Grateful for CopperTopJ's help with the beta work.

Enjoy!


It was the seventh time the family had to move to a new place because of me in the span of about as many years.

I didn't even need my enhanced sense, to know what the others were feeling. The Cullens hated me. Maybe hate was a strong word, but they disliked me for disrupting their serene lifestyle.

I'd just met Alice a year before we joined them. It had taken a lot of convincing on her side to make me try animal blood. After a hundred years of human blood, it was difficult to switch to something so dissatisfactory.

I slipped while shopping for clothes with Emmett. I slipped while walking through the park with Alice. I slipped during high school – the place Carlisle believed we'd fit to help us stay longer in a town without looking out of place. I slipped while hunting with the whole family, when I caught a human's scent. I slipped a lot.

I also had a few close calls, but both Alice and Edward had helped me avoid the terrible outcome.

My latest victim had been a young boy, barely a teenager, who'd fallen off his bike and scraped his knee. Carlisle entrusted me to bring him one of his medical journals at the hospital. On the way back, I crossed paths with that unfortunate boy.

"Oh, Jazz," Alice's soft voice made me feel terrible.

I'd stopped wondering how she could find me anywhere. After the unfortunate event, I'd run far away from the victim and from the house we had on the outskirts of Rayne, Louisiana. I'd ended up miles away in a forest.

She crouched in front of me, stroking my hair. "No one blames you, darling."

"As if they'll tell you…or me," I muttered, glaring at my bloodied hands. I hadn't bothered to clean up.

"Edward will never lie to me. I ask him frequently about what the family thinks when such events happen. I just have to know."

I looked up into her clear honey gold eyes. Mine were obviously blood red, after I'd recently fed from an innocent human.

At first, when I'd accepted Alice's crazy theory about the existence of a coven of vampires who fed on animal blood, I felt like I was being indoctrinated. After we joined them, it felt like I'd been brain-washed. I understood why Carlisle had started feeding from animals, but it went against our nature, against what I'd known all my life – human or immortal. Vampires preyed on humans for their blood. There weren't any legends about people keeping their animals safe from vampires.

"Jazz, no one is judging you. Some of the Cullens might not fully understand what you're going through, because they've never been in your shoes," Alice said softly, stroking my cheek.

"I don't even know who I am anymore," I admitted.

"You're Jasper Whitlock, my husband, my soulmate, the most loyal and strongest person I've ever met."

Only Alice knew what to say to lift my spirit when I lost faith in myself.

"What if this isn't me, Alice? What if I'm not meant to be part of this family? What if I can't make the transition?"

"Jasper, if you tell me right now that you can't see yourself abstaining from human blood because the desire for it is overwhelming, I'm packing our bags and we're going to find your friends Peter and Charlotte."

I stared at her in awe, because no matter what new low I hit, Alice was always there for me. She'd become a constant in life, someone I could rely on no matter what. I'd never had that.

After joining the Cullens, I'd wondered if I'd stayed with Maria, if I'd known there was another option. I was so young back then, but that was the only way I knew.

If I'd left Maria earlier, I'd still have found Alice – there was no doubt. She'd been waiting for me for several decades. Alice had turned a blind eye to my entire past, which was the bloodiest part of vampire history. I had never been proud of helping Maria with her newborn army, and now knowing a different way of life existed made me regret those days even more.

"I want to live with the Cullens. You've waited to join them since you woke up as a vampire, darlin'. I like them. I just hate uprooting the family with my lack of control."

"Like I said, they understand. Hell, the last time we had to move away was Emmett's fault for crossing paths with that human who smelled so good to him," she reminded me gently.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Hooray me. My subconscious kept analyzing Alice's words about leaving with me if it was what I desired.

"And if I can't adapt, are you really willing to leave with me? Forget this family?" I wanted to know all the options, because that sounded like the most solid future.

Her eyes bore into mine in a familiar way. "We aren't going to leave the Cullens – not any time soon…not ever," she said softly, pressing her forehead against mine. "All you have to do is try, Jasper. What happened today was an unfortunate accident. If you hadn't left on your own…I saw it too late. Edward was halfway out the door before I made sense of what I'd seen." She kissed my lips softly. "I told Edward to return home when we'd arrived at the scene too late, and tell the family that you and I needed a hunting trip alone."

"You mean, he's covering for me? They'll see my eyes, Alice."

"We could return after the red fades."

"I'm not hiding from our family. It's my mistake. I'm going to own up to it."

"We're staying," she beamed.

"You just told me a minute ago that you don't see us leaving," I reminded her.

"Oh, Jazzy. I see us leaving every other hour, but every time you decide to have a talk with Carlisle about it, you become stronger and more willing to make Carlisle proud by staying and honoring his lifestyle."

I stared at her in shock, before I crushed her against my chest. It had to be draining for her to have all those visions, which she had no control over, just like I got assaulted by everybody's feelings.

I just held her in silence, because all the silly things I wanted to ask would be rehashing old conversations.

"I'm a bloodthirsty monster who can't ever be tamed," I'd say. "You're strong enough to fight the beast within you," Alice would remind me.

"I've done monstrous things in my past," I'd counter. "You're no longer that person. You never were. Maria controlled you back then," Alice would say gently.

"Being around humans makes me crave their blood," I'd remind her. "I'll always be there to help you," she'd insisted.

"I didn't even know what love was until I met you," I'd admit. "We just hadn't met yet for you to understand the meaning of love." She'd counter.

These were some of our eternal arguments.

"Could you love me anyway, if I were the cause of more disputes in the family?" I asked into her hair, pressing my lips to her temple.

She pulled away to look into my eyes. "I'd love you until the end of the world, Jasper. You'll be comfortable around blood. It won't happen overnight, but give it time."

"You're too much."

A smile spread on her lips. "Let's forget about this for a while."

"I like the way you think." I always enjoyed getting lost in the ocean of love she had for me while our bodies merged under the night sky.


Let me know what you think.

It's my first attempt at writing Alice/Jasper. Their love story is unbelievable.