March 27 2022

The 94th Academy Awards ceremony was being hosted by famous black comedian Chris Rock, with many famous actors and actresses in attendance as something was about to occur that would change the life of Chris Rock forever.

"You know who's got the hardest job tonight? Javier Bardem and his wife are both nominated. Now if she loses, he can't win! Chris Rock said as the Javier and his wife laugh in the background along with the rest of the audience

"He is praying that Will Smith wins! Like please lord! Chris Rock said as Will Smith laughs and says 'Ah ha ha! Oh, that's hot! That's hot.'

"Jada, I love ya. Gi Jane two can't wait to see ya!" Chris Rock said as Will Smith laughs again in the audience, though Jada is not pleased in the slightest.

"Kill him. Kill him right now." Jada said to her husband with a voice that resembled a certain Sith Lord from a galaxy far far away.

"I-I shouldn't." Will Smith says as he tries to plead to his wife about letting the black comedian live another day.

"Do it." Jada says in a way that would compel anyone to do her bidding much less her own husband.

"Ah ha ha ha! It's-that was-that was a nice one! Ok, I'm out here-Oh oh! Richard! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Chris Rock said as Will Smith meancingly approached the black comedian with earth shattering footsteps that demanded revenge.

SLAP! Will Smith slaps Chris Rock in the face with everything he had. That slap landed so hard against Chris Rock's cheek that the earpiercing shockwave caused the world itself to be damaged as a black hole appears out of thin air. This climatic event causes everyone in the audience to scream and run for their lives but, the two black actors are still there as one of them is about to be erased from the world forever.

"Wow! Wow! Will Smith just slapped the shit out of me!" Chris Rock says as he is about to be sucked into the impending black hole of doom while Will Smith looks to the black comedian with no pity or remoarse in his eyes whatsoever."

"Keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth!" Will Smith roars towards Chris Rock as he throws a water bottle straight towards the black comedian's head to finish him off. However, this isn't just any water bottle, no, no, no. This water bottle is the same one that struck Justin Bieber's head all those years. A water bottle with enough power that it could split the world in two. Eat your heart out Arash.

BAM! The water bottle strikes Chris Rock's head that causes an explosion for some reason. An x-ray into Chris Rock's head reveals that his skull was completely smashed into pieces just like when Jotaro broke DIO's skull all the way back in 1987. The explosion that came out of nowhere then sends the black comedian into the black hole where he is utterly torn to pieces and never seen again. The End!

Just kidding! It's not over yet Snake! No, this is just the beginning of this story as we are about to see Chris Rock be reborn into another world! Yes, Chris Rock just got fucking Isekaied.

Cue title card!

Ultraman Rock

Cue Ultraman Rock's theme song!

Chris Rock is the hero! He will kill you with his Rock punch! Something, something. You know what, just figure out the rest guys.

Episode 1: Chris Rock dies! A new Ultraman is born!

"What just happened? Where the hell am I?" Chris Rock said as he starts to blinks his eyes only to realize that he is not in Kansas, I mean on Earth anymore.

"The young man has awakened at last, my brothers." Zoffy says towards his brothers, Ultraman and Ultra Seven as the black comedian then imediately gets his ass up after hearing the beings of light speak.

"W-What the hell?! W-Who the fuck are you guys?! No, wait, better question, what the fuck is this place!?" Chris Rock yells towards the three beings of light that surrounds him.

"I will answer all of your questions in order. First, this is not hell. Second, we are beings of light known to the people of Earth as Ultraman. I'm Ultraman Zoffy." Zoffy says with a stern tone of voice.

"I'm Ultraman. Just Ultraman. Ha Ha!" Ultraman says with a laugh as he attempts to put the coversation in a more upbeat fashion.

"And I'm Ultra Seven. All right introductions are officially over. Now, can we get on with this! I have to save another planet full of aliens that are about to be destroyed by a ressurected King Joe!" Ultra Seven says with anger in his voice towards his fellow Ultra Brothers.

"Patience, Brother Seven. I was about to get to the last part of explanations to our new brother. Now to answer your third question, this is the Land of Light. It is the home of all of us who call ourselves Ultraman." Zoffy says as he continues to speak with words of wisdom towards the black comedian who is uneducated about the world of the Ultra Series.

