Chapter 11

Doc just looked at Kitty. Her statement made no sense. 'Sleep deprivation, that has to be the only answer. This woman is definitely sleep deprived,' thought Doc.

"Kitty, are you feeling alright? I know Matt is Abby's father. I was there at the adoption," Doc responded. "Now do you want to elaborate on what you just said?"

"Matt is Abby's biological father," Kitty clarified.

"Kitty, Matt would've had to conceive a baby with another woman about ten months ago. Ten months ago he had amnesia in Arizona, being taken care of by rancher Mike Yardner," said Doc, still not understanding Kitty's statement.

"Exactly," Kitty responded.

"I am still not following you. Please clarify," said Doc. He went to his cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and poured some in a shot glass. "Here, drink this. I'm thinking you probably need it."

Kitty took the shot glass of whiskey and began the story. "First of all Mike Yardner is not a man. She's a woman." Kitty saw Doc's confusement and explained. "Apparently, her dad wanted her to be a boy. When it was discovered she was a girl, her dad decided since she wasn't a boy, she would at least have a boy's name. So he named her Mike. Matt and I never told anyone, including you, that Mike was a woman. If people knew Mike was a woman and Matt had spent several weeks with her, rumors would have flown. It's not that we didn't trust you, we just decided to keep it to ourselves. While Matt was recovering on Mike's ranch, Mike gave him the name Dan. She had no idea who he was and neither did he. She had to call him something, so Dan it was. Matt told me that while he was recovering as Dan, he and Mike ended up in bed together." Kitty paused and took a sip of her whiskey. "Before Matt returned to Dodge, someone came onto the ranch. He recognized Matt as the Marshall of Dodge City. He told Mike who Matt was. Mike told Matt his real identity. That's what sparked his memory. He pretty much left Arizona and returned home. Fast forward ten and half months, and he's a father to a baby girl."

"Kitty, that's quite the story, but I don't understand how that makes Matt Abby's biological father. Abby's birth mother was Melinda Yates, not Mike Yardner," said Doc.

"There's more to the story. Matt received a letter from a deputy in Arizona. Only, it wasn't from a deputy in Arizona. It was from Mike Yardner. She told Matt she was coming to Dodge as Melinda Yates. Mike didn't tell Matt why she was coming, but her reason was of great concern to him. The stage that she was supposed to be on came, but she wasn't on it. Jim Buck had said Melinda Yates died giving birth. The baby that came on the stage was Melinda or Mike's daughter, Matt's daughter." Kitty stopped to collect her thoughts.

"I'm guessing that Matt didn't tell you any of this," said Doc as he placed his hand on top of hers.

"Nope," Kitty softly said. "As much as Matt keeping all that from me makes me angry, it's not what overwhelms me, what makes me feel like I'm suffocating."

"What is?" Doc quietly asked. He could see the tears in Kitty's eyes.

"It's all the what if scenarios that flood my mind. I know you explained that patients with amnesia heal differently, some not healing at all. What if Matt never regained his memory and stayed in Arizona with Mike and the baby? What if Mike waited until later to tell Matt who he was and then realized she was pregnant, and he decided he had to stay? What if Matt regained his memory on his own, but he already knew about the pregnancy and decided to stay? What if Mike came to Dodge pregnant or didn't die in childbirth, and Matt decided to go back to Arizona to be with Mike and the baby? All these scenarios have me losing Matt. I can't live a life without him. You know that, Curly." The tears were falling freely now.

"I know how much Matt means to you and how much you mean to him. I realize how much you came to losing him, but you need to focus on the fact that you didn't lose him. He's still here," said Doc.

"I told you I was angry about the whole situation, but I have feelings of jealousy and guilt," said Kitty, swirling the last of the whiskey in the shot glass.

Back at their home, Matt decided to go after Kitty soon after she left. He went to their bedroom to get Abby out of her bed and got her ready. He put a little hat on her head, wrapped her in a blanket, and placed her in the wicker basket Kitty used when she traveled alone with Abby. He put a bottle of goat milk in the basket, for safe measure. He placed the basket down between his feet, so it wouldn't slide all over the place. Wanting to make sure Abby was safe during the ride, Matt slowly rode towards town. He had to talk to Kitty. There was no way he was going to let Kitty just walk away. He would fight for her. Matt had a pretty good idea that Kitty rode into town to talk to Doc and that's exactly where he was going.

Matt arrived at Doc's office. He pulled the brake on the wagon and hopped off the seat. He reached down and picked up the basket. Basket in hand, he walked up the stairs to Doc's office. It didn't even occur to Matt to knock. He just walked inside. When he entered, he saw Kitty and Doc sitting there.

Kitty was about to share with Doc her feelings of jealousy and guilt, when Matt walked in. Both Kitty and Doc were taken aback when they saw Matt and the baby. Matt put the basket on the examining table, and looked at Kitty.

"Kitty, we need to talk. I love you and I'm not about to lose you," said Matt, not taking his eyes off her.

"Matt's right, Kitty," said Doc. "The two of you need to talk to each other and listen to each other. Kitty, tell Matt what you were about to tell me. Remember, listen to each other. Listen and silent have the same letters for a reason. My granddaughter and I are going to go into the back room, so her mommy and daddy can have some privacy." Doc picked up Abby and walked into his back room.

"I guess I'll go first. Yes, I'm angry, but I also feel jealous and guilty," said Kitty. Matt was about to say something, but Kitty continued. "I know it's not right for a person to be jealous of another person, but I'm jealous of Mike Yardner. I'm jealous that she got to carry your child, a child I've wanted to carry, but probably won't be able to. I'm jealous that she got to experience the feeling of your baby growing inside her, kicking her, moments I'll never experience. I'm jealous she's the one that gave you a biological child to continue your bloodline, something I'll never be able to do."

"Kitty, I don't know what to say or do to change how you're feeling. You said you feel guilty? Why?" asked Matt.

Kitty hesitated telling Matt why she felt guilty, but knew it was best to tell him. "I feel guilty that I'll never be able to give you a child of your blood. Probably worse than that, I feel guilty that I'm not upset that Mike isn't around. I know how terrible that sounds, but I can't help it. I think of what could have been if she was here and I can barely breathe."

It was now Matt's turn to speak. "Kitty, I also feel guilty for multiple reasons. I have tremendous guilt over not telling you about all of this from the beginning. I was a damn fool. I feel guilty that Mike died delivering my child, but at the same time I am so relieved it wasn't you that died giving birth. I don't know what I would have done, if that happened. I feel guilty that I spent that one night with Mike. It was the night before I left Arizona and headed back to Kansas. If only my memory came back sooner, I wouldn't have gone to bed with Mike, and none of this would be happening."

Doc had heard Matt's last statement and came out of the back room, holding Abby. "When did you say you slept with Mike?" he asked Matt.

"The day before I headed back for Dodge," Matt answered.

"Are you sure that was the only time?" asked Doc.

Matt wasn't sure where Doc was going with this, but he answered. "Yes, I'm absolutely sure that was the only time. I may not have remembered my life as Matt Dillon when I had amnesia, but I can remember my life as Dan. As Dan, I only slept with Mike once."

"Why are you asking these questions?" asked Kitty.

"Kitty, I told you that Abby didn't look like a baby who was born at least a month early. Her skin and size seemed more like a full term baby," Doc answered.

"Are you saying Matt might not be Abby's biological father?" asked Kitty.

TBC