This chapter references heavily from A Perfect Day For Banana Fish by J.D Salinger, if you have not read that short story this chapter might miss a little bit, but it's not essential to understand anything!
CW: This chapter has talks and mentions of suicide.
Chapter 3
A Perfect Day For BananaFIsh
Banana Fish: Cafe and Bar.
It's a confusing and eye-catching title for a cafe and it definitely caught Eiji's attention. After all, what the hell was a Banana Fish supposed to be?
He was scrolling through pages on Indeed applying for every job he could find (No matter how unqualified he was). Eiji had never worked a real job. He'd spent most of his life studying, in high school, and pole vaulting. Eiji had never worked outside of the odd school holiday jobs. So Eiji was looking for his first real job only a few weeks after moving to the U.S.A.
University dorms were expensive and Eiji realized he'd need money or he was going to be living off one meal a day.
So he wrote up the best resume he could and applied for hundreds of jobs in one week. With his stomach always growling he wondered if moving overseas with no money left in his bank account was really worth it.
Even so, the moment Eiji's eyes saw New York from the plane window his heart leaped. The taxi ride from Kennedy International Airport to New York City was an anxious one. After an hour his ears were met with the sounds of the city instead of banging and screaming, from then, he knew he'd made the right decision.
Applying for jobs, and going to interviews (in casual clothing because he didn't own anything formal). That was Eiji's life for several weeks, as he tried to keep himself fed and concentrate on classes with an empty stomach. One on occasion Eiji had slept through a lecture, to his embarrassment.
But life went on as normal, and Eiji got used to it. Looking for jobs, going to classes, and eating instant noodles. Occasionally Eiji would get a job interview and never hear a response afterward, but it was all generally disappointing.
Then one day Eiji saw an ad for a cafe in the Bronx. Banana Fish: Cafe and Bar.
What a strange name for a cafe, Eiji thought.
He applied and then came his job interview.
The Cafe was owned by a middle-aged man named Antonio Jenkins. He was a kind married man with five daughters who took turns with shifts helping at the cafe. One of his daughters was moving away and he needed someone to fill in her shifts.
Nervous was an understatement sitting at the clean coffee tables, looking Mr Jenkins in the face. Mr Jenkins held his resume, asking Eiji a series of questions. Eiji responded, internally second-guessing his English, fearing mispronouncing words or stuttering too much. He did his best to explain himself, trying to give himself the strongest guise of confidence.
"So you've only been in America for three weeks and you already want a job?" Mr Jenkins asked warmly.
Eiji nodded,"I felt it'd be the best way for me to learn about the culture, to live the American lifestyle."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, I wanted to get real-life experience!"
Why did I really just say that? Eiji thought to himself.
He didn't mean anything he was saying, he just needed money, so he could help pay off his student loan, dormitory rent and eat. Living in a single room at one of the most prestigious schools in the entire country did not come cheap. Let alone coming from overseas.
Eiji couldn't deny he wanted to learn about America, but the last thing he wanted to do was spending every moment confined to a tiny coffee shop.
"What do you think of the shop's name?" Mr Jenkins asked Eiji.
Eiji was taken aback by the question," Excuse me?"
"What do you think of the shop's name: 'Banana Fish'?"
Eiji blinked, he was sitting in the front window, looking at the sign from the inside of the store, seeing the letters staring at him. He didn't know how to answer Mr Jenkins. He was at a job interview, right? Or was Jenkins trying to trick him? Give him a purposely confusing question to stub him, waiting for Eiji to give the wrong answer.
But Eiji swallowed and answered," I think it's unique and really catches the eyes of the consumer. It was definitely a great choice."
Mr Jenkins laughed," I hope so."
Eiji didn't know why he was laughing, but he held his ground. Faking a smile, and waiting for the older man to speak again.
"It's actually from a book." Mr Jenkins continued," From a short story to be exact, 'A Perfect Day For Banana Fish' by J.D Salinger."
"Oh." Eiji said.
"I read it once, when I was a bit younger than you, I never quite liked it, but it stuck with me 'till now all these years later. When I was naming the cafe I was lost on ideas, I thought of so many things that were either taken or bland then...'Banana Fish'. 'Banana Fish' just came into my mind almost decades after I'd read it, the story still in my head. Isn't that strange? The things that come into your mind that you'd thought you'd forgotten?"
Eiji just kept smiling. He didn't really have much to say to Mr Jenkins. Soon the job interview had ended and Eiji was left feeling like he'd failed. He kept applying for jobs online, and editing his cover letters until he received a call one week later.
"Eiji! It's so nice to hear you," Mr Jenkins had said," I'd like to tell you, you've got the job!"
"Re-really?"
Eiji was over the moon.
On his first shift, he met Arissa, one of Mr Jenkins' daughters. She taught Eiji how the cashier worked, where the trash was, and how to brew coffee. Eiji can't deny it was a sensory overload on his first day, driving him to miss a lecture the following day, but he didn't give up.
After three months Eiji was used to working at Banana Fish: Cafe and Bar.
Three months were both exciting and lonely. Eiji still ate lunch in the food court alone, still attended classes while barely being noticed by his classmates, and Lao Yen Tai's death glares had somehow become more venomous over time.
Eiji didn't feel the same loneliness he had before though, even if he was sitting alone, he'd feel his phone buzzing inside his pocket and read the words Ash sent him as if he were sitting right next to him.
Every message made Eiji smile. Ash's moral support and encouragement were welcomed every single moment. Eiji vented his frustrations with Ash over the phone, and in a matter of seconds, he got a response.
Ash: Why don't you try joining a club? I'm sure you'll make friends there!
Eiji decided to take his advice.
It took several days of looking over all the clubs to try and decide on which he wanted to join. He found the 'Japanese Students Society' which was a group of other Japanese students that were attending the University. Eiji was considering it until he actually met some of the other students.
All of them were from the cities, and Eiji had a hard time keeping track of everything they were saying. He didn't know the first thing about Tokyo or Yokohama other than the fact that they were very big and busy.
Eiji felt embarrassed being the only Inakamon out of all the Japanese students, so he turned to one of the other clubs. He found his eyes hovering over the 'Queer Society' but he quickly looked over to others.
The 'Photography club' seemed fun but it didn't catch his interest. After several moments of scrolling through web pages and opening them, he settled on the 'Movie Society'. He couldn't deny he was swayed by getting free pizza every week.
Eiji was able to convince his boss, Antonio Jenkins, to give him a short shift on Thursday giving him a chance to attend the club.
In the evening Eiji was standing outside the Film Societies' designated room. He felt his palms sweating as he heard laughter behind the door. He'd already joined Facebook and paid the fee, all that stood in his way was the door.
A lecture room being overtaken by students to watch movies on a big screen, like a makeshift cinema. Eiji could feel his heart pounding as he leaned on the door, as he texted Ash.
Eiji: I'm nervous
Ash: Nervous? Don't be nervous, alright Eiji? You've got nothing to be worried about, you're going to go in there to watch a movie, you'll eat pizza and talk to people. Believe in yourself, it'll all be fine.
Eiji: but what if I make a fool of myself?
Eiji: or they don't like me?
Eiji: Or I piss someone off?
Eiji: OR? LIKE?
Eiji was typing rapidly, his hands barely staying dry as he wiped them on his varsity jacket. His eyes were focused on the dots next to Ash's name as he was typing from somewhere else in New York. Probably on his train ride home. Finally, Ash replied.
Ash: Just go in, Eiji. You're going to be fine, you're only making it worse for yourself standing out here and wondering about what could go wrong when nothing has gone wrong. Just go in and enjoy yourself, okay?
Eiji: ok.
Ash: Enjoy your pizza! Tell me what you think of a New York Pizza! And tell me how it went afterward!
Eiji stood frozen for a moment re-reading the message from Ash a few times before replying.
Eiji: I dont think I can do this….
Ash: Eiji, you'll be fine.
Eiji: Are u sure?
Ash: Positive. Get in there and get yourself some Pizza!
Eiji: ok, thx Ash.
Ash: Talk to you later Eiji! And don't worry, you've got this, alright!? ALSO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THE PIZZA, OK?!
Eiji: OK, I will! Thx again!
Eiji smiled, as he left Eiji on seen and clicked the power button on his phone, putting it on stand-by while stuffing it into his jeans pocket. Taking a deep breath, Eiji opened the door into the lecture hall and walked in.
A group of students sat in the seats, lounging around, with several boxes of Pizza scattered between them. The scent was strong and inviting from the top of the lecture hall, it made Eiji's stomach growl. Like a regular day after work, Eiji hadn't eaten dinner.
Eiji walked down the stairs, catching the eyes of a boy, sitting with his feet resting over the next row. The boy had dusty hair, and freckles scattered across his face, Eiji recognized him as Bones, the person who he'd paid the fee of the Film Societies Entry.
Bones smiled and waved at Eiji.
Behind him sat two people Eiji didn't recognize. A tall muscular dark-skinned boy, and a strong-jawed messy brown-haired boy.
"EIJI!" Bones beamed, jumping to his feet," You're here! I was beginning to think you'd never show up, come sit down. The movie's about to start!"
Before Eiji could say a word, Bones pulled him into the aisle, Eiji falling so hard on the plastic chair he felt a sharp pain in his hip upon impact.
" Itai ..."Eiji mumbled.
" Itai what does that mean?"
"Obviously it means you hurt him!" Said a boy with messy brown hair.
"OH my gosh! I'm so sorry, Eiji!" Bones apologized.
Eiji waved his hand," It's fine, don't worry."
"Are you really okay?"Said the muscular boy.
"I am," Eiji lied, still feeling a stinging at his side.
"I'm really sorry, Eiji," Bones said.
"R-really, it's fine."
"If you say so," Bones frowned.
"Anyway," Cut in the messy-haired boy," I'm Alex, this oaf here is Kong. It's nice to meet you, Eiji."
"I'm not an oaf," Kong pouted," But it's a pleasure to meet you Eiji!"
Eiji smiled, shaking both their hands.
"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?" Yelled a person in the front," I'm ABOUT TO PUT ON THE MOVIE!"
"SORRY!" Kong, Bones, and Alex all said together.
The room was filled with darkness, being lit up by the light of the movie being projected in front of them. Eiji straightened his back, watching the opening credits of the movie play. Kong quietly offered him a pizza.
"Here, Eiji," He whispered," I hope you like pepperoni."
Eiji didn't talk, only giving a grateful nod as he reached for a slice. It was massive. Never in his life had Eiji seen a pizza slice so large that he needed both hands to hold it. It was greasy and when he bit into the pizza it melted into his mouth.
Eiji didn't know a lot about Pizza's but Eiji knew that he liked a New York Pizza, and he was sure to let Ash know.
