Pokémon Police Force Chapter 45: Coming of Age

"Everything sorted out?" Asked Sal.

"Yeah, sorry to keep you waiting," I replied.

We were all back on the ground floor of my old house. The necklace that Weavile gave me was hidden in my mask along with the smoke bombs.

"Emerald, may I have the bag back?" I asked.

"Oh, kind of forgot I had that."

The Braixen handed me the bag. With years of sleight-of-hand experience, I slipped the necklace into a hidden compartment that I found within the bag some time ago. I don't believe anyone noticed. Except maybe my aunt.

"What's next?" Asked Sheriashuu, "going after the Dune Bandits?"

"Nah, they're not worth worrying about," I said.

"From what I understand, your dad's still alive out there somewhere," said Zangoose, "going to find him?"

I stared at Zangoose without speaking. Is this guy really my dad? If so, he really doesn't remember anything.

"Funny story about that-"

"Actually, Argyle has already made other plans," interrupted Snow.

"Right, the Rite of Kerauos or whatever it was called," I said.

"I admit, I've never even heard of this rite," said Scyther.

"Yes, you have," said Sandslash, "Weavile told us on the ship, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

"What exactly does this rite entail?" Asked Keldeo.

"Argyle will be forced to confront his own inner demons. His guilt, his fears and even his deepest regrets, but if he manages to overcome these trials, he will be much stronger for it," said Weavile.

Weavile then looked directly at me.

"I won't lie. This rite will drain you physically and mentally. Especially with your past. It will be even more taxing with Zygarde on board."

"Zygarde won't be a problem," I said, "it will remain in the furthest recesses of my mind. Gave me its word."

"Can we help any?" Asked Emerald.

"The only way you can help is to have faith in him."

"Okay, auntie. How do we do this?"

"Not here. It has to be performed in a place of complete darkness. Nightshade Caverns would be ideal."

"That another Mystery Dungeon?" Asked Sal.

"Indeed."

"Lead the way," I said.

As it turns out, Nightshade Caverns was only about a three hour walk from the canyon that housed the Narrows. The cavern was set in the side of a steep cliff and almost completely overgrown by the surrounding forest.

"This the place?" I asked.

"Yep. Stand guard out here just in case the Dune Bandits try to interrupt."

"Why don't we just go in with you?" Asked Snow.

"I'm afraid that the rite is very specific. No witnesses. Besides, if Argyle is in any way disturbed during the rite it could be catastrophic."

As Weavile pushed me through, she gave one last instruction.

"Don't interfere. No matter what you may see. I know this all sounds strange, but I'll explain after the rite."

With that, I was pulled inside the cave. The cave was so dark I could barely see two feet in front of me, and that was even with my darkvision.

"I can see why it's called Nightshade Cavern. Weavile, why all the secrecy?"

"I'm sorry, but you aren't allowed to know what you'll have to go through before the rite. Normally, it would be your parents to guide you through this but…"

"Drop it," I said, "the sooner we get this over with, the better."

Weavile led me through the darkest Mystery Dungeon ever. We got turned around more than once, but we finally found a suitable spot. A large, circular room with a single small hole in the ceiling filtering light into the chamber.

"This looks perfect," said Weavile.

"I thought you said total darkness."

"I lied," said Weavile with a smirk, "luckily Mystery Dungeons always have that one room that always fits what you're looking for."

"Wait a minute, this looks like the place Sherry and I fought."

"It probably was. The Octagon's holoimagers can't create entirely new environments. They merely simulate real places. You'll probably find that beach you and Emerald fought on as well."

"So how do we do this?" I asked.

"First, go into the light and stand still. That will do."

This was one weird rite, but I did as she asked anyway. Weavile revealed some kind of white stick that resembled some kind of chalk. She held my wrist fast and began marking on it.

"What's this for?"

"An important part of the ritual. These markings will open the door."

I had absolutely no idea what she was going on about, but as I stood there, she kept marking me. She stared with the arms, then my legs and finally my torso and head. From ears to toes I was totally covered in strange-looking runes.

"That should do," said Weavile, "now take a seat across from me and do what I do."

Weavile sat near the center of the light with her legs folded Indian style and her hands on her knees. I sat across the light from her and mirrored her pose.

"Now, close your eyes."

(Exactly what does this accomplish? Guess I'd better comply for now.)

