CHAPTER 8
It's been a few weeks since Olivia and Maddison's first meeting and to say that it has been emotional for everyone is an understatement. Olivia has been great with Maddison, there's no surprise about that and she always made sure that she spent an adequate amount of time with the little girl. Weekends were usually spent at Brittany's apartment but on some weekends, the blonde allowed Maddison to spend the weekend with Olivia alone in Staten Island. The week before school officially started for Brittany and Maddison, she invited Olivia and the Berrys for dinner to show her appreciation to Rachel and her dads for taking care of Olivia all these years. Maddison was more than happy to have gained another aunt in Rachel and two new grandfathers. Mercedes also came over one night and cried because she too was happy that her best friend was back but also broken-hearted because she can't remember her.
As for Olivia, everything had just been awkward. Like that night she met Mercedes and the woman bawled her eyes out in front of her and all she could do was smile sympathetically. There were also times when she was hanging out with Maddison at Brittany's apartment and she caught the blonde staring at her longingly several times. Every day she got to spend time with Brittany, Maddison, and the people Santana was close with, Olivia wished she could remember the life she had with them. She feels so guilty that she still couldn't, even if she's been spending more and more time with them.
"Maddi's asleep," Olivia says as she appears in the living room after putting the little girl to bed. She sits on the opposite end of the couch facing Brittany and takes her laptop from the coffee table to continue writing a chapter on her new book. The blonde looks up from the papers she was grading and smiles softly.
"Thanks, L." That's the nickname Brittany started calling Olivia once the brunette started spending more time with them. The blonde felt like it wasn't appropriate to call her Santana given the situation and she didn't want to confuse Maddison by calling her Olivia in Maddison's presence since the little girl knew her Mami's name was Santana. She also gave the brunette one of her old IDs as Santana Lopez-Pierce to show the receptionist whenever it's her time to pick-up Maddison from school, just to prevent any issue with the school. They stayed silent for a few more minutes but Brittany looks up from her papers again when she feels someone staring at her.
"What?" she asks Olivia softly.
"I'm sorry," Olivia says sadly.
Brittany frowns and asks, "For what?"
"Because I can't remember. I've been spending a lot of time with you guys and I still can't remember. I wish I could, I do" she explains, now looking down on her lap.
Brittany sighs and puts the papers down on the coffee table and scoots forward to sit in front of Olivia and positions her leg to sit Indian style. She takes Olivia's laptop and puts it back on the table before taking her hands and holding them tightly.
"Hey..." the blonde squeezes her hands and the brunette looks up to meet her gorgeous blue eyes, "You know… Eckhart Tolle once wrote a passage saying, "Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally."
Olivia gives her a friendly smile and squeezes her hands back, "The Power of Now."
Brittany smiles back and nods, "Yeah…" she pauses for a few seconds before locking eyes again with the brunette, "L, I know this has been a difficult few weeks for you as well and I'm sorry about that but… this is the situation we are in now." She smiles gently at Olivia and continues, "I see how happy you are when you spend time with Maddi so I'm sure you don't want to bail out on that. And since we certainly can't change anything right now, all we have left to do is accept. Whatever happens in the future will happen but, for now, let's just enjoy the present, okay?" she reassures the brunette and shrugs. "You're here, you're happy. Maddi's happy."
"Are you happy?" Olivia asks in her mind but shakes it off and smiles back at Brittany. "Okay. Thank you, Brittany, for being so understanding and for being a great friend." She says with great sincerity.
Brittany raises her arms to pull Olivia into a hug and whispers "Don't worry about it."
They hug for a few seconds and Brittany takes this opportunity to take in the scent of Olivia's hair. It's new. It smells like lavender, not Santana's usual citrusy shampoo scent, but it's still addicting. This close physical contact also gives her that nostalgic feeling of security whenever she's in the brunette's arms, it makes her warm and fuzzy and she can feel her muscles relax the longer the hug becomes. She slowly pulls back from their embrace and Olivia tilts her head a little bit to her right that their noses are almost touching due to its proximity. Olivia momentarily averts her gaze to Brittany's soft, pink lips but bites her lower lip and clears her throat.
"I, uh… I should go" she whispers as she awkwardly pulls herself away from Brittany's arms. The blonde just watches Olivia and glances at the digital clock by the TV as the brunette closes her laptop.
"It's getting late, L. Why don't you just spend the night? It's Saturday tomorrow anyway, Maddi will be happy to see you when she wakes up in the morning." Brittany tells her.
Olivia reluctantly puts her laptop back on the coffee table and reluctantly makes eye contact with Brittany. "Um, a-are you sure?"
"Of course." Brittany smiles genuinely. "Staten Island isn't up the street and I don't want you going home this late. You can take my bed and I'll sleep here on the pull-out couch."
"Oh, no, Brittany. I can sleep in here, you can sleep in your bed." She says shyly.
Brittany places a hand on Olivia's thigh and smiles, "I insist. You take the bed. There's an extra toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet and I have clothes you can wear to sleep on tonight and clothes you can lounge in tomorrow."
