Something to tide you guys over while I'm currently working on the next parts of Greener Grasses. A lot grimmer than that story but I had this story kicking around and figured I'd post it! Thanks so much if you left a comment/followed that one also. I'm still figuring out how to work with this site's UI so I'll try to find a way to respond in a way that's not too obtrusive. They don't make it easy on you, that's for sure. Much love.
Susie liked to do her research on the planets they intended to mechanize and she had heard that, amongst the natives of planet Popstar, was an unstoppable hero, one who deterred all invaders in the whole nearby system just by being there. Susie had heard lots of similar stories of ancient artifacts and figures of legendary destruction from all kinds of little backwater planets like these, and she had yet to meet any of them yet. Still, the fairy tale had intrigued her. This hero had reforged powerful weapons from their broken parts, summoned the legendary wishing star, and flown on the backs of trans-dimensional ships. People said they could transform into anything, make anything possible, go anywhere. They might even know how to make use of the thousands of years of legacy code hidden away in Star Dream that not even her and the President could understand… If all that was true.
A wishing star… Someone who knew how to summon something like that could even bring things back to the way it was. Before everything.
She hadn't been planning to try and find them, but she had thought of the story as the invasion on Popstar began.
Her first disappointment was the native's so-called King. His underwhelming army of orange aliens made easy pickings for the mechanizer, but he managed to put up a fight against her machines just long enough for one lone alien wielding only a primitive spear to escape. Susie didn't care. She plucked the king up with her tank's extendable arms and withdrew them into a protected chamber. His capture was sure to stifle any rebellion from his kingdom, even if he was no one special. The great thing about Haltmann Co was that any of these simple creatures could be transformed into something greater with a little ingenuity and some help from the Mother Computer.
Her second was a swordsman who managed to do a commendable amount of external damage to her mech tank and its accompanying armada. She had been disappointed when he finally collapsed, several hours of impressive sword and magic use later, but she admired his potential enough to find him worth collecting. She had been about to extend one of the tank's arms and pluck him up like a daisy when it suddenly halted, rattled, and fell in half, the clumsy mechanical hand falling just short of the knight's body.
Before her front windshield display, with no armor and wielding what looked like a cheap toy sword, was a pink ball in a long green cap. It pouted at her with childish anger, cheeks flushed magenta, and raised the little sword in challenge. She wondered if this planet's gravity was what made all the native species here so pathetic, and how she could improve them. The little sphere was just as doughy and stubby as the crowds of orange creatures they'd already mechanized. She had armies worth of those already and didn't need one more with a false sense of importance.
She commanded all lasers to charge up, hoping to scare the little pest out of her way. It did for a moment, bouncing down from the pile of rubble to the knight's side, straining him onto its stubby back, and dropping him on the ground a good distance away. Then it hopped back to the same exact spot and assumed the same pose, like it had just ended an unannounced time-out. She stared at it, unimpressed but amused, and fired the beam cannons. For a few satisfying seconds, laser shots filled her screen, sending dust and shrapnel flying. At least, she thought, it had given her an excuse to finally use her weapons. When the display cleared, she didn't see the pink thing anymore, until it hopped out from behind the blasted rubble. Its small size had allowed it to find cover behind the ruined scrap. It resumed its pose. Her amused smile dropped.
She fired the single overhead cannon, deciding that one stronger blast would be more effective than several weak ones. It swung the sword against the beam of energy, somehow parrying it off the blade and reflecting it back. The front of the tank buckled under the blow and Susie gasped in alarm. Before she could retaliate, the creature leaped from the rubble, puffed itself up in midair, and began to take flight. It was enough distraction for the little alien to land on top of the tank's roof and out of her sight before she could ready a new target. A flurry of blows came down on the roof and she shrieked, afraid for the first time in many invasions just like this one.
She called for reinforcement from Star Dream and backed away instinctively against the control panel, while the air outside filled with bursts of noise and laserfire.
Anything. A hero who could do anything. She turned to the panel and took control of the second mech arm. She extended it as far as it could go and seized up the body of the fallen knight. She halted Star Dream's attack and pressed the button to project her voice out from the bullhorn atop the tank.
"Stop! Stay where you are and drop your weapon! Or I crush this swordfighter!" She squeezed the arm in demonstration, sending hairline cracks through the ball of metal armor.
There was quiet outside but, after a tense pause, she heard a small clattering on the roof. She thanked the stars that it understood universal galactic.
"Approach the front of the tank, slowly. Leave your sword."
The pink ball bounced in front of the front window screen, all the bravado gone from their babyish face. She smiled. Legend or not, she wasn't sure yet, but all natives were the same: predictable.
She allowed the collection canister tank to open. Normally, she would have been using the vacuum tube that it was connected to in collecting debris and plant samples. She'd never predicted it being used like this.
"Enter the hatch I just opened and I will let him go. It's Halcandran steel, so don't bother trying to force your way out."
The little alien took the green cap off its round body and deposited it on the ground, where it disintegrated in a brief flash. She took a mental note of that. It waddled morosely into the open tube hatch and she shut it.
She fulfilled her promise, having lost interest in the little swordsman, dumping him where he'd lain.
She watched her new sample nervously on the interior camera feed the whole trip back to the Access Tower, ARK. It seemed to grow smaller and smaller inside the walls of the canister with each moment, but still she watched, as if it might disappear.
That had been the easier part of her study into the alien. Everything after that was infinitely harder, as she spent the next few days performing tests.
Behaviorally speaking, Kirby's fighting aptitude was discouraging. The alien spoke very little galactic, only managing simple words and the approximation of them in a slurring toddler's tongue. Susie managed to find out that they were called "Kirby", or 'Kaabi' as they pronounced it. From the moment she had deposited them into the experimental tank they had babbled constantly, despite making it clear how little she understood or cared. She hardly got a moment's quiet, and barely any peace.
