Pokémon Police Force Chapter 46: Yet Another Distraction
When I opened my eyes, I found myself drifting through a sea of stars. There was no solid ground nor discernible atmosphere, yet I was somehow able to breathe just fine.
"Now where am I?"
"Thou art in a realm between realms."
An orb of the brightest golden light materialized in front of me. It threatened to blind me, but I was unable to look away. Its beauty and majesty outshone all of the stars.
"Who are you?"
"I am he that hast existed before and he that shalt continueth."
"That doesn't answer my question. I wanted your name."
"My name is of no importance unto thee. I merely appeared unto thee to giveth thee direction."
"Direction?"
"Once thou hast taken care of the Crown in thy possession, thou shalt headst unto Treasure Town. There thou shalt enter a guild of Explorers."
"That's a problem for me. I'm not exactly on the 'most desirable Pokémon' list. Walking in there might as well be suicide!"
"Thou shalt have an ally, someone who shalt vouch for thee. Tell the guild what thou wilt learn. Listen to what they have to say. Wake up and get thee hence."
I woke up by… jumping. It wasn't until the shock had subsided that I realized I was in a nest of scales.
"Easy. This isn't the first time you've been in my lap."
I realized that I was lying in a Salazzle's lap.
"Sal? What happened?"
"You collapsed after the whole… thing," explained Sal, "I carried you away in case they woke up."
"Hey! I helped!" Said Keldeo.
"Pipe down, shorty," said Sal.
"Yeah, I'd like to apologize," I said, "for all my behavior over the last three years. What I did was totally unacceptable."
"Argyle…," said Virizion.
"I've made a lot of stupid decisions and then I milked that heifer until she was old and dead."
"Interesting analogy," said Drapion.
"But no more. No more dwelling on the past or what could've been."
I looked out over the horizon.
"This is the beginning of new Argyle. I'm turning over a new leaf. I don't know what lies beyond the leaf, but I hope it's a better me."
I clutched the Razor Claw hanging about my neck.
"Mother. I know I've broken your heart more times than once. No more self-pity. You wouldn't want to see me like that. I'll make you proud of me. One day."
Little did Argyle know that his journey was not yet over. His greatest foe would be much closer to home than he ever thought.
"So now what?" I asked.
"Wait. Why don't you read that letter?" Asked Snow.
"What letter?" Asked Argyle.
"Didn't you get two letters from Pelipper?" Asked Snow, "you only read one."
A look of realization flashed across Argyle's face.
"I completely forgot about that."
Argyle reached into the Cerebelomotion bag and pulled out the rather girly letter from the trial.
"That looks… frilly," said Sandslash.
"Probably a fangirl," said Scyther.
"I think I know who wrote it," said Argyle, "I just hope I'm wrong."
"Another enemy?" Asked Sal.
"Worse. A friend."
We all exchanged confused looks. Argyle cut open the envelope and took out the letter.
"You read this," said Argyle, handing me the letter, "I can't bring myself to do so."
(Who is this friend?)
Then, I began reading.
Dear Plaid,
How have you been? It's been over 10 years since we last kissed. I hope this letter finds you in good health.
I want to see you again. Please. I've been so lonely without you. All this affluence just feels dirty without you. I moved to a new home a few miles west of Treeshroud Forest. My doors shall always be open to you.
Sincerely, Regalia
P.S. Don't worry about daddy.
"Regalia?" Asked Snow.
Argyle snatched the letter from me and read it for himself.
"Is there a story we need to hear?" Asked Jessie.
"Regalia was my first girlfriend," said Argyle, "I saved her from some bullies in Bastion. We started dating soon afterward."
"Bastion? You never lived there," said Weavile.
"It happened on one of my shoplifting trips. When I was living in the Narrows."
"So, she knows your real name? Why'd she call you Plaid?" Asked Slowbro.
"Wait, Argyle's not your real name?" Asked Weavile.
"I told her my name was Plaid. When I wasn't stealing at home or in my cave, I was with her."
"This would've been when you were trying to save your mom," said Sheriashuu, "she says that she's rich in the letter. Why didn't you-?"