The air outside was the same as always, smoggy but bearable. The sun shone brightly on the sidewalk, the sound of honking cars barely phasing Eiji now. It was normal. Noisiness seemed like it was beginning to become unnoticeable, just white noise every time he was outside.
Eiji was waiting. Sitting on the stone steps of the New York Public Library. He flicked his finger over his phone. Scrolling through news articles as he waited for Ash. After several minutes of scrolling through several news articles, he got bored and decided to watch YouTube videos.
Eiji wasn't paying much attention to his screen, feeling his fingers type into the search bar, something he'd avoided thinking about for a long time. He'd watched it live in 2017 on the television. His mind had been filled with thoughts about sport back then, after all. Maybe it was boredom, but something had reminded Eiji of then and he wanted to see it again.
Before long Eiji noticed someone sitting next to him on the stairs. Eiji's eyes lifted from his screen, greeted with the face of Ash.
"Ashu," Eiji said.
"Hey," Ash greeted.
"Hey!" Eiji smiled.
"What are you looking at?"Ash asked curiously, his eyes looking over at Eiji's phone screen.
Eiji scooted closer to Ash, so they were inches from touching, but close enough to look at his phone screen. The video was played, the 2017 World Athletics Championship: Men's Pole Vaulting. Eiji had felt nostalgic rewatching it, sitting in front of the television with his entire family.
His grandmother, mother, and sister all complained, but his father was just as absorbed in watching the Championship as Eiji. Like back in 2007. Eiji and his father took a trip to Osaka for the World Athletics Championship. When Eiji had watched Brad Walker win gold.
Eiji watched.
In Osaka, watching the performances one by one, and his heart leapt. It was the first time he'd ever seen a human being do something like that. Something so… free. Flinging into the air, with nothing but their own force and a pole to guide them. They flew.
At eight years old, Eiji had been inspired. He'd decided this was what he wanted to do.
The urge had come to Eiji. To watch pole vaulting again. All the amazing pole vaulters. Their form and balance were perfect as they launched into the air so gracefully.
They flew.
"Pole vaulting?" Ash asked, tapping on the screen to see the video title.
Eiji smiled sheepishly, at Ash's confusion, but he merely explained," I used to do pole vaulting."
"Really?"
"Mhmm."
"What's it like?"
"Amazing! I could feel the adrenaline pumping through every cell in my body, my heart pounded, and I ran, then I lifted off into the air... but," Eiji sighed and pointed at his ankle,"I got an injury and had to give it up."
"Oh..."Ash fell silent. "Does it still hurt?"
"Huh?" Eiji blinked, taken aback by the sudden question.
"Sometimes when you break your foot or ankle it can hurt after recovery, that's all," Ash explained.
"I guess I'm lucky," Eiji smiled sadly,"I made a full recovery without too many complications...I just can't do any heavy exercises on it or it'll hurt all over again."
Eiji's hand unconsciously wrapped around his ankle, as he rubbed it over his sock, feeling the bone underneath his skin, the phantom pain lingering in his mind as he remembered it wrapped tightly in a cast. It was less than a year ago. His foot tightly bound, keeping him from flying ever again.
Ash quickly got to his feet, and tapped Eiji on the back," You want to go into the library?"
Eiji nodded, shoving his phone into his pocket, and began walking up the stairs with Ash. He felt himself put a lighter weight on one of his feet without meaning to. The silence was uncomfortable and was heavy between them so Eiji quickly said,"How are you?"
"I'm doing alright," Ash responded," How have you been?"
"I'm good. I had a New York Pizza."
"You did?"
"It was great!"Eiji said.
"I told you," Eiji grinned. "Did things go okay with the club?"
"It went great! The guys are really welcoming!"
"I told you you'd be fine."
They stood at the top of the stairs to the library and they walked through its open doors.
Eiji had seen his fair share of historical buildings in his life and wandering through New York it was hard not to notice the smaller stone, brick-layered buildings standing amongst the towering skyscrapers. After all, New York University was built in the 1830s. So Eiji had a good idea of what old western buildings looked like by now.
In Izumo, everything was old and ancient-looking. Eiji was used to old wooden buildings and Shinto shrines, with their grand sweeping roofs, which were shaped like a faced-down book. Everything was small in Izumo, except for the Shrine, which Eiji made a habit of visiting regularly when his father was first hospitalized.
So to Eiji old buildings were a regular sight.
Yet today, Eiji couldn't help but feel small. Standing in the Stephen A. Schwarzman Building, Eiji felt small. Maybe it was the high ceilings, or the spotless marble floors, or the bright lights or the columns, but Eiji felt overwhelmed. Eiji soaked the entire forum.
"Wow." he gasped.
Both his and Ash were quickly inspected, but neither of them was carrying bags so they were quickly allowed to step into the library's Astor hall. With archways leading up the light ceiling, and from the glassy tiles floors, there seemed to be so many places that they could go. Endless hallways holding so many secrets.
Eiji wondered how Ash felt working here every day. With the bright lights and crowds of people. With the many people walking past, watching him and Ash, Eiji felt his chest tighten.
Ash gently tugged at his sleeve, making Eiji snap his attention towards the boy.
"Everything alright?"Ash asked gently.
Eiji breathed" I'm alright."
Ash smiled gently," Tell me if you need a break alright?"
Eiji nodded. He took a deep breath, and said," Lead the way."
They walked, Ash acting as a guide showing Eiji everywhere. Ash took Eiji around the first floor, looking at old decorative rooms, map collections, and passing through an exhibition. Portraits and photographs hung on the walls. Of people, and places, with small plaques next to all of them, filled with information.
Each step exposed Eiji to something new and unfamiliar. Teaching him something new. Books were displayed in glass cases, open to the view of the people passing by in lines. Everyone quietly observing like Ash and Eiji.
Images of the past and present. Of the people of New York. Of the city itself.
Eiji took it all in, every new room and place, on every floor of the library he soaked it in with his eyes and ears, listening to every word coming out of Ash's mouth, as he spoke about his first time visiting the library, mentioning his shifts in different areas, and the training he'd gone through.
Eiji wondered if the hours walking through the library, sorting books and guiding customers were as tiresome as working at the cafe. Cleaning every day, and listening to customers all day. Long hours standing until your legs are cramped. Eiji would have questioned why Ash would put up with it day in and day out, but the gigantic grin on his face answered all his questions in a second.
This was a new emotion Eiji had never seen on Ash: happiness.
The way Ash's eyes shone was a new emotion he hadn't seen on him yet. His smile was unmoving. Step by step, they climbed high in the library, the hours ticking on, as Ash guided him, neither his smile leaving, nor the shine in his eyes.
As they made their way to the second floor, seeing books and manuscripts, traveling through another gallery. There were books, upon books, everywhere in cases on display. The writing from around the world, all of them telling a different story.
So many rooms were filled with people sitting at desks, both students and businessmen sitting at computers or reading books. The rooms were so quiet. The walls were elaborate in paintings and wooden frames, no one seeming to pay attention to them.
Skies and skyscrapers on the wall, but it drew Eiji in.
Before long they made it to another staircase and Ash said," Time to show you my most favorite place in the entire world."
Ash was still smiling.
Passing through large halls and up to several stairways, with large windows that let the weak sunlight pass through, Ash finally led Eiji into a grand sprawling room. Rows of desks, scattered with lamps, all lining down to the end of the library.
All the walls were lined with shelves, all of them filled with books, Eiji couldn't begin to guess how many there were. The arched windows stood above the shelves, with crisscrossing metal beams over the glass. The ceiling shared the same elaborate carvings of wood, with a delicate portrait of soft orange clouds in a blue sky.
The ceiling hung many chandeliers that shone warmly. The room's ambiance was welcoming, and warm, the scent like an old book. Eiji wanted to just sit down and begin reading, letting himself get lost in a good book for hours and hours.
Eiji noticed how quiet the room was compared to everywhere else he had been in New York. There were no beeping cars, no yells, no shouts. Only the soft mumble of strangers, the turning of pages, and typing on keyboards. For a moment Eiji felt like he was back in the countryside. Back in the silence of Izumo.
Ash tapped Eiji on the shoulder bringing him back to New York.
"What do you think?" He whispered.
"It's beautiful," Eiji whispered back.
"This is the Rose Room. I love it when I have shifted in here.``Eiji listened carefully as Ash continued," When I was a kid I'd read all sorts of books and just sit down for hours. I'd run away."
Eiji wanted to hang onto every word that Ash said. To get lost in his bliss. The happiness Ash found in the books and library. It was like a secret. A secret that Ash was telling Eiji, something special, something precious.
"What kinds of books did you read?"Eiji asked gently.
"Everything. Good ones, bad ones. I just read."
"What's your favorite?"
"I'll show you."
Ash's eyes lit up, as his mouth twitched into a wide grin, he tugged at Eiji, pulling him into the room, taking him up through the rows going from the author names beginning with 'A' down to 'S', where they stopped.
Eiji recognized a lot of names when he read the book spines. Dan Brown. Agatha Christie. Ash's finger traced over a book as he pulled it from the shelf, the name on it reading J. D. Salinger.
"They only have one of his books here," Ash mumbled disappointedly.
He handed the book to Eiji. He looked down at the thin book in his grasp, Nine Stories by J.D Salinger.
"I remember you mentioning J.D Salinger!" Eiji blurted.
Ash shyly scratched the back of his neck," My favorite is Catcher in the Rye, but I guess it's on loan right now," He sighed then said," Nine Stories is still really good. It's my second favorite book."
Eiji opened the thin cover to the first page of the novel, and his eyes widened as he read the title.
A Perfect Day for BananaFish.
"Banana Fish..." Eiji said.
"Yeah, like your coffee shop. Honestly when you told me where you worked this was the first thing I thought of."Ash said. "I was really surprised!
Curiosity peaked in Eiji.
A title he'd heard of several months ago, the name of the cafe he works at, having Ash hand the book right into his hands felt surreal. The copy in his hands was worn from years of being borrowed and loaned in many other people's hands. It had probably been held in Ash's hands many times before today. Eiji tried to imagine how many times Ash would have reread this and Catcher in the Rye . Reading with nothing but deadly focus.
Stories find their way into people's hearts, even if you forget them they are still a part of you.
Like Mr Jenkins. This same story had been read by him and he had a completely different reaction to it than Ash. Ash loved it, it was important to him. Why did Ash love this story? Eiji wanted to know what A Perfect Day for BananaFish was really about.
"Can I read this?" Eiji asked.
"We're in a library."Ash giggled.
"No, I mean," Eiji felt his cheeks heat up as he choked out," would you mind if I read it now."
"Not at all," Ash stated, "But can I get a book first? I finished the last one I was reading."