They were more like a baby animal than a warrior. When it finally was quiet, they would sing to themselves at a volume they probably thought was low. They would stick their stubby hands (paws? Feet?) into their mouth and gum on them, drooling all over themself. They made strange and alien noises, whined, bounced off the walls, and generally showed a total lack of impulse control. They used their words mainly to complain that they were "hungee" and ask her what she was doing every few minutes.
She had screened Kirby constantly since their arrival and the results had bewildered her every time. Trying to determine the placement and anatomy of any bones, muscles, organs, or even teeth failed. As far as her equipment could tell there just weren't any to find. X-rays and MRI scans revealed nothing. She had no idea how they could even be considered a living organism. Why they still cried for food constantly when they had nothing to eat with. She was baffled as to how she was hearing sounds like a stomach growling until she realized they were just imitating the sound in their mouth. When confronted by this, they seemed to act as though the idea of the sound coming from anywhere else was strange.
Trying to determine the extent and nature of their abilities was even worse. She had only learned one thing and it was by near-disastrous accident: Kirby could assume the abilities and effects of something by consuming it.
She discovered this on day three when a loose electrical wire appeared on the technical scan of the tank and before she could initiate a self-repair, Kirby had put the end of it in their mouth. She panicked that her subject was about to be electrocuted when a mess of green lightning currents wove out and around Kirby's head, forming a crown of perpetually live electricity. She had tried to run a scan and see what was happening but was stopped when Kirby threw themself at the reinforced glass and a flash of blinding light surrounded them, then only darkness. Her hair stood on end and she felt like she was standing in an electrical storm. All she heard was the hissing crackle of lighting and Kirby screaming in rage and desperation. She wondered if she had blacked out but was somehow still perceiving sound, then realized she had been thrown face-first onto the floor, either by her instincts or by the force of the blast.
She drew her face up to see that Kirby was suspended in midair, throwing lightning and bright light out in a halo around them, scoring and charring her everything-proof tank. Kirby kept it up for several long minutes (long enough for her to begin a stopwatch) and then fell to the ground, wheezing, the light and the crown of sparks gone, only leaving the slight smell of hot atmosphere behind.
She spent the next few hours presenting Kirby with matches, ice cubes, nails, drill bits, and even shards of glass and taking notes on everything. After many hours of observing the glass on the inside of the tank was covered in scuffs and soot and Kirby was curled up on the bottom of the tank beating their fists on the ground and blubbering in frustration. It was quite irritating.
She had no idea how they did it. It looked similar to eating, producing a powerful vortex that would pull things into their mouth and then swallowing them whole, but Kirby had no stomach, no throat, no intestines. They had something that looked like a tongue on closer inspection, which Susie had to have their mouth pried open to see clearly. She couldn't be sure how or if it functioned or that it was even composed of muscle tissue, however.
Eating indelible, toxic, or sharp objects had no effect on them other than triggering a transformation and while some were too heavy for the vortex to lift, the bulk of the object never caused them to choke, their body stretching around it like elastic, with no apparent pain or struggle.
She tried hitting, pinching, and jabbing Kirby with mechanical arms and syringe needles, at which they would cry out in protest or flee, but never seemed to bruise and, even as she was certain that her needles would penetrate skin, the wound either closed immediately upon its exit or the skin would retract over it. The only thing that seemed to affect their body was exhaustion and their emotional state. Two things that were becoming more difficult to manage as the hours of testing passed.
Kirby's physical strength was mixed and growing weaker all the time. Their running speed was average for their size, their swimming ability was middling, their 'floating' ability (another thing she couldn't even begin to figure out) was only just good enough to get them off the ground. They could lift and carry things many times their own size but had no natural weapons to fight with. Their jump height was decent. Their endurance was incredible, especially when combined with their inability to sustain any serious injury and immunity to poison. Athletically, Kirby was a jack of all trades and a master of none. Only while in a transformed state could they wield any special skills or weapons.
Kirby did not seem to be a legendary creature by any means, but their raw potential was unmatched. By the end of day four, she felt she would be irresponsible not to mechanize them.
The only thing she didn't appreciate was Kirby's incessant whining. She had to wear headphones just to try and drown out the constant wailing and shouting while she compiled her notes together for a mechanizing implant or robotized attachment.
"Lemgo! Wan' go home! Wan' go home!"
She squeezed the headphones tighter over her head and finished gathering her notes, preparing to storm out of there as fast as she could.
"Ban-dee!.. Dee dee!… Meh-da.. I wan' go home!" Kirby started to sob softly, which rose into a bellowing wail. Susie threw the folder down on her work desk-
"Shut up! Just shut up! We had a deal and you took it! Don't cry about it to me!"
-Stunning them into silence.
"All you do is complain about wanting to back to your primitive home, can't you just be grateful to be in cleaner surroundings?"
Susie hadn't gotten to go home for years. How old was she then? Just a few years older than Kirby, she guessed. She should be the one crying and screaming. Not this baby clumsily wielding infinite power.
Kirby whimpered, "whud I do t' you?"
She had asked the same question back then. What had she done to deserve being cast into an alien world with no familiar landmarks? Fighting off starvation and monsters she didn't have names for until many years later? What had she done to anyone?
She didn't answer Kirby.
"Kirby, what are you?"
They tilted their head at her. Their alien eyes were haggard but clear and curious. She wasn't sure they were even capable of lying.
"Alright then… how old are you?"
Kirby looked down at their odd feet (back feet? Back paws?) and seemed to think.
"Were you born here on this planet?"
Kirby thought again before shaking their head, a gesture that demanded they shake their whole body.
"Fine. Where did you come from then?"
Their simple brows furrowed in thought.
"How do your powers work? Why is it that you keep telling me that you're hungry when you have no stomach? Where do all the things you swallow go?"
Kirby shrugged.
"How did you summon a wishing star? How did you find a Halcandran ship?"
"My fends help."
"What friends?"
"Not here neemore…"
Susie sighed.
"If I wanted to restore someone's memories, or maybe even travel through time, where would I find a wishing star? Or an interdimensional craft? What about an artifact to give one limitless power?"
Kirby shook their head and made a face of concern. "Vee bad! No mo' left. Nod safe…"
"So you don't know how I could uncover any of these?"