I closed my eyes and listened to Weavile as she spake.

"Good, now let your mind wander. Let it leave your body and take you to a world unknown."

One by one, life's cares seemed to disappear. Peace. I've forgotten the feeling.

"The runes will guide it."

There was silence as I observed my thoughts. I've never felt this free, this serene. That is, of course, until I realized I could no longer hear Weavile's voice.

"Weavile? What should I do now?"

No response.

"Weavile?"

I opened my eyes and found myself all alone in the room. Weavile was nowhere to be seen.

"Weavile? Where are you? This isn't funny!"

I stood up and began frantically looking around for my aunt, to no avail. When I had returned to the light, I noticed a gigantic door where I once sat.

This door looked to be fifty feet high at least. It was made of the purest marble of a clear white and various gemstones decorated the door, and the surrounding frame.

"Along the road ahead lies something you need."

"Who's there!?"

"However, the journey ahead is fraught with pain, despair and loss. If you have the courage to face the darkness, step through the door."

A flash of light shone bright behind me. Another door appeared out of the blue. This one was made of pure light.

"Or you may flee and leave this all behind. Make your choice."

I turned back toward the marble door, framed in darkness.

"If you insist on forging ahead, know that you will have to see it through to the end. There will be no place to run or to hide."

(Weavile never mentioned what would happen should I fail. No! I have to press on! Let this therapy session begin!)

I approached the ornate door and began pushing it open. It was surprisingly light despite its size. Almost like pushing a Whirlipede.

Once I stepped through, the scenery changed drastically. I stood in a city with high buildings and even higher walls without. This place seemed familiar to me and yet it might as well have been on a different planet. The streets were paved with cobblestones and there was a distinct salt breeze on the air.

"Where am I?"

I turned back to the door. Well, where the door once was. The door had vanished. Not even a ghost of its presence had remained.

"Guess there really is no turning back. Let's see what's happening here."

I looked from building to building. There were other Pokémon here going about their daily business. From the smell of salt and the stone buildings all around, I could only assume this was some sort of port town. Though things seemed peaceful here, I had a sense of dread I just couldn't shake.

(Something's very wrong here.)

I eventually found my way into the town's central plaza. Oddly enough, the locals seemed to avoid this area. Strange, all that was here was an ornate fountain. After a quick drink in the fountain, I realized I wasn't alone.

On the far side of the plaza was a Braixen, a Mawile, a Glaceon, a Salazzle and a Slowbro with a distinctive-looking cannon on one arm. They all looked angry and were glaring at me.

(Everyone's here? But why…?)

"Guys? What's with the scowls?"

"How dare you even talk to us after what you've done," said Slowbro.

"What I've done? What are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid!" Snapped Jessie, "you know full well what you did to Mystery City!"

"Seriously I have no idea what's going on! Why are you accusing me of-?"

My right arm drew my attention as I talked. It was unbound and not a speck of Zygarde's corruption to be found. On top of all that, my fur had changed to a white color. My shoulder was a dark purple and my claw was a slightly lighter purple.

"What!? What happened to my fur!?"

I peered into the water in the fountain and got the shock of my life. All the corruption was gone from my body, save for my heterochromia. The front half of my face and my chest were the same purple as my shoulders and all my other fur was white. I had two gems instead of one. One on my forehead and the other on my chest where my heart would be. To top it all off, my ear feather grew back! It a pale lavender color. I still looked like a Sneasel, but somehow, I looked more feral than before.

"You burnt Mystery City down to the ground!" Said Emerald, "I hate to do this to you, but you have the right to remain silent!"

"What? I didn't do that! It was Danté and Pyra!"

"You may not have done it, but you gave the order!" Yelled Sal.

(They see me as Sherry. Wait… don't tell me…)

I peered between Emerald and Slowbro. What I seen threw me for another loop. It was me! I was hanging out (in my original form) behind them, mask and all!

"Oh no. This is… that day!"

"We know what else you done," the other me said.

He began unclasping his mask. The fear rose in me as I realized exactly what was going to happen.

"You killed my mother."

The mask dropped on the cobblestone pavement. The corrupted areas of my face were glowing and emitting small green flames. The sky gradually turned green, casting everything in a green-scale filter.

"I'm out of here!" I yelled and then began running as fast as my legs would carry me.

"Argyle! Stop! You'll kill him!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!"

