The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters has vanished. Just some madness from my tiny mind.
The Ghost Of Wall Street
"Okay I think I found the website," Sam told Trevor as she typed on her laptop. "This should tell me everything I need to know about what happened with your old friends from work."
"Yes!" Trevor pumped his fist. "I gotta know what happened to the old gang from Lehman Brothers."
The other ghosts were in the room as well. "Good luck Trevor!" Pete gave a thumbs up.
"Why is he going first this week?" Isaac grumbled as he pointed to Trevor. "I thought it was my turn for Sam to look up people from our past lives?"
"Because the last time you wouldn't shut up about Alexander Hamilton for six whole hours," Alberta looked at him.
Sasappis added. "All you do is talk about Hamilton. It's getting annoying. At least with Trevor we occasionally learn about a hot woman."
"Like bottle service woman who Trevor thought he had a child with but didn't," Thorfinn spoke up. "Hot secretary he was with who Trevor thought was the one but wasn't. Other hot secretary Trevor thought was the one."
"The hot bartender who he swore he had a connection with," Sasappis added. "The hot waitress he thought he had a connection with. The lawyer he swore he had a connection with."
"I did!" Trevor protested. "At least I thought I did."
Thorfinn spoke up. "It seems to Thor, Trevor that your need to find this one perfect woman while bedding many women stems from self-esteem or insecurity issues. Like you think that finding right person will fill the empty hole inside of you. What? Thor has been watching talk shows. Oprah very insightful wise woman."
"Is it possible we're watching too much TV?" Pete blinked.
"No!" All the other ghosts said at once.
"Just checking," Pete shrugged.
"What's going on with the ghosts now?" Jay asked as he walked in.
Sam was typing on her laptop. "Trevor wants me to look up some of his old work buddies on the Internet. Find out what happened to them."
"Aw, Ghost Bob No-Pants misses his friends?" Jay snickered.
Trevor however wasn't amused. "Not cool man!"
Thorfinn snickered. "It is funny because it sounds like moving drawing that is called Spongebob Squarepants but he change the name to…"
"We all get the joke, Thor!" Trevor snapped.
"To be fair," Isaac shrugged. "It was clever."
"And accurate," Alberta added.
Jay sat on Sam's other side. "So what site is this?"
"It's a directory of all the people who worked at Lehman Brothers during Trevor's day," Sam explained.
"Wait, all these guys worked at Lehman Brothers?" Jay did a double take. "As in the company that practically bankrupted the world Lehman Brothers?"
"It did what now?" Trevor blinked.
"I didn't know how to tell you," Sam winced as she looked at Trevor.
"He doesn't know?" Jay asked.
"Know what?" Trevor asked.
"Let's just look up your friends, shall we?" Sam decided to get to work. "Who's the first person you want to find?"
"Sure, let's just ignore this whole silly bankrupting the world thing," Isaac quipped.
"It sounds like a company my husband would have worked with," Hetty remarked.
"Okay let's first find my best friend," Trevor ignored them. "Chad Bozeman. He was my wingman! He and I would go out on the town and do all sorts of crazy legendary nights! How's he doing?"
"Well," Sam read the bio. "It seems that shortly after you died, he went to another firm called Bankman and Willows. And became its CEO within a few short years."
"I knew it!" Trevor leaned in for a better look. "I knew it! I knew The Chadster would make it to the top. I just…Why is he wearing an orange jumpsuit in that picture?"
"This just took a turn," Pete remarked.
"Apparently the Chadster was convicted of several counts of money laundering, insider trading," Sam read the bio. "Stock manipulation. Embezzlement."
"Definitely not an auspicious start," Isaac quipped.
"It says here this guy died five years ago," Jay read. "After being shot by one of the people he embezzled from. Twenty times. Three times in the face."
"Eww!" The ghosts shuddered at the description.
"That is not a good look for a ghost," Isaac shuddered.
"If he didn't go down right away," Alberta added. "Odds are he did."
"Look at this," Jay pointed. "It says here they discovered he was embezzling when they found an account with the name of Trevor Lefkowitz who died years ago."
"He embezzled money using my name?" Trevor was shocked. "Chad! I thought we were bros! Not cool man! Not cool!"
"Oh, he definitely went down," Alberta snorted.
"Trevor is not happy about this information," Sam told Jay.
"Gee who would have thought a lying cheating wall street trader would backstab a friend of theirs?" Jay remarked.
"That was uncalled for!" Trevor snapped. "We're not all…Okay some of us are…Well a lot of…Not all of us!"