"I couldn't do that to her. Worry her by telling her that I was poor or my mom was sick."
"Why aren't you together right now?" I asked, "you sounded happy."
"Her dad found out about us and about my poverty. He told me that if I ever came near her again, he'd kill me."
Argyle put the letter down. Then, he pointed at his mask.
"A couple years later and I got this."
"Why don't you seem happy to hear from her?" Asked Arbok.
"Think about it," said Sal, "this letter came with the Dune Bandit one. So, they may know about her."
"We've got to go!" Said Snow.
"No," said Argyle, "just Emerald and I. Just in case they don't know."
"Why me?" I asked.
Argyle looked away with a smile on his face.
"Ask my mom," he said.
"Huh?"
"So, what are the rest of you going to do?" Asked Argyle.
"We'll be going back to Treasure Town," said Zangoose, "been a while since we've taken a job."
"I'll accompany you to your friend's house," said Keldeo, "I swore an oath."
"What about you, Slowbro? You saved my life. Your debt is repaid."
Slowbro took his time answering.
"I never really thought about that," said Slowbro, "Jessie, would you allow me to work for you again? At least until I figure out somewhere else to go."
"Of course," she said, "I find myself in need of an enforcer as of late. We might be able to get your Minican working too."
"Sweet."
"I think Sheriashuu and I should hunt down the Dune Bandits," said Sal.
"The drug dealer fancies herself an officer, huh?" Taunted Sheriashuu.
"Auntie and I will remain with Keldeo," said Snow.
"We're the only family Argyle's got," said Weavile.
"We go where mistress Weavile does," said Drapion.
"No one like a brown nose, Drapion."
"Oh! Before we go," said Zangoose walking over to Argyle, "a present for you."
Zangoose handed Argyle a small vial of the deepest blue.
"Found its way in my possession one day," he said, "I think it belongs to you."
When Argyle seen the vial, he started whimpering and shaking. He dropped the vial and screamed in sorrow.
Weavile was by his side instantly.
"What is it?" She asked.
"Mom. YOU IDIOT!"
Weavile hugged him and took his chin in her hand.
"Tell me what happened."
I didn't care who was around, I told everyone the story of my last trial, how I met my mother and gave her a cure. I'd thought it was all a dream, but now I'm not so sure.
"I had no idea she had the cure," said Weavile.
"But if this wasn't just a dream, how'd Zangoose get the vial?" Asked Sandslash.
"I'd like to know the answer to that myself," replied Zangoose, "I have no idea where I got that."
After a bit more crying and lamenting the fact that my mom chose to die, we split up and went our separate ways. Team AWD, Keldeo and Snow promised to remain hidden as Emerald and I approached Regalia's house. Well, maybe "house" wasn't the correct word.
The seven of us stood staring at the most beautiful mansion in the world. The mansion was made of marble with decorative sandstone columns. The stone was polished so well that it reflected the sunlight. The mansion was surrounded all about by a tall brick fence and strong iron gate.
"Your friend is this rich!?" Asked Snow in pure admiration.
"Urge to steal… rising."
"Emerald, can you keep him on a leash?" Asked Keldeo.
"I can try," Emerald responded, "if only I actually had a leash."
"I'll do the same for Weavile here," said Keldeo, "looks like she's about to drool all over herself."
I shook the larcenist thoughts from my head.
"Remember the plan," I said, "I brought the flare gun. Stay hidden unless I fire a flare."
Everyone nodded, dispersed and disappeared. This left only Emerald and I in front of the manor.
"Now that I have a chance to ask this," I said, "do you still wish me to call you Emerald or your real name, Ruby?"
"Call me Emerald," she said, "I kind of like that better. What is your real name?"
"My secret."
Emerald smiled and mouthed "I'll get it out of you yet". The two of us walked up to the front gates, where two Doublade stood guard. As we approached, one of the Doublades unsheathed a blade and pointed it at me.
"I've seen that mask before," it said, "get out of here thief. I will cut your head off."
"He will," said the other one.