"You idiot."

By this time, I had made my way into the maze of streets. I was currently hiding in an alley next to some wooden crates.

(This rite is a little too real for me. Why does it feel so warm?)

I turned around and noticed a giant draconic face staring back at me. It had a brown mask-like visage with a collection of green and white hexagons for eyes. The rest of its head was covered in black Sneasel fur with the exception of a long green tentacle where its left ear would be.

"Holy Krabby cakes!"

I bolted from that spot.

(I have to get out of here! I know how this ends!)

Something wrapped around my ankle and tripped me. It began dragging me back through the streets.

"No! I'm not going to die today! Ice Beam!"

I shouted the words but nothing happened! The tentacle kept dragging me through the city streets, toward impending doom.

"Why? Uh, Shadow Claw!"

My powers responded instantly. My claws grew to several times their original size and became cloaked in dark energy.

(Thank Arceus for that!)

With one quick slice, I severed the tentacle in two. A mighty roar pierced the sky. It was a roar of pain.

"Gotta get out of here! Agility!"

I started running through the streets again. Once again, my move failed to work.

(What's going on? I have Shadow Claw, why can't I do anything else!?)

Green lights shot out of the town and lanced their way toward me.

"Oh shi-!"

The lights became another tentacle that wrapped around my body and bound me fast.

"Wait a minute, could I always do that?"

I could feel the ground shake as my assailant got closer. Closer and closer it got until I could see my 80% Z form in all of its brutally horrific glory.

"Is that what I look like!?"

"I already told myself that I'm going to die in a Tauros stampede! Rock Smash!"

I fell down (intentionally this time) squishing my tentacle cage between myself and the ground. The dragon roared in pain and the tentacle burst apart, allowing me to clamber onto my feet.

"I was just yelling words. Thank you, karma."

The dragon glared at me and began charging up energy. Then I was shocked once more by a surprise boulder colliding into the dragon.

"Argyle! Stop this right now!"

Emerald stood on top of a building, stick in hand and burning bright. The dragon-Argyle tried to slam Emerald with its tentacle, but it was severed once more by a Mawile's jaws.

(That's right. The others tried to stop me back then.)

The others were taking positions around the town, stopping the assault in its tracks. Sal began charging up her Z-Move.

"Sneasels live in the moment. They care not about the mistakes of the past."

The others began launching their own assault on the other me once Sal had finished with her Z-Move.

(Sherry. Maybe she's my way out of this.)

The other me began flailing his tentacle around.

(Yeah. That could work.)

"Hey! You worthless thief!" I yelled.

The dragon-Argyle stopped in his tracks and looked directly at me.

"So, is this really the way you solve all your problems? You break those closest to you? How pathetic."

I took a step forward.

"You think yourself tall? I'm not scared of you anymore. Why don't you get over here and settle your problems like a real man?"

The other me whipped his head around, causing the tentacle to come tearing through the sky at me.

"Gotcha."

I grabbed the tentacle as it came around. Then I let go at the end of the swing, making me land right on the back of his head.

"Shadow Claw!"

I pierced right into my foe's brain through the back of his head. Then I knelt beside his right ear as he screamed in pain.

"Calm down and listen for once in your life. Think with your brain instead of your heart."

The dragon growled but remained motionless.

"Look around at the damage you've caused. At the pain you put Jessie and everyone else through."

The dragon looked right at the Mawile. There was blood pouring down the left side of her face.

"That's your girl. How could you do that to her?"

I stood up, my claw still in place.

"Look at just what you've done! What your anger has made you do!"

The dragon looked from building to building, face to face. I could feel sadness starting to well up.

"Calm down. Stop this before you kill someone. Namely me."

All of a sudden, the scene changed. Everything became black. I could feel solid ground beneath me.

"Where am I now?"

As I spake, a staircase made of stained glass panes ascended out of the ground and into the sky.

"I guess there is only one direction I can go in now."

Wordlessly, I began my climb. Step after step I climbed. The scenery never changed so I couldn't tell if I ever actually went anywhere nor did I have any indication as to how much time has passed. Eventually enough, the place began shining with a blinding white light.

Once my sight returned, I found myself back in Snow's bedroom back in the pirate hideout. Everything was as I remembered, from the sheets and curtains down to the copious amounts of lace hanging all over the room.