"Well lucky for you he's dead," Flower said.
"It is a time saver when you want revenge," Thorfinn agreed.
Trevor waved. "Okay. Let's move on. Mark 'Madman' Mankowitz. He and I had the craziest times. But he was solid as a rock. Always knew how to work the numbers."
Sam typed in the information. "Mark Mankowitz. Found him. He's…dead. He died a few years ago."
"Bummer," Trevor winced. "How did he go? Heart attack? Drug overdose? Heart attack while banging some chick and doing drugs?"
"Apparently, he was stabbed to death in the prison shower," Sam blinked. "He was serving twenty-five to thirty for insider trading, fraud…And killing his lawyer."
"Ooh," Isaac winced. "I guess the Madman nickname was accurate."
"Gracious," Hetty winced.
"Okay forget Mark," Trevor sighed. "How about Benjamin Bullsworth? The Big Bull! We were pretty tight."
Sam looked up the information. "He died of a heart attack. At his trial. Right after he was sentenced to fifty years in prison."
"For what?" Trevor asked.
"Insider trading," Sam read. "Security fraud. Embezzlement. And light…treason."
"Treason?" Isaac did a double take.
"We weren't that close," Trevor backpedaled. "How about Sam Von Venderman? Sammy was a high roller."
"Committed suicide," Sam read the information. "By jumping off the roof of Lehman Brothers after he lost almost all his money and before he was arrested for securities fraud."
"More like a high jumper," Thorfinn remarked.
"At least they're dead too," Pete suggested cheerfully. "Not like they outlived you by that much."
"Not helping Pete," Trevor glared at him. "Okay. How about Robert Feldberg the Third?"
"He was shot to death," Sam read the details. "Apparently he was secretly running a drug smuggling ring on the side and one of his competitors took him out."
"RF3 got whacked? Man…" Trevor winced.
"So, we're just going to gloss over this whole light treason thing?" Isaac asked. "Move right past it? Just asking."
Trevor ignored him. "Well how about Norman Callan The Fourth? I know Old Norman the Conqueror did well."
"Norman Callan the Fourth," Sam looked online. "Is currently serving time for money laundering, fraud, insider trading, blackmail and attempted arson."
"Man No-Pants guy ran around with some crazy dudes," Jay snickered.
"And I thought some of the people I ran with back in the day were crooks," Alberta shuddered.
"They weren't all crooks!" Trevor protested.
"I'm sure some of them weren't," Sam said diplomatically.
"Sure, who hasn't committed a little arson and light treason?" Isaac said sarcastically. "Oh wait, most people!"
"Arson was actually pretty common in Thor's day," Thorfinn admitted. "Treason not so much. Splitting open heads with axe great deterrent."
"This is why I never put money in the stock market," Pete nodded his head. "Well that and I didn't have enough money for it."
"What's going on now?" Jay asked Sam.
"The ghosts think Trevor's friends are all crooks," Sam explained.
"What part of that is the problem?" Jay asked. "I mean they did work for Lehman Brothers. And that company was over six billion dollars in debt when it closed."
"Wait," Pete did a double take. "Did he say six billion?"
"As in billion with a capital B?" Alberta's jaw dropped.
"That's a big number, right?" Thorfinn asked.
"Wait, Lehman Brothers is gone?" Trevor gasped.
"Yes, it went bankrupt in 2008," Sam explained.
"Taking half the country with it," Jay added.
"Is that tied to the treason?" Isaac asked. "Oh god is this going to be like a Benedict Arnold thing?"
"There was no treason!" Trevor snapped. "At least when I was there."
"Definitely sounds like something my husband would have been a part of," Hetty groaned.
"Hang on," Thorfinn spoke up. "Thor confused. Trevor what exactly did you do in life?"
Isaac admitted. "I thought you were just some banker that moved lots of money around."
"It's a little more complicated than that," Trevor told him. "I was a trader on Wall Street."
"A traitor!" Isaac gasped.
"Trader!" Trevor snapped. "Not traitor! Trade-er! How many times do I have to explain this?"
"Thor knows about traders," Thorfinn spoke up. "We had many in Viking society. They trade pelts, weapons, livestock, hard rocks…"
"What were the rocks for?" Alberta asked.
"To bash in the heads of livestock," Thorfinn explained. "And ironically some traders so we could rob from them. Only the ones who overpriced! Six fox pelts for an axe? Thor know rip-off when he sees one!"
"It's a little more complicated than that," Trevor sighed.
