Pokémon Police Force Chapter 38: The Octagon
I awoke slowly and quietly, laying in a bed of straw.
(I fell asleep? When did that happen?)
With only the rustling of the straw, and the sounds of commotion from above to break the silence, I sat up.
(A bed? Where am I?)
I began looking around. It looked like an infirmary. At my bedside was a familiar Glaceon and an even more familiar Braixen. Weavile was here also, sitting on a nearby bed.
"Snow? Emerald? What happened?"
The two ladies' eyes darted up to me and Snow was instantly on top of me hugging me.
"Argyle! You're alive!" Said Snow.
"Of course he's alive!" Said Emerald, "he's practically immortal, you know."
"So, what happened?" I asked again.
"They found us collapsed in the Badlands," said Weavile, walking over, "took us to the Octagon and nursed us back to health."
"Yeah, been meaning to ask, who are you?" Snow asked Weavile.
"Weavile of Team AWD," Weavile introduced.
"And one of my mother's friends," I finished.
"Well, you're ok in my book," said Snow.
"Argyle, you going to introduce me to your friends?"
"Oh, that's Snow, my half-sister."
"Nice to meet you," said Weavile.
"Likewise," replied Snow.
"And Emerald here… well, our relationship is… complicated," I admitted.
"Give me the juicy details," said Weavile, smirking.
"No," I said, sparing Emerald from the inevitable embarrassment.
"Fine, but you'll tell me sooner or later."
"Drapion told us what happened," said Emerald, "no wonder you four were so banged up."
"Speaking of which, how are they?"
"Drapion took the biggest punishment, but he recovered not too long ago," explained Weavile, "Arbok is blaming himself for my injuries, as usual."
"Does that always happen?" Asked Snow.
"Yeah. Give him a few days, he'll simmer down."
"And what about you?" I asked.
"Got a few scrapes. Nothing too bad, but I'm a lot more worried about you."
"Me? Why?"
"You were so cut up and bloody, I thought you wouldn't make it."
"I-I was?"
"Yep. It was probably that adrenaline boost that kept you alive for so long."
"You used Sal's injections?" Asked Emerald.
"Had to. Gave one to each of us," I explained.
"But how? Sal said the box was-," began Emerald before realization hit, "you jimmied the lock, didn't you?"
"Honestly, Emerald, it's like you don't even know him sometimes," said Snow.
"Back to the story," said Weavile, "Emerald here arrived with several other Pokémon to save us, but as soon as we got you to the medical team, your wounds healed themselves! How did you do that?"
"I've got a parasite living in my head that's keeping me alive," I said nonchalantly.
"Wait, what?"
About half an hour later I was sitting with all the would-be competitors in some sort of waiting room. Sheriashuu and Meloetta were sitting with me, Sal was doing some last-minute training and Snow and Argyle were stuffing their faces.
"Wow, look at them go," I said.
"I'm pretty sure he's taking in more calories than he'll spend," said Sheriashuu.
"He's still kind of weak," said Meloetta, "three years alone with no food will do that to you."
"Wait, he didn't eat for three years!?" Asked Sheriashuu in a state of astonishment.
"Actually, it was about two tears of starvation, but yeah," I said.
"Zygarde's keeping him alive, I get that, but how is he even able to move?"
Meloetta just shrugged.
"Speaking of total mysteries," I began, "where's Keldeo? I haven't seen him all day."
"He's off by himself," said Meloetta, "said he's doing some image training."
"So, he's trying to look good for the crowd?" I asked.
"No. Image training is when a warrior goes over an upcoming fight in their mind," explained Sheriashuu, "one must imagine every attack, every counterattack, every strategy and play through each counterstrategy in their mind."
"Three guesses as to which opponent he's mentally gearing himself for," I said.
"Everyone, may I have your attention?"
It was a Liepard that spoke. Everyone stopped what they were doing and gave the newcomer their undivided attention.
(She's most likely with Team PWNK.)
"I need each of you to line up and draw a number from this bowl," Liepard said.
We did as requested and lined up in a single-file line. Only now did I notice the two Obstagoon standing on either side of her with a third one holding a wooden bowl with a whole lot of slips of paper within. The procedure went smoothly with Sheriashuu drawing 46, Meloetta drawing 12 and me drawing an even 20.