"Please tell me I don't have to bone my half-sister again. I mean, it felt good but I do NOT want to repeat that experience."

My eyes were eventually drawn to Snow's mirror on top of her jewelry desk.

(I wonder if I'm back to normal.)

I looked into the mirror and seen the same white and purple face I'd seen before. Then I raised my claw up to eye level.

"Still altered, huh?"

"Mirrors reflect what they see."

I spun around on a dime. There was no speaker, I was all alone in this rather girly room.

"However, they don't always show the truth."

I turned back to the mirror and nearly got a heart attack. The image had become a pure black version of me with glowing white eyes and gem. It had begun climbing out of the mirror.

"What!?"

"But don't be afraid."

I turned tail and ran, only to be stopped by the presence of a massive pit. Snow's room vanished suddenly. Now, I was standing on a stained-glass figure of myself floating in the middle of an endless void.

My shadow self began morphing before my eyes. It grew to monumental proportions! Even bigger than a mountain! Its arms grew massive, the legs changed into cow legs the ears became horns and wings sprouted from its back.

The most disturbing thing about the figure was the face. It got this most horrific grin. This grin was so big and wide that it must have torn its head in two. Then, a second face grew out of the middle of its chest.

"You hold the mightiest weapon of all."

"Easy for you to say! You aren't looking at pure nightmare fuel!"

The monster drew back its mighty fist slowly. It seemed to draw all the air in the void back with it.

"I think this rite is trying to kill me."

As the fist came down, it morphed once more into three long, thick tentacles.

"Again with the tentacles!?"

I spun and backflipped around the tentacles as the came down. The monster returned to its default standing state and the tentacles changed back into a hand once more.

"This is veering way too close to hentai for my liking."

(Can't run or hide here. Guess I'll have to tackle this nightmarish… thing… head on!)

The monster raised its fist once more.

"Shadow Claw!"

My claws ignited in dark flame and increased in size. I ran toward the monster as its fist came down. Our attacks met, but it managed to punch me and knock me off the platform. Well, maybe if I hadn't sunk my claw into the side.

(Thank Arceus for Shadow Claw. But why didn't it do anything?)

I climbed back on to the stained-glass relief of myself just in time to see the monster charging some sort of energy inside its second mouth.

"That looks bad."

I ran toward the monster, trying to close the gap as fast as I could. Then, it fired some sort of beam at me. It was all I could do to dodge the beam. The impact caused some of the glass to shatter, leaving a big hole in my heart.

"The metaphors are really getting heavy here."

(Am I fighting a metaphor? Nah, that's just crazy.)

I renewed my charge at the monster. Then, I slashed at its leg with Shadow Claw, but the attack just passed right through it.

"What? What just happened? This thing should not be a Normal Type! Um, Rock Smash!"

That attack failed to connect as well.

"Oh crud."

The monster opened its primary mouth and shot several tentacles out of it. They wrapped around my arms and legs and pulled me directly inside the gaping orifice. Then, they let me go just as the jaw chomped down.

"Not today!"

I was using both my arms to keep the mouth open. Using all my strength, I prevented it from eating me.

"Weasel soup is not on the menu!"

Then, more tentacles ascended from its throat. These were tipped with sharp metal blades.

"Oh balls."

As Argyle underwent his rite of passage, the rest of us were lounging around the cave entrance. Argyle been in there for over an hour now, so our guards were mostly dropped.

In fact, the only one that still seemed to be focused on the job was Keldeo. Jessie and I were sitting off to the side just chatting.

"Emerald, now that I have the chance to say this; I still haven't given up on Argyle."

"What's this all of a sudden? Why would you give up on him? He's just becoming a man."

"I don't mean that. It's just, I know we didn't exactly end well, but I still love him and I know he still loves me."

"Oh, I see. You don't want to lose him."

"I think I already have. I will win his affections back! He just doesn't know it yet. I know the two of you are engaged, but I will snatch him back from you!"

"Hold on there, Juliet. We're just dating."

"I know what those two pendants you got signify. They're engagement rings."

"Yeah, they are, but I refused the proposal."

"Then why did you keep the pendant?"

"It's a keepsake of my people!"

"Emerald, you're blushing again."

"I am not!"

"Just don't cry when you find yourself alone at the altar."

"GRAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!"

The scream made us all jump.

"What was that?" Asked Slowbro.