"But you don't need to know too much about this place." Ha ha! Ultraman laughs again as he is providing the comedic relief in this story.

"Ok, thanks for the answers. But, now I have another question. How the hell am I alive?! If I remember corectly, and I would know because it litterally happened to me, my skull was completely shattered by Will Smith! So how the hell am I here, surrounded by all of you white guys, on this alien planet that I have ever heard about until now?! Chris Rock yells towards the three beings of light surrounding him.

"I'll answer that question. Here's the gist. You died, we brought you back to life, and now you are here on our home world. Oh, and to reveal the big twist, you are one of us now and you will be protecting the Earth for a very long time as the new Ultraman. There, I think we are done here so I'm gonna bounce. Later guys." Ultra Seven says as he flies away towards another alien planet never to be seen again. Until a crossover event happens that demands his return.

"Aw! I wanted to reveal that! You are so mean, Brother Seven!" Ultraman shouts towards his departed brother while pouting like a Tsundere.

"Huh. I guess that basically summarizies everything you need to know." Zoffy says with a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Great. Thanks for that. So, in layman's terms, I've returned from death, became a white ass alien, and now I'm also a superhero who has to defend Earth from other weird ass aliens?" Chris Rock says towards the remaining two beings of light.

"Yes." Zoffy says.

"Pretty much." Ultraman says.

"Ok. One more question, guys. How long am I protecting Earth for exactly? Because I'm supposed to film another Madagascar film in a few months?" Chris Rock says while remincing on his greatest performance as an actor. Playing Marty the Zebra. A masterful performance that deserves all the Oscars for making children laugh and cry all across the world.

"That depends on how long you can keep your identity as the new Ultraman a secret." Zoffy says.

"Well, how long did you two guys keep your secrets for?" Chris Rock said as he questions the two beings of light.

"About thirty nine episodes." Ultraman says with a thumbs up.

"I-I never got a TV show." Zoffy says while looking towards the ground out of embarrassment with a blushing bright red expression on his face.

"Oh, and Brother Seven got Forty nine episodes. Boo! Boo!" Ultraman says with a thumbs down.

"Oh! I see! This just a gig! It is all a TV show! I get it, I finally understand everything now! Well, adios you crackers! I'm going to be the star of my new TV show!" Chris Rock yells with excitement in his voice as he proceeds to fly away at speeds that are faster than light towards the planet Earth.

"W-Wait, I didn't tell you the most important part yet!" Zoffy tries to stop Chris Rock from leaving the Land of Light to no avail.

"And, he's gone." Ultraman says while looking towards space.

"Darn it! I don't think he understands what is to be expected of him as the new Ultraman." Zoffy says towards Ultraman.

"Don't worry about it. He'll be just fine! I mean what's the worst that could happen? All of Japan is in ruins? Ha ha!" Ultraman says while budging his shoulder towards his older brother.

"Don't jinx it." Zoffy says with no amusement on his face at all.

A few minutes later

"Ah! Wow! That was fast! I never expected to be able to fly at those insane speeds in my entire life! Thank you, superhero powers!" Chris Rock says with satisfaction in his voice as he hovers over the Earth.

"Now, what do I do now?" Chris Rock says with a confused expression on his face as he waits for something to happen to the Earth.

A few days later

"Someone fucking help me!" Someone cries out which wakes Chris Rock from his long slumber.

"Oh, ah, what happened? Wait a minute, someone is in danger! About goddam time!" Chris Rock says as he flies towards where the voice was coming from with the speed of light.

Tokyo, Japan

"I'm here! Oh, um, you're already dead." Chris Rock says after arriving in Tokyo and seeing that the person who screamed for help is now dead. The man's body was split in half by some unknown enemy.

"Wow! These practical effects are insanely good! He really looks like he is dead!" Chris Rock says in astonishment as two children approach him.

"NO! Daddy! Why?! Why is he split in half?! Why won't he get up?!" A young girl says as she runs towards her deceased father with tears in her eyes. A young boy is behind her.

