INTRO:

Wiz: Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation.

Boomstick: And Roy Mustang, officer of the Amestrian State Military.

Wiz: Fire is a powerful but dangerous element to control, but once mastered, it can be used to devastating effect.

Boomstick: And in the hands of these two edgy anime protagonists, it can be used in a badass way. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

ZUKO:

Wiz: Water, Earth, Fire, Air. The four elemental nations once coexisted peacefully. Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

Boomstick: Yeah, the cranky old Fire Lord went and conquered basically the whole world.

Wiz: And, a hundred years later, the equally powerful master of fire, Ozai, continued that tyranny. Many believed his rule would one day pass to either his daughter, Azula, or his son, Zuko.

Boomstick: Yeah, Fire Dad was way too ego crazy for that. He drove Azula mad, even though he did clearly favor her. Poor little Zuko got screwed over from the beginning.

Wiz: Can you imagine your dad saying that while your sister was born lucky, you were just lucky to be born?

Boomstick: I can't imagine my dad saying anything to me.

Wiz: Oh, right... Uh, well, despite this, Zuko was desperate to prove himself. What a fine work ethic.

Boomstick: But he screwed up by talkin' out of turn in a big boy meeting. So naturally, his dad took him aside, sat him down, and taught him the importance of respecting others. Oh wait, just kidding, he burned his friggin' face off!

(Zuko's screams are heard as his father attacks him.)

Boomstick: Holy shit!

Wiz: With his new scar came a new mission. Zuko would hunt down the elusive Avatar, the one threat to his nation's rule, to prove himself to his father, and regain his honor.

Boomstick: Which is just a nice way of saying he was banished so he could never come back. Just like my dad didn't...

Wiz: Though, frankly, Zuko did have the talent and training he needed to capture someone even as powerful as the Avatar.

Boomstick: Damn right! He's a fighting pro! The dude's strong enough to shatter metal chains with a kick. He's super skilled with martial arts, dual swords, and, oh yeah, firebending!

Wiz: As a firebender, Zuko harnesses the light of the sun to summon flames from thin air. Wherever fire remains alight in an area that's not too cold, he can manipulate, or "bend" it to his will.

Boomstick: I mean, if I had to pick between swirlin' water around, tossing a few rocks, or farting hot air all the time, I would definitely go with firebending. It literally means you're a living flamethrower!

Wiz: Plus, it's surprisingly versatile. Aside from simply creating, launching, and moving flames, firebending can be used to heat objects, melt through ice prisons, and even defy gravity.

(We see Ozai using his firebending to fly at Aang)

Boomstick: Is that guy flying? With fire? Awesome! How does that even work?

Wiz: Well, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Newton's third law. By creating a rapid series of explosions an inch or so away from the palm, the air in between the hand and fire is launched toward the user, thereby creating propulsion.

Boomstick: Yeah, firebending isn't just about creating fire. It's about creating a bunch of it! So, Zuko can make large, long-lasting walls of flame to protect himself, and keep enemies at a distance.

(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick)

Boomstick: That stuff's hot, y'know!

Wiz: Uh, yeah. It's fire. You know, I've actually rigged up my arm to replicate the technique of firebending. DUMMI, if you'd please?

(DUMMI floats in)

DUMMI: Another test. How thrilling.

Wiz: Now, this isn't as simple as just pointing and shooting. Firebenders fuel their flames with their own breath, and using it at all requires a fierce understanding of martial arts.

(He does some martial arts moves.)

Boomstick: What are you trying to do, the Macarena?

Wiz: Zuko's favorite form, the Dancing Dragon, draws primarily from Northern Shaolin Kung Fu.

Boomstick: That's a Chinese martial art that's all about agility, wide stances and aggressive attacks. A perfect mix of speed and strength.

Wiz: Like this.

(He does motions and makes Kung Fu sounds, fire shooting out of his metal arm and charring Boomstick)

Boomstick: Wiz, (coughs) why?

DUMMI: Ha ha ha.

Wiz: Anyway, the fire that benders like Zuko can generate is extremely hot, capable of melting through a cast iron door. This would need to be over twelve hundred degrees Celsius.

Boomstick: And while Sozin's Comet was boosting his powers, Zuko's Uncle Iroh blasted apart the giant outer wall of Ba Sing Se. "There is no war in Ba Sing Se". Until Iroh comes a knockin'. I mean, that's like, the thickest wall I've ever seen! (sadly) Second only to the emotional walls between me and my dad.

Wiz: Even without Sozin's Comet, which only appears once every one hundred years, Zuko has more than enough firepower to level a building. That's no laughing matter for any person, or building.

