Chapter 1
New York City
It's easy to get lonely when you move somewhere new.
When everything is new, when the people around you speak a language unfamiliar to your ears, and when the food tastes starkly different, you can't help but feel a little bit homesick.
This, however, was not the case for an eighteen-year-old boy named Eiji Okumura.
Taking a single plane trip from Japan to the USA, Eiji took a leap of faith. Coming to America alone was a thrill to him.
The city was too busy for him to keep up with it. His home town, Izumo was a small town in the countryside of Japan, and it was all Eiji had ever known. Visiting Tokyo to catch his plane had driven him mad, the complex railway networks of Shibuya taking him forever to decipher.
But none the less he made it, waving goodbye to Ibe, and his family and taking the long flight out of Tokyo with his heart pounding. Eiji expected New York to feel the same and Tokyo, confusing and chaotic but to his surprise, the moment Eiji stepped out of New York Airport he felt like he could finally breathe.
Every step of the way, on the way to university with nothing but a suitcase and a camera Eiji, was ready to start anew.
The cab ride into his dorm was invigorating, making his palms sweaty and his leg restless. The excitement he felt the first time he entered the dormitory building, into the opening lobby, and signed in, taking his ride up the elevator until he finally opened the door.
He had a tiny room all to himself, upon the twentieth story. With a cramped bed, and desk. He was so excited he could barely sleep that night. No matter how much he tried to cover the curtains over his window or cover his head with his blanket, it was helpless. Nothing could block out those bright city lights.
The following week Eiji began his classes. He had chosen to Major in Photography and he was swallowed with lectures and textbooks. With his classmates casting casual glances at Eiji but never talking to him. He'd attempted to make small talk, asking about their days or the weather but half the time they seem too preoccupied to exchange more than a few words with him.
His free periods were spent solely in the library or in his dorm room.
On his second week, Eiji had bumped into a boy who he had introduced himself as Lao Yen Tai, (Lao's dorm room was across the hall from Eiji's) a tall hardy-looking Chinese-American boy, who always gave Eiji dirty stares when he walked past. Eiji had tried to warm up to him, when seeing him in the morning with a casual,"Hello."
But the boy always responded by staring daggers at Eiji and either slamming his door or turning his back to Eiji.
Another person who'd Eiji bumped into in the University food court was Cain. He had done the same, though at least he was polite enough to mumble a "Hello" back to Eiji.
This was every day of university life, but Eiji had grown used to it, it was no different from life in Japan after all. He just wanted to make the most of it and not lose hope. Eventually, he'd find someone to talk to and call his friend, at least that's what Eiji kept telling himself.
Despite everything, Eiji settled into American University life and came to overlooking his reading materials and finishing homework. Sitting at his cramped desk, he drank coffee, and stared at his computer screen typing away and writing in his notebook. Eiji had gotten a job within his second week of living in New York because universality dorms did not come cheap.
Five days a week, including weekends, Eiji worked at a small place called Banana Fish cafe. The business was slow, barely ever holding more than a few people at a time, and was a much-needed slow down from the stress of research and photography studies.
Today was Eiji's day off, and he was spending it writing an essay he'd been stuck on for over a week. He ripped a page from his notebook, the paper making a loud noise as it tore. He scrunched it up and tossed it in the trash, which was already brimming with many other scrunched-up sheets of paper, it bounced off the top of the pile and fell onto the floorboards.
Eiji wanted to rip his notebook in two. His mind silently screaming.
Writing and rewriting and rewriting the same essay over and over again had worn his patience thin.
A two thousand word essay is due in two weeks. An essay based on a photograph he'd taken, trying to explain its meaning and its significance to Eiji.
A photograph of Time Square hovered on his computer screen. The tall neon lights, towering over the sea of people below, were staring in his face. He was left tapping the tip of his pen on the blank page thinking of answers to what he could say about this photograph.
But the thing was, Eiji didn't care about Time Square.
It was jaw-dropping the first time he saw it and explored all the stores, but after the first time, it lost its magic. It seemed more like a tourist trap than somewhere he wanted to spend most of his time in. How was Eiji meant to write an essay about something he didn't care about?