Kirby shook their head, glancing away from her.
Susie grabbed her things.
"Way!"
She turned around, "This conversation is over, thank you very much."
"I help you. Whud'sa madder?"
She rolled her eyes. "It's my father. He's… not himself. You wouldn't get it."
"That's sad. Poyo. I' sorry."
"It is sad," she said.
Kirby didn't know the full extent of it. No one else had front-row seats to watch their family deteriorate like she did. No one knew the person he was supposed to be, had been.
"I'm going to get him back, I'm going to stop him- help him. I don't need your help. He is my father." Though Susie didn't feel convinced of what she was saying.
"No one else help'oo? Poyo?"
"Speak properly, alien. And I said I don't need your help."
"Kaabi can be you' fend."
She looked into their face, Kirby's exhausted eyes smiled at her, entirely too sincere and sympathetic. Their big blue eyes looked sad for her, and they put a round paw softly up to the glass.
It enraged her. They had to be putting up a front in order to escape, trying to get her to show weakness, to make her believe that a savage animal of infinite power like them would ever care about someone so small and desperate as Susie. If someone like Kirby could ever care about her, her life would have worked out much differently than it had.
She turned her back to Kirby and took her notes to the engineering lab, wondering why she had even bothered talking.
If Kirby's tests had been frustrating, trying to successfully mechanize them was maddening.
No amount of input from Star Dream could control them. Even when Kirby's body had been thoroughly wrapped in mech armor, she couldn't get them to use any of their natural abilities, making them no stronger than the mechanized orange aliens. In every trial Kirby still displayed full awareness and control, choosing to fall asleep or whine in complaint in the mech armor instead of fighting her test dummies. Adding more components wouldn't work, as they had no recognizable anatomy. No brain, no nerves, nothing that was vital to mechanization. When her anger got the better of her she even tried to encourage them with an electrified prod, which only made them cry louder before passing out in the armor.
She had the ultimate weapon in front of her, invincible and all-powerful, adaptable to every situation, yet wielding it was just beyond her reach.
Worse than that was the fact that a rebellion was still taking place on Popstar. She'd released the pathetic King of Dreamland into a forgotten part of the planet, following her disappointing attempts to create powerful clones of him. She'd been hoping to forget about that project and continue to find ways to mechanize Kirby. And on the morning of day five, a report informed her that the swordsman had returned, destroying all three clones handily with the original king by his side, assisted and harbored by the orange spear-wielding alien she'd let escape.
She knew they were after Kirby. And with time to prepare for them running out, she decided to ask Star Dream.
Even to her, the President's office was generally off-limits and the Star Dream main terminal could not be accessed by anyone but him.
She exited the elevator, notes in hand, fixing her hair, and hoping to make a special case for herself.
The black, glass floor was cool under her, and matched the dark glass walls that rose up around them. There was very little furniture, as everything one needed could simply be called and risen up through the floor. Star Dream's sleeping eye watched over the whole, empty room with a stoical and judgemental air, its body hovering above a long abyss that traveled the whole height of the Access Tower, ARK. It was effectively drifting in the space above Popstar like a specter, by what powers no knew yet.
Haltmann was at his usual desk, headset over one ear, keyboard occupying both hands, glazed eyes on the screen. He spent his days digging deeper into the OS, into the parts of the system that were probably as old as the universe itself. Susie often wondered if he would dig so far that he never surfaced again.
"President Haltmann," she said, clearing her throat from the roughness of disuse. He only glanced at her in acknowledgment. "I believe I may have the ultimate weapon to end this planet's rebellion, as well as all future ones."
He regarded her for a moment longer that time, she thought.
"I see. Explain."
She drew her laserpointer from her chest pocket, ensured it was not set to laserfire mode, and went through her prepared slides with practiced professionalism.
"I have captured this planet's most impressive specimen, sir. It doesn't need air, blood, water, food, or more than a few hours' rest. It can imitate any element or weapon it comes into contact with. No bones to break, no organs to rupture or become diseased, no heart or brain. It may even be immortal."
He stared at her.
"If I could find a way to mechanize and control it, we would be unstoppable."
He continued to give her an unrelenting, interrogative stare.
She hated that look. The look that told her that he was content to simply receive information to approve or disapprove of. He used to be a man of action, someone who would carve paths rather than walk them. She sometimes wondered how she could even recognize him as the father from her youth.
"I just need to identify it. I need to ask Star Dream if it has information on any species like this. Then, we could put them under our power."
He gave her an admonishing look.
"No one needs to use Star Dream's database but me, I am the administrator."
Susie stood stock still, freezing the professional smile on her face.
"Give me your notes. I will be the one to look into this."
She handed the folder over and forced herself to lessen her grip on it. No one else even needed to exist in his world but him and that damn computer. "Yes, sir."
She went back into the experimental lab to find Kirby sleeping at the bottom of the tank.
She slammed her fist into the side of it. "Get up!"
Kirby flinched out of sleep and into a fighting stance.
"You told me you used to have friends who came in contact with a wishing star, right?"
"Nova," Kirby nodded.
"Nova? What happened to Nova?"
Kirby pulled a sad, faraway face, pulled their arms in over their face and then spread them back out and away in a quick motion. "Pshew!" They made a sound like wind blowing or a laser blast.
"It exploded?"
Kirby nodded.
"How? Who did that?"
Kirby looked at their foot, which was kicking back and forth awkwardly, then they tapped their belly.
"What?! Why would you do that? There are supposed to be only a handful in the whole of creation!"
Kirby began to move their arms emphatically, babbling and gesturing.
"Enough! How did you find Nova?"
"Stahs."
"Stars?"
Kirby nodded and pointed at the ceiling.
"I need to find one of those."
Kirby shook their head.
"Yes. I do."
Kirby shook their head, expression stern.
"Very well. You may not want to tell me now, but as soon as Star Dream figures out how to control you? Then I can make you do anything I want."
She took some irrational satisfaction in Kirby's fearful look and left to get the engineering lab ready for Star Dream's report.