"What did you read?" Eiji asked
" A Tale of Two Cities ."
"What's it about?"
"You've never heard of it?" Ash blinked.
Eiji frowned," No."
"Really?"
"Is that weird?"
"Well no , but it's pretty famous. I guess it's not really well known nowadays...or at least in Japan. My class never read it, sooo I decided to pick it up over the weekend. It's about what led to the French Revolution."
"Did you like it?"
"Mmm, I think Dickens can be a bit of a drag, but I did like it."
"Maybe you could read another book by Dickens?" Eiji suggested.
"I've already read all his other books," Ash shrugged.
"Hm... Are there any books you want to read?"
Ash signed," I can't think of any."
"Harry Potter? I liked those as a kid"
"Already read them."
"Which was your favorite?"
" Half-Blood Prince , you?"
" Goblet of Fire ."
They talked, Eiji suggesting books and Ash touting if he'd read them or not. Ash had read many books, more than Eiji could have ever dreamed, books of different genres and styles. Fantasy, historical, classical, romance, Ash didn't seem to have a limit to what he'd read. He enjoyed all kinds of novels, all kinds of ideas.
It was clear to Eiji that Ash spent most of his free time reading. That he loved books and this library.
This was a safe place for him, something that didn't seem to follow him outside. When Ash was outside, maybe when he was with his family. Something was happening to him, something that filled him with so much sadness that he needed to run away.
Ash had to run away, he needed to fly.
Eiji wanted to catch him, to stop him from crashing into the waves of his own sadness. Eiji silently swore to himself that he wouldn't let Ash drown.
That sadness.
It reminded Eiji of a book he'd read many years back. An unpleasant book. Something that'd made him feel hollow once he finished the last words. He'd pushed to the back of his mind, from the emptiness it left him in. Its name came back to him as he was by Ash's side.
"What about No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai ?" Eiji asked.
Ash blinked for a moment, thinking, then said," Never heard of it."
"It's a bit of a hard read, but-"
"I'll read it," Ash interrupted.
Eiji felt a pang of guilt that he'd done something wrong. But he doesn't press Ash, as they check if the library had a copy. It did, and in no time they had both found their way up the stairs and Eiji was surfing over book spines once again. Looking over their titles and trying to locate ' Dazai' amongst all the other D 's. Of course, Ash knew exactly where to find it.
In a matter of moments pulled out the paperback. Reading the title in English was weird. Eiji was used to the Japanese title, so seeing it in English was somehow confusing.
With the novel in his hands, Ash smiled and asked," Shall we go read?"
Eiji smiled back at him," Let's."
Ash led the way back down and to the rows of tables. He sat down with the table marked as '378'. Eiji took a seat next to him, feeling the book in his hands, as Ash began to read. Eiji flipped to the first page, re-reading the title.
"Tell me what you think after you finish the first story, out of all of them, I like that one most."Ash requested
"Of course," Eiji hummed.
Then he read the first sentence.
Following through the story. The writing was blunt. Blunt in an American kind of way. Turning the pages, Eiji was curious. He wondered where the story was going, it was short after all and so turning only a few more pages he was done. Eiji finally read the final sentence.
Then he went over and sat down on the unoccupied twin bed, looked at the girl, aimed the pistol, and fired a bullet through his right temple.
Eiji's throat closed up, as he re-read it over and over again. No matter how many times he read it, the ending remained the same. It made Eiji feel hollow.
He could see how this story stuck with Mr. Jenkins.
"He died?" Eiji muttered slowly.
Ash leered at Eiji.
"You finished?" Ash whispered.
Eiji nodded.
"What do you think?" Ash asked.
"I'm confused..." Eiji said.
Ash remained silent waiting for Eiji to continue, so he did," Why did he kill himself? I don't get it."
This is what Mr Jenkins must have felt. The confusion the story had made him feel, the unsettling shiver that crept over your spine, that you couldn't shrug off. If anything, A Perfect Day For BananaFish definitely left an impression.
This story was the kind that stuck with you long after reading it.
"Suicide is confusing isn't it?" Ash said sadly, his eyes seeming vacant for a moment. "The first time I read A Perfect Day For BananaFish I felt sad. Why did Seymour kill himself? He was with his wife in a beautiful beachside resort. Why would he want to kill himself?"
The question hung in the air for a moment, then Ash continued," Then I reread it. I read it over and over until I thought of the story from Seymour's point of view, and then it all made sense." His voice trailed off, as he weakly said," If you think of it from Seymour's point of view, it makes sense why he did it..."
"I still don't get it..."Eiji whispered, looking over the last page, filling in the earlier pages and skimming the lines, Ash's words sinking into him.
Ash reached and pointed on the page, his slender finger tracing over the words," Seymour acts strangely, he is irritable, no one understands him, he came back from a war..."
Suddenly the pieces came together.
"The psychiatrist..."Eiji said, his voice weak.
Ash nodded," That's what's so brilliant about the story, it's all there, all the details are on the page you just need to read it more than once. You have to think about it."
"It's so sad," Eiji said.
"It is but that's what happened. Maybe if someone knew, if someone could understand what Seymour was going through...Maybe things would have ended differently."
Eiji was speechless, tears threatening to fall, as he heard those words come so casually from Ash. It was scary and uncomfortable. Eiji could tell this was something familiar to Ash. Something close to him.
Suicide.
It was such an awful thing, that Eiji didn't want to think about it.
He closed the book, to keep his shaky hands from ripping it apart. His body broke out in tremors, his palms feeling sweaty. Eiji felt like he was being stared at by everyone in the room. He forced his eyes to shut.
The darkness was easier to take in.
"Eiji?" Ash said worriedly.
Opening his eyes, Eiji felt the entire room focused on him, the sound drilling in his ears, the typing on keyboards, the turning of pages all too loud. He felt his throat closing up.
"Eiji, are you-"
Eiji put his hand up to silence Ash, and choked meekly," I just need some air."
Ash's expression was unreadable, but he didn't say a word, only helping Eiji up, as they walked out of the room and down many flights of stairs until they were in the smoggy air outside. The books remained in the Rose Room, neatly resting upon the table.
They made their way to the side of the library, so there were less people. It made some of the tension in Eiji lessen. He leaned against the side of the building feeling embarrassed that he was making a scene. He slowly regained his breath, and soon he was standing up straight again and he looked Ash in the eyes.
"Sorry," Eiji muttered.
"Why are you apologizing?" Ash asked.
"For making a scene."
"You didn't make a scene."
"But-"
"It's alright, Eiji," Ash said reassuringly. He waited for Eiji to talk but when Eiji said nothing Ash spoke again," Was it the story? Did it upset you?"
"No," Eiji responded.
He was telling the truth. It wasn't the story at all. Arguably No Longer Human was far darker than A Perfect Day For BananaFish. No, it wasn't the story at all, it was Ash. But Eiji wasn't going to confess the truth to him.
"It was the crowd, the silence. It got overwhelming after a while."Eiji lied.
Ash clearly wasn't convinced but he didn't press Eiji, instead, he asked kindly," Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah," Eiji said.
"Wanna get something to eat?"Ash asked, a soft smile rising on his pretty face.
"I'd like that," Eiji replied, feeling some of his discomfort wavering.
As they walked away from the library, the story looped in his mind, along with Ash's words. Even while he and Ash peacefully drank coffee together, they sat at the back of Eiji's mind. Ash's eyes were still shining, but there was sadness in them.
Maybe things would have ended differently.
It was regret that made Ash say those words. But Eiji wouldn't tell if Ash was more like Seymor or Sybil (Seymour's wife). Was he the one who wanted to die, or was he the unknowing wife? The image of Sybil walking into the hotel room was a haunting one. What she'd see. The thought sent a shiver down Eiji's spine.
The story stuck to Eiji more than he thought it would. Ash was careful to steer the conversation away from it or the library while at the cafe.
"How was the movie you watched?" Ash asked
Eiji responded," Pretty Woman . I didn't like it very much."
" Pretty woman ? With Julia Roberts?"
Eiji nodded.
"I don't remember anything about that movie," Ash said.
"It really wasn't anything interesting. It was just a regular romance movie, I guess."
"You don't like romance movies?"
"Not really," Eiji glowered.
"Do you have a favorite movie?" Ash asked.
"Not really. I don't really watch movies a lot," Eiji said.
"What about your phone wallpaper?"
"My phone wallpaper?"
"The anime?"
"OH, THAT! That's Doraemon!"
"Doraemon?" Ash repeated.
Eiji smiled," It's a really old manga, from the 70s. I used to watch anime all the time as a kid, it's really nostalgic!"
Their conversation continued on peacefully until Ash had finally said," I need to head home soon..." Suddenly his eyes went hollow, his voice slower.
"Let's walk to the subway together, then," Eiji said, trying to give a reassuring smile to Ash.
Ash seemed grateful, but said," Thank you, but not today."
They left the cafe, stalking to the end of the road, where Ash would leave for the subway.
"Jamatane, Eiji," Ash smiled.
Eiji opened his arms, offering a hug to Ash. Ash's eyes widened, as he flinched and Eiji immediately crossed his arms, feeling stupid. They both stood there at the street corner, awkwardly staring at each other for what felt like an eternity, before Eiji said,"S-see you later, Ash."
Ash lifted his hand, reaching out his finger, as he gently ruffled them through Eiji's hair,"See you later, Eiji," Ash chortled,"I really hope you enjoyed today."
"I did! I'm happy I got to know you better!" Eiji said."I thought the library was absolutely beautiful! I understand why you love it so much!"
"I'm glad," Ash said, his voice almost a whisper as he stepped back,"See you, Eiji."
Eiji waved back,"See you, Ash."
And slowly Ash disappeared from Eiji's sight.
Even now A Perfect Day for BananaFish remained in Eiji's head.
Ash had read that story many times, over and over again. He loved it. It meant something to him.
The Banana Fish can't get out of the hole, so they died. It was a really sad story.
Maybe Ash was a Banana Fish, or maybe it was someone else he'd loved. Either way, the story
Eiji had been in a hole once.
He thought he was going to die there, like the Banana Fish, but he didn't. It was sad that Seymour died and it was sad that Ash could relate to such a story.
A Perfect Day For BananaFish was a heartbreaking story and Ash was a heartbroken person. How sad it all was.
Chapter 3
A Perfect Day For BananaFIsh
Banana Fish: Cafe and Bar.
It's a confusing and eye-catching title for a cafe and it definitely caught Eiji's attention. After all, what the hell was a Banana Fish supposed to be?
He was scrolling through pages on Indeed applying for every job he could find (No matter how unqualified he was). Eiji had never worked a real job. He'd spent most of his life studying, in high school, and pole vaulting. Eiji had never worked outside of the odd school holiday jobs. So Eiji was looking for his first real job only a few weeks after moving to the U.S.A.