Eiji was stuck. More than stuck, he was completely at a loss.
Eiji needed a new photograph. He needed a new subject. Something he cared about, something that he could write about. But what? Eiji tried looking through his camera, looking through his photographs.
The Manhattan Bridge? The Empire State Building? No… None of it would work.
Putting his camera back in its case (making sure he packed a spare lens) and slinging it over his shoulder, he locked up his dorm room and stepped out. It was one in the afternoon, he had plenty of time to find a new subject, after all, his essay wasn't due for another two weeks.
Two weeks was plenty of time to find some inspiration. Right?…
Eiji jumped out of the Dorm building, walking his eyes soaking in everything. The long grey streets, the steel streetlights, every fluffy cloud in the sky, any pigeons pecking at the sidewalk. Yet, nothing felt special, nothing he felt like he cares about. But Eiji kept searching. Every right, every shadow. He took it all in, pulling out his camera and staring at the world through its viewfinder.
Click.
A plumb woman crossing the street, her in the center, her bright pink cardigan striking against the grey streets, only the contrast was ruined the yellow cab on the street behind her.
Click.
A shattered glass bottle on the street, leaving shards of dark green scattered everywhere. The dirty scuffs of grime were all stuck to the stone sidewalk. Any liquid that had been inside the bottle had long since dried out, leaving it sitting there as a safety hazard.
Eiji tried to think of the ways he could write an essay about it. 'The broken image of New York', 'The grime of the city'. Eiji entertained possible lines he could write within the essay.
But he quickly moved on, scouting out around the streets for another subject to photograph.
Strolling past stores and being stared at by random people and yelled at by a drunk man as he crossed the street. Eiji was mindful to keep to himself, making sure to keep his eyes at the ground, and not focused on any individual person. Keeping his camera close, making sure it didn't get stolen.
This was something that always worried him about the city. The noise and crowds. Growling, and staring, the cars screeching and beeping. He was all to used to seeing people get shot up in movies that he couldn't help but have a sneaking anxiety something bad would happen. But despite that, everything was completely normal. No one bothered Eiji outside that one drunk,
Yet Eiji always felt the eyes watching him, making him unable to ease his discomfort. Maybe it was the size. The buildings were bigger than anywhere he'd ever been outside Tokyo, and Eiji had only lived in Tokyo a little while with Ibe.
Tokyo always overwhelmed him, just like New York. But he didn't regret choosing the study at New York University. He didn't regret leaving Japan, Eiji was certain of that.
Despite Eiji feeling like his legs were giving in, he found himself in time square, a sea of people swarming around him. The bright screens above everyone's heads. People standing around, coming and going from work. Eiji's camera clicked again.
He'd already taken photos of this area many times before, but he hoped that something would come out differently. Maybe he could fix the composition, or maybe the crowd just was not in the right position. Something would make this work.
It was hopeless.
Every photo he took and looked back through in the memory felt empty. Eiji needed new scenery. He'd photographed the greenery of Central Park, the rainbows of Time Square, the grey concrete, and smog. The personality of New York was every corner Eiji turned, but none of it was alive inside Eiji's photographs.
Eiji caught the subway, finding himself around and clicking into his camera every step of the way. Riding a bus, then another bus, traveling in circles, for what felt like hours, trying to find the right thing. Something to inspire him.
Frustration continued to burn stronger inside Eiji, making him want to throw his camera away, and give up. He had other things to research for class, other essays to compete for his Major. He didn't need to waste only his free day on this one.
Helpless, Eiji found himself sitting underneath Manhattan Bridge, signing in defeat. His legs were aching. Along East River Greenway the steel bend was stiff and uncomfortable but he was easy to ignore. The trees rustling behind him as a breeze passed through his hair, Eiji held up his camera.
The sloshing waves of the East river echoed. Eiji closed his left eye, his brown eye peering at its glass.
Eiji tried to line the box on the inside of the viewfinder with the water and the bridge, centering it. Zooming in and out, his finger sitting on the shutter button but not pressing down, not yet. He zoomed in, focusing on the waves of the river, watching it dance. Eiji squinted his single open eye, trying to see on the other end of the river, barely even caring about taking a photo anymore.