"Dark Matter," President Haltmann announced, walking into her lab without invitation.
She turned from the armored suit she'd been anxiously readjusting. "What?!"
"Dark Matter, that's the creature I found most closely related to your descriptions. Your alien must be a form of it, or something very close. No anatomy, weak strength, powerful magic, invulnerable. Dark Matter has been scattered across the galaxy for many eons, it seems. The Mother Computer even has a Dark Matter reconstruction on file, if you would like to see it."
Susie took a moment to parse this. Kirby was part of a mythical force of destruction as old as the universe itself. The president's expression gave no feelings away.
"Can Star Dream control the reconstruction?"
Naturally," he reflected on the substance in his coffee mug and sipped dully.
"... I'd like a look at the reconstruction."
"Star Dream, execute Sword Master program."
The creature that Star Dream created from the bio-producer looked nothing like Kirby, aside from the round, hovering form under its arcane cloak, across which an eyeball would occasionally blink open. The smaller eye under its armored visor glanced coldly between her and the President, staring. It seemed to be composed of a black, smoke-like substance that would curl in wisps around it and the otherworldly cloak would billow and wave in a wind that she couldn't feel.
Something about its gaze chilled her, it was hollow but knowing. If it would or could speak she was certain it could tell her all kinds of unpleasant truths.
"Sir, you're sure this is our closest related species?" Just saying it, she knew that it couldn't be anything else, yet a part of her was still in disbelief.
Haltmann gave her a reprimanding look. "The Mother Computer is never in error."
She folded her hands, "Of course, sir."
He turned to the Dark Matter as if the exchange had never even happened. "Star Dream, produce a target dummy for specimen: Dark Matter Swordsman."
Star Dream produced a ghostly, slimy clone of one of the mechanized orange creatures, which hobbled mindlessly towards its opponent, either uncaring or ignorant of the danger.
The Dark Matter stared at it. A sword materialized by its cloak, though no hand was gripping it as it was lifted high over the target. It came down in a lazy chop on top of it, splitting the clone into two mechanical slices, oozing a dark primordial slime.
"Dark Matter," Haltmann mused, "Star Dream remembers it. But from whence?" His tone was flat, his expression eerily similar to the swordsman across from him. Susie swallowed her reaction.
"How does Star Dream control it?"
"Star Dream can communicate with Dark Matter."
"Sir? How can that be?"
"Foolish girl," Haltmann spluttered, "Star Dream knows everything." It was the most emotion she'd seen from him in many months, his cheeks puffed up and flushed and his eyes lit up. She held his gaze for a moment, surprised.
"Forgive me, sir. You're right."
"Show the new specimen to Star Dream. They'll know what to do. You've done excellently thus far, Susie."
A part of her thought about protesting, about asking for an idea of the risks involved. Then she looked at her father's face.
"Thank you, sir."
She had to move Kirby to a transportable tank, who had fortunately become much more subdued in the past few days. There was barely enough room for them inside it as the mechanical arms dropped them in but they didn't put up a fight, lying on their stomach with their eyes shut, mimicking slow breathing. she wheeled the container to the head office and up to the Star Dream terminal. The large eye on the terminal scanned them up and down.
After a beat of silence, Kirby stirred and looked around as though they'd received some undetected cue. They pulled themself up shakily and tilted their head at the eye.
The two of them were soon engaged in an odd staring contest. Susie looked between them and Haltmann, confused.
Kirby made an uncharacteristically aggressive sound, like a growling chuff, and shook their head.
Star Dream stared.
Kirby squeaked.
Star Dream stared.
Kirby put their paws over their head, where ears would be on a more sophisticated animal.
"Take it out of the tank, Susie."
His tone was so assured that she clung to it in spite of herself, approaching the small tank and opening the top without question.
She picked up Kirby with just her gloved hands and lifted them out of the box. Holding them was an odd sensation, she could guess that they only weighed about a kilogram and their body had a soft give. Without any bones or organs they felt like a small pillow in her hands. They didn't seem to notice her pick them up and carry them, their eyes squeezed shut and their paws busy blocking something that she couldn't hear.
She lowered them before Star Dream, who continued to stare at them as they curled and writhed on the floor.
Suddenly, they sprang up. "No!" they cried and threw themself away from the computer. Star Dream's eye flashed and a strange glowing spot appeared in the air in front of it, out of which something shot itself at Kirby. They landed in a heap, something dark and gelatinous forming across their face. The spot closed, instantly making the room feel several degrees warmer before Susie could notice how cold it had become in just that brief second.
"A dimensional rift?" She whispered, stepping closer to Haltmann. "Since… since when?…" Her hand reached for his without thinking.
Kirby groaned, cutting her off. They stood up, posture bent, something dark, reflecting various shades of blue and purple and green off its shiny surface, was wrapped around their head. They were still, then turned back to the two Haltmanns. A black metal visor, similar to the one on the Dark Matter Swordsman, covered Kirby's face, blocking light from falling into their eyes and turning them from blue to dark, colorless voids. She didn't like looking into them for too long, as if she were looking into empty holes cut in their face rather than the bright beads she had gotten used to.
"That should be enough to get you started, Susie. Updates and attachments are your specialties, I know." Haltmann climbed back into his chair and returned to his desktop.
She couldn't believe how quickly the excitement seemed to pass for him.
"Would that be to your satisfaction, sir?"
"If you get me good results, yes." He spoke without ever looking up from his screen. "That will be all Susie"
She looked away and glanced at Star Dream, whose eye had gone dark, hoping something interesting would happen to recapture his attention.
It didn't happen, obviously, and Susie turned to her experiment. "Let's go, Kirby." They obeyed silently. She had work to focus on.
The Security Forces, Gigavolt, Holo Defense API, and many, many other of their defense measures would fall in the next few hours to the rebels. They had fulfilled their most important task, though: buying her time to get Kirby ready.
She still didn't understand everything about Dark Matter, but with the notes she was allowed from Star Dream's database, she was able to upgrade some of their natural abilities.
