Chapter 6 - Outside the Order
Author's Note: In which Anakin and Ahsoka get used to her leaving.
~ Amina Gila
Ahsoka was expecting someone to show up eventually, but she didn't know it was going to be the very next evening. She's spent most of the time staying in Lux's apartment, trying to figure things out. Until she was so worn out she didn't want to think anymore. Force, she misses Anakin so much.
Lux goes to open the door when someone knocks, to see Padme standing on the other side. "Lux – Ahsoka?!" she exclaims in surprise, eyes widening when she sees the Togruta sitting there.
"I said she could stay here," Lux explains.
Ahsoka stands, walking over as Padme steps inside, closing the door behind her. "Thanks for... representing me," she offers awkwardly, suddenly unsure what to say. She only saw her a day ago, but everything is so different now. She's suddenly hardly even sure how to act or anything.
"Of course," Padme brushes it aside, "But you're planning on staying here?"
"I was," she replies. Why does Padme seem so uncertain at the thought?
"If you're going to be staying in 500 Republica anyway, you can come stay at my apartment," the Senator offers.
She doesn't really see why it would be a big deal, but not that she would mind. "Why?" Ahsoka objects, not that she really cares but still.
"You're... still a legal minor, and I don't think you're really ready for this." Wait, she better not be implying –
"She's just here as a friend!" Lux hastily protests, turning slightly red.
"I know," Padme hastily assures, "But it's probably better if you stay at my apartment, if you're planning on staying around at the Senate."
"Okay," Ahsoka agrees, exchanging a glance with Lux, and shrugging. She doesn't mind, either way. "You really have room for me there?" She's been the apartment before, and it didn't exactly seem to have room for someone else to move into it full time.
"Of course I do," Padme says, "We'll just move some things around, and you can come there tomorrow. Does Anakin know you're here?"
"Yes, I told him," Ahsoka responds, "Has he... been around?"
"He talked to me earlier today," she answers, and Ahsoka nods. She really wants to see him again. Maybe after she goes over to Padme's, she can see him the next time he stops by. She can't imagine that he's dealing with her being gone any better than she is dealing with being gone, after all. Even now, she wants to help him.
Thinking about Anakin and Padme's friendship is just strange to her now. She hasn't had much time to think about it since she found out, but it's jarring to think that her master broke the Code like that. It makes her feel... she doesn't even know. Yes, she broke it too, but it's different when it's the person she's always looked up who did it.
Not that it matters anymore, because he's not her master anymore. She's not even a Jedi anymore. Their way of life is behind her.
**w**
"I asked Ahsoka to come stay with me." Padme's words ring through Anakin's mind again as he leaves the Temple, heading for Padme's apartment.
He doesn't know how to feel about any of this. Only a few days ago, everything was fine, and now, it's completely fallen apart. Ahsoka left the Order. She just walked away. He knows why she wouldn't want to come back, but it's still hard for him to process or accept.
True, it could be worse, Anakin knows. She might have left the Order, but at least she implied that she didn't want to leave him. It was only the Order that she wanted to walk away from, even though now that she's no longer his padawan, he doesn't know how much he'll be able to see her. Likely not any more than he's able to see Padme.
But she's staying at 500 Republica now. At least he knows that she'll be safe. At least she's there instead of wandering around somewhere in the Underworld. Padme will take care of her.
He's still mostly in shock. Ahsoka has been at his side constantly since the beginning of the war and now she's gone. And as a Jedi, she shouldn't have left. He... failed to teach her properly, just like he was afraid of from the start. And now he has to explain to the 501st that Ahsoka isn't coming back, or that every time he goes to battle from now on, the one person he always thought would be by his side wouldn't be there. He can still see her, at least, but it's not the same.
He doesn't know for certain if she wants to see him. She said she was going to stay with Lux, since she didn't have anywhere else to go and that they could still see each other, but... She also said that she wanted to figure this out on her own. It's as though everything in his world was entirely upended, and Anakin suddenly has no idea how to even approach her anymore. Realistically, he knows it's only been a day, but with everything that just happened, he doesn't know how to feel about anything.
Still, after everything they went through together for over two years, how could Ahsoka really not want to see him? Their bond couldn't mean that little to her, could it? He just... doesn't know how to approach the situation or deal with it. Even if Ahsoka agreed to see him, even if she's staying at Padme's apartment, that doesn't mean she's ready to see him yet either. To be fair, he doesn't even know if he's ready, but sitting alone in his room is hardly helping.
Anakin finally parks the speeder on Padme's landing platform and knocks on the door. Threepio opens it immediately, ushering him inside.
Padme hurries over to him, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm glad you were able to make it, Ani," she murmurs.
"Me too," Anakin replies, hugging her. He feels Ahsoka's presence instantly. She's somewhere right in the apartment, he can tell that much.
