"Where are we? Since when was America so wet?" Bill and Ted looked around for something familiar, pausing long enough to dump their stolen clothes onto a slippery wooden deck that slowly rolled beneath their feet.

A bright sky stretched out around them, and the nearest land they could make out squatted on the horizon as vague smears. A great stretch of water opened up all around, glittering harshly in the daylight, and waves shaded their own bellies from the sun in dark curls.

"This place is even bigger than Waterloo."

Unlike the theme park, the sharp air hung empty of children's delighted screams, instead punctuated by the groan of ropes and the creak of wood. Mozart clung tight to a thick mainmast supporting piles on piles of enormous sails, but Caesar went up the edge unconcernedly to examine how quickly the ship's dark hull cut a path through the water.

Ted joined him, hanging his head over the rail. "Hey Bill, I think we're on the ocean," he called back, grinning.

His bright expression vanished in shock when a gunshot rang over their heads. He looked up, and for the first time he noticed the rough men leering down at them from the ropes like enormous spiders on a web. Mozart cried out as another man came around the mast and pinned him in place with a dagger to his neck. Even as Bill rushed to help him more men charged up onto the deck, halting Bill in his tracks with a barrier of sword points.

Ted stood frozen, staring way up at a black flag, decorated with a skeleton holding a spear to a heart, as it waved far above their heads. He jumped to attention as a tall man poked him in the ribs with a smoking gun. The man's face was nearly lost in hair, for all the massive black beard was restrained with coils of rope. More smoke wafted up around him as the long coils smoldered and glowed in the dark tangled hair.

"Bill... are you sure you read the listing right?" Ted warily eyed the rows of additional guns and swords ringing the man's belt.

The pirates shoved Bill and Mozart over toward Ted and Caesar so their leader could interrogate all of them. They huddled close together in a protective knot, backs to the water, facing the menacing figure pressing in. He loomed over the little group, teeth flashing behind his beard in a sharp grin. The crew ringed in close behind him, leaving no room to escape.

"You wee gentlemen have chosen the wrong day to prove yourselves. Did you think you could win a reward by spying on my crew and stealing my ship out from under me?"

"No sir, not us," Ted tried his best to sound innocent and respectful.

The pirate sneered at him, unimpressed. "You've not stowed away for long, you're not clever enough to have hid from this crew. There's a ship lurking somewhere amongst these isles, and you've snuck on while we anchored. You're an advanced scout for a boarding party, and that infernal smoking crate of yours is how you send your signals. You tell me what flag you're flying, and where she's hid, and I'll let you go with your lives."

Bill and Ted looked at each other. It seemed worth the shot, so they declared together: "We're Wyld Stallyns!"

"There's no ship of that name sailing these waters. You keep lying to me, and you'll go to your graves sorry you ever tried to fool Blackbeard."

"No fooling, Mister Blackbeard. We came here to see you, and your uh, nice boat."

"That's Commodore Blackbeard, and this beautiful lady is The Queen Anne's Revenge, pride of my fleet. There's no one along these shores who don't know that."

"You must be famous from history then! Let us ask you some questions, and we can use you in our report." Ted cheered up instantly at the idea of passing his grade, his mind skipping directly from the present trouble to imagining himself avoiding military school.

"Enough! I'll make history out the lot of you, and you'll be the start." He grabbed Ted with his free hand and held him up by the front of his shirt. With long, deliberate strides, he carried Ted out over the railing and stood ready to drop the boy with the slightest loosening of his grip.

Ted clutched at his arm and stared down between his own feet, watching the water churn far below.

"Take what they have and put them off!" Blackbeard ordered his crew before leering at his victims. "You puppies will be swimming to shore."

A soft rasp of metal on cloth undercut his words, and Blackbeard suddenly stiffened. Caesar held a sword point to Blackbeard's ribs, a sword he'd slipped from amongst the ones in the pirate's belt.

"Try it, and my men will fill you with so many holes even the fish won't make a meal out of you," Blackbeard threatened.

If Caesar understood, he gave no sign of backing down. He held the weapon steady, giving an imperious stare to show how fully he believed he controlled this situation. The pirate's gaze shifted to his men, lifting his chin to give a nod. His crew leaned in even closer, each of them levelling guns, knives, and swords according to what lay at hand.

"Wait. We can show you how we snuck our crate aboard your ship. And, we can show you the amazing treasure we hid inside." Bill offered with his most enticing voice.

Blackbeard placed Ted back on the deck. Caesar lowered the sword, but made no move it return it to its owner. The pirate made a brusque gesture to his fellows to clear some space, and Bill led the group back to the phone booth.

"You can only see what it does from the inside," Bill explained, getting Blackbeard to squeeze in with them. Bill lifted the receiver, and Ted wedged the door shut.