Olivia stares and smiles genuinely at her and nods, "Well, if you're sure." Her gaze then falls onto the wedding band that is dangling on a rose gold chain around Brittany's neck. It's an 18k rose gold band with round diamonds cradled on the tapered band with an inscription on the inside. This is the first time Olivia sees the wedding band up close and she notices the inscription. "What does it say?"
Brittany follows her gaze and lowers her head to look at her ring and touches it. "Oh, um…" she pauses and gulps, "it says 'You'll always be my day one.'" She smiles wistfully and looks at Olivia's eyes again and she can see that the brunette is waiting for her to explain the significance but she just couldn't.
Olivia sees the reluctance in Brittany's eyes so she smiles gently at the blonde and squeezes her hand. "It's okay, Brittany. You don't have to explain." She moves to stand up from the couch and takes her laptop, "I'll head to bed. Thanks again for letting me crash here. See you in the morning." She smiles and Brittany nods before she turns on her heels to head to Brittany's room.
Brittany lets out a sigh that she's been holding when Olivia disappears into the hallway and a tear falls on her cheek. She wipes it away and touches the ring on her neck one more time before taking her papers from the coffee table and continues grading.
It's midnight and Brittany is still grading exam papers. She brings her hand to her mouth to stifle a yawn so she decides to call it night and places the papers on the table. As she's getting her bed ready for the night, she hears the creaking sound of a bedroom door, she figures it must be Olivia going into the bathroom. Her body stiffens when she feels a set of arms encircle her waist from behind and she smells the now-familiar scent of Olivia's shampoo. She turns around to face the brunette and sees her teary eyes.
"Hey, what's wro-" she starts to ask but is immediately cut off by soft, plump lips on hers; her bottom lip in between Olivia's. Her initial shock wears off after a few seconds and she places a hand behind the brunette's neck to pull her closer and her right hand on Olivia's cheek, her fingers running through dark brown locks. The brunette licks Brittany's bottom lip with her tongue begging for entrance and the blonde eagerly obliges by opening her mouth. They fall into a deep kiss that is full of passion. A passion that was lost for 5 years. It's the kind of kiss that says 'I missed you so much' and 'I'm never letting you go again'. It's slow and sweet, frantic at times, and then goes back to being slow and sweet. Olivia pulls back from the kiss and breathes deeply. She clutches onto Brittany's shirt and places her forehead on the blonde's chest. Soon enough, Brittany notices her shoulders shaking and hears silent sobs from the brunette.
Brittany rubs the brunette's back and whispers, "What's wrong, L?"
Olivia pulls herself back from Brittany and wipes her tears. She sniffles and takes something out of the pocket of her sweatpants. She takes Brittany's right hand and places the object on Brittany's palm before closing it.
"I'm sorry, Britt-Britt" she whispers as she covers Brittany's clasped hand with her own. She holds Brittany's left hand and gives her a peck on the lips before she starts walking away from the blonde, her fingers lingering into Brittany's until it's time for her to let go. Brittany watches her disappear into the cold, dark room with a disconcerted look on her face. It suddenly dawns on her that Olivia never called her Britt-Britt or any nickname for that matter so she opens her right hand and her eyes widen when she sees the same rose gold wedding band that she wears on her neck.
"Santana?" she croaks out as tears start rolling down her cheeks.
Brittany squirms in her position on the couch and her eyes shoot open. She feels the wetness caused by her tears on her face so she wipes it and immediately looks around the living room. She notices that the lights are still on and she's still holding the exam papers she was grading. She glances at the clock by the TV and sighs when she sees that it's 2:30 AM so she places the papers on the table and gets up to go to the kitchen. She drinks a glass of water before going to Maddison's bedroom to check on her and give her a goodnight kiss. Once she closes Maddi's bedroom door, she glances at her bedroom to check on Olivia but she decides against it. She takes a pillow and a blanket from the hallway cabinet and proceeds to turn the lights off in the kitchen and living room. She prepares her bed for the night and once she lays down, her mind immediately wanders back to the dream she just had. She pulls the blanket up to her neck and clutches it tightly as she cries herself back to sleep.
The next morning, Brittany wakes up to the smell of bacon wafting from the kitchen. Her eyebrows furrow and she glances at the clock; it's 7 AM. She rubs the sleep from her eyes and she can still feel the sting from all the crying she did the night before. She pushes the blanket off of her and gets up from the couch and raises both her arms and arches her back to stretch. She then walks towards the kitchen and hears the faint sound of Maddison laughing at something Olivia said. She walks up behind Maddison who's sitting on the stool by the kitchen counter and kisses the little girl's head.
"Good morning, baby girl."
"Good morning, Mommy!" Maddison greets excitedly "Mami stayed over last night!"
Brittany and Olivia giggle light-heartedly at their daughter's early morning excitement. "Yes baby," she says just as Olivia turns and smiles widely at her.
"Good morning" Olivia greets while taking the pan out of the stove and places the bacon on the plate with paper towels.
Brittany locks eyes with her and gives her a tight-lipped smile. "Good morning." Olivia notices Brittany's puffy eyes and frowns.