University dorms were expensive and Eiji realized he'd need money or he was going to be living off one meal a day.
So he wrote up the best resume he could and applied for hundreds of jobs in one week. With his stomach always growling he wondered if moving overseas with no money left in his bank account was really worth it.
Even so, the moment Eiji's eyes saw New York from the plane window his heart leaped. The taxi ride from Kennedy International Airport to New York City was an anxious one. After an hour his ears were met with the sounds of the city instead of banging and screaming, from then, he knew he'd made the right decision.
Applying for jobs, and going to interviews (in casual clothing because he didn't own anything formal). That was Eiji's life for several weeks, as he tried to keep himself fed and concentrate on classes with an empty stomach. One on occasion Eiji had slept through a lecture, to his embarrassment.
But life went on as normal, and Eiji got used to it. Looking for jobs, going to classes, and eating instant noodles. Occasionally Eiji would get a job interview and never hear a response afterward, but it was all generally disappointing.
Then one day Eiji saw an ad for a cafe in the Bronx. Banana Fish: Cafe and Bar.
What a strange name for a cafe, Eiji thought.
He applied and then came his job interview.
The Cafe was owned by a middle-aged man named Antonio Jenkins. He was a kind married man with five daughters who took turns with shifts helping at the cafe. One of his daughters was moving away and he needed someone to fill in her shifts.
Nervous was an understatement sitting at the clean coffee tables, looking Mr Jenkins in the face. Mr Jenkins held his resume, asking Eiji a series of questions. Eiji responded, internally second-guessing his English, fearing mispronouncing words or stuttering too much. He did his best to explain himself, trying to give himself the strongest guise of confidence.
"So you've only been in America for three weeks and you already want a job?" Mr Jenkins asked warmly.
Eiji nodded,"I felt it'd be the best way for me to learn about the culture, to live the American lifestyle."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, I wanted to get real-life experience!"
Why did I really just say that? Eiji thought to himself.
He didn't mean anything he was saying, he just needed money, so he could help pay off his student loan, dormitory rent and eat. Living in a single room at one of the most prestigious schools in the entire country did not come cheap. Let alone coming from overseas.
Eiji couldn't deny he wanted to learn about America, but the last thing he wanted to do was spending every moment confined to a tiny coffee shop.
"What do you think of the shop's name?" Mr Jenkins asked Eiji.
Eiji was taken aback by the question," Excuse me?"
"What do you think of the shop's name: 'Banana Fish'?"
Eiji blinked, he was sitting in the front window, looking at the sign from the inside of the store, seeing the letters staring at him. He didn't know how to answer Mr Jenkins. He was at a job interview, right? Or was Jenkins trying to trick him? Give him a purposely confusing question to stub him, waiting for Eiji to give the wrong answer.
But Eiji swallowed and answered," I think it's unique and really catches the eyes of the consumer. It was definitely a great choice."
Mr Jenkins laughed," I hope so."
Eiji didn't know why he was laughing, but he held his ground. Faking a smile, and waiting for the older man to speak again.
"It's actually from a book." Mr Jenkins continued," From a short story to be exact, 'A Perfect Day For Banana Fish' by J.D Salinger."
"Oh." Eiji said.
"I read it once, when I was a bit younger than you, I never quite liked it, but it stuck with me 'till now all these years later. When I was naming the cafe I was lost on ideas, I thought of so many things that were either taken or bland then...'Banana Fish'. 'Banana Fish' just came into my mind almost decades after I'd read it, the story still in my head. Isn't that strange? The things that come into your mind that you'd thought you'd forgotten?"
Eiji just kept smiling. He didn't really have much to say to Mr Jenkins. Soon the job interview had ended and Eiji was left feeling like he'd failed. He kept applying for jobs online, and editing his cover letters until he received a call one week later.
"Eiji! It's so nice to hear you," Mr Jenkins had said," I'd like to tell you, you've got the job!"
"Re-really?"
Eiji was over the moon.
On his first shift, he met Arissa, one of Mr Jenkins' daughters. She taught Eiji how the cashier worked, where the trash was, and how to brew coffee. Eiji can't deny it was a sensory overload on his first day, driving him to miss a lecture the following day, but he didn't give up.
After three months Eiji was used to working at Banana Fish: Cafe and Bar.
Three months were both exciting and lonely. Eiji still ate lunch in the food court alone, still attended classes while barely being noticed by his classmates, and Lao Yen Tai's death glares had somehow become more venomous over time.
Eiji didn't feel the same loneliness he had before though, even if he was sitting alone, he'd feel his phone buzzing inside his pocket and read the words Ash sent him as if he were sitting right next to him.
Every message made Eiji smile. Ash's moral support and encouragement were welcomed every single moment. Eiji vented his frustrations with Ash over the phone, and in a matter of seconds, he got a response.
Ash: Why don't you try joining a club? I'm sure you'll make friends there!
Eiji decided to take his advice.
It took several days of looking over all the clubs to try and decide on which he wanted to join. He found the 'Japanese Students Society' which was a group of other Japanese students that were attending the University. Eiji was considering it until he actually met some of the other students.
All of them were from the cities, and Eiji had a hard time keeping track of everything they were saying. He didn't know the first thing about Tokyo or Yokohama other than the fact that they were very big and busy.
Eiji felt embarrassed being the only Inakamon out of all the Japanese students, so he turned to one of the other clubs. He found his eyes hovering over the 'Queer Society' but he quickly looked over to others.
The 'Photography club' seemed fun but it didn't catch his interest. After several moments of scrolling through web pages and opening them, he settled on the 'Movie Society'. He couldn't deny he was swayed by getting free pizza every week.
Eiji was able to convince his boss, Antonio Jenkins, to give him a short shift on Thursday giving him a chance to attend the club.
In the evening Eiji was standing outside the Film Societies' designated room. He felt his palms sweating as he heard laughter behind the door. He'd already joined Facebook and paid the fee, all that stood in his way was the door.
A lecture room being overtaken by students to watch movies on a big screen, like a makeshift cinema. Eiji could feel his heart pounding as he leaned on the door, as he texted Ash.
Eiji: I'm nervous
Ash: Nervous? Don't be nervous, alright Eiji? You've got nothing to be worried about, you're going to go in there to watch a movie, you'll eat pizza and talk to people. Believe in yourself, it'll all be fine.
Eiji: but what if I make a fool of myself?
Eiji: or they don't like me?
Eiji: Or I piss someone off?
Eiji: OR? LIKE?
Eiji was typing rapidly, his hands barely staying dry as he wiped them on his varsity jacket. His eyes were focused on the dots next to Ash's name as he was typing from somewhere else in New York. Probably on his train ride home. Finally, Ash replied.
Ash: Just go in, Eiji. You're going to be fine, you're only making it worse for yourself standing out here and wondering about what could go wrong when nothing has gone wrong. Just go in and enjoy yourself, okay?
Eiji: ok.
Ash: Enjoy your pizza! Tell me what you think of a New York Pizza! And tell me how it went afterward!
Eiji stood frozen for a moment re-reading the message from Ash a few times before replying.
Eiji: I dont think I can do this….
Ash: Eiji, you'll be fine.
Eiji: Are u sure?
Ash: Positive. Get in there and get yourself some Pizza!
Eiji: ok, thx Ash.
Ash: Talk to you later Eiji! And don't worry, you've got this, alright!? ALSO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THE PIZZA, OK?!
Eiji: OK, I will! Thx again!
Eiji smiled, as he left Eiji on seen and clicked the power button on his phone, putting it on stand-by while stuffing it into his jeans pocket. Taking a deep breath, Eiji opened the door into the lecture hall and walked in.
A group of students sat in the seats, lounging around, with several boxes of Pizza scattered between them. The scent was strong and inviting from the top of the lecture hall, it made Eiji's stomach growl. Like a regular day after work, Eiji hadn't eaten dinner.
Eiji walked down the stairs, catching the eyes of a boy, sitting with his feet resting over the next row. The boy had dusty hair, and freckles scattered across his face, Eiji recognized him as Bones, the person who he'd paid the fee of the Film Societies Entry.
Bones smiled and waved at Eiji.
Behind him sat two people Eiji didn't recognize. A tall muscular dark-skinned boy, and a strong-jawed messy brown-haired boy.
"EIJI!" Bones beamed, jumping to his feet," You're here! I was beginning to think you'd never show up, come sit down. The movie's about to start!"
Before Eiji could say a word, Bones pulled him into the aisle, Eiji falling so hard on the plastic chair he felt a sharp pain in his hip upon impact.
" Itai ..."Eiji mumbled.
" Itai what does that mean?"
"Obviously it means you hurt him!" Said a boy with messy brown hair.
"OH my gosh! I'm so sorry, Eiji!" Bones apologized.
Eiji waved his hand," It's fine, don't worry."
"Are you really okay?"Said the muscular boy.
"I am," Eiji lied, still feeling a stinging at his side.
"I'm really sorry, Eiji," Bones said.
"R-really, it's fine."
"If you say so," Bones frowned.
"Anyway," Cut in the messy-haired boy," I'm Alex, this oaf here is Kong. It's nice to meet you, Eiji."
"I'm not an oaf," Kong pouted," But it's a pleasure to meet you Eiji!"
Eiji smiled, shaking both their hands.
"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?" Yelled a person in the front," I'm ABOUT TO PUT ON THE MOVIE!"
"SORRY!" Kong, Bones, and Alex all said together.
The room was filled with darkness, being lit up by the light of the movie being projected in front of them. Eiji straightened his back, watching the opening credits of the movie play. Kong quietly offered him a pizza.
"Here, Eiji," He whispered," I hope you like pepperoni."
Eiji didn't talk, only giving a grateful nod as he reached for a slice. It was massive. Never in his life had Eiji seen a pizza slice so large that he needed both hands to hold it. It was greasy and when he bit into the pizza it melted into his mouth.
Eiji didn't know a lot about Pizza's but Eiji knew that he liked a New York Pizza, and he was sure to let Ash know.
The air outside was the same as always, smoggy but bearable. The sun shone brightly on the sidewalk, the sound of honking cars barely phasing Eiji now. It was normal. Noisiness seemed like it was beginning to become unnoticeable, just white noise every time he was outside.
Eiji was waiting. Sitting on the stone steps of the New York Public Library. He flicked his finger over his phone. Scrolling through news articles as he waited for Ash. After several minutes of scrolling through several news articles, he got bored and decided to watch YouTube videos.
Eiji wasn't paying much attention to his screen, feeling his fingers type into the search bar, something he'd avoided thinking about for a long time. He'd watched it live in 2017 on the television. His mind had been filled with thoughts about sport back then, after all. Maybe it was boredom, but something had reminded Eiji of then and he wanted to see it again.