Boomstick: He's even quick enough to catch lightning, and use his fire powers to redirect it wherever he wants it to go. KAPOW! Suck it, dad! Oh shoot, wait, did he just shoot his dad with lightning?!

Popup: Zuko's Uncle Iroh once caught and redirected naturally occurring lightning, implying that lightning generated through firebending uses the same rules as nature despite being somewhat mystical. Zuko should be capable of the same.

Wiz: Zuko's quest for the Avatar led him down a different path than he expected. Inspired by his kind uncle and the Avatar himself, he joined the heroes on a new journey, one of self discovery.

Popup: Though Zuko has never generated lightning himself, it is likely he can after mastering the Dancing Dragon and achieving inner peace.

Boomstick: Yeah, turns out he didn't need his dad's approval after all. He just needed to approve himself. Now that's character development!

Wiz: Zuko's definitely had a "heated" redemption arc, and now that he's the Fire Daddy...uh, Lord, Fire Lord, his honor keeps burning brighter.

Boomstick: Are you crushing on Zuko?

Wiz: W-What? No, no.

Boomstick: (chuckles) Yeah, you are. It's okay, Wiz. Everybody does.

Zuko: Hello, Zuko here.

ROY MUSTANG:

Wiz: Art is truly a work to behold. But it requires dedication, honor, and sacrifice to pull off.

Boomstick: Just like the good old military! And in the country of Amestris, there's even a proud hero serving it! Women want him, men wanna be him, and baddies wanna be as far away from him as possible! If James Bond could blow you up or ignite your eyeballs over and over again with a finger snap, he'd be this guy! Roy Mustang!

Wiz: Colonel Roy Mustang is a state-sanctioned Flame Alchemist, capable of combusting anything he sets his sights on. His ultimate goal: Usurp the warmonger King Bradley and become the next Fuhrer.

Boomstick: Wow, that...doesn't sound ominous at all! The only one I know killed himself to save the world! And probably because the pressure and job was just too much for him to handle. Ugh, Germany…

Wiz: Speaking of such inhumanity, Roy was struggling with one question, mostly while dealing with the powerful Father: What is it that makes someone truly human?

Boomstick: In Roy's case, piss him off and he'll find out if you're combustible! Man, if only I could learn how to snap my fingers so well…

Wiz: Roy's unique style of combat alchemy is made possible by his custom-made gloves. Made of "pyrotex/ignition cloth," these gloves create a spark when Roy rubs his fingers together and embroidered with unique flame alchemy Transmutation Circles, they allow him to manipulate the concentration of oxygen in the air. When attacking, Mustang raises the density of the oxygen surrounding his target to a level at which it becomes volatile and creates narrow pathways of oxygen between himself and his target through which he can direct the ensuing flash fire that blossoms from the spark of his gloves. As a result, he can incinerate any number of enemies in the field while deftly avoiding any adjacent allies.

Boomstick: Roy's got all kinds of explosions too, and they'd make even Micheal Bay proud! In his right hand, he's got larger and more explosive kabooms, and in his left, he's got smaller kabooms, but they're still strong and can be accurately pinpointed. I'd go with the right hand cause it's the one I'm dominant with, but then again, I'd be stuck with the same weakness Roy has: When it rains…

Wiz: While Mustang's Flame Alchemy cannot be used on rainy days because the humidity makes it impossible for his gloves to produce sparks, it becomes clear that water itself does not make the Colonel entirely as "useless" as his subordinates assume. Using the transmutation circles on his gloves, Roy is able to separate hydrogen atoms from the oxygen atoms in water molecules, isolating them into a highly combustible fuel and powerfully volatile oxidizer, respectively. Though this method can only be used when a large quantity of water is present in a relatively closed-off space (and not in the rain where the air is open and separating hydrogen and oxygen for the purpose of combustion would pose far too much danger to anyone in the vicinity), with an outside source of ignition such as a cigarette lighter or a match, Roy can produce extremely powerful, localized explosions.

Boomstick: Wait, you mean he can still go all Cuphead snappy-snappy even when it's pouring?! Damn! I take back my earlier statement! T-The weakness, not the hands. Oh, and speaking of the hands, he later learns how to clap like Edward Elric (you know, Roy blew up the cannon he was on and he survived), and even becomes able to do more than fire stuff! Like how he became an Earthbender to shield himself with a stone wall!

Wiz: And in the end, Roy managed to prove that he was just as heroic as his people believed him to be, even matching Elric. And while he may not have become the next Fuhrer, Roy instead got promoted to General of the Amestrian State Military.

