I'm back with one of my wordier chapters. I've been told it's got all the feels! This chapter's spotlight focuses on Clint and his relationship with each of his kids. We also get some introspective Clint - one of my favorite parts of his personality, only to be outdone by his being a BAMF. Thanks for following along, and please enjoy and leave feedback!
Clint went up the stairs to retrieve his companions. He stopped at the first door and knocked. "Katie-Kate? Time for dinner."
Kate jumped off the bed where she'd been scrolling through her phone. "Everything went okay? We're still welcome?"
"I can assure you that no matter how upset Laura might have been, she would never turn anyone away from a meal, especially around the holidays. And," Clint held up his hand, "don't worry, she's not upset."
"Okay, if you say so." Kate looked down. "Can Lucky come?"
Clint smiled. "Someone's gotta be there to catch the food Nate will undoubtedly drop."
"Come on, pizza dog." Kate grabbed Lucky's leash, hooked it to his collar, then the two of them followed Clint back into the hallway, where they found Bucky waiting for them.
"I heard you knocking on Kate's door, so figured it was okay to head downstairs."
"Yep, all good," Clint said, turning toward the stairs. "Laura always makes enough to feed a small army, especially with two growing boys. Well, three, if you count Nate." Kate and Bucky both rolled their eyes. (To be honest, Lucky probably did, too.)
When they arrived in the dining room, Cooper and Lila set food on the table while Nate placed napkins down, then dodged people as he carried glasses back and forth to fill them with ice. "Have a seat, everyone," Laura spoke. "We're not formal, so sit anywhere you like." Clint went to the kitchen, grabbed the platter holding the ham, and carried it to the table. After making sure Laura didn't need any more help, he sat down at the head of the table. Laura had sent the kids to the table. Lila sat on one side of Clint, Nate on the other. Bucky was seated next to Nate; Kate sat across from him, with Cooper on the other side of Bucky between him and Laura. Once everyone was seated, Clint carved the ham (all slices were perfectly cut, of course), then the passing of the food began. Despite the bombshell Clint and Laura had dropped on the kids earlier, it was a lively group that ate Christmas dinner. Kate and Lila were talking and getting to know each other. Clint thought he'd need to break that up; the world did not need the two of them to start plotting things. Nate and Cooper were asking Bucky about his arm. Cooper wanted to know about the mechanics, and Nate asked important questions (to him, anyway), like, what the biggest thing was he'd ever punched. Clint smiled as Bucky told the boy about a tank he'd taken out. Clint had to remind Nate to close his mouth while eating because it was gross to see food in people's mouths.
Once everyone was full, and about to fall asleep, Clint stood. "Come on, kids. Let's load up the food and the dishes."
Bucky put a hand on Clint's shoulder. "You take care of the food while Kate and I handle the dishes." Kate opened her mouth to say something, but Bucky shot her a look causing her to clamp her mouth shut and follow the former HYDRA assassin into the kitchen.
With everyone pitching in, the food was put up and the dishes were quickly washed and dried. When those chores were done, Clint turned to his son. "Hey, Nate," Clint got his youngest son's attention. "Let's go check on the horses, bud." Nate happily jumped up, grabbed his dad's hand, and father and son went out to the barn. While Clint made sure the animals had enough food and water, Nate stuck to his dad's side. "You okay, bud?"
"Yeah, just sad."
Clint sat down on a hay bale and plopped Nate on his knee. "Talk to me. What's going on in that brain of yours?"
"You still love Mommy, right?"
"Of course."
Nate bit his bottom lip. "Then why aren't you moving back home?"
Clint laid his chin on top of Nate's head. "Sometimes people love each other, but too much has happened between them, and they can't live together anymore."
Nate turned his head up, tears in his eyes. "Does that mean you don't love us anymore?"
Clint squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears from coming down his cheeks, then turned Nate to face him. "Nathaniel Pietro Barton, there is nothing that could ever happen to make me stop loving you." He tightly enveloped his youngest son in a bear hug. "I know you don't understand. Heck, I'm not sure I understand. We just want what's best for you, and that's to stay here while I live in New York City."
"Okay." Nate sniffed, then looked up at his dad. "Jamie's parents aren't married anymore because one of them fell in love with someone else. Did that happen to you and Mommy?"
"Not a chance. We just don't do well living together. There have been too many things that have driven us apart, mainly my job. We're going to move on, and we'll make it work. Nothing is more important to us than you three. Your mom and I will do everything we can to make this as smooth as possible for you kids."
Nate nodded, shrugged out from underneath Clint's chin, then threw his arms around his dad's next. "Love you, daddy."
Clint choked up before speaking. "Love you more, bud." Clint stroked Nate's hair. "Love you so much more."