"I can explain," Pete spoke up. "Think of Trevor as a pirate looting gold for his clients and himself without any ships, guns or weapons of any kind."
"Still not helping Pete!" Trevor shouted.
"You were pirate?" Thorfinn looked at Trevor. "Thor not get it."
"He doesn't look the part," Isaac admitted.
"Well he's not wearing pants so obviously…" Hetty shrugged.
"He's the Pirate of No-Pants!" Flower giggled.
"I wasn't a pirate," Trevor snapped. "How many times do I have to…? Sam help me out here!"
"Trevor's trying to explain what a trader on Wall Street does," Sam explained to Jay.
"Why don't you explain?" Jay asked.
"Well I…" Sam paused. "I'm not exactly sure either."
"All I know is that they make a lot of money," Jay admitted. "And a lot of them end up in jail. Or on the evening news."
"Oh, for crying…" Trevor was frustrated. "Let me make this very, very, very simple…What I did was get people to buy ownership in other companies. A very small percentage of ownership in other companies. Called stock. Which I got a relatively decent fee for! Who am I kidding? I made a fortune!"
"How did you get them to buy stock?" Alberta asked.
"I was good at sales," Trevor shrugged. "It's all about the upsell and schmoozing the client at just the right time."
"So, you just talk to people?" Thorfinn asked. "And they just give you money for worthless pieces of paper?"
"It's not exactly paper," Trevor explained. "It's ownership in the company. A small percentage. There's some paperwork. And you have to charm them so…"
"Wow," Thorfinn blinked. "You would have been very useful on Viking raids back in the day! Raids would not have been much fun. But still useful."
"Let's keep looking okay?" Trevor snapped. "Sam you can explain how the greatest company in the world is gone later."
"More like the greatest thieves in the world," Hetty remarked.
Trevor let out a breath. "Look somebody should still be alive and not in prison! I know! There was a guy that was in our office. Total nerd but he had an in at the hottest strip club. And he was a really uptight guy. I mean he made Isaac look laid back."
"Is that a compliment or an insult?" Isaac blinked.
Alberta groaned. "If you have to ask…"
Trevor ignored them. "Kevin Garfield Jameson. What happened to him? I know he's not in jail. Or dead."
"Kevin Garfield Jameson," Sam searched. "You're right. He's not dead or in prison."
"There! See?" Trevor grinned.
"He's…" Sam did a double take. "An accomplished sock puppeteer. Apparently, he picked it up after a stint in a mental hospital."
"Oh, dear lord," Alberta winced. "Trevor you ran around with crazies and psychopaths!"
"And you ran around with mobsters!" Trevor protested. "Besides they weren't psychopaths when I knew them! Okay maybe Tommy Patrillo was a bit over the top but the rest of the guys…"
"Who's Tommy Patrillo?" Sam asked.
"Oh, I know who that guy is," Jay spoke up. "He was just on the news the other night. He was this big wig CEO of this company that claimed to have some new innovation in renewable energy but it was all a big fraud. And a cover for his exotic animal smuggling ring."
"Tommy always had a thing for tigers," Trevor blinked.
"Was it tigers?" Sam asked Jay.
"Yeah how did you…?" Jay realized. "Trevor?"
"Yup," Sam looked at Trevor.
"I didn't know about that!" Trevor protested. "He just had all this tiger stuff in his office! And kept saying how there was big money in them if you knew the right people. Oh…"
Isaac looked at Trevor. "You consorted with such a lovely group of people."
"Thor thinks they would have fit right in with his crew," Thorfinn spoke up.
"This explains so much about you," Hetty sniffed.
"They weren't like that when I knew them, okay?" Trevor snapped. "It was a great company! Okay we partied hard but we still worked hard! And I was one of the top guys there! In fact, it was my idea for Lehman Brothers to move into the business of mortgage origination! Of course, we had to fudge a few tiny details to the Feds but still…"
"So basically, you did loans when you shouldn't have?" Isaac blinked.
"I wouldn't say shouldn't have…" Trevor shrugged.
Sam said to Jay. "Trevor said it was his idea for Lehman Brothers to get into something called mortgage origination."
"That was him?" Jay did a double take.
"What?" Trevor blinked.
"Is that bad?" Sam asked.
"Extremely short version, yes!" Jay snapped. "Basically, Lehman Brothers was partly responsible for the mortgage crisis. Which means a lot of people lost their jobs and homes!"
Alberta looked at Trevor. "Way to go Trevor."