"It sounded like it came from the cave," said Arbok.

"Argyle…," said Snow, "be safe. For me."

"Was that really him?" Asked Scyther.

"The voice is unmistakable," said Sheriashuu.

"Look alive," said Keldeo, "there's movement on the horizon."

Pain seared every fiber of my being as the bladed tentacles whipped at my torso. Each whip tore into my hide, ripping my flesh and making blood pour down my body. The pain sapped away my strength, allowing the jaws to close further and further down on me.

"Mirrors always reflect what they see. However, they don't always reflect the truth."

"Is that it? Is this just… a reflection?"

"That Sneasel is scared. He's no threat to my plans."

"I think I get it."

The tentacles stopped their assault at once.

"You are just my reflection and reflections can be changed!"

Just then, the scenery changed once more. I looked to be in some abandoned keep. The monster no longer had me in its mouth and my injuries were gone. It stood at the far side of the room staring at me.

"Ever since that day in Isatar I've been scared of the power I possess, or more accurately, that one form. It caused me to hurt others. I couldn't live with myself after that. I… wanted to die."

I stared at the monster.

"No, I was scared of myself. Scared that if I returned, I would hurt more people. I began to see myself not as a Sneasel, but as a monster."

I took a step forward.

"Have I really been so blind? It wasn't Zygarde that killed Sherry. It was me. That is my biggest mistake, but I do no one any good by beating myself up about it. The best I can do is keep moving forward."

The monster began shrinking before my eyes.

"I am not a monster! I'm just me!"

The monster turned into a black liquid and then began morphing. A head began forming, followed by arms, legs and two tail feathers. What now stood before me was a version of myself before I became white, but without the mask.

"Well done," my other self said, "you've conquered your fear and now your guilt. There's just one trial remaining."

A simple wooden door materialized beside my reflection.

"Just through the door."

"What are you really? And where is this?"

"Your trial awaits."

My reflection remained stubbornly quiet. I sighed and opened the door.

"Ask your heart," said my reflection, "it may have your answer."

(Ask my heart.)

I silently walked through the door. The dusty air filled my lungs unexpectedly, making me cough. I could smell the distinct smells of despair and neglect.

"I'm… home."

I stood just outside the gates of the Narrows; a ghetto made of scrap building materials built in the middle of a canyon. The place where I spent the first six years of my life.

(Strange. When I lived here, I felt safe. Now, all I feel is sadness.)

Silently, I walked through town. I had no idea where exactly I was going, I was just letting my feet carry me.

(But why bring me here? The only thing that I ever fought here was those three Fighting types. But I doubt that-)

"Oof!"

Something ran into me.

"Sorry, mister! I wasn't watching where I was going!"

It was a Sneasel I was looking at. His striking dark fur and long ear feather was a dead giveaway. Though, he did look quite young.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Nah. Just surprised me."

"I don't think I've seen you before."

"I'm new here."

"Don't stay long. This place is like a vacuum, get out before it keeps you here too."

"Something wrong in paradise?"

"My mom's sick. Medicine will make her better. After a bit of fundraising."

"What?"

"Wish me luck!"

The Sneasel child ran off to who-knows-where. I snickered as he ran.

(That kid reminds me of- no!)

Brushing that thought aside, I now had a new destination in mind: my mother's grave. I knelt beside that gnarled stump and paid my usual respects. That's when I noticed something sticking out of the dirt.

"What is that?"

I just reached down and pulled it up out of the ground. It was a small vial filled with a clear liquid. There was a note taped to the front of the bottle.

You'll know when to use this

-Suicune

(Suicune? That means that this must be-!)

I grabbed the vial and took of back through the town. A new goal was in my mind: my childhood home.

(Please still be alive.)

I ran into my old home and found my mom tending to a sheet of scrap metal.

"Why'd this have to come down now?"

I walked over to my mom and helped her put the metal back in place.

"Thanks for the help, sweetie. Wait, who are you?"

"It's me. Your son."

"Calm down. My son is only three and he doesn't have fur quite like yours. Though, I gotta say, it works for you, handsome."

(Okay, turning the direction of this chapter right now.)

"Mom, you're not going to believe me, but I am your son. From the future."

"Don't mock me, boy."

"No, really. I met your sister. In my time she's taking me through the Rite of Kerauos right now."