"Nate!" Cooper yelled from the porch. "Bucky and Kate think they can beat us at Mario Kart!"
Clint lifted Nate out of his lap and planted his feet on the ground. "Go," he said, lightly pushing him out, "kick some Mario butt for Dad." Nate grinned and started running toward the house. About halfway there, he turned around and waved at Clint, then met Cooper on the porch, and the two brothers disappeared into the house. Clint turned and went back into the barn to finish putting up the farm implements, beginning to realize this time in his life was coming to an end. He was going to miss the hard work of farm life, the repetition of the chores, knowing he'd put in a good day's work at the end of the day. As he was hanging up the last tool, he looked over and saw a round, wooden target. It was the one Lila was using for target practice on the day of the Blip. Clint pulled it out and held it, staring at it like it held the answers to all life's questions. Looking at it, he realized how much had changed since that day. He felt like he lost more than just the 5 years his family was gone. To be honest, sometimes it felt more like decades were missing. Clint was glad his family wasn't around during his Ronin era. "Hell, none of what I did for SHIELD was half as bad as the killing spree I went on as Ronin." The deeds he did while working for the organization were at least sanctioned, ordered by someone else. When he was Ronin, no one gave him orders; that was all him. Clint had always suspected there had been a darker part of his personality all along.
How could there not be, with all the shit thrown his way during his life, especially his formative years? There is no one who could come out of that unscathed: abusive father, orphaned, signing up with a criminal organization disguised as a circus, left to die by his own brother, plucked from prison by a government organization who used him for sanctioned hits. But he'd survived and came out of it with Cooper, Lila, Nat, and, yes, Laura. Then, that was all taken from him in one literal snap. How else was he supposed to react? Maybe if he'd been a better person to begin with, he would've done what Steve did and ran a support group or stayed around to help where he could. Nope, he did what he always did best, run away and abandon those closest to him. God, was the pain of losing Nat ever going to go away? "Tasha," he whispered, leaning over a gate to one of the horse's stalls, "I never said it, but I'm sorry I didn't stay with you. Maybe if I did, you wouldn't thrown yourself off that damn cliff, or maybe we could've taken Thanos out before he'd had a chance to do what he did."
"Dad?" Clint turned around upon hearing his daughter's soft, caring voice. "You're thinking about her again, aren't you?"
Clint turned around with a sad smile on his face. "When did you become so perceptive?"
Lila approached him and wrapped her hands around his forearm. "Probably about age 2," she chuckled.
Clint patted her hands. "I'd say younger than that, but we'll go with 2." He sighed. "Yeah, I was."
"This was her favorite time of year. I remember she'd join us for the wearing of the ugly Christmas sweater event when she could."
"She made a game out of it. Whenever we had downtime on a mission, she'd search secondhand and thrift stores looking for them." Clint's eyes were misty, reflecting on prior SHIELD missions. "She'd be so excited when she'd find one, taking good care of it until we made it back from the mission. I think it made her feel at home and part of something."
"She was a member of our family." Lila climbed the gate and sat on the top railing, nonchalantly swinging her legs back and forth. "It still feels weird her not being here. I can't imagine what it's been like for you." Clint's daughter, her head to the side. "Do you think that's why you and Mom are splitting up?"
That was the question Clint knew someone would ask, and he wasn't surprised it was his daughter. Everyone always assumed he and Nat were an item, or at least banging each other. They'd had long talks about it, but Clint was with Bobbi, then Laura, and neither Clint nor Nat would stoop to cheat on a significant other. If Clint had not been with someone, things might have been different. He never denied Natasha Romanoff was one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and intriguing women he'd ever met. Still, he respected her too much not to be able to commit to her. Clint also never denied he loved Nat, but it was a different love than he had for his wife and family, and everyone who took the time to get to know them knew that. "I think there are several reasons, but Nat is not one of them."
Lila nodded. "I didn't think so but figured it wouldn't hurt to ask. Can you promise me something?"
"What?"
"When we visit you in New York, can you not take us to the musical again?"
Clint chuckled. "Deal. That may be worse than the Spiderman one that was out a few years ago, though it is getting better reviews than that one."
"You know we'll be fine, right?"
"I know." Father and daughter sat quietly, watching snow melting off the barn roof, sunlight sparkling through the icicles hanging off the eaves. "How do you like Katie-Kate?"
Lila's face lit up. "She's so cool! She told me all about her college archery and what to expect at college." Clint watched his daughter's spirits perking up as she talked about her new friend. "Kate gave me her phone number so we can keep in touch."
"You'll be a good influence on each other. I'm glad something positive came out of this."
"Dad," Lila whined, "you took down a gang of criminals and helped Kate. It doesn't get much gooder than that."