She had boosted their strength and durability by fitting them in mech armor, which was heavy, but designed to break off under stress so that she could surprise the opponent with a boost in speed and agility if things got desperate. A muzzle was fitted over Kirby's mouth and a vacuum attachment was fitted under their lip to empower their vortex. It also gave her more control over what got in and out of their mouth, so she wouldn't be overwhelmed by too many drastic transformations. Since the armor weighed them down, she fitted rocket boosters to their feet as a replacement for Kirby's 'floating' ability. Lastly, she equipped them with an enormous sword. Combined with the armor's strength it would be able to deliver devastating blows, and should the armor be discarded it would be too heavy to be used against them. By the time she was done, they were completely encased in smooth, obsidian metal, very little of their original pink color showing through. She didn't have that much to do but tweak an already simple and effective toolkit.
She examined her work as finishing touches were laid on, watching the computerized welder arms withdraw from Kirby. They lay prone on a work table, staring at the ceiling through the visor with a dismal, bored look.
"K-0427," she addressed them by their serial number. Kirby looked at her, not bothering to shift their head.
"Query: where is the wishing star known as Nova?"
"Gone," said Kirby. "Destoy'd."
"Query: where is the Halcandran interdimensional ship?"
"Gone. Dunno whur i' wen'."
"... I command you to tell me how I can find an artifact that will grant one power over reality."
"Danj-us. Gone. No-buddy can get now."
"Gone? Query: What about the rod that can bring dreams to life."
"Danj-us. Can on-ee use when I neet i'."
"Query: Where is it?"
"Fou'tan o' deems. On Po'star. Ou'site Deemland, pas' Rainbow Reso'."
"There is no such place as Rainbow Resort on any map I have."
"... No' act-ooly call' thad… I call i' thad."
"Correction: Your use of 'I' is improper, proper designation is K-0427."
"..."
"Query: what does the rod do?"
"Get rid o' bad deems."
"Query: what else?"
Kirby was quiet for a beat. "Dunno."
"You mean that's it?" She didn't bother phrasing it as a query.
"Sorry."
"You will be, insect." She hurried out before she could do something foolish and busied herself making final preparations to her own Mech suit, even though she didn't need to.
When the knight and king stormed the Access Tower and the head office, she wasn't surprised, but she was a little offended at their lack of propriety.
"This is the Haltmann Works Company's head office. The heart of the company."
She looked the two of them up and down, noting their filthy clothes and muddy feet. Combined with their wrathful stares, they looked like no more than rabid animals. She tutted at them.
"And here you are, acting as though it was your own living room…"
"This is our planet!" the King roared, swinging his primitive mallet. "We'll treat your ugly office however we like."
"Just show us to Kirby, and we may yet come to a peaceful agreement," said the knight in a low voice. "if not though, we will not hesitate to kill you." His murderous eyes glowed from the dark of his visor. She giggled at him.
"You natives need to be taught some manners! You know, my favorite thing about this company is the order"- she glanced at the King- "the control." A glance at the knight. She sighed and shook her head, enjoying herself. "I suppose you would never understand that," she said, venom oozing out of her tone.
The knight made to rush at her in a rage, only just held back by the King's hand on his cape. "Let's just get to the part where you let the kid go, I can only hold him off so long."
"Right," she was all cold professionalism once more, "I do have something special for you." She produced her remote. "Let me tell you a story," she said, activating the cable lift in the ceiling.
"Not long ago, I met someone who impressed me very much."
Kirby's heavy armor met the floor with a dull sound. The knight and king braced and studied the dark object before them.
"They were strange but powerful, full of raw potential…" She gave the product of her labor an admiring glance, excited to see it at work.
The two rebels tensed.
"I was so impressed that I decided to give them a complete remodel! Meet our latest design, the last word in planetary reconstruction. I call them K-0427, or Star-Collapser Kirby!"
As if they had heard their name, the mechanized creature robotically tilted its head up to face the two intruders. Two small, dull eyes peered out at them.
The King choked on air. The knight's fists began to quiver, gripping their sword, and he charged Susie with a furious scream.
She stepped to the side easily while Kirby intercepted, blocking his oncoming blow.
"Engage!" she ordered and, taking her transporter out, flew from the scene to find a more comfortable view.
The knight stretched out bat-like wings and tried to give chase. An enormous sword fell on him before he could go far, grounding him hard and cracking one of his scratched shoulder pauldrons off.
"Meta, quit messing with her, we gotta help 'em!" The King swung their hammer, trying to distract Kirby while the knight, Meta, recovered.
"It's sickening," he growled, climbing back to his feet. "Kirby is a child! I'll kill you!"
From a balcony high above them, Susie just watched. She held the remote control in hand though, just in case the situation called for her manual input.
Kirby rounded on the King, taking heavy steps towards him, dragging the giant blade behind them like a toy. "Easy, buddy. Let's get this junk off you." Susie wanted to laugh at the fear in his voice.
While Kirby was focused on the King, a slicing blow came down on them, cutting a chunk of armor off their back. Meta paused his attack, clearly reluctant to use the opening. Kirby didn't seem to take notice. They stepped up to the King and raised the enormous sword high, exactly like the Dark Matter Swordsman had done before cleaving through their tiny target. The blade reached the height of the ark before Meta flew over Kirby and tackled the king and himself out of its way. The sword crashed down onto the floor behind them, spitting shiny metal and glass everywhere and throwing the two across the slick floor.
"Dedede," the knight said, "I cannot do this. It's wrong."
"Yes, you can! We just gotta break him outta that thing!"
"We can't win." Meta's voice broke, despairing.
Kirby turned sluggishly, realizing their targets had moved.
"I feel ill. I am sorry, my liege. I cannot risk hurting them."
"You're the best swordsman in the galaxy! You could cut the seeds from an apple without bruising it. You won't hurt him."
Susie released the muzzle and Kirby opened their mouth instinctively. The vortex swept debris and shrapnel up and Dedede and Meta had to link hands as Meta anchored them down with his sword driven into the floor.
"We're hurting them worse by letting this go on, Mety!" Dedede said, shouting over the raging twister.
