Confessions
After our intense battle with Victor we went back to the Baxter building to try and fix up the mess that was made. As I come back to my room I realize I need to talk to Johnny, our talk before everything went down was still weighing on me and also still recovering from thinking he died. I gently knock on his door and peak my head in.
"Hi." I softly spoke.
"Hey." He gives me a little smile, I come all the way in and shut the door. "Are you okay? He didn't hurt you, did he?"
Him asking me this, being so concerned gets me a bit emotional, the fear and pain came flashing back, "...yeah, I'm okay..." I could only say.
He walks up to me and he sees my arms, "oh my God! He did that to you?" He angrily blurts out, the heating chair that Victor strapped me down on had burned my arms, I have marks all over, plus a ring mark around my wrist from the handcuffs. He raises them and is intensely observing but also very gently touching them. I couldn't help but just stare at him lovingly, "does it hurt?"
"A little." While he's holding my arms I take my arms away and hold his hands, "Johnny...we need to talk."
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." He agreed.
"Look...what happened out there..." I start to explain.
"I know what your going to say...it was a intense situation and you got caught up in the moment and now that it's over, we can move on..." He interrupts.
"...No...that's not what I was going to say." I for once was not going to lie, "I was going to say...I thought I lost you...and I should have gone after you..." I softly start to cry, "I'm sorry for hurting you...it did mean something."
"It really did?" He asked hopeful.
"Yeah...Johnny...I've wanted you far so long...way before the space station...even before our first night together...your all I've wanted (he holds my face soothing my cheeks but it makes me cry more at how gentle and sweet he's being) and you were right...I've been scared, scared of being with you...scared of losing you...I never thought we would ever happen...that you would ever want to be with me and when it did...I guess I couldn't take, that it felt so unreal, like I was going to wake up at any moment and it was all just a dream that I never wanted to wake up from."
He strokes my shoulders, soothing them. I close my eyes just loving the feeling of his touch, "I know what you mean." He softly spoke as he runs his fingers through my hair.
"What do you mean?"
"That night college...it did mean something...something that I never felt before...and haven't since...I was so terrified that you didn't feel the same that I just blurted it out, I hoped if you felt differently that you would have said something and then I would say I did too but...you didn't...and I guess I was also worried that I had taken advantage of you that night..."
"Johnny, you did not take advantage of me." I couldn't help but chuckle at that, he really thought he had done something bad, "me attacking you...was bound happen." We both kind of chuckle.
"Then you left...I thought I had screwed everything up..." He pointed out.
"I thought I screwed up...when you said we could go back to the way things were...I knew I couldn't...I couldn't even be in the same room as you...I did avoid you...meant to leave without saying a word...I'm so sorry...if I had known..." I confessed.
"Hey, we both were afraid...and both should have said how we felt..." He gently interrupted.
"And how do you feel?" I very softly spoke after a few minutes.
"...That I love you..." He stroked my hair.
"What?" I didn't expect him to say that!
"I love you...why do you think I never have a relationship? That I've spent the past 3 years being alone?" I didn't say anything, I just keep looking into his eyes, "I've been waiting for you to come back into my life...when I found out you were coming with us to space...I knew I finally could have my second chance."
I couldn't help but put my hands on his face and give him a passionate kiss, he holds me so tight to his body, after we pull apart I am still holding his face and our noses are almost touching, "I love you too...I love you more than anything." I softly caress his face, he brings me in again and kisses me again.
"What about Sue?" He gently asked after we separated.
"...I just need to tell her that we're going to be together...and hopefully she'll learn to except it." I answered.
"Do you want me to talk to her? I mean, this was my fault too." He offered.
I'm touched that he's willing to talk to her, "no, thanks but...this is about me and her...she's not mad at you, she's mad at me. I need to talk to her."
"Okay...good luck." He softly replied before I left the room.
I softly knock on Sue's door and I do not walk in like I was able to do on Johnny's door. I wait until she answers it. "What do you want?" She kind of coldly asked.
"Sue, we need to talk." I gently told her.
"Fine..." She lets me come in, she shuts the door behind her and sits on her bed while I stay standing up.
"Sue...I'm sorry...I should never have gone behind your back and I should have told you about me and Johnny...I wasn't being honest with you or him...even to myself."
"Honest about what?" She asked.
"That...I'm in love with Johnny...I've loved him (starting to get emotional) from the moment I first saw him...I never thought we would ever be together and I never knew that he felt the same way about me." I tell her.
"Then why did you say you were using him?"
"...I was lying to him...I was lying to myself...and I blurted it out trying to think of anything so I could break things off...I panicked."
"Why?"
"Because of you...lying to you was...killing me." I gently answered, "your my best friend Sue, I was always terrified that you wouldn't want us together and I would lose you...and I guess I wasn't paranoid about that after all."
"Your staying with him?" She asked with folded arms.
"...Yes...Sue, you'll always be my best friend and I will always love you...but I have put you first for the past 8 years...I have to finally put him first...we deserve a real chance and we can finally be happy," I told her trying to be as sensitive as I can,."If you can't except it or don't like it...I'm sorry but it won't stop me from being with him."
"...Even though I don't like...I guess I will have to suck it up and live with it." She said still not sounding happy.
"Goodnight Sue." I say as I turn to walk out of her room.
When I shut the door behind me I cry, it's killing me that she isn't happy with us and incredibly hurt and I am going to miss her because I know we are done as friends, we might be co-works, heroes but I guess that's all we'll be.
They said I love you and told each other everything! I know Sue is not being nice right now but I did warn you about drama!