"These numbers represent what order you will be attempting the preliminaries in," explained Liepard, "however, before we begin, we must cover a few rules."
Liepard began to explain the rules a little more clearly. Each match was to be a one-on-one battle with no time limit. The match would end when one opponent either gave up, stepped outside the ring, was knocked out, dismembered or died.
"Wait, could you repeat those last two?" Asked Sal.
"Oh, yeah. There are no safety constraints here, so if you are deemed unable to fight due to losing your limbs or dying, you will be disqualified," said Liepard.
Most everyone here exchanged worried glances.
"Do you expect us to kill our foes?" Asked a Floatzel.
"No, but accidents do happen."
It was my turn for the preliminaries, lucky number 13. Meloetta completely dominated her opponent. I just hope that she decides not to do that to me. That little minx is quite the violent one. My opponent was supposed to be here five minutes ago, but was running late.
"Looks like Argyle's opponent is a no-show," said Absol, the tournament MC, "the winner, by default is-"
"WAAAAIIIIIITTTTT!"
A Rhydon runs onto the arena and stops Absol.
"Sorry, I'm late. Bathroom," he said, "side note: don't go in there. Trust me."
"Gross," said someone in the crowd.
"Couldn't help it. That green-haired Pokémon from before literally scared the crap out of me!"
"Gross," said the person in the crowd again.
"So, uh… you ready to fight?" Asked Absol.
"Ready as ever!"
"Please tell me you washed your hands," I said.
"Nah, I never do that crap."
"Again with the crap!?" Said another Pokémon from the audience.
"Please don't touch me," I said.
"Well, without further to do, contestant Argyle, the Sneasel versus Rocky, the Rhydon!"
"Hope you're ready! Brick-!"
With a scream, Rocky was blasted out of the ring by an unexpected Hydro Pump to the torso. He quickly recovered and punched the ground in anger.
"What just happened?" Asked Absol.
"Who did that!?" Asked a furious Rhydon.
A lone Wartortle with a blue headband and shell did a superhero landing right on the center of the ring.
"Oh no, not you," I said.
"The frozen wave! Blue!"
A second Wartortle came rolling into the ring. This one had a silver headband and shell.
"The war machine incarnate! Silver!"
Then a third one, in his brown shell, was spinning into the ring with Rapid Spin. He emerged from his shell and spake.
"The Tortle tower of power! Brown!"
Then, with agility unheard of in Wartortles, a purple one backflipped onto the ring.
"The hated boss that beats you down and beats you down and never lets up! It's your boy, Purple!"
"Purple! What the Voidlands was that!?" Asked Silver.
"All that practice, wasted!" Said Blue.
"You threw off the timing for our pose!" Said Brown.
"Sorry! It was experiment. Experiment failed," said Purple.
"Yeah! We got that!" Said Silver.
"QUIET!" Screamed Rocky, making the whole Octagon jump, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, PULLING A STUNT LIKE THAT!?"
"Silver!"
"Purple!"
"Brown!"
"Blue!"
"As! One! We! Are!"
"The Magnificent Ninjatortles!"
They did a weird group pose with that last line. Purple was in front, with his fist on the ground. Silver and Brown were right behind, on opposing sides, with their arms extended like they were fencing. Blue was in the very back with his body in a Y-shape. Suddenly, a poof of smoke and confetti blasted out from behind them.
(That same ridiculous pose as last time.)
Rocky got back on stage and began yelling at the Ninjatortles, to which they responded by a four-fold Hydro Pump, knocking out the angry Rhydon.
"What's all this commotion about?"
A new Pokémon walked out to the forefront of the crowd. A Pokémon the likes of which I've never seen before. This Pokémon resembled some kind of baboon with coarse black fur covering its entire body. It was wearing some kind of pink cape and was holding a long stick that it used like a cane.
"Um, ladies and gentlemen, the leader of Team PWNK and the proprietor of this tournament, Zarude!" Announced Absol.
(THAT'S Zarude!? The guy that wants to destroy the world? But he looks so…)
"I don't need the introduction, Absol!" Zarude said, his voice cracked with age, "what's going on here? I thought I specifically said that every match will be mano-a-mano."