"Fine. You just wait until the lady hears that you turned away Plaid," I said, "I guarantee that when I come back here, you won't be in my way again."
"Why does that name sound familiar?" The less aggressive Doublade asked himself.
"Who cares? Plaid is tacky anyway."
"Well, I'm going to check the approved guest list just to be safe."
He levitated a small piece of parchment to himself.
"Let's see, approved guests… what's this note? If a Sneasel named Plaid comes knocking let him through. I have summoned him. You know the consequences of disobedience."
"Seriously!?" Said the Doublade, swiping the list.
"She'll turn you into scrap metal, you know," I said.
"She will," said the second Doublade.
"Fine. Follow me to the lady of the house. Try stealing anything and you die."
"He won't," said Emerald sternly, "you got that?"
"Yes," I sighed.
Doublade opened the gate and let us through. Inside was the most beautiful courtyard you could imagine. Streams ran through a forest of foliage that I've never seen growing anywhere else.
"Keep off the grass," said Doublade.
Doublade led us onto a cobblestone path through the garden and into a hedge maze. With practiced precision, he led us through the maze and into the mansion itself.
However big and impressive I thought the mansion looked on the outside, it paled in comparison to the inside. The walls were polished marble white and inlaid with pure gold. Furniture was made of dark stained mahogany and decorated with golden plates and goblets. A thick, plush carpet ran the length of the halls and doorknobs looked to be made of fine brass.
(Urge to steal… approaching maximum.)
"Wow. Just wow," said Emerald.
"This mansion was built long ago when-"
"Yeah, can we skip the history lesson? I think Plaid might be clinically braindead at this point."
"You're no fun."
Doublade led us through the halls and into a large dining room. Each side of the room was lined with servants.
"I'll go get the lady. If you need anything to eat, ask one of the servants. As a guest, our chefs will make anything you desire."
Doublade left the way we came. Emerald was more than happy to take him up on his offer ordering a filet mignon (apparently, she's never had one before). I, on the other hand, didn't order anything. Instead, I just picked a spot on the wall and stared at it.
"Wanna bite?" Asked Emerald when she got her food.
"Nah. I'm not hungry."
"Okay, what's up? You've been staring at that wall for five minutes."
(Crap! She noticed! Come up with something!)
"Are you nervous?"
"No. I… it's been ten years since I last seen her. What if she blames me for leaving her? What if she doesn't remember me? What if Rockruffs and Littens start living together!? The world couldn't handle that kind of chaos!"
Emerald grabbed me by the shoulders.
"Argyle, er… Plaid, calm down! It will be fine."
"My lady! Calm down! You'll ruin your beautiful- where are you going!?"
"Oh no! She's coming! Hide me!"
"Oh no you don't," Emerald said, using her psychic powers to painfully tighten my mask, "you're staying here to face the consequences of your actions, young man."
"Yes, mom," I said sarcastically.
The doors burst open. What stood there was certainly not what I expected. A Nidoqueen! She looked about twice Argyle's size, but to land a woman like that-
(Dang Argyle. Even when you were a kid, you were quite the lady-killer.)
The Nidoqueen locked eyes with Argyle and charged right for him.
"Oh holy shi-!"
Nidoqueen embraced Argyle in a big, rather bone-crunching hug.
"Plaid! How long we've been apart! I've missed you! Did you miss me? I did!"
"I'm breaking bones I didn't know I had! Release please!"
I was about to step in, but Nidoqueen stopped trying to crush Argyle to death. She started staring at him instead.
"Hi, Regalia."
Regalia got red in the face and released him in a right hurry.
"I- I touched him! I touched Plaid! My purity is forever ruined!"
She hid her face in shame, still Cheri Berry red.
"Now there's the Regalia I remember."
"Okay, I admit that was rather adorable," I said.
Regalia looked at me with a quizzical look.
"Who are you?"
"Emerald. Plaid's girlfriend."
"You too? Yay! I've always wanted to be part of a harem! And its Plaid's harem! That's even better!"
"…Okay?" Said Argyle.