He zoomed out. Ignoring the water, ignoring the bridge, the afternoon light cast over New York City. He continued to circle on the lens, pulling out, feeling like something was aligning. The green river, the warm bricks of Manhattan Bridge glowing as the sun cast a long shadow across it.
Eiji's eye widened, his finger clicked down on the Shutter button, as a fuzzy yellow color overtook his lens.
Click.
Someone had walked in front of Eiji's camera, the person centering himself in his photograph.
Chikusho, Eiji thought.
He'd finally had it and someone had to walk in his way!
Quickly Eiji opened the memory of the camera, looking to see how the photo had turned out, and to his surprise, it wasn't ruined. The bright sunlight over the city, the smoggy city rising in the background, the uneven buildings towering as the pillars of Manhattan Bridge rose out of the East River. The water flowing, with a mesh metal fence standing between the pier and the river. And there he stood. A youthful blonde, staring out into space with doleful jade eyes.
Eiji gasped, looking up, to the boy still standing there, looking out into the water. The stranger noticed Eiji and the camera in his hands. Both of them gazing at each other awkwardly neither of them saying a single word.
The boy's expression was unreadable, but he was alert, just watching. Despite that, there was something sad about him. The reason was something that Eiji couldn't put his finger on but that he noticed the boy's vice grip of the railing.
"Hello," Eiji said.
The boy's eyes widened, but he remained quiet. His eyes trailed to the camera in Eiji's hands.
"Oh, this!" Eiji continued," I'm a student at NYU. I'm doing a photography Major."
"Did you take a photo of me?"The boy finally said.
Eiji's cheeks flustered," It was an accident!"
The boy's expression didn't change.
"Can I see?" He asked.
Eiji just nodded. The boy silently gliding to sit beside Eiji.
Eiji showed the photograph he took of the boy to him. The blonde grabbed the camera from Eiji, staring at it for several moments, making Eiji nervous.
"It's good." The boy said simply. "But it could do with some color touch-ups, it's a bit too smoggy in the background."
He handed the camera back to Eiji.
"I'm Ash," The boy said.
"Ash?" Eiji echoed.
The boy nodded.
"Ah!" Eiji clambered to balance the camera on his lap while trying to extend his hand towards Ash. "My name is Eiji."
Ash smiled," Nice to meet you."
They shook hands, Eiji noticing bruises under Ash's long sleeve, Eiji quickly darted his eyes towards Ash's face and beamed back.
"Nice to meet you."
Ash leaned back on the chair, casually leering at Eiji. Eiji was worried was staring took much at the boy, with the silence making his heart palpitate.
"So," Eiji quickly began. "What are you doing this fine day?"
"Going for a walk, though I'd enjoy the afternoon while it lasted. What about you?"
"Taking photos, for class, I have an essay due in two weeks, so I'm trying to get it done ahead of time. This one that's due the soonest, so I have to stay on top of it!"
"Two weeks? It won't hurt to leave it for a little longer," Ash smiled.
Eiji shook his head," No way! It stresses me out every time I wake up and see all my textbooks, and exam papers sitting on my desk! I'm always busy working, so I have to do my Uni work either after work or on days I'm free!"
"How much do you work?"
"Five days a week."
"And you're doing university full-time?"
Eiji nodded.
"Fuck- that must be really stressful," Ash said.
"It is!" Eiji affirmed. "I go to classes and lectures and then I go to work! Once I'm done it takes ages to get back to my dorms, and by that point, I'm too exhausted to start anything - I just want to sleep!"
Ash just nodded, listening thoughtfully to Eiji.
"What's this photograph for?" Ash said pointing at Eiji's camera.
"Oh, I need to take a photo and write an essay on it."
"Any luck?"
"Barely. I've taken at least two hundred photographs this past week and I hate all of them."Eiji fiddled with his camera, flicking through the memory and showing all the photos he'd taken the past couple of hours to Ash. "I take photos over and over and over again, and I keep hoping to find the right one! I've had writer's block every time I attempt to just pick a random one to get the essay over and done with. It's driving me insane."
Ash looked at each photo, and offered his hand," Can I see?"
Eiji nodded handing him the camera.