"Oh, come on! It's not like I was running the division!" Trevor protested. "I just made the suggestion! They gave it to some other guys! It was just a suggestion!"
"Your suggestion led to a global market crash," Sam looked at him.
"Oh, come on you can't blame me for that!" Trevor snapped. "That's like blaming Ford for drunk driving fatalities! Or the Wright Brothers for airplane crashes! That was not my gig anyway! My thing was pushing stocks! Winning stocks! Like Circuit City! Enron! Blockbuster! Sears! Companies that would last forever!"
"They didn't!" Sam snapped.
"What didn't?" Jay asked.
"Apparently Trevor's job was to sell stock to several companies that crashed and burned," Sam explained.
"Like what?" Jay asked.
"Enron, Circuit City, Sears…" Sam counted. "Blockbuster…"
"They're all gone Trevor!" Jay called out.
"Gone?" Trevor blinked. "I had stock in those companies."
"Trevor had stock in those companies," Sam explained to Jay.
"Look at the bright side," Pete told him. "It's not like losing all that money hurt you in any way. Because you know? You're dead."
"So, you're saying Trevor lost his shirt as well as his pants?" Jay quipped.
The other ghosts couldn't help but laugh. "I like him!" Isaac snickered. "He's funny!"
"It's funny because losing your shirt means you are poor," Thorfinn snickered. "And Trevor wears no pants. It implies that he's completely naked! HA!"
"Ha, ha, ha…" Trevor made a face. "Hilarious!"
"I think I just figured out why you ended up as a ghost," Hetty remarked.
"Are you implying that I deserved this?" Trevor snapped.
"No, I'm saying it outright," Hetty told him. "That and your lascivious cavorting."
"At least I didn't make money off of killing orphans!" Trevor snapped.
"We never killed them!" Hetty snapped. "Directly. Granted there were accidents in those mines and factories. But we never set out to kill them. Turnover was bad enough."
"And you people think I deserved this?" Trevor protested.
"Trevor you're not a bad person," Flower told him. "You're just a little self-centered. And really, really horny."
"I think we're getting off track here," Isaac spoke up. "Nobody's saying you deserve to be a ghost."
Thorfinn added. "We're just saying we get the reason if you are."
"I wasn't that bad a guy!" Trevor protested. "I think. I mean so a few of my friends went bad?"
"So far all of them," Sasappis spoke up.
"No, there was one guy that just went crazy," Flower corrected. "Not bad."
"Sam you have to help me!" Trevor protested. "Come on! There has to be one guy I worked with that wasn't…What about Benjamin Feldman? Benji and I went to college together! We graduated and partied together! We joined Lehman Brothers together! He was a great guy! What happened to him?"
Sam looked him up. "Benjamin Feldman…Oh…"
"What?" Trevor asked.
Jay looked over. "Cocaine trafficking? Embezzling? Bankrupting the country of Belize?"
"Oy…" Trevor winced.
"That is one twisted dude," Jay read the article. "Says here he died when his plane crashed into…Oh wait it didn't crash it was blown up by one of the drug cartels he was cheating."
Sam added. "It says here that the Feds figured out what he was doing when he was also putting accounts in your name Trevor. And since they knew you were dead…"
Trevor was in shock. "I can't believe it. You think you know a guy. We did shots together on Spring Break at Myrtle Beach. Isn't anything sacred anymore?"
"See that proves my point," Hetty told him. "No wonder you're such a degenerate! I mean look at you. I guess I should be grateful you're wearing any clothes at all."
"I'm sorry!" Trevor snapped. "I didn't have time to put on pants before I died!"
"You shouldn't have taken them off," Hetty grumbled. "Or at the very least your underwear!"
"Man, Trevor ran with some crazy dudes," Jay remarked as he looked at the laptop. "This one guy was arrested riding a motorcycle naked on the freeway while trying to escape the Feds when they found out he was embezzling millions of dollars."
"Was it Bob?" Trevor sighed.
"Robert Devens," Sam read.
"That's Bob," Trevor sighed. "He always was a little nuts."
"So, let me get this straight…" Isaac realized something. "Out of all the entire pack of cronies you ran with. You're the good one?"
"Dear God that's horrifying," Hetty groaned.
"It could have been worse Hetty," Alberta quipped. "We could have ended up with Bob."
Sasappis turned to Thorfinn. "This is definitely more interesting than the Hamilton thing."
"Even I have to admit that," Isaac shrugged.