"Sakura, father is dead. No man could have survived that. Much less are old man." The boy emotionlessly stares towards his own father's corpse with a blank expression on his face.

"Shin! How could you say that?! Daddy isn't dead! He would never die like this! Not like this!" Sakura screams towards her older brother, Shin, as he proceeds to slap her across the cheek hard.

"Shut up! Father is dead! There was nothing we could do about it because there isn't anything that pathetic humans like us can do to stop Kaijus from killing people! Only Ultraman can stop those bastards!" Shin yelled towards his sister, as Chris Rock realizes that this is big moment to play the hero.

"Ah ha ha ha ha! Have no fear! The monsters will be defeated soon! Hey look there! I think I see Ultraman over there!" Chris Rock says with an overly campy voice as he gets the two orphans' attention by pointing to nowhere in particular and then runs off to a part of Tokyo where conveintly no one is around at.

"Alright! It's my time to shine! ROCK!" Chris Rock screams as he is transformed into a giant being of light, the new Ultraman, Ultraman Rock!

"Ah, yeah! This is fucking awesome! Huh? Wait a minute, I'm white now?! Really? Did they just make a black man like me white?! Tch. Whatever." Ultraman Rock says as he finally noticed that he is now white and red just like the other Ultra Brothers that he met in the Land of Light.

Ultraman Rock's theme starts playing

"This looks like a job for Ultraman Rock!" Ultraman Rock says as he runs throughout the streets of Tokyo while not noticing or caring for that matter who he stomps his huge feet on to.

"Well, well, well. About time that you showed up, Ultraman Rock! Are you prepared to die here along with all of these stupid and pathetic homosapiens that you and your brothers love so much?!" An small human sized alien says with a head that resembles a raisin and a body that is red and white with small red balls covering it.

"Ah ha ha ha ha! I won't die here! I'm the main character and star of this TV show! So do your worst, villain!" Ultraman Rock says with tons of confidence and brovado as he sticks his middle finger towards the raisin head alien.

"Black King! Kill him!" The Raisin head alien says as he snaps his fingers as a giant black kaiju that Ultraman Rock did not notice before, finally appears in front of the giant being of light.

"RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Black King roars as it charges towards Ultraman Rock with overwelming amounts of ferocity.

"Hey! Wait! Time out! How come you get to be black but I don't?! That's like if someone named Red King showed up out of nowhere but he was gray, like what?! Can't a black man like me be black too-" Ultraman Rock says until he is sent flying by the earth shattering punch by Black King that landed directly on his cheek, which just so happened to be the same place where Will Smith slapped him.

Ultraman Rock's theme cuts off

BAM! The blow landed onto Ultraman Rock's cheek causes shockwaves that instantly destroys the buildings around the two giants. The punch was so utterly powerful that it caused Ultraman Rock to land on his ass and onto the ground. Ultraman Rock is knocked out and down for the count as the red orb on his chest beeps red and he is turned back into Chris Rock who was also knocked out by Black King's devastating punch. Chris Rock lies there, completely defeated, on the ground as time passes by.

A few hours later

"What happened? Where the hell am I?" Chris Rock says with confusion in his voice as he blinks his eyes and notices the dead corpse of a boy who's head was smashed open like a watermelon, Shin, from earlier.

"Onii chan! Onii chan! Why? Why aren't you moving?! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Sakura screams as she rushes towards her dead older brother's corpse and cradles his body while crying her eyes out.

"Why did mommy die?! Why did daddy die?! Why did Onii Chan die?! I don't want to be alone! So why am I still alive?!" Sakura screams again as tears pour onto Shin's dead corpse. Suddenly, the raisin head alien and Black King appear near the two humans.

"Ah! Finally! I finally found you, Ultraman Rock! Haha, look at what we have here! A homo sapien actually managed to survive all of this destruction. I would be impressed if it wasn't someone so pathetic and insignificant. Oh well, kill them, Black King!" The raisin headed alien screams as he snaps his fingers once more.

"RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Black King roars again as he sends his fist straight towards both Chris Rock and Sakura as the latter screams.