"Don't look at me, she's your girl," I said, "you never told me that she was a Nidoqueen."
"When I met her, she was still a Nidoran."
"Do you have an issue with my being a Nidoqueen?" Asked Regalia, "am I ugly?"
"No! Nothing like that!" Said Emerald, "I guess I'm a little jealous."
"What do you have to be jealous about?" I asked.
Emerald began holding her chest, right where her breasts would be if she was a Nidoqueen.
"I feel like half the woman she is."
I walked over to Emerald and held her paws.
"Emerald, trust me when I say this. No woman could ever compare to you."
"Do you really mean it?"
"You know I do."
"Argyle, how do you always know just what to say?"
"Argyle? Why'd you call him Argyle?" Asked Regalia.
"Aw crud muffins," said Emerald.
"Sorry about lying to you, but Plaid isn't my real name," I said, "I go by Argyle now."
"That's not your real name either, is it?"
"No."
"Then, what is it?"
"A relic from a forgotten time. A life that I wish not to remember."
"Your life when you met me, you mean."
"No! I didn't mean it like that at all!"
"Argyle's a thief," Emerald said, going in for the save, "if he told you his real name, they could've found his mom."
"So that's why we were only able to meet in secret," said Regalia, "I thought you were just scared of daddy."
"Speaking of your dad, you told me not to worry about him. What happened?"
"He kind of retired. Moved on to the Mist Continent into our summer home," explained Regalia, "as such, I'm the head of our family now."
"After what happened between us, I kind of was scared of your dad."
"He just didn't like you because you were poor. He said that us being seen together was 'ruining our family's image' or something like that."
"You knew about the whole me being poor thing?"
"After Daddy went off on a rant about it. What was that about your mom?"
"She was sick," said Emerald, picking up the story, "died shortly after you two lost each other."
"Oh, sorry. I didn't know."
"Yeah. I only stole to help her out. To see her smile once more. We're getting sidetracked here! This isn't a social call."
"We haven't seen each other in ten years. It must be serious if you're too worried to catch up."
"Mind if I take this one, Argyle?" Asked Emerald.
"Go right ahead, lieutenant."
"Lieutenant Emerald of the Neo City Police Force. Have you heard tell of the infamous Dune Bandits? Otherwise known as the forty thieves?"
"Yeah. They've been interfering with some of my shipments in the Sandy Continent. Why bring them up?"
"They're after Argyle. They want to kill him."
"What? No! If they even think of laying a finger on him, I'll bite them off!"
"That's why we're here," I continued, "that letter you sent me. They sent one of their own with it. Somehow, they knew which Pelipper to track down and how to get it. They may know about our relationship."
"They may use you to get him," Emerald finished, "we're here to make sure they don't."
Regalia winked at me.
"Not to worry about that," she said, "when I took over, I made sure to prepare for any eventuality. You're perfectly safe here."
She blew me a kiss.
"However, I'm no idiot. I know that he'll never be truly safe unless they're dealt with. Any more sexy females in your harem that can help?"
"I don't have a harem!" I pouted.
"We have five allies outside the property," said Emerald, "that's all we have access to right now."
"So, how many of them did Argyle bang?" Asked Regalia, getting a sultry look to her face.
"REGALIA!" I shouted in surprise.
"What? I have my priorities straight."
"I'm… uh… getting out of here," said Emerald, getting red again, "to go get them?"
"How long did it take for you to relearn how to walk?" Asked Regalia.
"What?"
"After Argyle banged you? When did you-?"
"REGALIA!"
"Leaving now!" Shouted Emerald as she ran out of the room.
After Emerald left, Regalia threw me up against the wall and pinned me there.
"So, I'm waiting for my answer…"
"I only… banged… one of them…"
"Emerald?"
"My… half-sister."
"That's hot."
"You have weird fetishes girl. Could you let me go?"
"Not until you agree to bang Emerald when she gets back."
(What is up with this woman!?)
"Regalia?"
"Yes?"
"You're touching me again."
Regalia just got really quiet. Her gaze went to her arm and then to me and back to her arm again. With a terrified screech, she dropped me and backed away in a hurry.
