Darkly shaded woods cradled them in their landing. A spongy mat of shed needles and rotting leaves sank under their collective weight, and the vapour dissipating off the booth wound into the tree branches and clung around the needles in little clouds. They tumbled out into the smells of wood smoke and barn animals competing with the freshness of tree sap. Imhotep stared at the strange, crowded trees and the way moisture squished up from the ground under his sandals. He shivered in his thin linen, the sweat on his skin rapidly drying in the cold air, but all the same he went into the shadows to touch the craggy bark in disbelief. Blackbeard quickly went after him and put a wiry arm around his bare shoulders to keep him from wandering.

"One castle as promised, now all we gotta do is get inside," Bill said, gesturing to the grey stone walls looming over the trees. "What do you say to trying that same trick on a king, Mister Commodore Blackbeard?"

"I say the more the merrier, and the richer the better," The pirate chuckled.

Bill tried to gather their group together to take them down the rutted dirt road, but Ted was too busy staring up in rapture. Bill followed his gaze until his eyes landed on a sight that drove every thought from his mind, even the fragments of music that vibrated constantly between his ears. The emptiness in his brain filled just as quickly with a wordless warm glow. At the center of that feeling lay the most beautiful sight he'd ever known. Two princesses stood on the balcony above them, the wind carrying the faintest whisper of their giggles as they watched the boys below.

Bill shook his head clear as the girls vanished inside. "Come on dude, we gotta get back to our history report," He reminded Ted. No matter how gorgeous they were, there was no point standing here for babes who were literally out of their reach.

"I can't dude, I'm in love."

"But how are we even gonna meet them?"

The question snapped Ted back to reality, and he shot off toward the castle so fast the rest of them had to scramble to keep up. Imhotep skirted along the stone walls, studying the openings while Caesar and Blackbeard kept an eye on the guards. Once Imhotep sorted out the architecture he snuck them inside, finding narrow inner passages to hide from view.

"You must be most excellent at mazes," Bill said to Imhotep as he wove a path toward the balcony and room that had held the boys' attentions.

They leaned their heads around the doorway, checking if the coast was clear. They froze uncertainly at the sight of the princesses, until Mozart gave them both a push forward, forcing them to stumble into view. The princesses startled at the appearance of their group, but smiled back at Bill and Ted's identical blank grins.

"What do we do now?" Ted whispered to Bill.

Bill struggled a minute before he could think again. "Go talk to them," He finally whispered back.

"You're the ones we saw earlier," The dark haired girl spoke up, while her fairer sister hung back at her side shyly. "but why have you come here?"

"We're here for you," Ted stammered out.

"For us?"

"Yeah. Will you come with us on our historic tour of San Dimas? We're planning a most bodacious report." Ted held one hand on his heart and other stretched out in invitation.

"What curious bracelet. The pieces inside are moving," The dark haired girl took his extended hand.

"Oh, it's called a watch. If you like it, it's yours." Ted pulled it off and strapped it to her wrist instead, where it hung loosely over her hand.

The two girls shared a look. "Elizabeth," One introduced herself with a tiny bob of a curtsy. "and my sister Joanna. We'd be honoured to attend this tour you speak of."

Mozart gathered all four of them into his arms like so many ducklings, calling them "Mama" and "Papa" delightedly as he ushered them along.

"These are our friends. They're all coming too." Ted explained hastily.

"It must be wonderful to have so many friends. We've never been allowed to have any. Father thinks it will make us more agreeable to our husbands. He's going to force us to marry two horrible old men."

"No way!" Bill and Ted both protested together.

They hurried back through the dark passageways, only to pull up short as they tried to get around the doorway of the great hall to reach the next set of servant stairs winding between the walls. An old man in a heavy cloak was already in the room, accepting the entry of two men as guards escorted them inside. Though the men were richly dressed, even their fine clothes were unable to detract from the unpleasantness of their faces.

"Oh, it's Father!" Joanna whispered.

"Joanna, Elizabeth! They've kidnapped the princceses! Guards, after them," The father shouted.

Blackbeard drew his sword eagerly as the guards blocked their path. "You take care of the maidens. We men can handle these metal worms."

Caesar drew his weapon as well, while Mozart tried to shield all four youth with his body. More guards piled into the hall to surround them, holding dozens of swords against their two.

"Bogus," Bill and Ted groaned.

"We'll save you, babes!" They called to the princesses as they were forced apart and dragged away.

"This dungeon is most non-triumphant," Bill tugged at the chain around his wrists, twisting it back and forth on the clasp above.

Each of them were bound along the damp wall, arms stretched painfully over their heads.

"As much as I've always expected to land in such a place, I never guessed it to be here and now," Blackbeard mused.

"I think I can unhook this if I get high enough," Bill planted a foot on Ted's hip and tried to walk up his side like a ladder. "Quit moving around so much," he grunted as Ted went into a slow spin.

He dropped back down again in surprise as the heavy door slowly pushed open and two young faces leaned around the edge. Joanna and Elizabeth snuck in, clutching their skirts over the dirty floor. Despite the position he was in, the sight of the princesses made Bill's open mouth turn into a smile. A glance at Ted showed his friend making the same hopeless grin. Elizabeth boosted her sister up, who shoved the large key into the lock on his cuffs.

"Thanks, babes. Totally excellent rescue." Bill slid down the wall as they released him, glad to put his feet back down on the ground.

He helped Ted down, and then passed over the key to Blackbeard, who made much faster work with the advantage of his height.

"We really gotta get back to the booth we came in, otherwise there's no way out of here."

Blackbeard harrumphed loudly. "Oh, and if we could get our stuff, that'd be great."

"We've brought it along. We need it ourselves for our plan," Elizabeth told them eagerly. "All this metal is so heavy," The two of girls together grabbed Blackbeard's laden belt from where they'd left it in the doorway and tried to drag it into the room, the leather winding in knots and the swords scraping along the floor. Blackbeard scooped it out of their hands easily.

"We have an idea, or rather, Father had one. You're going to kidnap us."

The princesses showed the boys how to hold a sword to each girl's heart without hurting them. Bill hoped Joanna didn't notice how badly he was shaking as he tried to figure out where to put his hand and clasp her against his body.

"Father has the whole castle sealed. We'll take you past him and his guards, so be ready."

The two princesses led them out of the dungeon, pretending to tremble for their lives as they came into sight of the guards. Bill and Ted did their best to look like they knew what they were doing this time.

"We'll make a deal with you, royal old dude. You let us go, and when we get down the road we'll release the princesses. If you don't we'll, uh..." Ted petered out.

Elizabeth shrieked loudly as if in fright, covering his confused pause.

"So you better not try anything!"

They hurried to get through the hall before more guards could arrive from their posts, leaving the father to shout helplessly in anger.

"Left here," Joanna whispered. "We've already had the horses saddled."

"But babes, neither of us knows how to ride a horse." Bill whispered back.

"We do, just pretend you're forcing us to lead."

Caesar wasted no time in springing up onto a horse, guiding it forward with his knees to leave his hands free for his sword. Joanna lifted herself up onto her horse and smoothed her skirt over one side. Elizabeth did the same, and each helped Bill and Ted up behind them. Imhotep balked at the foreign creatures, but Blackbeard lifted him and Mozart up on one anyway. They sent their horses trampling down the road, racing to get ahead before any Medieval knights caught up.

"Right here, at that red box!"

They pushed against each other to squeeze into the little space.

Joanna and Elizabeth laughed in relief to get away. Bill and Ted caught each other's gazes and shared the same expression of disbelief. They broke into a tiny air guitar session in the cramped booth. They had actually gotten two gorgeous babes to come with them.