Before long Eiji noticed someone sitting next to him on the stairs. Eiji's eyes lifted from his screen, greeted with the face of Ash.
"Ashu," Eiji said.
"Hey," Ash greeted.
"Hey!" Eiji smiled.
"What are you looking at?"Ash asked curiously, his eyes looking over at Eiji's phone screen.
Eiji scooted closer to Ash, so they were inches from touching, but close enough to look at his phone screen. The video was played, the 2017 World Athletics Championship: Men's Pole Vaulting. Eiji had felt nostalgic rewatching it, sitting in front of the television with his entire family.
His grandmother, mother, and sister all complained, but his father was just as absorbed in watching the Championship as Eiji. Like back in 2007. Eiji and his father took a trip to Osaka for the World Athletics Championship. When Eiji had watched Brad Walker win gold.
Eiji watched.
In Osaka, watching the performances one by one, and his heart leapt. It was the first time he'd ever seen a human being do something like that. Something so… free. Flinging into the air, with nothing but their own force and a pole to guide them. They flew.
At eight years old, Eiji had been inspired. He'd decided this was what he wanted to do.
The urge had come to Eiji. To watch pole vaulting again. All the amazing pole vaulters. Their form and balance were perfect as they launched into the air so gracefully.
They flew.
"Pole vaulting?" Ash asked, tapping on the screen to see the video title.
Eiji smiled sheepishly, at Ash's confusion, but he merely explained," I used to do pole vaulting."
"Really?"
"Mhmm."
"What's it like?"
"Amazing! I could feel the adrenaline pumping through every cell in my body, my heart pounded, and I ran, then I lifted off into the air... but," Eiji sighed and pointed at his ankle,"I got an injury and had to give it up."
"Oh..."Ash fell silent. "Does it still hurt?"
"Huh?" Eiji blinked, taken aback by the sudden question.
"Sometimes when you break your foot or ankle it can hurt after recovery, that's all," Ash explained.
"I guess I'm lucky," Eiji smiled sadly,"I made a full recovery without too many complications...I just can't do any heavy exercises on it or it'll hurt all over again."
Eiji's hand unconsciously wrapped around his ankle, as he rubbed it over his sock, feeling the bone underneath his skin, the phantom pain lingering in his mind as he remembered it wrapped tightly in a cast. It was less than a year ago. His foot tightly bound, keeping him from flying ever again.
Ash quickly got to his feet, and tapped Eiji on the back," You want to go into the library?"
Eiji nodded, shoving his phone into his pocket, and began walking up the stairs with Ash. He felt himself put a lighter weight on one of his feet without meaning to. The silence was uncomfortable and was heavy between them so Eiji quickly said,"How are you?"
"I'm doing alright," Ash responded," How have you been?"
"I'm good. I had a New York Pizza."
"You did?"
"It was great!"Eiji said.
"I told you," Eiji grinned. "Did things go okay with the club?"
"It went great! The guys are really welcoming!"
"I told you you'd be fine."
They stood at the top of the stairs to the library and they walked through its open doors.
Eiji had seen his fair share of historical buildings in his life and wandering through New York it was hard not to notice the smaller stone, brick-layered buildings standing amongst the towering skyscrapers. After all, New York University was built in the 1830s. So Eiji had a good idea of what old western buildings looked like by now.
In Izumo, everything was old and ancient-looking. Eiji was used to old wooden buildings and Shinto shrines, with their grand sweeping roofs, which were shaped like a faced-down book. Everything was small in Izumo, except for the Shrine, which Eiji made a habit of visiting regularly when his father was first hospitalized.
So to Eiji old buildings were a regular sight.
Yet today, Eiji couldn't help but feel small. Standing in the Stephen A. Schwarzman Building, Eiji felt small. Maybe it was the high ceilings, or the spotless marble floors, or the bright lights or the columns, but Eiji felt overwhelmed. Eiji soaked the entire forum.
"Wow." he gasped.
Both his and Ash were quickly inspected, but neither of them was carrying bags so they were quickly allowed to step into the library's Astor hall. With archways leading up the light ceiling, and from the glassy tiles floors, there seemed to be so many places that they could go. Endless hallways holding so many secrets.
Eiji wondered how Ash felt working here every day. With the bright lights and crowds of people. With the many people walking past, watching him and Ash, Eiji felt his chest tighten.
Ash gently tugged at his sleeve, making Eiji snap his attention towards the boy.
"Everything alright?"Ash asked gently.
Eiji breathed" I'm alright."
Ash smiled gently," Tell me if you need a break alright?"
Eiji nodded. He took a deep breath, and said," Lead the way."
They walked, Ash acting as a guide showing Eiji everywhere. Ash took Eiji around the first floor, looking at old decorative rooms, map collections, and passing through an exhibition. Portraits and photographs hung on the walls. Of people, and places, with small plaques next to all of them, filled with information.
Each step exposed Eiji to something new and unfamiliar. Teaching him something new. Books were displayed in glass cases, open to the view of the people passing by in lines. Everyone quietly observing like Ash and Eiji.
Images of the past and present. Of the people of New York. Of the city itself.
Eiji took it all in, every new room and place, on every floor of the library he soaked it in with his eyes and ears, listening to every word coming out of Ash's mouth, as he spoke about his first time visiting the library, mentioning his shifts in different areas, and the training he'd gone through.
Eiji wondered if the hours walking through the library, sorting books and guiding customers were as tiresome as working at the cafe. Cleaning every day, and listening to customers all day. Long hours standing until your legs are cramped. Eiji would have questioned why Ash would put up with it day in and day out, but the gigantic grin on his face answered all his questions in a second.
This was a new emotion Eiji had never seen on Ash: happiness.
The way Ash's eyes shone was a new emotion he hadn't seen on him yet. His smile was unmoving. Step by step, they climbed high in the library, the hours ticking on, as Ash guided him, neither his smile leaving, nor the shine in his eyes.
As they made their way to the second floor, seeing books and manuscripts, traveling through another gallery. There were books, upon books, everywhere in cases on display. The writing from around the world, all of them telling a different story.
So many rooms were filled with people sitting at desks, both students and businessmen sitting at computers or reading books. The rooms were so quiet. The walls were elaborate in paintings and wooden frames, no one seeming to pay attention to them.
Skies and skyscrapers on the wall, but it drew Eiji in.
Before long they made it to another staircase and Ash said," Time to show you my most favorite place in the entire world."
Ash was still smiling.
Passing through large halls and up to several stairways, with large windows that let the weak sunlight pass through, Ash finally led Eiji into a grand sprawling room. Rows of desks, scattered with lamps, all lining down to the end of the library.
All the walls were lined with shelves, all of them filled with books, Eiji couldn't begin to guess how many there were. The arched windows stood above the shelves, with crisscrossing metal beams over the glass. The ceiling shared the same elaborate carvings of wood, with a delicate portrait of soft orange clouds in a blue sky.
The ceiling hung many chandeliers that shone warmly. The room's ambiance was welcoming, and warm, the scent like an old book. Eiji wanted to just sit down and begin reading, letting himself get lost in a good book for hours and hours.
Eiji noticed how quiet the room was compared to everywhere else he had been in New York. There were no beeping cars, no yells, no shouts. Only the soft mumble of strangers, the turning of pages, and typing on keyboards. For a moment Eiji felt like he was back in the countryside. Back in the silence of Izumo.
Ash tapped Eiji on the shoulder bringing him back to New York.
"What do you think?" He whispered.
"It's beautiful," Eiji whispered back.
"This is the Rose Room. I love it when I have shifted in here.``Eiji listened carefully as Ash continued," When I was a kid I'd read all sorts of books and just sit down for hours. I'd run away."
Eiji wanted to hang onto every word that Ash said. To get lost in his bliss. The happiness Ash found in the books and library. It was like a secret. A secret that Ash was telling Eiji, something special, something precious.
"What kinds of books did you read?"Eiji asked gently.
"Everything. Good ones, bad ones. I just read."
"What's your favorite?"
"I'll show you."
Ash's eyes lit up, as his mouth twitched into a wide grin, he tugged at Eiji, pulling him into the room, taking him up through the rows going from the author names beginning with 'A' down to 'S', where they stopped.
Eiji recognized a lot of names when he read the book spines. Dan Brown. Agatha Christie. Ash's finger traced over a book as he pulled it from the shelf, the name on it reading J. D. Salinger.
"They only have one of his books here," Ash mumbled disappointedly.
He handed the book to Eiji. He looked down at the thin book in his grasp, Nine Stories by J.D Salinger.
"I remember you mentioning J.D Salinger!" Eiji blurted.
Ash shyly scratched the back of his neck," My favorite is Catcher in the Rye, but I guess it's on loan right now," He sighed then said," Nine Stories is still really good. It's my second favorite book."
Eiji opened the thin cover to the first page of the novel, and his eyes widened as he read the title.
A Perfect Day for BananaFish.
"Banana Fish..." Eiji said.
"Yeah, like your coffee shop. Honestly when you told me where you worked this was the first thing I thought of."Ash said. "I was really surprised!
Curiosity peaked in Eiji.
A title he'd heard of several months ago, the name of the cafe he works at, having Ash hand the book right into his hands felt surreal. The copy in his hands was worn from years of being borrowed and loaned in many other people's hands. It had probably been held in Ash's hands many times before today. Eiji tried to imagine how many times Ash would have reread this and Catcher in the Rye . Reading with nothing but deadly focus.
Stories find their way into people's hearts, even if you forget them they are still a part of you.
Like Mr Jenkins. This same story had been read by him and he had a completely different reaction to it than Ash. Ash loved it, it was important to him. Why did Ash love this story? Eiji wanted to know what A Perfect Day for BananaFish was really about.
"Can I read this?" Eiji asked.
"We're in a library."Ash giggled.
"No, I mean," Eiji felt his cheeks heat up as he choked out," would you mind if I read it now."
"Not at all," Ash stated, "But can I get a book first? I finished the last one I was reading."
"What did you read?" Eiji asked
" A Tale of Two Cities ."
"What's it about?"
"You've never heard of it?" Ash blinked.
Eiji frowned," No."
"Really?"
"Is that weird?"
"Well no , but it's pretty famous. I guess it's not really well known nowadays...or at least in Japan. My class never read it, sooo I decided to pick it up over the weekend. It's about what led to the French Revolution."
"Did you like it?"
"Mmm, I think Dickens can be a bit of a drag, but I did like it."
"Maybe you could read another book by Dickens?" Eiji suggested.
"I've already read all his other books," Ash shrugged.
"Hm... Are there any books you want to read?"
Ash signed," I can't think of any."
"Harry Potter? I liked those as a kid"
"Already read them."