He watched, carefully, Ash's fingers clicking at the camera's buttons, flicking through the photographs. One after another. Eiji can't tell how long he focused on one picture before skipping to another, but he was carefully watching.
The same focus Ash had before, his gaze steady, his breathing quiet, almost as if he were holding it. Ash was focused, his attention absorbed in the photos Eiji had taken.
As Ash's fingers keep clicking at Eiji's camera, he stops. Looking Eiji dead in the face he said truthfully," They have no soul."
"Huh?"
"They have no soul."Ash repeated." You're thinking too much about the composition and lighting, and not about the subject. You're taking photos we've all seen before. The middle of Time Square – who hasn't seen that? Broken bottles are a given on these streets. Animals in Central Park are more interesting, at least it feels dynamic, lively. But even then your framing is bland. You always take the photos from the front and never another angle. It's not a bad thing, but it lacks something. Honesty, most of these photographs feel lifeless, they are things we've all seen before."
"What do you have to offer that some other person can't? Anyone can photograph New York, not everyone can photograph New York's personality. Try looking at the small details of them here, rather than just the big picture, because everyone already knows the big picture."
"For example," Ash flicked through the pictures, opening one of a woman sitting on a bench. It was like Ash had said, straight on, and the woman was centered.
"What's interesting about this?" Ash asked.
Eiji didn't answer.
"The composition is good, but all you did was take a photo of a woman on her phone," Ash continued. "What if you took a photo of a couple flirting with each other? Or an old man sleeping on a bench? Instead of it just being some random person, you'll be telling a story with an image. You'll bring life into your photograph."
Eiji's jaw dropped. Ash was right. That's what he was missing, that was why he had been struggling so greatly. He just needed to look at everything from a different angle. He needed to put Eiji into his art, or the photos could have been made by anyone else.
Photography isn't meant to be about photos, it was about capturing a moment in time.
Ash waited for Eiji to talk, but Eiji remained stunned, unable to reach for the right words. With his head buzzing he simply settled on a," Thank you."
Ash smiled," I didn't do anything."
"You did! That's exactly what I needed! I was doing it all wrong, thank you, Ash!"
Eiji felt his mouth stretching cheek to cheek, a beaming smile, his heart fluttering, He could hear it beating in his ears and then-
Click.
Ash held up Eiji's camera. Eiji flinched.
"Did you take a photo of me?"Eiji stammered.
"It was an accident!"Ash winked.
Eiji snatching his camera back from Ash's grip. The boy snickering as Eiji cradled the camera in his arms leering at Ash. Though Eiji wanted to tell him off, he couldn't hold back a slight smile. But even so, he groaned," That wasn't funny."
Ash continued to snicker, not caring about Eiji's stares. Eventually, his laughter died down, and the two of them were left sitting side by side, the wind stirring around them, the sound of the East river filling both their ears.
The silence was neither uncomfortable nor awkward, it was peaceful. Eiji liked this.
"Are you from around here?" Ash asked Eiji.
"What?" Eiji said.
"Are you from around here, New York?"
"Oh, no, I'm from Izumo."
"Izumo?"
"It's a small town in southern Japan."
"A small town, huh?" Ash said. "It must be a shock coming to a big city like this."
"Defiantly. The first few nights here I found it hard to sleep. The streets were so light and noisy, it's different from home. Everything is so quiet and slow back there. Here is the complete opposite. Everything is fast and loud. There are people everywhere."
"Mhmm."
Eiji looked out towards the building across the river, staring at the city line," What about you? Are you from here?"
"Yeah, spent most of my life here in New York City. I'm used to how busy it is."
"I bet you'd have a hard time sleeping in a small village!" Eiji teased. "You'll be laying in bed, tossing and turning, thinking 'Where's all the screaming and honking?'"
"As if."
Eiji giggled," Imagine playing your headphones full volume with nothing but traffic noises to get to sleep!"
"Not likely," Ash rolled his eyes.
Ash asked casually," How long have you been here?"
"Three months."
"Do you miss your home?"
"Not really," Eiji answered honestly.
"Do you miss your family?"