"Are you okay?" she asks, concerned.
Brittany forces a smile that still doesn't reach her eyes, "Y-yeah, I'm fine." She then turns her attention to the breakfast spread on the counter and sees french toast, bacon, breakfast sausages, and scrambled eggs. "You can cook." She says with a small, genuine smile on her face to divert the attention away from her. It is a statement though, not a question. This is just one of the few new things she noticed on Olivia once they started hanging out more. Olivia is kinder towards people, she's organized with her stuff, she's street-smart, and she can cook. She has skills and attitudes that Santana didn't have before but she doesn't sing or play the piano. Brittany figured it's normal that she forgot her previous skills too.
Olivia notices the obvious topic change so she decides not to give Brittany the third degree and just shrugs. "The perks of living and working with restaurateurs." She smiles smugly and takes the plates of french toast and bacon off the kitchen counter and walks towards the dining table. Brittany assists Maddison in getting off the stool before grabbing the plate of scrambled eggs and breakfast sausages and placing them on the dining table. She then turns around to go back to the kitchen but jumps when she almost bumps into Olivia who's now coming back from the kitchen with the bottle of orange juice and fresh milk for Maddison.
"Oh, um…" the blonde steps back a little when she notices her body is too close to the brunette. "Sorry" she apologizes and moves to the side to make way for Olivia. "Coffee?"
Olivia smiles at her. "It's fine and yes, please. Thank you."
Brittany nods and continues walking to the kitchen to get their coffee. They then eat their breakfast in comfortable silence before Maddison suddenly squeals.
"This is so good, Mami!" the little brunette says while stuffing her mouth with french toast. Olivia laughs beside Maddison and ruffles her daughter's long, brown hair.
"Thanks, baby girl, and… slow down, we don't want you to choke because you're stuffing your mouth with french toast."
"Okay, Mami" Maddison grins widely from ear to ear and Brittany's heart swells at the sight of her daughter smiling exactly like Santana. She then locks eyes with Olivia.
"I agree with her, this french toast is to die for" she compliments and Olivia smiles shyly at her.
"Thanks and you're not so bad yourself. You're a great cook too and that Broccoli Chicken Casserole you made the other night was beyond amazing… I can see why I married you." She blurts out and immediately looks down in embarrassment when she realizes what she just said.
Brittany feels her face heat up at the compliment and bites her lip, "Thanks." She smiles shyly at Olivia.
"Mami, what are we doing today?" Maddison asks, breaking the awkward tension between her moms.
The brunette smiles affectionately at her daughter and says, "Up to you, kiddo. We can just stay here and watch movies or we can go to the park. Your choice, baby."
"Ohh… can we go to the park, Mommy?" she turns her head and asks Brittany.
"Sure, honey. You can go."
Olivia gives her a curious look while Maddison asks, "You're not coming with us?"
"No, baby. I have to finish grading the exam papers and then go grocery shopping after." She reaches for her daughter's arm and rubs circles on it "I'm sorry, baby. Next time, okay? You have fun with Mami at the park and… oh, write down the snacks you want from the grocery store to make sure I get all of them." She suggests and Maddison gives her a small, disappointed smile.
"Okay, Mommy."
They finished eating their breakfast and spent a few hours just lounging in the living room before Maddison and Olivia got ready to start their weekend bonding. Once they left for the park, Brittany continued grading the papers so she has the rest of the weekend for Maddison. Olivia had texted her that she and Maddison were gonna get lunch at the deli a few blocks away from the apartment and bring her something on the way back so Brittany decided to go ahead to the grocery store at lunchtime. She spent about an hour in the grocery store, making sure she had everything she needed for the next week. She came home to a silent apartment but she can hear a very faint sound coming from the TV. She places her grocery bags on top of the kitchen counter before walking to the living room. She finds Maddison and Olivia cuddled up with each other and napping on the couch, she figures they must've had so much fun at the park and was tired when they got home. She tiptoes towards the couch and sits on her heels in front of the couch facing Olivia and Maddison. She hovers her hand above Olivia's face and carefully brushes the stray hair away from the brunette's eyes. The brunette doesn't flinch so she stares at Olivia's face for a few more seconds before whispering,
"Come back to me, Santana."
She wipes the tears now running down her face with her hands and silently gets up from her sitting position. When Brittany turns her back and walks away from the couch and back to the kitchen, Olivia opens her eyes slowly.
She felt Brittany's touch.
She felt Brittany's agony.
She heard Brittany's plea.
The past few weeks since she started hanging out with Brittany and Maddison, she started to see the reasons why Santana, her previous self, married Brittany. Her smile lights up the world even in the gloomiest of days, she's intelligent, she's a great mother to Maddison, she's a great cook and a great friend. Anyone would be dumb not to fall for Brittany. However, Olivia also knows that Brittany is still yearning for her Santana and the only thing that she could do is wish that she could give Brittany what she wants.
"I wish, Brittany. I wish." She whispers just as a tear flows from her right eye and right across her face. She wipes the tear and kisses Maddison's head before closing her eyes again.