"Well, there's a problem with that," said Absol, "the prelims were proceeding as usual until these four crashed the party."
Zarude looked directly at me.
"The Sneasel with a mask!" Said Zarude, clearly surprised, "where is your opponent?"
Blue cut me off.
"We already dealt with him!" Said Blue, "we're fighting Argyle now!"
"DON'T INTERRUPT!" Roared Zarude, his shout shaking the entire tower.
After Zarude calmed down, he continued.
"As Argyle's opponent is out cold, he is the winner and will move on to the real tournament."
"I don't think so," said Purple, "the four of us are still standing! We'll not only beat him, but destroy him! In the name of justice!"
"What say you, contestant Argyle?" Asked Zarude, "I can have them thrown off the tower."
"Don't you mean, out the tower?" Asked Silver.
"No."
"If I don't fight them now, they'll just come back later," I said, shrugging.
"Fine, but in the spirit of fairness-"
(Really? You're lecturing me about fairness?)
"-I will allow you to call upon backup, for this match only. As long as they are not in the tournament already."
"She's already here."
Every head turned to see Weavile stepping onto the ring.
"Weavile? Why are you here?"
"Call it responsibility," she said, "I'd never be hearing the end of it if I let you get hurt. That is one afterlife I do not want to be a part of."
(She's talking about mom.)
"Drapion and Arbok are in position," Weavile whispers to me, "just in case things go south."
"Fine. Just pull your own weight," I said.
"Don't have to worry about that, darling."
(Darling?)
"The exhibition match between the Sneasel Squad and these four morons will now begin!" Announced Absol.
"Morons!?" Said Brown.
"Sneasel Squad!?" I said.
"Begin!" Shouted Absol.
"Prepare to lose to the fabulous-!" Began Purple, but I cut him off with a punch to the face.
"Purple!" Yelled Silver in shock.
"That looks like fun," said Weavile before delivering a sharp kick to Brown's crotch.
"Mommy," came the pained squeal from Brown as he fell to the ground.
He lay there in the fetal position with his hands between his legs protecting what remained of his dignity.
"Get up, Brown," said Blue, "you have no nuts anyway."
"Screw you, Blue," came the pained response.
"Well, now what?" Asked Silver, "we're down a member."
"Brown, can you stand up?" Asked Purple.
"I think so, just give me a-! Owie!" Squealed Brown as he was kicked in the invisible nuts once more.
"Weavile!?"
"What? I'm enjoying this way too much to stop now," she said.
"You're embarrassing me now, Brown," said Blue.
"Ninjatortles!" Said Purple, "attack formation delta!"
The three remaining "Ninjatortles" threw themselves between us and Brown, barring Weavile from any more nut shots.
"So, your big plan is a living shield?" I asked.
"Well, there goes my fun," said Weavile.
"Brown, please stand up," said Silver.
"Just give me a moment," said Brown, struggling to his feet.
"So… we just going to let him get up?" Asked Weavile.
"Almost there…," said Brown, before falling back down.
"Nevermind."
"Maybe Keldeo got to me, but I want a good fight," I responded.
Blue finally got his act together and helped Brown to his feet.
"Thanks, Blue," said Brown.
"Maybe if you ate before we left, you wouldn't be in this situation," said Blue.
"I couldn't! Someone stole my reservation! Silver's too!" Said Brown.
"If I ever find that Plaid guy…!" Said Silver.
(So, they were the two I stole the reservation from?)
"Why didn't you all make a reservation together?" I asked, containing my snicker.
"We save money that way," said Purple, "but forget that!"
"Easy for you to say," said Brown, "you got to eat."
"Remember the reason we're here!" Said Purple, "truth!"
"Peace!" Said Brown.
"Justice!" Said Silver.
"And the last slice of pizza!" Said Blue.
The other three stopped what they were doing to look at Blue.
"I mean, revenge!"
"Anyway…" said Silver, "you and that horsey inspired us."
"We've trained and improved-"
"Can we just do this!?" I snapped, interrupting Purple, "I'm falling asleep over here!"
"I agree with Admiral Sneezy," said Brown, "it's go time!"
"Admiral Sneezy?" Snickered Weavile.
"Don't ask," I replied.
"Let's go team!" Said Blue, "Rocket Tortle!"
"Aura Sphere!" Yelled Brown.