"No! Please! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Ultraman Rock, please save me!" Sakura screams as the black fist of Black King is about to smash her into blood and guts just like her father and brother were but then-

"ROCK!" Chris Rock screams and becomes Ultraman Rock once more and stops Black King's fist from crushing the young girl with his own hand.

"How dare you. How dare you murder this young girl's father. How dare you murder this young girl's brother. How dare you murder all of these innocent civilians. Why don't you just FUCK OFF!" Ultraman Rock roars at the top of his lungs as he grips Black King's fist and then tears off his black arm and throws it into orbit.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Black King screams in pain as massive amounts of blood rushes out where his arm used to be. Black King then attempts to flee from Ultraman Rock but is stopped by the latter as the giant being of light grips the black kaiju's sholder hard.

"No. Not yet. We aren't finished here until you suffer for all of those people that you massacured! Eat this, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" Ultraman Rock roars again as he shoves his fist into Black King's mouth which causes all of his teeth to shatter instantly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Black King screams in pain for the last time as his life is about to come to an end.

"ULTRA BEAM!" Ultraman Rock roars at the top of his lungs as a massive beam of pure light shoots from his fist in Black King's mouth that that causes the black kaiju's head to be instantly obliterated by the giant being of light.

"That was for Shin, you bastard." Ultraman Rock says as the black kaiju's body falls to the ground as blood rushes out of the deceased Black King's corpse where is head used to be that then creates a sea of blood. The sea of blood rushes throughout the streets of Tokyo and are about to crush Sakura until Ultraman Rock saves her and places her on the roof of one of the few buildings that is still standing.

"Please, kill him." Sakura says towards Ultraman Rock.

"Yeah. No problem." Ultraman Rock says as he walks towards the raisin headed alien.

"Well, that was anticlimatic. You and that pathetic homo sapien were about to be annhilated by Black King but then you just had to kill him. Fine, I guess I'll just kill you myself, Ultraman Rock!" The raisin headed alien says as he then suddenly grows huge and reaches the same height as Ultraman Rock.

"You bastard. I only have one question to ask before I kill you. What is your name?" Ultraman Rock says as he points towards the raisin headed alien and demands an answer from him.

"My name is Nackle. I'm the alien Nackle with the sole purpose of exterminating all of the beings of light called Ultraman. That is all." Nackle says towards Ultraman Rock.

"My name is Chris-no. My name is Ultraman Rock and I'm here to save Sakura and take your life. Let's finish this now." Ultraman Rock says towards Nackle with eyes full of hatred and a voice full of rage.

"As you wish." Nackle says as the two giant beings stare each other down that results in a lot of close ups towards their faces until the final fight finally begins.

The Battle is to The Strong plays

The two giant beings rush towards each other as they instantly punch each other into their faces hard.

"BLAHHHHHH!" Nackle groans in pain as massive amounts of blood rushes from his mouth and onto the ground which adds to the sea of blood that surrounds the two giants.

"Is that the best you got? I'm just getting started." Ultraman Rock says as he wipes off some of blood off his mouth and grins towards the raisin headed alien who is still coughing up blood.

"Y-YOU BASTARD!" Nackle immediately stands back up and rushes towards Ultraman Rock with footsteps that sends shockwaves throughout all of Tokyo. Nackle then reaches Ultraman Rock and strikes his chest as the giant being of light is sent flying into a nearby building.

"BLAHHHHHH!" Ultraman Rock groans in pain as blood rushes out of his mouth as he almost falls onto the ground but he manages to land his fists onto the ground which prevents him from collapsing.

"AhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHA! Take that, you bastard! After I kill you, I'll kill that bitch, and then I'll destroy this entire piece of garbage planet! Then, I'll slaughter your brothers! I'll kill them all! I'll kill them all! I'll kill them all! I'll kill everyone and everything in this entire universe and there won't be a single thing you can do to stop me! IT'S OVER! NOW DIE, ULTRAMAN ROCK!" Nackle roars at the top of his lungs as he rushes towards Ultraman Rock.