"Look at this guy," Jay pointed to the screen. "Jerry Manheim. He was running a Ponzi scheme. He got arrested along with his wife. Apparently, she caught him having an affair with his secretary and she tried to kill him. And took a chainsaw to his Jaguar."
"That is one wrecked up car," Sam whistled. "Very impressed how she managed to write scumbag on the side though."
"You need talent to write like that with a chainsaw," Jay nodded.
"Wait let me see that," Trevor leaned in. "That's not Jerry's Jag! That's my Jag! You took my Jag, Jerry? WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?"
"Very bad when woman kill your favorite wild animal," Thorfinn shook his head.
"Calm down Trevor," Pete patted him on the back. "It's not like you were using it."
"Or will use it ever again," Isaac added.
"It's the principle of the thing!" Trevor groaned. "What happened to Jerry?"
"Died of a heart attack when he was sentenced fifteen to twenty years," Sam sighed. She read something else. "Huh. His wife got off easy when she was offered a plea deal. And now has a local cable show about destroying cars with chain saws."
"Not my Jag," Trevor closed his eyes as if he was experiencing physical pain. "Not my baby!"
"Sorry Trevor," Sam shrugged. "Your baby is now scrap metal."
"Of all the people who had to take my car it had to be Jerry?" Trevor groaned. "He was a total slob! The man used to eat potato chips and Cheetos all the time. I bet he got cheese powder all over the leather! I know he did!"
"Trevor it's just stuff," Flower told him.
"But it was my stuff!" Trevor pouted.
"Possessions just tie you down," Flower said. "As a ghost you're free of worldly needs."
"And pants," Isaac added.
"Seriously?" Trevor looked at Isaac. "You just had to take a dig at that didn't you? You just can't let a day go without reminding me of that?"
"We have to see you every single day like that," Sasappis pointed out. "For eternity."
"The thrill kind of wore off after the first few months," Alberta admitted.
"And now the ghosts are ragging on Trevor for not having pants," Sam explained to Jay.
Jay spoke up. "Hey guys. Lay off on Trevor…Left His Pants At Home."
At this the other ghosts laughed. "I like him," Hetty giggled. "Samantha your husband is a hoot!"
"It's funny because your name is Lefkowitz and Jay made play on words," Thorfinn chuckled.
"I got it," Trevor glared at him.
"I am so glad I didn't go first this week," Isaac remarked.
"I'm glad my pain amuses you," Trevor glared at him.
"It does," Isaac smirked.
"Babe we gotta look at more of these," Jay pointed. "I gotta find out more about No-Pants' pals. They sound crazy!"
"Yes!" Isaac grinned with glee.
"Oh, here's one," Sam looked at the laptop. "Gary Cloverfield. He left Lehman Brothers when it closed and moved to Colorado to start his own business."
"See?" Trevor pointed out. "Gary ended up normal!"
Sam read. "Growing pot. Well that's somewhat…Oh wait. It says here he died a few years ago. Apparently, he bought one of Tommy Parillo's tigers and it ate him."
"Oh God no!" Alberta winced. "Do not want to see that ghost!"
"Yeah, a bear attack is bad enough," Flower agreed.
"Okay there has to be someone that's still around and didn't…" Trevor was frustrated. "What about Lenny Fetterman?"
Sam checked out the website. "Lenny Fetterman…Arrested for insider trading. Jail. And apparently stabbed himself twenty times in the shower."
"Something tells Thor he didn't really do that," Thorfinn blinked. "That sounds suspiciously like the time Olaf The Clumsy hit himself on the head with axe fifty times. Spoiler alert. He didn't really do that."
"Oy…" Trevor moaned.
"Technically Olaf The Clumsy only hit himself once," Thorfinn added. "With the handle. But Chief and others saw opportunity and thought…Hey? Why not? How else to get rid of Viking who burned down his own ship?"
"Look at the rap sheets of all these dudes," Jay looked at the laptop. "This dude was arrested for money laundering. This dude was arrested for embezzlement. There are at least five dudes arrested for insider trading. Three for drugs and insider trading. This guy was arrested for bribing someone."
"You have to admit," Isaac remarked. "There is a pattern."
Jay widened his eyes. "This guy set fire to his business partners house and ran off with half of his money!"
"I can't listen to this anymore," Trevor groaned as he left the room. "I hate my afterlife…"
Thorfinn realized. "So…Wall Street traders are basically Vikings without ships?"
"Apparently," Isaac shrugged.
"Thor would have cleaned up on Wall Street," Thorfinn sighed happily.