"Twice! Twice, I've sullied myself! I'll never reclaim my purity!"
I smirked as Emerald returned with the rest of our group. Keldeo, Weavile, Drapion, Arbok and… Snow. Crap.
"Things don't look too bad here," said Drapion.
"Argyle's harem!" Squealed Regalia in delight.
"Excuse me?" Said Weavile.
Regalia looked from one Pokémon to the next, examining them closely and rating them.
"Some of us are men, you know," said an annoyed Keldeo.
"Hey, I don't judge," said Regalia.
"That is Keldeo," I introduced, "he's basically my bodyguard."
"So, you've finally got a servant? Good on ya," said Regalia.
"Excuse me!?"
"That is Weavile, my aunt. Drapion and Arbok are her henchmen."
"We are not henchmen!" Said Arbok.
"Shut up servant!" Snapped Weavile.
"Yes, mistress."
Snow walked forward and put herself in between me and Regalia.
"I'm Snow. Argyle's half-"
"Lover!" Squealed Regalia in delight.
"What?"
"Sorry, Snow."
"What's going-?"
Regalia scooped up Snow into a bear hug.
"Argyle was telling me that you two have sex all the time!"
"It was only once!" I piped up.
"How hard did he ram you? How loud did you moan? Give me the juicy details girl!"
"Get! Get off!"
"The distraction worked!" I said, "let's get out of here!"
The six of us began walking out of the dining room.
"You're just gonna leave me here!?" Said Snow, still trying to escape the over-eager Nidoqueen.
"Sorry, karma and all that," I said as we left.
Once we were safely out of the room and Snow's earshot, Keldeo spake.
"Way to throw your sister to the Lycanrocs, Argyle."
"This is payback for what she did when we first met," I said, "and besides, I don't want to be in the same room as those two. That just smells of disaster."
"Did she say that the two of you had sex? You and your half-sister?" Asked Arbok.
"Funny story about that."
Emerald and I recounted the tale, making sure only to touch the basics. Drapion and Arbok were listening intently, Weavile leaned against the wall with a huge grin on her face and Keldeo looked absolutely disgusted.
"So, you and Snow?" Asked Keldeo.
"Yup."
"And she's your half-sister?"
"Yup."
"Gross."
"They didn't know they were related at the time," explained Arbok.
"How is it gross?" Asked Weavile, "just two consenting adults."
"I wouldn't say I consented," I said, "my hands were kind of tied."
"They're half-siblings! Doesn't that seem gross to anyone?"
Everyone shook their heads.
"Unbelievable," said Keldeo.
"So, did you and Emerald have sex yet?" Asked Weavile.
I didn't know a Braixen could turn that shade of red.
"I think Emerald would die of embarrassment first," I said.
"What about Regalia?" Asked Weavile, "she's definitely attracted to you."
"Nah. It never happened between us either. Jessie's a no too, before you ask."
"So, you have… uh… banged your half-sister but none of the girls who have shown any romantic interest in you?"
"Yes."
"Captain Jack Spearow, I have lost all faith in you as a fanfic author," said Weavile.
"Captain Jack Spearow? Why bring that pirate up?" Asked Emerald.
"Emerald, just let it go," I said.
"O…kay?"
We hung out in the hallway until we were sure it was safe to go back in. When I walked in, I was instantly accosted by Snow.
"What's that for!? Leaving me alone with that psychopath!? She nearly hugged me in half!"
"You deserved it. Remember the Shipwreck Cove incident?"
"That was three years ago!"
"Sometimes karma takes a while to work."
"When you least expect it, I'll get you back for this."
"You're welcome to try."
The scene continued like this for a while, Regalia and her house schemed with Emerald and the others for a way to get rid of the Dune Bandits. Once they had a plan together, I was told that I'd be the bait. All I had to do was to go about business as normal and Regalia would handle the rest.
As for our group, we had a job to do. One that Keldeo and Emerald weren't privy to at the time. We had to go to Treeshroud Forest to the Harvest Temple within. The Spring Equinox was nearly upon us.