The mess of glass shards on the floor flew into Kirby's mouth and they swallowed them. A crown of tall spikes broke through the top of their armored helmet, snapping more of their defensive covering off. Susie had to remind herself that the price was worth the offensive edge.
"Needle Kirby," Dedede called, "watch your front." Kirby dropped the sword and started a slogging run towards the intruders. Once they'd built up a bit of momentum, they used the rocket boosters to launch themselves at the two, dozens of yard long spears jutting from their body, breaking off more hours of Susie's hard work. Dedede jumped out of the way at the last second and Meta parried off a long needle with his sword, throwing himself back from it.
Kirby's speed began to climb as the armor fell off, and as soon as their two targets had dodged, they went into a new, faster roll, bristling spikes shooting out in all directions. Their speed earned them a few gashes on Dedede's hammer arm and some on Meta's faceplate, but as they retracted the needles, Dedede took the chance to grab Kirby by the arm and, in a shocking display of strength, swing them into the floor, breaking off more of the shattered armor. Kirby themselves bounced off the floor harmlessly and retreated.
Their skin was showing in pink patches all over and Susie was sure the sword would be of little use now. A better copy ability was what she needed now. She searched her pockets, hoping for a battery, a bit of scrap, even a pen or pencil. She finally had to settle for the stain of primordial goo left on her coat from the cloning trial and she tore the corner of fabric off.
"Kirby!" she shouted. "Swallow this!" she released their muzzle again and tossed the scrap to the floor below. The crown of spikes disappeared in a flash and Kirby spat a mouthful of glass shards over the battlefield, cutting Dedede's cloak to ribbons and leaving them both with streams of blood where their skin was uncovered.
Meta took to the air to catch the fabric as it fluttered down and Susie panicked. "Oh no you don't!" she pulled her laser gun out and fired on the knight. He cried out sharply when she hit one of his wings, burning a hole through the thin membrane and forcing him to correct in midair. The vortex caught the scrap in the wind, along with the knight.
"Meta!" Dedede cried. He began to get swept up too, though, and with a pained expression, he forced himself to hook his hand in the gash on the floor, holding on tightly against the pull.
The fabric flew into Kirby's open mouth and Susie was about to muzzle them again when she realized she was quite interested in what would happen if she let them continue to inhale. Meta Knight's wings were beating the air fiercely just to stay in one place, but he would have to get tired eventually. The little alien was so obsessed with eating, maybe after a week of going hungry they would finally have their snack.
Meta Knight fought the wind hard as he could but began to lose more and more forward thrust. He dove to the floor, sword first, driving it into the shiny glass again, but the distance between him and Kirby was much shorter than before and even the mighty sword began to buckle. His metal sabatons were pulled out behind him and one flew off his foot and into Kirby's open maw.
Meta turned backward to face his attacker. "Kirby," he called out, "I know your strength. I know you can overcome this. Please, please, stars, hear me, we would never hurt you. You are good, kind, more than whatever they've tried to turn you into. I will never be convinced otherwise."
The vortex continued. Kirby did not need to stop for a breath. Susie leaned in to watch. The natives of Popstar were all so simple. Kirby epitomized that, a slave to their impulses, constantly thinking of food and rest. She had changed nothing about that.
Kirby brought their arms over their mouth, forcing it closed.
Susie started. She fumbled for the remote and snapped the muzzle closed briefly, forcing Kirby to move their hands out of the way.
They swallowed the fabric and a purple liquid began to run down their head, a crown of toxic-colored slime appearing. She used the remote to goad them into an attack, alarmed at the brief loss of control. Kirby vomited a wave of purple sludge over the battlefield, which steamed and chewed little holes in the floor.
Kirby managed to catch Meta Knight in the wave of sludge, burning at his remaining armor and eating more holes into his abused wings. He had to yank the sword free and hold it aloft before the blade could take serious damage, standing in the acid and grunting in pain while the wave subsided into the ground. Dedede used a complicated move that involved standing on the head of his mallet and continuously spinning it to avoid falling into the stuff, keeping a distance behind the knight.
The knight grunted in pain, armor hissing and holes burning into their wings.
"Forgive me," he hissed through the visor and swung his dirtied sword in an arc, throwing the substance back into Kirby's face and onto the visor. The strange metal steamed a little and Kirby squealed, throwing their hands over their face. Their skin had no reaction to the acid, but another layer of armor sloughed off.
Meta Knight and Dedede both startled, crying out in alarm for their friend until Kirby lowered their hands shakily and resumed the attack. They retched and spit a toxic glob at Dedede, who rolled out of the way and into Kirby, swinging their mallet right into their mouth, into the muzzle, and shutting it hard just as they were preparing to hurl up more. They gagged and coughed against the muzzle, venom and spit running down behind it, and Dedede tackled them, forcing all their weight down on top of them.
"I think I got an idea," Dedede said. "Keep talking to 'em!" Dedede quickly scooped up the slime running down their chin and quickly slathered it over the visor, wiping the burning goo off his hand as quickly as he could. The metal scorched a little more and Kirby slumped, suddenly dazed.
Susie's mind raced. She was about to lose her key to the universe, the most unstoppable being in creation, the only living thing who had seen a wishing star and an interdimensional ship and a rod of dreams.
She jumped down from the balcony with her transporter in one hand, her laser gun in the other, and the remote on her hip, landing beside the rebels and over Kirby's body.
"Get back, savages! No one is going to take this away from me, especially not you dirty animals!" She swung the gun wildly between the two of you. The two of them backed off grudgingly. They couldn't afford to risk further injury, bloodied and acid-scorched.
"I'm sick of seeing people like you wasting your precious resources. Here you have a creature sitting on the cusp of immortality, of infallibility, and have any of you bothered to figure out why?! To teach them to use those gifts to the fullest?! To use them for the better of the whole galaxy?!"
She put her boot on the back of Kirby's half-armored body, daring the two to get closer. "You may live your stupid lives in the mud if you like, but I refuse to let you selfishly hoard this. Not while this galaxy is still untamed."