"She's in the living room," Padme tells him, after a moment, stepping back. "She's been waiting to talk to you."
Anakin blinks in surprise. He wasn't... expecting that, but it takes the edge off his concerns from earlier, if only a little. Nodding, he slips past Padme, stepping into the living room.
He doesn't know why it feels like he hasn't seen Ahsoka in so long when she only left the previous evening. Honestly, though, even the battle of Cato Neimoidia feels a like a lifetime ago. So much has changed.
The Togruta stands up as soon as he steps into the room. And then they both just stand there. Anakin suddenly doesn't know what to say, and Ahsoka doesn't seem to have any more of an idea how to react either.
A few moments tick by before she finally seems to find her voice again. She darts across the room, slipping her arms around him. "Skyguy..." she murmurs.
"Hey, Snips," Anakin mumbles, unable to find any other words to say, at the rush of adoration that runs through him as he holds her close. His little sister, who he raised himself, as if she was his daughter. He can't believe she's right here, in front of him again.
And she clearly doesn't want to leave him, even if she somewhat did by walking away from the Order. Still, if this is what she wants, what she thinks she needs, he's willing to let her have it.
"I told you we could still see each other," Ahsoka offers lamely, after a moment, voice slightly muffled with her head buried in his robe.
"Yes, you did," he agrees. They finally pull away from each other, moving to sit down side by side on the couch. "How are you doing?" Anakin queries.
He can still feel her tumultuous emotions, even if they're somewhat suppressed now that she's mostly focused on how happy she is to see him. "I'm okay," she says, though he doubts it, "I'm still... trying to figure things out."
"Do you know what you're going to do now?" he wonders. He might have occasionally thought about leaving the Order before, but as for what he'd actually do with himself once he did, he's still not sure.
Ahsoka shrugs. "I don't know, but since I'm staying here at the Senate anyway, maybe I could help Padme or Lux with their work? At least for now."
"You could," Anakin agrees, "I'm sure they could both use it."
"And I'll be extra security if Padme ever needs it. Other than that, I guess I haven't thought about it." It hurts, to have to be talking about what Ahsoka's going to do while she's away from him, about what she's going to be doing once he leaves again for the frontlines.
"Well, you have plenty of time to figure it out," Anakin replies. After everything that happened, what she's going to be doing with herself now that she left the Order isn't the most important concern at all anyway. Right now, she really needs some time to come to terms with everything that has transpired.
They spend some more time together, before Anakin finds himself alone with Padme again. Ahsoka decided that she wanted to help Threepio with... something, and frankly her actually doing something is probably a lot better than brooding over what happened, so he certainly doesn't object.
"I've been thinking..." Padme starts slowly.
"About?" Anakin asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Ahsoka is technically still a legal minor," she explains, "I know there's... many children that age who are on their own regardless, but legally,she should have a guardian."
Somehow, Anakin knows what it is she's hinting at. "What are you suggesting?" he asks anyway, because he has to be sure.
"I – we – could adopt her."
"Adopt her?" Anakin echoes, hardly able to believe what he's hearing. They could legally adopt Ahsoka. She would be their child. Their real child. He can hardly believe it.
"We should ask her, if that's what she wants," Anakin says finally. He doesn't know how any of this works, but he'd rather talk to her about it first, regardless. She's the one who'd be suddenly getting real parents, after all.
She'd legally be their daughter. He would be a father. The thought doesn't even feel real. After marrying Padme, he has occasionally thought about what it would be like for them to actually have children of their own. Of course, right now it's not something even remotely practical. In a way, he'd always seen Ahsoka as their child, or as close as they'd probably ever be able to come to having one. But this...
"Yes, we should," Padme agrees, snapping him out of his thoughts.
They head into the dining room where Ahsoka and Threepio are setting up for the meal.
"Hey Ahsoka, we'd like to talk to you about something privately," says Padme, thankfully saving Anakin from trying to figure out how to initiate the conversation. He has no idea how to do this. How do you ask someone to become their parent? Like... how does that work? And he's suddenly reminded of how much they're both already acting like Ahsoka's parents right now. Parents who need to have an important, private conversation with their teenage child.
She raises an eyemarking at them, but steps away from the table, following them into the next room. "I'll be right back, Threepio," she calls over her shoulder, before turning to them, "So?"
"Legally you're still a minor," Padme begins, "And technically you ought to have a guardian. I know it would be fine even if you didn't, but we were discussing... that we could adopt you, if you want."
Ahsoka blinks, and then gapes at her. "Are you – serious?" she splutters, mind-blown.
"It's up to you, Ahsoka," Anakin assures her, "If you don't want –"
"No!" Ahsoka hastily interrupts, "I actually think – I'd be fine with that," she finishes.
"If you want some time to think about it, there's plenty of time," Padme reminds her.