Boomstick: Well, at least that's a bit better. I don't trust those Fuhrer guys…

Roy: We State Alchemists are human artillery they roll out if nothing else works. And when the military calls, it's our duty to respond, regardless of how grotesque the scenario. To serve, we have to distance ourselves from emotional attachments.

DEATH BATTLE:

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! And we've run the data through all possibilities! Let's end this debate once and for all!

Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLLLLEEEEEEE!

(Full-Elemental - Brandon Yates)

DB Announcer: FIGHT!

Zuko runs through a large building, chased by Roy Mustang. Roy snaps his fingers, sending out an explosion of fire. Zuko is hit by the blast and is flown outside, where he slams into a car and falls onto his back. Roy rushes out, but Zuko counters with a fiery punch.

He snaps his fingers, causing an explosion right in the middle of the fire, making it explode. Stunned by this, Roy is ambushed by Zuko, who flies down and attacks with various martial arts. He dodges another finger snap by flying a few feet away to get some distance, but Roy closes that distance as the two clash.

Zuko (thinking): Who the heck is this guy?! He's just…

Roy (thinking): ...like me. Except I've never seen Flame Alchemy like that before.

Roy breaks the clash with another finger snap, causing a nearby explosion that knocks two cars over. Roy then headbutts Zuko away, stunning him so that he can follow up with another snap to the face, sending him flying into another car. Recovering, Zuko flies away from another snap explosion, countering with fire blasts from his fists. Roy blocks these with three more snaps, but Zuko pushes through, knocking Roy on top of a moving car. He then sees Zuko flying behind him.

Roy: How is he even doing that?!

Roy dodges fireballs, countering with more snaps, which Zuko himself dodges and counters with another fire blast. However, he is hit by another snap and falls onto the top of another moving car. The two trade fiery blows before Zuko notices a storm overhead, complete with lightning.

Zuko: Alright then…

He lifts two fingers towards the sky, but Roy leaps at him and creates another explosion as Zuo catches the lightning. Powering through the blast, the Fire Prince redirects the lightning right at the Amestrian Colonel, knocking him back on the car. Zuko launches another fireball, but with the snap of his fingers, Roy blows out one of the tires of the car Zuko is on, making it swerve out of control and ram into the other car as Zuko yells, trying to keep his balance. They drive into a tunnel and crash in an explosion.

In the tunnel, Zuko and Roy get back up, both breathing heavily. Noticing the fire around him, Zuko gets an idea.

Zuko: Let's see you snap your way outta THIS!

He channels the fire around him into a massive fiery dragon, which he launches at Roy. He dodges it and counters with several finger snap explosions. However, just like the lightning, Zuko dodges them and even catches the last one, sending it right back at Roy. It slams into him, burning his gloves away so he can't create anymore explosions.

Zuko: Ha! Finally! I was getting tired of hearing that sound!

Roy: Maybe an applause is more in your favor…

Roy claps his hands together, making a stone wall erupt right from under Zuko.

Zuko: Woah?! What the-?!

Roy continues with his alchemy, even forming the stone ground into a cannon, borrowing a trick from Edward.

Zuko (thinking): Aw, gimme a break. If this knockoff Avatar's just gonna keep me busy with those bending skills, then I guess I gotta find a way to take care of him…

Zuko blasts the stone wall apart and flies towards Roy, who fires the cannon, Zuko manages to dodge the enormous shot, blasting the cannon apart with a fireball shot right into it. As Roy gets back up and prepares to clap again, Zuko readies his swords and flies down…

And slices off Roy's arms.

With another slash, Zuko decapitates his opponent. As the body drops down, Zuko sighs.

Zuko: Now, where was I? Ah, that's right. Something going on at an outdoor market. Better check it out…

He then sheathes his swords and flies off.

RESULTS:

DB Announcer: KO!

Boomstick: Man! Zuko really won hands down!

Wiz: Roy may have been capable of more than just flame-based abilities, but Zuko has had more experience against other types of elements, especially since he had fought the Avatar himself.

Boomstick: Plus, Roy couldn't exactly snap his fingers if he didn't even have any fingers at all! By the time Zuko literally disarmed him, it was basically game over. Besides, I can't remember if Roy ever took up swordplay.

Wiz: As seen in Aang vs Elric, Aang could also dodge and even redirect lightning like Zuko, something Elric and Roy couldn't even come close to.

Boomstick: Looks like this was one fight Roy just couldn't snap his way out of.

Wiz: The winner is Zuko.