"Good point," Clint chuckled, then grew somber again. "We'll get through it and persevere. That's what we Bartons do."
"Darn straight." Lila punched her dad's bicep. "Besides, I'm in charge. Well, Mom's in charge, so that makes me first assistant, so we'll be okay."
"And I'm just a video call away. I don't have a Quinjet anymore, but Pepper will probably let me use a Stark plane if I need to get here in a hurry. You know, to be here for important events, like your first date." Clint smirked.
"Dad!" Lila exclaimed.
"It's either that, or I send Coop with you."
His daughter harrumphed. "Fine. I'll keep you in the know."
"Be sure you do." Clint stepped back to give Lila room to jump off the gate. "All done out here. Let's head back to the house." Before leaving the shelter of the barn, Clint pulled his daughter over, kissed the top of her head, and gave her a side hug. "Love you."
"Love you, too, Dad." Lila put an arm around her dad, and the two trudged back to the house.
When they returned to the house, they found Cooper, Nate, and Bucky playing video games in front of the television. "Hey, Dad," Cooper greeted Clint as he tried to stay focused on the game. "Aw, car, no." Clint looked toward the screen to see Bucky taking out Cooper's car. Cooper tossed his controller on the coffee table. "I'm out." While Clint was watching the scene around the TV, Lila sat down with her mom and Kate at the kitchen table, joining them in drinking hot chocolate.
"Hey, Coop?" Clint asked. "C'mon, let's take Lucky out." Upon hearing his name, the golden retriever bounded to Clint, leash in his mouth. "Good dog." Clint reached down and patted the dog's head. "Don't think we'll need the leash, boy." Clint took the leash and hung it on a hook near some keys. He opened the door and watched Lucky dash out the door and start prancing around in the snow, followed by Cooper. Clint stepped outside and shut the door behind him. He stood on the wraparound porch and watched his oldest son follow Lucky around the yard. He smiled, remembering back to simpler times; not that being a SHIELD agent was easy, but he was home a lot more in the earlier years. After Strike Team Delta was formed, the missions became longer, taking him farther away from home, away from his family. If he knew then what he knew now, would he have made a different decision, maybe left SHIELD, and did something like private security? Who knows? That's just one of many decisions that could've changed the trajectory of his life. 'Damn, when did I get so introspective?'
"Dad? You okay?"
Clint shook his head, dragging himself out of his reverie. "Yep. Having fun with Lucky?"
Cooper smiled. "He is a good dog." Clint noticed how Cooper's eyes followed Lucky around the yard, making sure he didn't get too far away."
Clint watched Cooper watch Lucky for several minutes. "I'm proud of you, son." Cooper turned around and curiously looked at his dad. "You've done so well for not having a father around a lot. You know what you want to do in your life and how to get there."
"You were there when I needed you, Dad. You and Mom both."
Clint sighed. "Yeah, but I feel like I wasn't here enough."
"Dad," his oldest son sighed and shook his head. "We turned out okay. I knew you were doing the best you could. You were making a living, trying to make it so we wouldn't need anything. I'm sorry you and Mom are getting a divorce, but I don't think it'll be much different than it has been, except we'll be able to talk to you whenever we want and will know where you are."
"That's true. I'm just afraid you had to grow up and be the man of the house and never had a chance to be a kid."
Cooper found a stick, tossed it, and watched the dog take off after it. "I never felt like I wasn't a kid. Mom always told us how much you loved us and ensured we did kid things."
Lucky returned carrying the stick in his mouth, then dropped it at Clint's feet. Clint picked it up and threw it as Lucky ran to fetch it. "Yeah, we'd talk about that, but I'm glad I got to hear it from you." "Any idea what you want me to make you with my new tools?" Clint leaned on the porch railing. Cooper walked over, stood next to his dad, and leaned on the railing.
Cooper thought about it, then shrugged his shoulders. "I guess a box to store my welding tools in."
"Consider it done." Lucky, who had finally done his business and found the stick again, returned. The dog dropped the stick, then rolled over on his back, waiting for belly rubs. Clint and Cooper chuckled as they knelt and gave in to the dog's demands.
"Dad?"
"Yeah, Coop?"
"We're proud of you, too. Kate told us what happened and how you looked out for her. I-I hope my heart is as big as yours someday."
Clint choked up. He wasn't used to his son being this open. This is more of a conversation he was used to having with Lila. "Son, it already is. You've always had a good heart. You've got the best of your mom and me in your nature. Don't ever lose that." He stood up and stretched out his legs, one at a time. "Come on, let's get back inside."
"Thanks, Dad. Hot chocolate?"
"Hot chocolate sounds great, son." Father and son (and dog) went back into the warm house.