That's enough, Susie!"
Donned in his mech suit, Haltmann appeared from a sliding gap in the floor on the private lift from his personal office. His desk rose shakily from its spot in the floor, some of the damaged mechanisms catching, but he stood by it gracefully and flicked a piece of shrapnel off the corner.
"Your experiment is causing a great deal of destruction. I believe you are far too personally invested in this. I will handle the rebels myself"
"Sir-!"
"I really do suggest that you try to remember our primary goal: the Mother Computer."
"This could be-!"
"'Could be'. Yes. I want us to remember what is. What is present now, what we have come so far for years to achieve today. You are dismissed."
She took her foot off Kirby and stepped back as if she'd taken a blow. Kirby was supposed to be her ultimate weapon. Kirby was going to save her father, going to make him care about something, for once. Kirby was supposed to save her.
She kicked the puffball away from her. Kirby rolled across the battered floor and onto their side, gagging and making muffled cries. Meta Knight and Dedede ran to them, disregarding Haltmann as he dispassionately pulled his mech fists up and flexed them in preparation. Meta wrenched the muzzle off, yanking the mechanism off in his hand, ignoring how Kirby's coughs still sprayed droplets of venom across his ruined armor. He ran his broken gauntlets over their face, wiping spit and tears away.
"There, there," he said quietly, "I'm sorry if that was uncomfortable. You have helped both of us so much under similar circumstances. We see you fighting in there, let us help you this time."
"Now then my unfortunate guests," Haltmann said, disinterested in the scene before him. "I must thank you for taking care of my secretary. Now though,"-he donned a shiny pair of goggles- "I must escort you out."
Meta and Dedede looked at one another and nodded.
Dedede cupped Kirby's dirty cheek, who seemed to tilt into it just slightly, a barely audible purr resonating from them. Meta jumped up and into Haltmann's path. He swung his sword, sending a crescent-shaped beam out from it and into Haltmann's mech, forcing him back. Susie gasped.
Dedede swung his hammer down on Kirby's visor, shattering half of it off and sending pieces scattering in bursts of black smoke.
Kirby shrieked, their voice reaching an unnatural, echoing volume. It shattered the office window displays and sent hairline cracks running through the ruined glass floor. Graphical errors and glitches covered the once peaceful image of the planet from space until static filled the screens.
Dedede crumbled beside Kirby, unconscious and bleeding from his ears and beak.
Kirby turned to him, scream dying, and stared down at the fallen king. They lowered themselves slowly to the ground next to him, making little rasping, whispered sounds.
"Dee?…"
Dedede did not stir. Kirby started to scream again.
No one dared to move. Meta and Haltmann seemed to forget that the other was even there and even Susie froze, though she didn't know why.
So far, Susie had been watching with the interest of a scientist, the way she would run a prototype through a rigorous test, but something deeper and older than curiosity was sprouting in her chest. The Dark Matter Swordsman had inspired a shadow of that feeling, a deep, primal dread. It occurred to a less scientific part of her mind that if the Swordsman had been a threat, a warning, Kirby was the subject of it. She had frozen in the way she had seen animals freeze in the headlights of her tank, terror-stricken by a huge predator that they could not begin to understand.
She grabbed the remote and hit the guard button, hoping that a defensive action would make Kirby stop screaming. Just stop.
They threw their hands up defensively, but the scream only mutated into a low, constant bellow of rage that reverberated through the walls. The snowy screens began to flicker, sending everyone inside into darkness, then into light, and back. Haltmann's mech began to spark and spasm, and with a confused shout from him, it fell beneath him like a corpse. Only the Star Dream terminal stayed lit, its inactive eye looking above the chaos, stoical.
"Let them go! Now! You don't understand what forces you're dealing with!" Meta Knight whirled on her, an uncharacteristic panic in his voice, and ran to his fallen king.
"What is that?" Haltmann mumbled. "This agony, that sound…"
Susie squinted in the intermittent light at the controls, trying to decide what to do.
Kirby's poison crown blinked away and their cheeks filled. She stopped dead.
Kirby turned in the direction of the terminal and spat a tidal wave of acid at the machine. Smoke gushed out of Star Dream, its hull filling with steaming holes, its eye flickering and rolling. Several components burst and flames began to snake up around the terminal. Star Dream buckled and began to slip in the long gap it hovered over.
Haltmann screamed at the sight and so did Susie. She grabbed the controller, rage and panic flooding her as she smashed buttons randomly.
The whole office descended into a cacophony of noise. The agonized wail of Haltmann, the explosions of Star Dream, the raging yells of Kirby and Susie. Meta Knight was the only one who was silent, covering their head with their gloves as he tried to tend to the king.
Kirby threw themselves around the destroyed office, attacking and inhaling the empty air, throwing debris about. They continued to roar and growl, a thing possessed.
She didn't recognize them. She didn't see the simple creature who'd offered to be her friend even while she was holding them prisoner. She saw the destroyer of her and her father's life work. She wished they would drop dead.
She smashed the attack buttons, despite Kirby not having an ability, and steered them at Meta Knight. Kirby's cries turned fearful and before they could kick and slap uselessly at his army, they jumped over him without her input. She threw the controller against the floor, snarling in anger, and Kirby threw themselves into the floor, rolling and crying. She regretted it immediately and bent to pick it back up, realizing that she may have knocked something internal loose, realizing that the Mother Computer was falling into space as she was standing there, realizing that her father was still at the edge of the pit, wailing.
Meta startled and lowered his raised guard. She didn't know she noticed it through the chaos but she saw that he was trembling.
"Kirby, calm yourself… Please."
She turned to her father, overwhelmed. Haltmann had jumped out of the fallen mech suit and was slamming his hands over the cable lift control panel, trying desperately to catch the falling computer, but nothing responded. The entire building's power seemed to be failing.
Behind her, Meta Knight was murmuring a quiet melody, interrupted occasionally by Kirby's sniffles and growls.
