They shot through cloud and lightning into clear sky, hitting the ground with enough impact to hurl up sand. They all gave a collective groan at the jolting, except for Blackbeard, who shoved the door open and leapt straight outside with a shout.
"Now this is a treasure! We could attack anyone, anywhere, and get away before they could take their tails out from between their legs."
"Let's go easy here, dude. We at least gotta figure out where we are before we start robbing people. Besides, we probably couldn't load much into the booth anyway." Ted dragged himself free of the tangle of limbs to stagger out into the dust.
He squinted in the play of darkness giving away to bright dawn. The artificial storm clouds vanished as quickly as they had formed. In their place brilliant light shimmered on the horizon, the red disc of the sun revealing only its upper curve as if slowly pushing up from under the edge of the world itself. Heat stabbed out on long rays to cut through the cool air like arrows cast from light.
"Hey Bill, where'd we call this time?"
"Dunno, I didn't really read it all the way through," Bill admitted. "Something about the great pyramids of Egypt, and I figured, if even a phone book thinks its great, than it's gotta be worth some serious points on our report."
"Yeah, that makes sense. Good thinking, Bill." Ted nodded.
"Good thinking, indeed, Bill! Egypt is a fine a place as any. They were said to control gold mines like what we've never seen. These ancient heathens went to their graves richer than any kings or queens of my day. And I do believe our light -fingered gentleman knows his way around," Blackbeard watched Caesar with keen interest.
Caesar had stepped out onto the sands with confident familiarity, already leaving footprints behind him as he walked away from the booth. Blackbeard followed as if expecting to be led directly to riches. Caesar regarded his companion's sudden friendship. Unwrapping the outer layer of his toga, he retied it to support the sword he'd claimed and handed Blackbeard a golden pin from his own clothes in return, which the pirate accepted with good grace.
"Here we go. Imhotep, builder of the step pyramid, one of the most iconic among great pyramids of Egypt." Bill read out. "Hey, That's the dude from this really old movie my dad showed me once. He comes back from the dead and starts digging up some old ruins to find his girlfriend or something."
"That is some serious commitment, Ted noted. "Let's go check it out."
They hurried after Caesar and Blackbeard, and Mozart trailed after them in turn, trying to kick sand out of his delicate heeled shoes. Their route took them between rows of towering rectangular monuments laid out like giant slabs, their false doors vividly painted with arcane writing and curiously exaggerated humans. Wind-blown sand slowly crumbled away the mudbrick and piled up against the walls, giving a forlorn quality despite the call of voices and sigh of the river carrying over the distance.
"You know dude, I'm not seeing any pyramids around here. Somehow I thought they'd be easier to find," Ted pointed out.
"Yeah," Bill agreed.
As Caesar led them out into the spreading dawn, the light revealed not ancient monoliths but a hive of activity. A work site the size of a city stretched all the way to the waters of the Nile, where labourers unloaded massive stones from the boats. As they worked they chanted together, letting their movements flow along in a rise and fall in time to their song. Even as they hauled their loads to shore, craftsmen laid out their tools and examined the new stone, measuring each rough-cut block and marking them into grids with strings and red paint. Still others chipped and scored the rows of marked blocks into smooth edges.
"Dude, we in the middle of a math puzzle. This place is making my head hurt."
They weren't the only one's with headaches. A rapid back-and-forth flow of people led back to a harried man like a picnic swarmed by ants. As they rushed to consult him, he increasingly formed an expression of someone who'd just gotten a bad grade on his homework. Sweat rolled down his back to darken the waist of his short white kilt.
As the group of time travelers came closer, Blackbeard gestured for them to duck down behind the stones. Caesar and Mozart fell in behind him, though the musician did so somewhat quizzically. The three stayed hidden while Bill and Ted stepped out to join the swarm.
"Hey, Mr. Mummy. You know, first when I saw you on that film, I was kind of freaked out. But the movie gave you a way worse rap then you deserved. For one thing, you're much better looking with your skin on."
From where they stood they could see Blackbeard slinking up behind Imhotep's line of sight. He leapt on him and grabbed him with enough force to knock his wig askew, dragging him back toward the booth without waiting for the rest of the group.
"What are you doing? We were just going to invite him," Bill protested.
"You've got to do bigger things than that, think of the opportunity you're missing! They'll be wanting his return plenty quick. This whole place depends on him! Anyone rich enough to build a palace just to rot in can spare a pretty ransom." Blackbeard didn't slow down even as he tried to keep a pistol on his struggling captive and on the labourers at the same time.
They looked for some support from their other historical figures, but Caesar wasn't in the least perturbed to be capturing an Egyptian. That left Mozart with Bill and Ted, who, faced with hundreds of angry workmen scrambling to the rescue, decided the best option was to run.
Bill shoved his way into the phone booth, straining to reach the book and receiver through the crush of bodies.
Ted leaned out to keep an eye on the men chasing after them. "Sorry, dudes! We'll bring him back after our report, promise," He shouted, waving goodbye.
"Pick us another good one," Blackbeard encouraged as Bill fumbled with the pages.
"How's this one? Medieval England, the time of princesses and castles."