"My sister? I've never had a-"

"I know what Zarude did to you. I know about the necklace Zangoose gave to you when he proposed. I met Snow."

"Snow? She's my stepdaughter! You- really?"

"It's been so long, mom."

My mom embraced me and kissed me on the cheek.

"Why is your fur white?"

"Still trying to figure that one out myself. But here, take this."

I handed her the vial.

"What is this?"

"Water from the Lake of Origin," I explained, "if you drink this, it will repair all the damage that Cerebelomotion Seed did to you! Your life will be saved!"

My mom gasped in surprise. Then, as if right on cue, she turned aside and threw up all over the ground. I kneeled down and put my arm around her.

"I'm okay. Will this water really do that for me?"

"Yeah. I've seen it happen with my own eyes."

"Dear, be honest with me. In your time, what happens to me?"

I looked away from her.

"You die. In just three more years."

"And Zarude?"

"In prison."

My mom just looked at the vial and then looked out the door, probably thinking about her son. The younger one. Then she gave the vial back to me.

"What? I don't understand."

"You became a hero. You should know about my past. I always wanted you to have a better life than me. If my death accomplishes this-"

"No! Don't throw your life away! I miss you mom!"

"I know, dear. The me from your time probably feels the same way. But permit me another question. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah. A lady cop. A Braixen at that."

"Do something for me then."

"Anything."

"My necklace. Give it to her on your wedding day. It would make me so happy."

"Sure thing."

Bright light began pouring into the room.

"Looks like it's time to go."

"Dear, don't blame yourself for what happens to me. Just keep helping Pokémon."

I got up and walked to the doorway and then turned around and rolled the vial back over to her.

"If you ever change your mind."

Then, I stepped through the door and emerged back into darkness. I gasped as I found myself sitting in a dark cave.

"Looks like you're back."

A Weavile was staring at me with a smile on her face. She really did look just like my mom. I looked at my arms, they were back to their usual black color.

"Wea- Weavile!"

I broke down and began crying.

"Argyle!"

She took me in her arms and let me cry on her shoulder.

"Weavile, I saw mom."

"Tell me what happened."

Through sobs, I recounted everything that happened in the rite. Weavile was silent as I spake.

"That sounds like the dream sis had," said Weavile.

"So, did it really happen?"

"I don't know. She never said anything about some miracle water, but if she had something like that-"

I pulled her off of me and stood up.

"No use dwelling on the past. We should go back to everyone."

"You have learned."

We made our way back through the dark cave and out into the light.

"No! Stay in there!"

We were greeted by the sight of our allies and many more unwelcome faces.

"Next time you try hiding from us, don't post so many guards," said Sceptile.

"Boy, you look worse for wear," said Mightyena.

"Argyle! You're bleeding!" Said Snow.

I wiped the blood away from my mouth.

"Where'd this come from?"

"Physical stress in the rite manifests in the real world," said Weavile, "basically what happens to you in there happens out here."

(Zygarde, you're on.)

"We're kind of busy here, so if you'd kindly leave in that general direction-"

"Oh no, you are not brushing us aside."

"I just fought two different versions of myself in the longest bloody metaphor for grief therapy ever! I'm not afraid of you, nor do I have the time or patience to deal with you lot. So, leave before I am forced to break you in half."

"Um, Argyle?" Said Sheriashuu.

"Ha! You couldn't break cardboard in half, let alone us!" Said an amused Mightyena.

"Get out of my face or we'll test that theory."

"Uh, Keldeo? Is that a red flag?" Asked Slowbro.

"Crimson," answered Keldeo.

"I'd like to see you try," said Mightyena, choosing to stand within a hair's width of me.

Mightyena dwarfed Argyle in size, but the latter didn't seem intimidated in the least. In fact, Argyle… smirked?

"Fine. Have it your way," said Argyle.

Argyle turned around and walked a short distance away. He bent over and picked up a decent-sized stick. Then, he twirled it in his hands a bit.

"You know. It's been a long time since I've let loose."

Argyle turned back around. Several of the Dune Bandits gasped.

"Um, Sceptile? Both his eyes are green!" Said Throh.

"Should we be concerned?" Asked a Golbat.

(Yes, you should!)

"Just ascetics. Nothing more," said Sceptile.

"Oh, sweet summer child," said Argyle, "I plan on fully enjoying myself."