She watched her father struggle while the last visible part of Star Dream scraped down the walls as it fell. She held her gun loosely by her side, having forgotten it. She felt stuck, like she wasn't even there, replaced by a camera that could only watch the unfolding scene.
Haltmann pulled levers until they were ripped out of the wall, talking nonsensically to himself at a desperate pitch. Star Dream continued to fall, fire rising from where it had slipped out of sight, creaking on its breaking supports.
A ceiling panel shattered beside Susie and she fell to the floor, robbed of her own senses.
"We must escape." Meta Knight said. He had Kirby under his arm where they would occasionally twitch and flinch and was staring at her in a way that would allow no protest. She stared at him, not registering the command. "If you two value your lives you will help me carry the King of Dreamland and flee! I fear that your actions have had… consequences."
Susie realized she had control over her body and stood. She had been reduced to a shaking child, her eyes blown wide.
"No! No, no, no!" Haltmann gripped his disorganized hair in his hands, staring down the pit where Star Dream had fallen, then he jumped after it.
Susie screamed. She forgot Meta Knight's warning and ran to the pit, watching her father dive after the computer. A shape rushed past her out of the side of her vision.
"NO!" Meta Knight was suddenly beside her, his voice in her ear. She blinked, for what felt like the first time since the battle began. She saw Kirby falling behind her father, having jumped after him. She felt that she should have screamed again, but didn't know what or how it would help. She couldn't get the sound out of her throat anyway, only choking out a kind of sob.
She felt Meta Knight grabbing the controller from her limp hand, heard him snapping it into pieces, but never looked away from the pit.
For a moment, Haltmann, and then Kirby, disappeared into the darkness and it all felt very real, final. He was gone, she was sure.
Meta Knight's breath began to gasp and she felt a kind of pity and respect for him that she had never felt before. She almost wanted to laugh. Here they were, watching their loved ones fall into the same abyss and vanish forever, not moving, just watching it happen.
A pale spot appeared out of the darkness and they both stiffened, silent as statues. The only sound was the fading scrape of Star Dream's agonizingly slow fall.
A pink dot rose up slowly, swaying back and forth, falling occasionally back into the pit below. Meta Knight made an incomprehensible sound of horror and jumped after it, leaving Susie to stare. Then she pulled her transporter from its forgotten place on her belt.
Together, the three of them managed to pull Haltmann, who had fainted in the fall, back onto solid ground. Kirby, Meta Knight, and Susie collapsed around him.
She pulled herself up and crawled on her hands and knees to look down on his face, watching him breathe. Only then did tears fall, long-delayed until now.
Meta Knight held a rudimentary device to the side of his head, brushing debris and broken armor off Kirby with the other paw, speaking rapidly into it. She didn't parse what he said.
She heard a noise, a high, thin whistle, and stopped crying to listen. Everything rocked, like an earthquake, shattering the glass floor into chucks, leaving the hard cement underneath it exposed. Ceiling panels crashed down like meteors. Metal screeched and the last of the power went out, leaving everything in the red, swinging lights of the emergency alarm bulbs. She couldn't be sure if what was happening was real until her mind caught up. Star Dream had exploded in the fall, probably into the Access Tower below them.
"Help is on the way," Meta Knight said. His voice was worn ragged. Susie sympathized. She nodded dumbly.
"We must get to the roof. Now." She stood up robotically. "Carry them." he gestured to Dedede and Haltmann, "Do you have a suit like your father's?"
She donned it silently as answer, her own mecha rising below her and lifting her up. She fit herself into the controls without needing to think.
Meta Knight nodded at her and put a hand behind Kirby's back, cradling them. She couldn't help but stare at their unconscious little body, marveling at how quickly they had returned to their harmless old self in sleep.
"I will keep up with you, lead our way."
The two of them ran through the offices and up stairs, the elevators having failed long ago. Occasionally the whole Access Tower would buckle, falling sideways by degrees each time, until she and Meta were having to climb and fly up what had once been the hall floors. Everything was literally falling down around them and Susie held her father tight in the mech's hand, not knowing what to think.
When they reached the roof, she only noted the fact that the tower was sure to fall at any moment many miles down to Popstar's surface with hollow exhaustion. She didn't care about anything else now but getting the five of them to safety.
A grim and angled spaceship with a front helm resembling Meta's mask swung out above them and when it made its emergency landing, she clambered on board like a drawing rat onto driftwood with her father and the King of Dreamland in tow.
She and Haltmann were confined to cells onboard. (She suspected that Meta Knight had put them into cells that faced into each other as a small mercy to her.) After that, the two of them were left alone as the rest of the crew rushed Kirby, Meta Knight, and Dedede to the medical bay.
No one was left to guard them, likely because no one expected either of them to be in any state to escape. They were mostly right. But eventually, she realized that she had no choice. If she allowed them to take her father away, he may be killed for his actions. This would all be for nothing.
She stood up weakly, afraid her legs might give out under her any moment, and took out her laserpointer. She'd held onto it since her first meeting with Haltmann about Kirby and this time she set the power to lethal. She shot the padlock off her cell, melting it, and did the same for her father's.
She donned her mech suit again (her captors had failed to find the activation for it before hurriedly locking them up) and picked him up carefully. He was either still unconscious or not willing to wake up. Either way, she let him lay across the suit's arms and she carried him.
She didn't worry about being stealthy as she searched for a launch bay and no one was around to notice. No one cared about the two Haltmanns. The real heroes were still recovering, after all, and as she and Haltmann jumped an escape pod, she felt certain that they were resting soundly, probably tended by the spearman and Meta Knight's loyal crew.
Kirby was probably cuddled up with their friends, their tears soothed and abstract hunger and thirst happily sated by fawning Popstarians. She imagined that she could see Meta Knight through a port window, stroking their back as they nuzzled into him, King Dedede gently wiping the dust and glass away with a clean cloth in his injured hands. They would all spend the rest of eternity that way, as a happy, loving family. Eventually, everything she and her father had done would be cleared away and forgotten.
The pod coasted through space and Susie couldn't help but look out the little window at the stars, wondering if one of them could grant a wish.