Brown gathered energy between his hands, quickly building up a ball of blue energy.
"Here it comes!" Said Weavile.
Brown threw the ball and the two of us got ready to dodge. However, Silver caught us both off guard, catching the attack in midair.
"What?" Came Weavile's response.
Silver then retracted into his shell, taking the Aura Sphere with him.
"Gyro Ball!"
Silver began spinning so fast, his shell was a blur of silver light.
"Ice Beam!"
"Dragon Pulse!"
Blue and Purple's moves combined in midair and began a destructive path toward Silver. The moves impacted and launched Silver toward us with the force and speed of a tsunami!
"Oh fuc-!" I shouted.
We had barely managed to duck out of the way before Silver shot past us. If I still had my ear feather, it would've hurt. A lot.
Silver rocketed between us and hit the side of the arena. Far out of bounds. Finally, he exploded as Aura Sphere found a mark. The blast actually propelled Silver back into the ring before he could be declared out.
"What was that!?" Asked Weavile as she got back to her feet.
"You okay, Silver?" Asked Brown.
Silver got to his feet way too fast for a turtle. Much more for a turtle that just flippin' exploded!
"Well, now I'm awake," said Silver.
"This is bad," I said, "they are way more polished now."
"Thanks for that," said Blue, "we got the idea from you."
"Concentrate on Purple," I whispered to Weavile, getting to my feet as well, "he seems to be the leader."
"Gotcha," whispered Weavile.
"Ready for one more?" Asked Brown, smirking, "this one was my idea. Shooting Stars!"
Blue got into his shell. Sliver climbed on top of him and got in his own shell, followed by Purple , who got on top of the Wartortle stack.
"Rapid Spin!" Yelled Brown.
Brown finally got in his shell and began spinning so fast that he became shrouded in a cloud of dust. He then charged forward and toppled the Tortle tower. Now, all four were in the air, spinning.
"Hydro Pump!"
The Wartortles then blasted after us like heat seeking missiles.
"You've got to be kidding me!" Said Weavile.
We ducked, dove and dodged, but the hydropowered missiles kept coming after us.
"Enough of this! Ice Beam!" I yelled.
I began making myself a slide of ice that allowed me to run quickly around the ring, even in midair. This made me even faster than with Agility.
"I like the way you think," said Weavile, "Ice Beam!"
Weavile began imitating me. Since she was evolved and more experienced, her slide formed even faster than mine. When we had finished making our trap, it looked like a confusing mess of ice everywhere. We leapt from ice block to ice slide, utterly confusing our foes to the point that they collided with each other.
"Shadow Claw!"
"Night Slash!"
With a double claw attack, Purple was launched into the stands, right into the nose of an unsuspecting Pikachu.
"Thunder!" Cried the Pikachu in retaliation.
Needless to say, Purple was now out cold.
"Purple!" Cried Blue.
"Now what can we do?" Asked Brown.
"I hate this," said Silver.
"Speak for yourself," said Weavile.
"For the next 2 minutes, welcome to your own personal Voidlands," I said, cracking my knuckles.
"Wow, that's… surprisingly violent," said Sheriashuu, "now I'm getting excited."
The rest of the group was hanging out at the mouth of the arena, watching Argyle's fight. We were wondering what was taking so long. Well, we found our answer.
"I'm pretty sure Weavile is breaking bones that Wartortles don't even have," said Sal.
"Argyle too," said Snow, "maybe we shouldn't let him spend so much time with our own resident psychopath."
"Who you talking about?" Asked Sheriashuu.
"You know who," replied Snow, rolling her eyes.
"Well, Meloetta should learn to contain herself," shrugged Sheriashuu.
My mind was away from the conversation. I glanced at Keldeo. He remained silent, just continued to watch Argyle like a man possessed. Then, I glanced into an opposite entryway.
There was another Pokémon watching the fight from there. One I recognized instantly.
"Is that…?"
"What is it, Emerald?" Asked Snow.
"For just a moment, I thought I seen… nevermind."
(There was no mistake. Jessie is here.)
When all was said and done, there was a mess of unconscious bodies at our feet.
"That felt good," said Weavile.
The Pikachu from before dragged an unconscious Wartortle onto the ring.