Argyle tossed the stick up and then caught it.

"Come, on. Let's dance."

Quick as a flash, Argyle ran up to Mightyena and brained him with the stick. Then, he slid under him, spun the stick around and shoved it up Mightyena's… well, you know where.

"Ow," said Drapion, "I hurt just watching that."

"Okay, who's my next dance partner?"

Sceptile activated the power of Leaf Blade, causing the leaves on his forearms to extend well beyond the norm and were each filled with nature's power. Argyle merely sidestepped the attack and threw Sceptile to the ground. Finally, he delivered a vicious stomp to Sceptile's… personal area.

"That was excessive," said Zangoose.

"And unnecessary!" Said Scyther, "should we help?"

"Nah. Argyle's got this," said Sandslash.

"I mean, should we help the Dune Bandits? They… maybe… don't deserve this?"

"Sorry I never took you ballroom dancing," said Argyle, "but you're about to see some fancy footwork."

(That comment was aimed at me, I just know it.)

"No time for crying, nor your pleas of distress!"

"Oh, my Arceus, he's started singing," said Sheriashuu.

Argyle threw two smoke bombs, right in the faces of Golbat and Throh.

"I'm not the janitor, but I'll clean up this mess!"

Argyle stole an arrow from Decidueye and shot Archeops with it.

"Why do I detect a lack of respect for all the precious and dear?"

A Seviper tried to bite him, but Argyle made her bite her own tail. Seviper yelped in pain.

"I like him," said Zangoose.

"Of course, you would say that," said Arbok, "typical Zangoose."

"I am the fearless defender of this cave right here!"

Argyle climbed up a tree.

"But my name is Argyle."

A random Pideotto came out of nowhere and knocked Argyle out of the tree.

"Well played, old chap!"

"Oh, my gods, I turned him British," said Weavile.

"What exactly happened back there?" Asked Sal.

"I created a monster, that's what," replied Weavile, facepalming.

"I have a message!"

Argyle landed on a Lairon's face.

"I'm on your face!"

Argyle stole a Passimian's ball.

"Yoink! This is mine!"

Argyle did a few flips (with the ball) and landed outside the horde of Pokémon.

"Catch me if you can!"

Argyle then began running while singing the word "la" over and over again. He then led them into the canyon that housed the Narrows.

"You may look terrible, but I am incredible!"

Argyle scaled a nearby cliff and held the ball up high.

"Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Fiiiiiiiigaaaaaaaro!"

"Don't ask me why I just did that."

Argyle began climbing and singing once more.

"Running and climbing, spinning and grinning, ducking and diving, breaking and entering and these are just a few of the things that I do before lunch!"

Then, Argyle jumped off the cliff.

"Death defying! Danger denying! Look I'm flying! You may think I'm mad, but hey, this is what it feels like to be alive!"

Argyle made landfall in the middle of the horde. Then, he ran back to us. When the horde caught up, he began running circles around and through them, making them attack each other.

"No need to thank me, but if you insist, I won't resist."

"Who smells like shellfish!?"

That comment gave everyone pause.

"Minesweeper anyone?"

"Look out, below!"

Argyle began rolling away on the ball as explosions erupted out of the ground.

"What the ever-loving fuc-!" Began Keldeo.

"Language!" Said Snow.

"Oh, that's rich coming from the pirate," snapped Jessie.

Argyle joined us finally, as the explosions stopped.

"Whelp, don't need this anymore."

Argyle tossed the ball over his shoulder, causing another explosion upon impact.

"Argyle? What was that!?" Asked Drapion, calmly.

"Blast Seeds," said Argyle, his eyes returning to normal, "Weavile did say to 'live in the moment'."

"No! That is called going overboard!" Said Weavile.

Argyle looked back at the still-smoking forms of the Dune Bandits.

"Maybe just a little," said Argyle.

"A little!?" I said, aghast.

"I have got to party with you sometime!" Said Scyther.

"Still, they are quite persistent for 37 Pokémon," said Argyle.

"You had the time to do math!?" Said Slowbro.

"Wait, 37?" Asked Jessie, "I thought you said there were 40 of them?"

"Well, either way, I don't have enough handcuffs for all them," I said.

"So… now what?" Asked Jessie.

"For me?" Asked Argyle, suddenly very wobbly on his feet, "sleepy time."

Then, he collapsed.