Eiji blinked, unable to think of an answer right away. He'd be lying if he answered Ash with a simple "No." but he wouldn't be telling the whorl truth if he answered with a "Yes." He both did and didn't miss his family.
He missed his mother's cooking and eating with his family at dinner time. But it'd been a long time since his whole family had gathered together. He became used to sitting alone in his room for dinner, with a bowl of rice he'd prepared himself.
His mother and sister spent a lot of time visiting his father. It was too much for him to bear to see his father get thinner and thinner every time he visited. He didn't miss that. He didn't miss the
arguments.
"Back in Japan I have a Mom and a little sister," Eiji continued," I still call them, so, it's not too bad."
Ash noticed Eiji had paused, that Eiji had hesitated to answer him, but he didn't say anything.
"How's your family?" Eiji asked. "Are you a Uni student too?"
Ash's eyes widened, taken aback by the question.
Staring off into the distance he answered," I'm homeschooled."
Ash's fingers reaching for his jean pocket, as he pulled out his phone. He tapped on its screen, his eyes widened when it lit up.
"Shit," Ash muttered, getting to his feet.
"What is it?" Eiji said.
"I've been out way too long, I've gotta go, sorry."
Ash began to walk away waving at Eiji. Eiji felt his heart sinking. He'd just shared a conversation with someone, the first real conversation he'd shared with anyone in what felt like an eternity, and now he was going to go.
Eiji couldn't let that happen.
He couldn't lose this chance, he needed to do something, he needed to do something.
As Ash stepped away Eiji called out.
"Wait!"
Ash paused, turning his head slightly to look at Eiji.
"I'm working tomorrow," Eiji cried. "I working at a small cafe called Banana Fish cafe, on 34 Leopard Avenue!"
Ash's eyes stared at Eiji's, then Ash smiled, turning away from him.
"I'll be sure to come to see you," he said.
Then Ash ran, and soon he was out of Eiji's sight.
Alone Eiji noticed the sky was turning red, the clouds tinted orange. He made his way back to his dormitories, following a straight route of two buses and a short walk back. Wandering into the elevator, he felt his camera bumping at his side, the photos he'd taken fresh in his mind.
All of them blurring together, as he slowly was reminded of his need to write an essay for the class as he leads down the hallways of the dormitories. He fiddled to find his room key, and after several moments he was locked back inside his room with the dim evening gloom highlighting the room in blue.
Eiji pulled off his shoes out of a habit, ingrained in him from Japan, and shuffled to his bed. Collapsing onto it, he felt drained from running around the city for hours, the aching from before rising through his whole body.
Still feeling the camera hanging at his hip, Eiji sat up and pulled it from its case. The screen lit up, and Eiji clicked on its memory. The first image that greeting him was himself
Eiji barely recognized himself. A blissful smile from cheek to cheek, filled with joy. The moment he shared with Ash captured perfectly in that single image.
The photo Ash had taken.
Eiji felt warmth bubble inside him, then he clicked at saw the photograph he'd taken by accident of Ash.
The blonde boy was surrounded by the pale sky, his blonde hair blowing in the wind. The image that was taken by chance, a moment he'd captured of a boy gripping a railing with staring at the sky above.
Despite his exhaustion, Eiji stumbled to his desk. Sitting down and opened his computer, beginning to type on the keyboard. He focused on every word that came to his mind, the image of the boy with the sad jade eyes filling his mind.
He typed more and more. All he could hear was the clacking of the keyboard. His fingers didn't stop moving, as he filled up pages and pages, and before he knew it, it was ten in the evening.
Where did the time go? Eiji thought to himself, looking between the four pages he'd just written and the clock at the corner of his laptop screen.
He slapped his forehead, sighing. His head began to pound as the screen's light strained his eyes.
Eiji saved the file, and once it finished loading he closed his computer. He fell back onto his bed, feeling his eyes closing heavily, without him really being able to think anything, his mind far too exhausted. He could barely move or get himself to shower or change into his pajamas.
His eyes closed. His breath slowing, as he began falling asleep. A symphony of the waves of the East river ebbed in his ears, as he wishing they'd cross paths again. A lingering hope making Eiji's heart flutter, as he hoped he'd see Ash again tomorrow.