"Which was your favorite?"
" Half-Blood Prince , you?"
" Goblet of Fire ."
They talked, Eiji suggesting books and Ash touting if he'd read them or not. Ash had read many books, more than Eiji could have ever dreamed, books of different genres and styles. Fantasy, historical, classical, romance, Ash didn't seem to have a limit to what he'd read. He enjoyed all kinds of novels, all kinds of ideas.
It was clear to Eiji that Ash spent most of his free time reading. That he loved books and this library.
This was a safe place for him, something that didn't seem to follow him outside. When Ash was outside, maybe when he was with his family. Something was happening to him, something that filled him with so much sadness that he needed to run away.
Ash had to run away, he needed to fly.
Eiji wanted to catch him, to stop him from crashing into the waves of his own sadness. Eiji silently swore to himself that he wouldn't let Ash drown.
That sadness.
It reminded Eiji of a book he'd read many years back. An unpleasant book. Something that'd made him feel hollow once he finished the last words. He'd pushed to the back of his mind, from the emptiness it left him in. Its name came back to him as he was by Ash's side.
"What about No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai ?" Eiji asked.
Ash blinked for a moment, thinking, then said," Never heard of it."
"It's a bit of a hard read, but-"
"I'll read it," Ash interrupted.
Eiji felt a pang of guilt that he'd done something wrong. But he doesn't press Ash, as they check if the library had a copy. It did, and in no time they had both found their way up the stairs and Eiji was surfing over book spines once again. Looking over their titles and trying to locate ' Dazai' amongst all the other D 's. Of course, Ash knew exactly where to find it.
In a matter of moments pulled out the paperback. Reading the title in English was weird. Eiji was used to the Japanese title, so seeing it in English was somehow confusing.
With the novel in his hands, Ash smiled and asked," Shall we go read?"
Eiji smiled back at him," Let's."
Ash led the way back down and to the rows of tables. He sat down with the table marked as '378'. Eiji took a seat next to him, feeling the book in his hands, as Ash began to read. Eiji flipped to the first page, re-reading the title.
"Tell me what you think after you finish the first story, out of all of them, I like that one most."Ash requested
"Of course," Eiji hummed.
Then he read the first sentence.
Following through the story. The writing was blunt. Blunt in an American kind of way. Turning the pages, Eiji was curious. He wondered where the story was going, it was short after all and so turning only a few more pages he was done. Eiji finally read the final sentence.
Then he went over and sat down on the unoccupied twin bed, looked at the girl, aimed the pistol, and fired a bullet through his right temple.
Eiji's throat closed up, as he re-read it over and over again. No matter how many times he read it, the ending remained the same. It made Eiji feel hollow.
He could see how this story stuck with Mr. Jenkins.
"He died?" Eiji muttered slowly.
Ash leered at Eiji.
"You finished?" Ash whispered.
Eiji nodded.
"What do you think?" Ash asked.
"I'm confused..." Eiji said.
Ash remained silent waiting for Eiji to continue, so he did," Why did he kill himself? I don't get it."
This is what Mr Jenkins must have felt. The confusion the story had made him feel, the unsettling shiver that crept over your spine, that you couldn't shrug off. If anything, A Perfect Day For BananaFish definitely left an impression.
This story was the kind that stuck with you long after reading it.
"Suicide is confusing isn't it?" Ash said sadly, his eyes seeming vacant for a moment. "The first time I read A Perfect Day For BananaFish I felt sad. Why did Seymour kill himself? He was with his wife in a beautiful beachside resort. Why would he want to kill himself?"
The question hung in the air for a moment, then Ash continued," Then I reread it. I read it over and over until I thought of the story from Seymour's point of view, and then it all made sense." His voice trailed off, as he weakly said," If you think of it from Seymour's point of view, it makes sense why he did it..."
"I still don't get it..."Eiji whispered, looking over the last page, filling in the earlier pages and skimming the lines, Ash's words sinking into him.
Ash reached and pointed on the page, his slender finger tracing over the words," Seymour acts strangely, he is irritable, no one understands him, he came back from a war..."
Suddenly the pieces came together.
"The psychiatrist..."Eiji said, his voice weak.
Ash nodded," That's what's so brilliant about the story, it's all there, all the details are on the page you just need to read it more than once. You have to think about it."
"It's so sad," Eiji said.
"It is but that's what happened. Maybe if someone knew, if someone could understand what Seymour was going through...Maybe things would have ended differently."
Eiji was speechless, tears threatening to fall, as he heard those words come so casually from Ash. It was scary and uncomfortable. Eiji could tell this was something familiar to Ash. Something close to him.
Suicide.
It was such an awful thing, that Eiji didn't want to think about it.
He closed the book, to keep his shaky hands from ripping it apart. His body broke out in tremors, his palms feeling sweaty. Eiji felt like he was being stared at by everyone in the room. He forced his eyes to shut.
The darkness was easier to take in.
"Eiji?" Ash said worriedly.
Opening his eyes, Eiji felt the entire room focused on him, the sound drilling in his ears, the typing on keyboards, the turning of pages all too loud. He felt his throat closing up.
"Eiji, are you-"
Eiji put his hand up to silence Ash, and choked meekly," I just need some air."
Ash's expression was unreadable, but he didn't say a word, only helping Eiji up, as they walked out of the room and down many flights of stairs until they were in the smoggy air outside. The books remained in the Rose Room, neatly resting upon the table.
They made their way to the side of the library, so there were less people. It made some of the tension in Eiji lessen. He leaned against the side of the building feeling embarrassed that he was making a scene. He slowly regained his breath, and soon he was standing up straight again and he looked Ash in the eyes.
"Sorry," Eiji muttered.
"Why are you apologizing?" Ash asked.
"For making a scene."
"You didn't make a scene."
"But-"
"It's alright, Eiji," Ash said reassuringly. He waited for Eiji to talk but when Eiji said nothing Ash spoke again," Was it the story? Did it upset you?"
"No," Eiji responded.
He was telling the truth. It wasn't the story at all. Arguably No Longer Human was far darker than A Perfect Day For BananaFish. No, it wasn't the story at all, it was Ash. But Eiji wasn't going to confess the truth to him.
"It was the crowd, the silence. It got overwhelming after a while."Eiji lied.
Ash clearly wasn't convinced but he didn't press Eiji, instead, he asked kindly," Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah," Eiji said.
"Wanna get something to eat?"Ash asked, a soft smile rising on his pretty face.
"I'd like that," Eiji replied, feeling some of his discomfort wavering.
As they walked away from the library, the story looped in his mind, along with Ash's words. Even while he and Ash peacefully drank coffee together, they sat at the back of Eiji's mind. Ash's eyes were still shining, but there was sadness in them.
Maybe things would have ended differently.
It was regret that made Ash say those words. But Eiji wouldn't tell if Ash was more like Seymor or Sybil (Seymour's wife). Was he the one who wanted to die, or was he the unknowing wife? The image of Sybil walking into the hotel room was a haunting one. What she'd see. The thought sent a shiver down Eiji's spine.
The story stuck to Eiji more than he thought it would. Ash was careful to steer the conversation away from it or the library while at the cafe.
"How was the movie you watched?" Ash asked
Eiji responded," Pretty Woman . I didn't like it very much."
" Pretty woman ? With Julia Roberts?"
Eiji nodded.
"I don't remember anything about that movie," Ash said.
"It really wasn't anything interesting. It was just a regular romance movie, I guess."
"You don't like romance movies?"
"Not really," Eiji glowered.
"Do you have a favorite movie?" Ash asked.
"Not really. I don't really watch movies a lot," Eiji said.
"What about your phone wallpaper?"
"My phone wallpaper?"
"The anime?"
"OH, THAT! That's Doraemon!"
"Doraemon?" Ash repeated.
Eiji smiled," It's a really old manga, from the 70s. I used to watch anime all the time as a kid, it's really nostalgic!"
Their conversation continued on peacefully until Ash had finally said," I need to head home soon..." Suddenly his eyes went hollow, his voice slower.
"Let's walk to the subway together, then," Eiji said, trying to give a reassuring smile to Ash.
Ash seemed grateful, but said," Thank you, but not today."
They left the cafe, stalking to the end of the road, where Ash would leave for the subway.
"Jamatane, Eiji," Ash smiled.
Eiji opened his arms, offering a hug to Ash. Ash's eyes widened, as he flinched and Eiji immediately crossed his arms, feeling stupid. They both stood there at the street corner, awkwardly staring at each other for what felt like an eternity, before Eiji said,"S-see you later, Ash."
Ash lifted his hand, reaching out his finger, as he gently ruffled them through Eiji's hair,"See you later, Eiji," Ash chortled,"I really hope you enjoyed today."
"I did! I'm happy I got to know you better!" Eiji said."I thought the library was absolutely beautiful! I understand why you love it so much!"
"I'm glad," Ash said, his voice almost a whisper as he stepped back,"See you, Eiji."
Eiji waved back,"See you, Ash."
And slowly Ash disappeared from Eiji's sight.
Even now A Perfect Day for BananaFish remained in Eiji's head.
Ash had read that story many times, over and over again. He loved it. It meant something to him.
The Banana Fish can't get out of the hole, so they died. It was a really sad story.
Maybe Ash was a Banana Fish, or maybe it was someone else he'd loved. Either way, the story
Eiji had been in a hole once.
He thought he was going to die there, like the Banana Fish, but he didn't. It was sad that Seymour died and it was sad that Ash could relate to such a story.
A Perfect Day For BananaFish was a heartbreaking story and Ash was a heartbroken person. How sad it all was.
"R-really, it's fine."
"If you say so," Bones frowned.
"Anyway," Cut in the messy-haired boy," I'm Alex, this oaf here is Kong. It's nice to meet you, Eiji."
"I'm not an oaf," Kong pouted," But it's a pleasure to meet you Eiji!"
Eiji smiled, shaking both their hands.
"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?" Yelled a person in the front," I'm ABOUT TO PUT ON THE MOVIE!"
"SORRY!" Kong, Bones, and Alex all said together.
The room was filled with darkness, being lit up by the light of the movie being projected in front of them. Eiji straightened his back, watching the opening credits of the movie play. Kong quietly offered him a pizza.
"Here, Eiji," He whispered," I hope you like pepperoni."
Eiji didn't talk, only giving a grateful nod as he reached for a slice. It was massive. Never in his life had Eiji seen a pizza slice so large that he needed both hands to hold it. It was greasy and when he bit into the pizza it melted into his mouth.
Eiji didn't know a lot about Pizza's but Eiji knew that he liked a New York Pizza, and he was sure to let Ash know.
