It became exceedingly clear to Emily and Lucy that the girls were struggling to deal with Kody's death when, as she was putting Aurora to bed, Emily heard her whisper, "I miss you, Mama..."

"You miss me?" she repeated. "But I'm right here..."

Aurora shook her head. "No, you're not," she mumbled, but didn't elaborate any further.

Emily stared down at her daughter – at her teary eyes, her jutting bottom lip – and somehow she knew what Aurora had meant. She was right, she wasn't really there... "I'm sorry, Sunny," she whispered. "I haven't been a very good mom lately."

The girl shrugged a little, looking absolutely pitiful.

"How about this," Emily said, "On the weekend, Mommy and I will take you and Clara to the amusement park, okay? We'll have a fun day together as a family."

"Promise?" Aurora asked softly.

Emily nodded, smiled faintly. She leaned in to kiss her daughter and tried not to feel too guilty...


"Can we have mini donuts?" Clara asked, dragging Emily along by one hand through the throngs of people.

"Yeah, can we?" Aurora echoed excitedly, holding on to Emily's other hand. Her eyes had gone wide at the suggestion of donuts and she instantly sped up in her eagerness to have sugar.

Emily glanced over her shoulder at Lucy who was following behind them, pulling the wagon full of everything they could possibly need during a long day in the sun. Lucy smiled, shrugged. She didn't see anything wrong with it, considering the day was devoted to making the girls happy.

"Sure," Emily told the girls, "As long as you share them."

They eagerly nodded their agreement.

Lucy leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Don't act like you won't eat most of those donuts yourself..."

Emily couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, maybe, but...they're really good donuts." She gestured vaguely like it couldn't be helped, earning her a laugh in response.

Humming a note of amusement, Lucy teased, "Maybe we'd better get two orders."

"Make it three," Emily said. At Lucy's raised brow, she said, "You're just as bad as I am."

Rolling her eyes, Lucy just shook her head, then kissed Emily on the cheek. "I love you," she murmured. "I'm glad we did this – we needed a day to just be a normal family..."

Emily didn't respond, merely nodding, staring vacantly into the distance.

Lucy raised a brow. "Em?" she prompted.

Emily came to a stop, jolting the girls who were holding tightly to her hands.

"Em?" Lucy said again. "Are you okay?"

She opened her mouth as if to respond, but all that came out was a strangled whimper.

Concerned, Lucy rested a hand on Emily's shoulder and was alarmed when she felt her back hitching with sobs. "Emily, what's wrong?" she asked in a whisper so as not to alarm the children.

"It's like I've forgotten him," she choked out like the words pained her.

Lucy's brows leapt up her forehead. "Kody?" she said, confused. "You didn't forget him, we're just..."

Emily shook her head urgently. "Our baby died and we're at a fucking theme park like nothing ever happened!"

"Em, we're allowed to keep living our lives," she insisted, "It's what Kody would want. He wouldn't want us to shrivel up and die for the sake of his memory."

She shook her head once again. She seemed like she was going to argue, but no sound would come out. Silently, she stood there in the middle of the amusement park, tears streaming down her face as memories of holding a lifeless baby in her arms welled up inside her.

Sighing, Lucy whispered, "Oh, Em..." She clicked her tongue in sympathy. Gently, she guided her to sit on a nearby bench; sensing the girls were growing concerned and impatient, she sent them to the nearby play structure so the grown ups could talk. "Emily," she whispered again, cupping her wife's cheek, "You are not obligated to suffer."

"But..."

"No," Lucy insisted. "You don't need to spend the rest of your life paying penance because you think you're somehow to blame for what happened to Kodiak. You're allowed to smile and laugh and enjoy life and love the children we have. You're allowed to have moments where you aren't thinking about him."

Desperately, Emily tried to argue, "I don't want to be happy..."

For several long moments, Lucy just stared at her with heartbreak in her eyes. "Emily, you have a family that loves you and wants you to be happy. We all need you. You can't just wallow forever and waste away to a shell of yourself for the sake of a memory, no matter how beloved he was."

Letting out a shaky exhale, Emily once again seemed to want to argue, but knew she really had no leg to stand on in this instance. All she could say was a raspy, "I just love him so much..."

"I know," Lucy agreed, "And I love him too. But I also love our daughters who are still here and need us more."

She nodded, knowing that Lucy had a point.

The girls came scampering back in that moment, both working up their best puppy dog eyes. "Can we please have mini donuts now?" Clara begged. "We're sooooo hungry!"

"You promised!" Aurora echoed.

For a few moments, Emily stared down at her daughters as they looked up at her with love in her eyes (though that was possibly a love for donuts...) and in spite of herself, she couldn't help but smile softly. "You know I love you girls, right?" she asked, stroking a hand along one girl's cheek, then the other's.

Aurora nodded, smiling brightly.

Clara seemed a little more suspicious, but she nodded as well. "Does that mean yes?" she asked Lucy in a stage whisper.

Lucy laughed. "I think that's Mama's way of saying yes." Her gaze never left Emily's though, telling her without words just how much she loved her and how very very proud of her she was.

Both girls cheered.