"I'll be staying here anyway, right? So..."
"I don't know how this works," Anakin admits, "I'll let Padme deal with the legal aspects."
"Well I don't know a thing about this either, but a master is kind of like a padawan's legal guardian too, I think," Ahsoka asks, "This won't be... that much different, right?"
Except before they were just master and padawan, and now they're legally father and child? "No, not really," Anakin agrees, "You're sure about this?"
"Are you sure, Dad?" Ahsoka chirps.
Anakin blinks. Did she just – What?!
Padme smiles in mild amusement. "Yes, I suppose that's what it would make him, even if that part won't be legally documented."
"Not only is your marriage secret, but I also have a secret parent now," Ahsoka deadpans.
Hearing her call him 'parent' is still jarring. True, he occasionally thought of her that way, but actually hearing her say that... is something entirely different.
Things have changed enormously in the past couple days, but maybe, Anakin can't help but think, it might not all be for the worse.
**w**
"It is the Council's opinion that Padawans Ahsoka Tano has committed sedition against the Republic and thus, she will be expelled from the Jedi Order... Your Padawans status will be stripped from you, and you shall forfeit all rank and privileges within the Grand Army of the Republic... Henceforth, you are barred from the Jedi Order."
The memory replays through Ahsoka's mind again as she sits on the couch, watching the early morning light creep across the Coruscanti sky. She long since gave up trying to sleep, after several nightmares of what happened jumbled with things from the battle field.
It's only been about a week since everything happened, and she still has a long ways to go towards figuring out anything. Everything she ever believed was completely torn apart, and she's certainly not any closer towards trusting the Council now than she was then. If anything, she only seems to be losing her faith in the Order more and more as she looks at what they've become. If they truly followed the Force like they claim to, then something like this should never have happened at all.
Anakin is gone now, having left to go on another mission. And he's going alone. She doesn't think the reality of all of it really sunk in for either of them until that happened. She won't be going with him anymore. Maybe not ever again, because more than likely, the war will be over before she figures out anything about the Order. Probably.
Right now, it's still dragging on without an end in sight, and if anything, it only seems to be growing more heated. But that does mean one of the sides might be coming closer to winning eventually. Maybe.
A part of her admittedly misses being on the frontlines already. She misses the feel of her lightsabers in her hands, of fighting alongside Anakin and the clones. Force, she's been so preoccupied that she never even took the time to see the 501st after everything that happened, and now she really wishes that she had. Who knows when they're actually even going to be back on Coruscant to begin with?
Ahsoka throws another glance around the still silent apartment, where she can just faintly make out the sounds of people starting to get up. It's too quiet here. Only because she's so used to constant action that she frankly doesn't even know how to live without it. She itches to be doing something, fighting maybe?
At the same time, she does want a break from everything. She wants to distance herself from her old life, from everything she did as a Jedi. Well, not everything. Anakin is the exception to that. She knows her decision to leave is hurting him, even if they can still see each other sometimes, but at least she didn't have to walk away entirely. If she didn't have somewhere to stay, she likely would have, and then she'd be all on her own. She could manage, of course, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt her too.
Ahsoka hears sudden movement, and looks up to see Padme quietly slipping into the room, stopping in surprise when she sees her. "Ahsoka? I wasn't expecting you to be awake already."
"I'm not really used to sleeping an entire night without interruption," Ahsoka admits, smiling ruefully. At least not when it's somewhere so quiet.
The interaction abruptly reminds her of how Padme's officially her legal guardian now. So she's technically her mother. Frankly, Ahsoka's hardly sure how to feel about that. She was more than happy to agree – especially since that technically made Anakin her father since he's married to Padme – but it's... weird to actually apply those labels to the two of them.
She's never actually seen them like that. Padme was a mother figure of sorts, but never actually a mother. She always saw Anakin more like her older brother. But the new labels... aren't exactly wrong, especially now.
"Are you leaving for the Senate now?" she asks as an afterthought.
"Yes, shortly," Padme replies.
"Really, why do they have meetings at ridiculous hours of the morning like this?"
"Well, there isn't a meeting yet, but I have a lot of work to do in my office."
"Hmm," Ahsoka hums in contemplation. Maybe this evening she can go see Lux again, but that doesn't speak much for what she'll be doing the entire day today. And spending so much time brooding as of late probably isn't advisable, but...
"Do you want to come?" the Senator proposes, "There's plenty you could help with, if you wanted."
"That might not be a bad idea," Ahsoka agrees finally. "I just don't want to... be around much too curious people." She has no interest in being asked tons of questions about what happened, or anything, actually.
"It shouldn't be a problem," Padme assures, "At least not when you're in my office. That's not really the place for... unnecessary chatter."
"Well, I guess I'll just have to stick away from the halls," she decides, standing up. Because that's where such things will most likely happen. "Let's go."
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