X
The air outside was the same as always, smoggy but bearable. The sun shone brightly on the sidewalk, the sound of honking cars barely phasing Eiji now. It was normal. Noisiness seemed like it was beginning to become unnoticeable, just white noise every time he was outside.
Eiji was waiting. Sitting on the stone steps of the New York Public Library. He flicked his finger over his phone. Scrolling through news articles as he waited for Ash. After several minutes of scrolling through several news articles, he got bored and decided to watch YouTube videos.
Eiji wasn't paying much attention to his screen, feeling his fingers type into the search bar, something he'd avoided thinking about for a long time. He'd watched it live in 2017 on the television. His mind had been filled with thoughts about sport back then, after all. Maybe it was boredom, but something had reminded Eiji of then and he wanted to see it again.
Before long Eiji noticed someone sitting next to him on the stairs. Eiji's eyes lifted from his screen, greeted with the face of Ash.
"Ashu," Eiji said.
"Hey," Ash greeted.
"Hey!" Eiji smiled.
"What are you looking at?"Ash asked curiously, his eyes looking over at Eiji's phone screen.
Eiji scooted closer to Ash, so they were inches from touching, but close enough to look at his phone screen. The video was played, the 2017 World Athletics Championship: Men's Pole Vaulting. Eiji had felt nostalgic rewatching it, sitting in front of the television with his entire family.
His grandmother, mother, and sister all complained, but his father was just as absorbed in watching the Championship as Eiji. Like back in 2007. Eiji and his father took a trip to Osaka for the World Athletics Championship. When Eiji had watched Brad Walker win gold.
Eiji watched.
In Osaka, watching the performances one by one, and his heart leapt. It was the first time he'd ever seen a human being do something like that. Something so… free. Flinging into the air, with nothing but their own force and a pole to guide them. They flew.
At eight years old, Eiji had been inspired. He'd decided this was what he wanted to do.
The urge had come to Eiji. To watch pole vaulting again. All the amazing pole vaulters. Their form and balance were perfect as they launched into the air so gracefully.
They flew.
"Pole vaulting?" Ash asked, tapping on the screen to see the video title.
Eiji smiled sheepishly, at Ash's confusion, but he merely explained," I used to do pole vaulting."
"Really?"
"Mhmm."
"What's it like?"
"Amazing! I could feel the adrenaline pumping through every cell in my body, my heart pounded, and I ran, then I lifted off into the air... but," Eiji sighed and pointed at his ankle,"I got an injury and had to give it up."
"Oh..."Ash fell silent. "Does it still hurt?"
"Huh?" Eiji blinked, taken aback by the sudden question.
"Sometimes when you break your foot or ankle it can hurt after recovery, that's all," Ash explained.
"I guess I'm lucky," Eiji smiled sadly,"I made a full recovery without too many complications...I just can't do any heavy exercises on it or it'll hurt all over again."
Eiji's hand unconsciously wrapped around his ankle, as he rubbed it over his sock, feeling the bone underneath his skin, the phantom pain lingering in his mind as he remembered it wrapped tightly in a cast. It was less than a year ago. His foot tightly bound, keeping him from flying ever again.
Ash quickly got to his feet, and tapped Eiji on the back," You want to go into the library?"
Eiji nodded, shoving his phone into his pocket, and began walking up the stairs with Ash. He felt himself put a lighter weight on one of his feet without meaning to. The silence was uncomfortable and was heavy between them so Eiji quickly said,"How are you?"
"I'm doing alright," Ash responded," How have you been?"
"I'm good. I had a New York Pizza."
"You did?"
"It was great!"Eiji said.
"I told you," Eiji grinned. "Did things go okay with the club?"
"It went great! The guys are really welcoming!"
"I told you you'd be fine."
They stood at the top of the stairs to the library and they walked through its open doors.
Eiji had seen his fair share of historical buildings in his life and wandering through New York it was hard not to notice the smaller stone, brick-layered buildings standing amongst the towering skyscrapers. After all, New York University was built in the 1830s. So Eiji had a good idea of what old western buildings looked like by now.
In Izumo, everything was old and ancient-looking. Eiji was used to old wooden buildings and Shinto shrines, with their grand sweeping roofs, which were shaped like a faced-down book. Everything was small in Izumo, except for the Shrine, which Eiji made a habit of visiting regularly when his father was first hospitalized.
So to Eiji old buildings were a regular sight.
Yet today, Eiji couldn't help but feel small. Standing in the Stephen A. Schwarzman Building, Eiji felt small. Maybe it was the high ceilings, or the spotless marble floors, or the bright lights or the columns, but Eiji felt overwhelmed. Eiji soaked the entire forum.
"Wow." he gasped.
Both his and Ash were quickly inspected, but neither of them were carrying bags so they were quickly allowed to step into the library's Astor hall. With archways leading up the light ceiling, and from the glassy tiles floors, there seemed to be so many places that they could go. Endless hallways holding so many secrets.
Eiji wondered how Ash felt working here every day. With the bright lights and crowds of people. With the many people walking past, watching him and Ash, Eiji felt his chest tighten.
Ash gently tugged at his sleeve, making Eiji snap his attention towards the boy.
"Everything alright?"Ash asked gently.
Eiji breathed" I'm alright."
Ash smiled gently," Tell me if you need a break alright?"
Eiji nodded. He took a deep breath, and said," Lead the way."
They walked, Ash acting as a guide showing Eiji everywhere. Ash took Eiji around the first floor, looking at old decorative rooms, map collections, and passing through an exhibition. Portraits and photographs hung on the walls. Of people, and places, with small plaques next to all of them, filled with information.
Each step exposed Eiji to something new and unfamiliar. Teaching him something new. Books were displayed in glass cases, open to the view of the people passing by in lines. Everyone quietly observing like Ash and Eiji.
Images of the past and present. Of the people of New York. Of the city itself.
Eiji took it all in, every new room and place, on every floor of the library he soaked it in with his eyes and ears, listening to every word coming out of Ash's mouth, as he spoke about his first time visiting the library, mentioning his shifts in different areas, and the training he'd gone through.
Eiji wondered if the hours walking through the library, sorting books and guiding customers were as tiresome as working at the cafe. Cleaning every day, and listening to customers all day. Long hours standing until your legs are cramped. Eiji would have questioned why Ash would put up with it day in and day out, but the gigantic grin on his face answered all his questions in a second.
This was a new emotion Eiji had never seen on Ash: happiness.
The way Ash's eyes shone was a new emotion he hadn't seen on him yet. His smile was unmoving. Step by step, they climbed high in the library, the hours ticking on, as Ash guided him, neither his smile leaving, nor the shine in his eyes.
As they made their way to the second floor, seeing books and manuscripts, traveling through another gallery. There were books, upon books, everywhere in cases on display. The writing from around the world, all of them telling a different story.
So many rooms were filled with people sitting at desks, both students and businessmen sitting at computers or reading books. The rooms were so quiet. The walls were elaborate in paintings and wooden frames, no one seeming to pay attention to them.
Skies and skyscrapers on the wall, but it drew Eiji in.
Before long they made it to another staircase and Ash said," Time to show you my most favorite place in the entire world."
Ash was still smiling.
Passing through large halls and up to several stairways, with large windows that let the weak sunlight pass through, Ash finally led Eiji into a grand sprawling room. Rows of desks, scattered with lamps, all lining down to the end of the library.
All the walls were lined with shelves, all of them filled with books, Eiji couldn't begin to guess how many there were. The arched windows stood above the shelves, with crisscrossing metal beams over the glass. The ceiling shared the same elaborate carvings of wood, with a delicate portrait of soft orange clouds in a blue sky.
The ceiling hung many chandeliers that shone warmly. The room's ambiance was welcoming, and warm, the scent like an old book. Eiji wanted to just sit down and begin reading, letting himself get lost in a good book for hours and hours.
Eiji noticed how quiet the room was compared to everywhere else he had been in New York. There were no beeping cars, no yells, no shouts. Only the soft mumble of strangers, the turning of pages, and typing on keyboards. For a moment Eiji felt like he was back in the countryside. Back in the silence of Izumo.
Ash tapped Eiji on the shoulder bringing him back to New York.
"What do you think?" He whispered.
"It's beautiful," Eiji whispered back.
"This is the Rose Room. I love it when I have shifted in here.``Eiji listened carefully as Ash continued," When I was a kid I'd read all sorts of books and just sit down for hours. I'd run away."
Eiji wanted to hang onto every word that Ash said. To get lost in his bliss. The happiness Ash found in the books and library. It was like a secret. A secret that Ash was telling Eiji, something special, something precious.
"What kinds of books did you read?"Eiji asked gently.
"Everything. Good ones, bad ones. I just read."
"What's your favorite?"
"I'll show you."
Ash's eyes lit up, as his mouth twitched into a wide grin, he tugged at Eiji, pulling him into the room, taking him up through the rows going from the author names beginning with 'A' down to 'S', where they stopped.
Eiji recognized a lot of names when he read the book spines. Dan Brown . Agatha Christie. A sh's finger traced over a book as he pulled it from the shelf, the name on it reading J. D. Salinger.
"They only have one of his books here," Ash mumbled disappointedly.
He handed the book to Eiji. He looked down at the thin book in his grasp, Nine Stories by J.D Salinger.
"I remember you mentioning J.D Salinger!" Eiji blurted.
Ash shyly scratched the back of his neck," My favorite is Catcher in the Rye, but I guess it's on loan right now," He sighed then said," Nine Stories is still really good. It's my second favorite book."
Eiji opened the thin cover to the first page of the novel, and his eyes widened as he read the title.
A Perfect Day for BananaFish.
"Banana Fish..." Eiji said.
"Yeah, like your coffee shop. Honestly when you told me where you worked this was the first thing I thought of."Ash said. "I was really surprised!
Curiosity peaked in Eiji.
A title he'd heard of several months ago, the name of the cafe he works at, having Ash hand the book right into his hands felt surreal. The copy in his hands was worn from years of being borrowed and loaned in many other people's hands. It had probably been held in Ash's hands many times before today. Eiji tried to imagine how many times Ash would have reread this and Catcher in the Rye . Reading with nothing but deadly focus.
Stories find their way into people's hearts, even if you forget them they are still a part of you.
Like Mr Jenkins. This same story had been read by him and he had a completely different reaction to it than Ash. Ash loved it, it was important to him. Why did Ash love this story? Eiji wanted to know what A Perfect Day for BananaFish was really about.
"Can I read this?" Eiji asked.
"We're in a library."Ash giggled.
"No, I mean," Eiji felt his cheeks heat up as he choked out," would you mind if I read it now."
"Not at all," Ash stated, "But can I get a book first? I finished the last one I was reading."
"What did you read?" Eiji asked
" A Tale of Two Cities ."
"What's it about?"
"You've never heard of it?" Ash blinked.