"I believe this belongs to you," said Pikachu, "next time, clean up your own trash."
Pikachu left with those words.
The crowd erupted into applause.
"Well, that was some prelim," said Absol, "but the winner is Argyle and his mom!"
"I am not his mom!" Yelled Weavile, before storming off.
(What got under her fur?)
"Well done, that was a battle truly worthy of the Octagon."
The crowd got quiet as Zarude's voice rang clear and loud.
"However, these four have broken one of the core rules of the Octagon," said Zarude, "they must be punished for this."
"Did you not see the royal beating they got?" I asked, pointing at Blue, "I think that's enough."
"That is pleasure, not a punishment," said Zarude, "contestant Argyle, kill them."
The order rang out loud and clear across the entire Octagon. Everyone was quiet as they recited Zarude's orders in their minds.
"Contestant Argyle, kill them."
I knew that someone with enough guts to end the Earth as we knew it was a slime ball, but this-!
"What?" Asked Argyle in disbelief.
"You heard me. They disobeyed the rules. The punishment is death."
"Find someone else to do your dirty work!" Snapped Argyle.
"I'm giving you the kill order."
"I'm disinclined to acquiesce your request. That means no."
"Kill them or I will-!"
"You'll what? Disqualify me? Kill me too? I'm ending this act here and now."
Argyle reached into his mask and pulled out a small seed. This seed was black with red stripes and had little spines running up and down the length of it.
"What is that?" I asked.
"That looks like… a Cerebelomotion Seed!" Said Sal in shock, "he can't be thinking of eating that!"
"You-! You wouldn't!" Said Zarude.
"Oh, but I would," replied Argyle with a look of pure malice on his face.
"Isn't Cerebelomotion a pepper plant?" Asked Keldeo, saying his first words this entire tournament.
"Yeah, why are you so scared?" Asked Sheriashuu.
"You're right, normally the Cerebelomotion plant is perfectly harmless and makes a deliciously spicy pepper," explained Sal, "that is if it is planted in the ground and cared for. The seed itself is a different story."
Sal began wringing her tail nervously.
"If the seed is eaten, the stomach acid will not dissolve it, but rather accelerate the gestation process."
"You mean-!?" Began Snow.
"Yes, the plant will start growing inside him."
"Then what happens?" I asked, not sure if I liked where this was going.
"The plant will grow and start taking over him from the inside out. First, his senses dull and fade, then it takes over his bodily functions and motor skills and eventually it will start growing out of his pores."
Sal turned to face us; her face grim.
"In short, he'll become something akin to a zombie."
My heart nearly stopped. A plant that can do that to a Pokémon!? I've never heard of such a thing. Could Argyle really be that crazy?
"Here's how this is going to work," said Argyle, "you release these four and nurse them back to health or I eat this."
"You- you don't have the guts!" Said Zarude, almost gloating, "I'm calling your bluff."
"Okay."
Argyle then shoved the entire seed into his mouth, soliciting surprised gasps from all present.
"You- why?"
Argyle opened his lips to show the seed clenched between his teeth. He spat the seed out before speaking once again.
"Just imagine the headlines, local Sneasel committed suicide after refusing to kill his foe," said Argyle, "you'd have the International Police breaking down your door within the hour."
"FINE!" Shouted Zarude, "get them to the infirmary."
Several Team PWNK members came and carried off the unconscious quartet.
"Thank Arceus it was just a bluff," said Keldeo.
"Thank you for your cooperation," said Argyle, "by the way, catch."
Argyle chucked the Cerebelomotion Seed at Zarude, but as he was about to catch it, Argyle reached into his mask and flung another seed at the first. Both seeds exploded upon impact, leaving Zarude's fur singed.
"What the-?" Began Zarude.
"Wait a minute…" said Absol.
Absol walked over to the remains of the two seeds and began rubbing away at the Cerebelomotion Seed.
"This… is just paint? They were both Blast Seeds!"
Zarude roared with anger and the crowd erupted in cheers and laughter.
"What is the meaning of this!?" Yelled Zarude.
"It's called a hustle, sweetheart," replied Argyle, winking, "like I'm gonna to kill myself. Argyle, out."
Argyle left the ring with a smirk on his face as the leader of Team PWNK began yelling profanities at his back.