"NACKLE, YOU BASTARD!" Ultraman Rock roars back as he stands back up, and rushes towards Nackle as he creates earthquakes by stomping onto the ground so hard. The two giant beings then collide with each other once more as their fists land onto each others' bodies. However-

"It's over. The battle has ended. I won and you lost." Ultraman Rock says in an emotionless voice towards the raisin headed alien.

"W-What are you talking about!?" Nackle says out of confusion as he does not compreend what just happened.

"Don't you get it? Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru." Ultraman Rock says as he proceeds to walk away from the raisin headed alien like a badass.

"NANI?" Nackle screams as his raisin head then proceeds to explode along with the rest of his body.

"Farewell, Alien Nackle. Go to hell for me, why don't ya?" Ultraman Rock says coolly, as the raisin headed alien explodes behind him, which creates an awesome wallpaper for your phone if any of this was actually real. Ultraman Rock then makes his way back to where he placed Sakura.

"Thank you, Ultraman Rock!" Sakura says as she jumps for joy over Ultraman Rock killing the Alien Nackle and saving herself too.

"No problem, Sakura. By the way, since I'm never ever doing this again, I'll just tell you my real name. My name is Chris Rock. Well, see you later." Ultraman Rock says as he flies away towards the sunset.

"Bye-Bye, Ultraman-I mean, Chris Rock! Thank you so much!" Sakura says as she waves her hands towards the departing Ultraman Rock who then vanishes from her view forever as she will never see him ever again.

A few minutes later

The Land of Light

"W-What have you done?!" Zoffy screams at the top of his lungs towards Chris Rock who has transformed back into his human form.

"What do you mean? I defeated the monsters, saved the child, and saved the world. That sounds like a happy ending to me." Chris Rock says towards his fellow being of light.

"Yeah, you defeated Black King and the Alien Nackle, and saved Sakura. But, no, you did not save the world. In fact, Japan is in ruins now because of your carelessness!" Zoffy screams back towards Chris Rock.

"So what? It'll all be back to normal tomorrow, right? Those dead people will be just fine, so no worries." Chris Rock says with a smile.

"No! No it won't just all be back to normal by tomorrow! All those people you didn't save and were killed by Black King are dead! They aren't coming back to life, you idiot!" Zoffy screams once more towards the black comedian.

"Oh. Well, hey, at least I tried, am I right? And since I revealed my identity as Ultraman Rock to Sakura that means my job is finished and I'll just be going home now-" Chris Rock says until he is cut off by Zoffy slapping him in the face so hard that earth shatters once more. A black hole suddenly appears and Chris Rock is Isekaied back to his original home, while Zoffy groans in anger.

"Well, look on the bright side. At least it didn't end up being as bad as that one time we let that white American become Ultraman." Ultraman says while trying to cheer up his older brother.

"This is the last time that we let anyone else other than Japanese men become Ultraman. I will never make that same mistake again." Zoffy says towards Ultraman.

"See? This was all just a lesson that you had to learn so that you could grow as a person! So it's all going to be a ok!" Ultraman says back to Zoffy with a smile on his face as he tries to walk away from his older brother.

"Ah ha ha ha ha! You aren't getting out of this without severe punishment for jinxing this whole tragedy, little brother!" Zoffy says towards Ultraman with a smile on his face as he walks towards his younger brother, meanicingly.

"Hey, wait! I meant we will atone for all of this together! Wait, what are you doing?! No, please! AHHHHHH!" Ultraman screams as Zoffy instantly grabs him, ties him to a chair with those things from a Clockwork Orange that forces his eyes to stay open and makes his younger brother pay with the ultimate punishment. Ultraman is forced to watch the entirety of Ultraman Ginga. May he rest in peace.

One More Final: Why Not?

"And that's my idea for an Ultraman movie starring you." Joss Whedon says towards Chris Rock.

"Hmmmm. No." Chris Rock says as he proceeds to kick Joss Whedon out of his mansion and far away so that he will not be able to ruin Hollywood any longer.

Ultraman Rock: The End.

If it wasn't already obvious guys, this is nothing more than an April Fool's joke. I know that I haven't updated in a while but I've been working on something big in the meantime that I hope you guys will like! Get excited! Ren Out!