out where to go from here."

One of the kid's voices piped up. "But-"

Heinz didn't see Monogram's face, but the look he gave the kid must've been pretty stern with how fast he shut up. Perry chattered, and Heinz peeked up to see the agent leading the group from the warehouse. The moment they were gone, he twisted to face Orville.

The kid was drawn in on himself, his arms wrapped tight around his torso and his chin ducked to his chest. His glasses were sliding down his nose, and Heinz could just make out the faintest tremble of his shoulders. He swallowed. "You don't uh…you don't have to come with me," he let Orville know. "If you don't uh…if you don't want to. Not exactly 'Parent of the Year' here," he tried to joke.

Orville looked up at him, his lips set in a thin line, and peered past Heinz to Monogram. He wished everyone would stop doing that. He looked back to Heinz and took a breath. "Better than…better than that," he whispered, glancing at the door behind them. His fingers tightened just a little on his arms. "If that's okay."

Heinz took a shaking breath, trying to calm his nerves.

He had never been the best father. He tried, with Vanessa, he did. And he knew she loved him, and he would go to the ends of the universe for her. Had. But he messed up, a lot. Made mistakes that he kicked himself for later. It was easier with her, because he was her actual father. This…this was a kid with a lot of trauma. With a father who didn't care about him, not beyond his potential to be an evil scientist, with a lot of baggage, going into a living situation with a man who his own father had spoken nothing but swill about.

Heinz wasn't even over his own childhood trauma – how the hell was he supposed to help a teenager through theirs?

How the hell was he going to look his own daughter in the eyes if he didn't even try?

"It's okay," said Heinz finally.

The tiniest smile quirked at the corner of Orville's mouth, and it was gone so fast that Heinz would've thought he'd imagined it if he hadn't been looking directly at him. "Okay. Um. What now?"

Monogram cleared his throat, and Heinz had never been so happy to hear the man speak before. "Agent Peter and a few human agents will go back to your house with you," he said, and Heinz looked down to see that yes, Peter the Panda was still on the property with him. "You can gather any clothing or belongings you need, and then they will escort you back to Dr. Doofenshmirtz's penthouse. Try anything, though, and-"

Orville waved a dismissive hand. "Yes, yes, I'll be arrested and thrown in a prison cell alongside my father."

His voice broke just a little, but Monogram tactfully ignored it. Heinz might've disliked the man on principle, but he admired him just a little, right now. Not that he'd ever tell him that. "Right. Go ahead. I just need a word with Heinz before we send him home."

Orville started to follow Peter, faltering just a little as they reached the door and glancing back at Heinz. He was starting to think that maybe Orville put up more of a front around Rodney than Rodney had realized – he was barely even sassy, let alone the snarky and disrespectful teenager the man had made him out to be. "Will…?"

"I'll make up the guest room," Heinz said with a shrug. He didn't know if that was the end of the question or not – the fear that was etched over Orville's features faded instantly, so it didn't matter. "Make sure you give Peter the Panda a hard time."

Peter shot him a glower and Heinz wiggled his fingers at the agent gleefully. Another impression of a smile crossed Orville's face, and then the boy was led out. Heinz slumped and ran a weary hand over his eyes, too exhausted to put up a façade around the Major any longer.

A careful hand settled on his shoulder. "All right, Heinz?"

He snorted. "Since when do you care, Francis?"

Monogram didn't answer, just kept his hand solid on his shoulder, and Heinz sighed, pressing his fingers firmly into his temples to both ease his headache and ward off the sudden tears that were fighting their way to the surface. "Just a rough life for a kid. Is all. Shouldn't have to deal with that shit from his own father. He's a kid."

His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat quickly, relieved when the Major didn't call him on it. Again – begrudging respect for the man. "I know."

The hand left his shoulder and Heinz leaned his head in his hand to look over at Monogram, who was flipping through some pages on his clipboard. "What, need me to fill out a million forms saying I won't make him more evil or something?"

The smile he was shot was wry. "Don't think you're gonna be trying that anytime soon. Technically since OWCA works under the radar, I can't really make you do anything. For now, you're just…taking in a colleague's kid while they're incapacitated."

He scribbled a few things out on his board and then took off a few sheets of paper, handing them over to Heinz. He took them and flipped through the pages slowly, not really in the mental space to focus on them. "What are-?"

"Logistical information, legal information, numbers for lawyers and other organizations that might be relevant to the upcoming case against Rodney," Monogram informed him. The man cleared his throat a little awkwardly. "My private line is on the last page. If you need anything from OWCA."

Heinz glanced up at him, shooting the man a smirk that he hoped came off as "annoyed but amused." "Not like you can't monitor me at all times anyway."

Monogram's smile was faint under his mustache. "Yes, well…Agent P will be checking in on you in a couple of days, after we sort out um…"

He hesitated, and Heinz pursed his lips. "His host family situation?"

"How-?"

"I worked for you guys for like, five whole hours. You learn stuff. The chicken's a talker."

"Ugh. Agent C."

Heinz folded the papers in his hands and shrugged. "C'mon, Francis. You know I'm not going after kids. Besides, I didn't even get a good look at any of them. Wasn't gonna risk it for him."

Monogram shook his head and tucked the clipboard under his arm. "Regardless. He'll check on you by the end of the week. If there's any report that you're using Orville to further any-"

"Do you seriously think I'd do that to the kid? After all this?"

The man fell quiet and Heinz nodded, sliding the papers he'd been given into an inner pocket in his lab coat. "Am I free to go?"

"Uh…yes. Yeah."

Heinz nodded and turned for the door, fully prepared to go sit in his car for twenty minutes and have a panic attack. The Major cleared his throat and he glanced back over his shoulder, lifting a brow at him.

"We uh…appreciate your help on this. On uh…on everything. For getting the other scientists involved and um…hmm. Yes."

Heinz couldn't help but snort. "Wow. Big praise there, Francis."

Monogram spluttered. "I-"

He saved the man some misery, shaking his head with a smile. "You guys did good. Which, you know, I guess is your whole thing. So. For what it's worth."

Heinz shrugged, and Monogram tilted his head at him, ticking two fingers off his head as Heinz finally, finally, stepped out of the warehouse and back into the afternoon sun. God, it wasn't even night.

He passed the remaining agents milling about outside, all of whom gave him slightly suspicious but begrudgingly thankful looks, and made his way to his car, sinking into the worn leather and putting both hands on the wheel.

He was fucked. He was absolutely and totally fucked. He didn't know how to raise a teenager the first time, let alone a second time with a kid that wasn't even his.

"It's a temporary situation," he muttered to himself, but Heinz didn't know how temporary "temporary" was. He didn't want to make the kid feel unwelcome, that was for sure. Didn't want him to feel unwanted, or burdensome.

Heinz swallowed his oncoming panic attack and the ache in his throat and turned the key in the ignition, taking a shaking breath and easing the car out onto the street, away from the warehouse and back to home.

He'd have to call Vanessa later and let her know what was going on so that her next week with him didn't leave her confused. She'd likely be okay with it – she was a good kid, all his mistakes be damned. He'd probably also have to explain the situation to Charlene, to some extent – say what he would about her, but Heinz knew she'd be supportive of the watered down version he gave her`. She'd always been sympathetic to Heinz's childhood, even after the divorce, and he knew she'd feel for Orville too. But those conversations were for later.

For now, he had a guest room to make up.