Eiji frowned," No."
"Really?"
"Is that weird?"
"Well no , but it's pretty famous. I guess it's not really well known nowadays...or at least in Japan. My class never read it, sooo I decided to pick it up over the weekend. It's about what led to the French Revolution."
"Did you like it?"
"Mmm, I think Dickens can be a bit of a drag, but I did like it."
"Maybe you could read another book by Dickens?" Eiji suggested.
"I've already read all his other books," Ash shrugged.
"Hm... Are there any books you want to read?"
Ash signed," I can't think of any."
"Harry Potter? I liked those as a kid"
"Already read them."
"Which was your favorite?"
" Half-Blood Prince , you?"
" Goblet of Fire ."
They talked, Eiji suggesting books and Ash touting if he'd read them or not. Ash had read many books, more than Eiji could have ever dreamed, books of different genres and styles. Fantasy, historical, classical, romance, Ash didn't seem to have a limit to what he'd read. He enjoyed all kinds of novels, all kinds of ideas.
It was clear to Eiji that Ash spent most of his free time reading. That he loved books and this library.
This was a safe place for him, something that didn't seem to follow him outside. When Ash was outside, maybe when he was with his family. Something was happening to him, something that filled him with so much sadness that he needed to run away.
Ash had to run away, he needed to fly.
Eiji wanted to catch him, to stop him from crashing into the waves of his own sadness. Eiji silently swore to himself that he wouldn't let Ash drown.
That sadness.
It reminded Eiji of a book he'd read many years back. An unpleasant book. Something that'd made him feel hollow once he finished the last words. He'd pushed to the back of his mind, from the emptiness it left him in. Its name came back to him as he was by Ash's side.
"What about No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai ?" Eiji asked.
Ash blinked for a moment, thinking, then said," Never heard of it."
"It's a bit of a hard read, but-"
"I'll read it," Ash interrupted.
Eiji felt a pang of guilt that he'd done something wrong. But he doesn't press Ash, as they check if the library had a copy. It did, and in no time they had both found their way up the stairs and Eiji was surfing over book spines once again. Looking over their titles and trying to locate ' Dazai' amongst all the other D 's. Of course, Ash knew exactly where to find it.
In a matter of moments pulled out the paperback. Reading the title in English was weird. Eiji was used to the Japanese title, so seeing it in English was somehow confusing.
With the novel in his hands, Ash smiled and asked," Shall we go read?"
Eiji smiled back at him," Let's."
Ash led the way back down and to the rows of tables. He sat down with the table marked as '378'. Eiji took a seat next to him, feeling the book in his hands, as Ash began to read. Eiji flipped to the first page, re-reading the title.
"Tell me what you think after you finish the first story, out of all of them, I like that one most."Ash requested
"Of course," Eiji hummed.
Then he read the first sentence.
Following through the story. The writing was blunt. Blunt in an American kind of way. Turning the pages, Eiji was curious. He wondered where the story was going, it was short after all and so turning only a few more pages he was done. Eiji finally read the final sentence.
Then he went over and sat down on the unoccupied twin bed, looked at the girl, aimed the pistol, and fired a bullet through his right temple.
Eiji's throat closed up, as he re-read it over and over again. No matter how many times he read it, the ending remained the same. It made Eiji feel hollow.
He could see how this story stuck with Mr. Jenkins.
"He died?" Eiji muttered slowly.
Ash leered at Eiji.
"You finished?" Ash whispered.
Eiji nodded.
"What do you think?" Ash asked.
"I'm confused..." Eiji said.
Ash remained silent waiting for Eiji to continue, so he did," Why did he kill himself? I don't get it."
This is what Mr Jenkins must have felt. The confusion the story had made him feel, the unsettling shiver that crept over your spine, that you couldn't shrug off. If anything, A Perfect Day For BananaFish definitely left an impression.
This story was the kind that stuck with you long after reading it.
"Suicide is confusing isn't it?" Ash said sadly, his eyes seeming vacant for a moment. "The first time I read A Perfect Day For BananaFish I felt sad. Why did Seymour kill himself? He was with his wife in a beautiful beachside resort. Why would he want to kill himself?"
The question hung in the air for a moment, then Ash continued," Then I reread it. I read it over and over until I thought of the story from Seymour's point of view, and then it all made sense." His voice trailed off, as he weakly said," If you think of it from Seymour's point of view, it makes sense why he did it..."
"I still don't get it..."Eiji whispered, looking over the last page, filling in the earlier pages and skimming the lines, Ash's words sinking into him.
Ash reached and pointed on the page, his slender finger tracing over the words," Seymour acts strangely, he is irritable, no one understands him, he came back from a war..."
Suddenly the pieces came together.
"The psychiatrist..."Eiji said, his voice weak.
Ash nodded," That's what's so brilliant about the story, it's all there, all the details are on the page you just need to read it more than once. You have to think about it."
"It's so sad," Eiji said.
"It is but that's what happened. Maybe if someone knew, if someone could understand what Seymour was going through...Maybe things would have ended differently."
Eiji was speechless, tears threatening to fall, as he heard those words come so casually from Ash. It was scary and uncomfortable. Eiji could tell this was something familiar to Ash. Something close to him.
Suicide.
It was such an awful thing, that Eiji didn't want to think about it.
He closed the book, to keep his shaky hands from ripping it apart. His body broke out in tremors, his palms feeling sweaty. Eiji felt like he was being stared at by everyone in the room. He forced his eyes to shut.
The darkness was easier to take in.
"Eiji?" Ash said worriedly.
Opening his eyes, Eiji felt the entire room focused on him, the sound drilling in his ears, the typing on keyboards, the turning of pages all too loud. He felt his throat closing up.
"Eiji, are you-"
Eiji put his hand up to silence Ash, and choked meekly," I just need some air."
Ash's expression was unreadable, but he didn't say a word, only helping Eiji up, as they walked out of the room and down many flights of stairs until they were in the smoggy air outside. The books remained in the Rose Room, neatly resting upon the table.
They made their way to the side of the library, so there were less people. It made some of the tension in Eiji lessen. He leaned against the side of the building feeling embarrassed that he was making a scene. He slowly regained his breath, and soon he was standing up straight again and he looked Ash in the eyes.
"Sorry," Eiji muttered.
"Why are you apologizing?" Ash asked.
"For making a scene."
"You didn't make a scene."
"But-"
"It's alright, Eiji," Ash said reassuringly. He waited for Eiji to talk but when Eiji said nothing Ash spoke again," Was it the story? Did it upset you?"
"No," Eiji responded.
He was telling the truth. It wasn't the story at all. Arguably No Longer Human was far darker than A Perfect Day For BananaFish. No, it wasn't the story at all, it was Ash. But Eiji wasn't going to confess the truth to him.
"It was the crowd, the silence. It got overwhelming after a while."Eiji lied.
Ash clearly wasn't convinced but he didn't press Eiji, instead, he asked kindly," Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah," Eiji said.
"Wanna get something to eat?"Ash asked, a soft smile rising on his pretty face.
"I'd like that," Eiji replied, feeling some of his discomfort wavering.
As they walked away from the library, the story looped in his mind, along with Ash's words. Even while he and Ash peacefully drank coffee together, they sat at the back of Eiji's mind. Ash's eyes were still shining, but there was sadness in them.
Maybe things would have ended differently.
It was regret that made Ash say those words. But Eiji wouldn't tell if Ash was more like Seymor or Sybil (Seymour's wife). Was he the one who wanted to die, or was he the unknowing wife? The image of Sybil walking into the hotel room was a haunting one. What she'd see. The thought sent a shiver down Eiji's spine.
The story stuck to Eiji more than he thought it would. Ash was careful to steer the conversation away from it or the library while at the cafe.
"How was the movie you watched?" Ash asked
Eiji responded," Pretty Woman . I didn't like it very much."
" Pretty woman ? With Julia Roberts?"
Eiji nodded.
"I don't remember anything about that movie," Ash said.
"It really wasn't anything interesting. It was just a regular romance movie, I guess."
"You don't like romance movies?"
"Not really," Eiji glowered.
"Do you have a favorite movie?" Ash asked.
"Not really. I don't really watch movies a lot," Eiji said.
"What about your phone wallpaper?"
"My phone wallpaper?"
"The anime?"
"OH, THAT! That's Doraemon!"
"Doraemon?" Ash repeated.
Eiji smiled," It's a really old manga, from the 70s. I used to watch anime all the time as a kid, it's really nostalgic!"
Their conversation continued on peacefully until Ash had finally said," I need to head home soon..." Suddenly his eyes went hollow, his voice slower.
"Let's walk to the subway together, then," Eiji said, trying to give a reassuring smile to Ash.
Ash seemed grateful, but said," Thank you, but not today."
They left the cafe, stalking to the end of the road, where Ash would leave for the subway.
" Jamatane, Eiji," Ash smiled.
Eiji opened his arms, offering a hug to Ash. Ash's eyes widened, as he flinched and Eiji immediately crossed his arms, feeling stupid. They both stood there at the street corner, awkwardly staring at each other for what felt like an eternity, before Eiji said,"S-see you later, Ash."
Ash lifted his hand, reaching out his finger, as he gently ruffled them through Eiji's hair,"See you later, Eiji," Ash chortled,"I really hope you enjoyed today."
"I did! I'm happy I got to know you better!" Eiji said."I thought the library was absolutely beautiful! I understand why you love it so much!"
"I'm glad," Ash said, his voice almost a whisper as he stepped back,"See you, Eiji."
Eiji waved back,"See you, Ash."
And slowly Ash disappeared from Eiji's sight.
Even now A Perfect Day for BananaFish remained in Eiji's head.
Ash had read that story many times, over and over again. He loved it. It meant something to him.
The Banana Fish can't get out of the hole, so they died. It was a really sad story.
Maybe Ash was a Banana Fish, or maybe it was someone else he'd loved. Either way, the story
Eiji had been in a hole once.
He thought he was going to die there, like the Banana Fish, but he didn't. It was sad that Seymour died and it was sad that Ash could relate to such a story.
A Perfect Day For BananaFish was a heartbreaking story and Ash was a heartbroken person. How sad it all was.
AN: This chapter was insane! I struggled a lot in putting it together and editing it, but somehow, SOMEHOW I DID IT! It's long. Much longer than any of the other chapters, which was an accident, but I don't think that's a bad thing.
I went through so many rewrites and drafts before coming to this version, and even on the final draft, I was adding things! I decided to keep the chapter where it is before it becomes too long or bloated, it works the way it is, and I think it helps move the story along ok. Glad I finally got to post this, and I hope you all enjoyed it! I'd really appreciate if you told me how you felt in the comments~ (I will also come back to edit any grammar errors when I can!)
