chapter ii

Olivia's knee jitters nervously in the Heimlich Hospital waiting room.

As she and Kit linger in rigid chairs, an anxious-looking woman with a clipboard scans the crowd. "Anne Shirley?" Kit helps Olivia up. "Which one of you is Anne?" the employee inquires.

"Me," Olivia answers, wondering how many times she will use a false name.

"And I'm Jo March," Kit adds. "We're co-writing a book together. I brought her here."

"Well, I'm Babs, Head of Human Resources. The hospital is a bit short staffed, so I'm pitching in. Come right this way."

After a few tests, the doctor returns to the exam room, and Olivia reaches for her future sister-in-law's hand. "Congratulations, Miss Shirley. It came back positive, you're pregnant! And congratulations to you, Miss March."

"Oh, we're co-authors," Kit says. With her shoulder, she nudges Olivia. "That's fantastic, Annie."


Back at the carnival, Kit settles Olivia in the fortune teller tent. "When you're feeling stronger," Kit says, "I'm going after the sugar bowl. You can use the Madame Lulu disguise while I'm away. But right now, I'll look after you."

"Oh, there's no need."

"There's every need." Kit's tone brooks no argument. "Olivia, you're going to be my sister-in-law, and are expecting my niece or nephew." She winks. "You're stuck with me."

Kit sends a coded message to Jacques, and then goes to work as the circus opens. Olivia prays her fiancé is still alive to even receive the message. She remains hidden in the tent for ages, given there's still a warrant out from the town. So she stays in the back room, eating bland crackers and trying not to gag too loudly while Kit gives fortunes. Olivia hears music from the big top, and children's shrieks on the roller coaster. Colette is the only other person who knows Olivia is there.

But at night, Kit faithfully nurses her almost in-law, and gets Olivia as many fruits and vegetables as the librarian desires. "So how exactly did you meet my twin brother?" Kit asks as they play cards. It helps distract Olivia from the morning sickness.

"He recruited me to the VFD," Olivia explains. "I had just left my librarian job at Prufrock Preparatory School. I was looking for kidnapped students, Isadora and Duncan Quagmire. The vice principal didn't even bother saving them."

Kit raises an eyebrow. "Sounds like quite the place."

"It was awful. I quit, and started searching together with Jacques. We heard Count Olaf took the Quagmires to the Village Of Fowl Devotees. But the drive through the Hinterlands was long, and Jacques and I… We, um, grew close."

Kit smirks, pointing with a queen of hearts to Olivia's small bump. "I imagine so."

Olivia blushes. "Your brother and I briefly arrested Count Olaf, but he put us in jail. The town was going to burn us at the stake, but I convinced Esmé to let us go in exchange for the sugar bowl. I lied and said I knew where it was, but I don't."

"I have an idea. But go on."

"Jacques made me leave in case the town's Council of Elders still wanted to burn us alive. He stayed behind to rescue the Quagmires, and the Baudelaires who were in the village. But Jacques proposed before I left. He told me to come to you, and here I am."

Kit leans forward. "The sugar bowl is in the-"

"I made tea," Colette says, oblivious as she walks in with a cracked teacup. "Sorry the china isn't in mint condition. Everything at Caligari Carnival is rough around the edges."

When Olivia reaches the second trimester, the morning sickness blissfully wanes. It doesn't end altogether, but it does lessen.

"You know, I heard a baby is the size of a lemon at fourteen weeks," Kit comments as she packs one night. Gone is her fortune teller disguise, and she wears a leather jacket and sturdy combat boots. "I'm taking Nellie to protect the sugar bowl. And I'm going to try to see my boyfriend Dewey if I can. I got a tip Count Olaf's coming to the carnival, so you'll take over as Madame Lulu. Give Olaf a prophecy that pleases him, but stall so other Volunteers can get here. If anything happens, go to Jacquelyn Scieszka. She's a Volunteer at Mulctuary Money Management, working as a secretary for Mr. Poe."

"I met them both once," Olivia says, and the other woman closes the suitcase. "I won't let you down, Kit."

"I have faith in you." Kit smiles. "We're Volunteers, after all."

"It's like we're sisters already."

"We are. Keep yourself and the baby safe," Kit adds as they hug. After Kit leaves in the taxi into the darkness, Olivia puts on the Madame Lulu costume. The loose gown conceals her stomach for now, but she doesn't know how long she can hide her condition.

The following morning, Olivia explores the carnival for the first time. There's the big top tent, a very unsafe roller coaster, and a stable of performing animals – white horses, along with a bear and elephant. She strokes the neck of a snowy stallion, and his feather-plumed halter says Bucephalus. The kind equine smells her bump as if he knows. Then Olivia steps into the freak caravan, nervous to impersonate Madame Lulu for staff who know she isn't Kit. But she can't hide from the employees forever. "Hello."

"Madame Lulu, you're here!" Colette says, untangling herself from a literal pretzel shape.

"Another Lulu?" dryly wonders one of the men, who looks outwardly normal.

"You're not the first fortune teller," explains the man with a curved spine. "It's a rotating position for brand marketing. I'm the hunchback Hugo, and this is the ambidextrous Kevin."

"It's an honor to meet you all," Olivia says. But for some reason, Kevin, Hugo, and Colette tear up at her words.

"Very few people are honored to meet freaks like us," Kevin sniffs.

Olivia smiles. "Well, I truly am. You are people just like anyone else."


When Olivia sees The Daily Punctilio a week later, she drops the crystal ball she'd been polishing. It shatters.

Jacques' photo is under a headline proclaiming Olaf's death, and Detective Dupin's name is mentioned. As her Heimlich Hospital tag falls to the ground, she flees into the privacy of her tent, hyperventilating. Clinging to a chair, she wails, heart breaking like the glass smashed at her feet. Olivia is about to clean the shards and her medical wristband, but then she hears a car outside.

When the real Olaf arrives at the circus, it takes every ounce of will Olivia has not strangle him with her bare hands. Logically, while alone she can't face his whole acting troupe or the jealous, intimidating Esmé. Olivia's stomach turns again as she forces herself to lure him into her tent. "Come in, my Olaf!" she cajoles, wanting to bash him over the head with her new crystal ball.

"Don't cozy up to my boyfriend," Esmé snaps, and Olivia can't hide her hysterical laugh. As if she could ever honestly be attracted to the actor who murdered the father of her child.

Olaf notices the medical label on the rug. "Did you have a customer from Heimlich Hospital recently?"

"Madame Lulu had an appointment." If he only knew why.

Other Volunteers are coming, Olivia tells herself as she turns on the fog machine. They will help take down Jacques' murderer for good. They will ensure justice prevails. They have to.

Yet Olivia's plan starts to spin out of control. She draws out the prophecy as long as she can, but Olaf grows impatient. He becomes the ringmaster, and then brings lions to Caligari Carnival. It becomes harder to hide her changing body. Pretending to be freaks, the Baudelaires come to her tent. Olivia puts their one-year-old sister on her hip, and the Volunteer has an intense yearning to have had this with Jacques - children, a life together, happiness. Olivia is about to tell Violet, Klaus, and Sunny everything, when the music starts in the big top.

Olivia's heart aches for the abused big cats, and she's terrified one of the freaks will be eaten. Yet she can't show it under the stage lights, as she gives a coy smile to Olaf. "Beverley and Elliott will be thrown to the maneating lions!" he declares gleefully as if he is Caesar in the Colosseum.

Violet and Klaus naturally hesitate on the plank. "Madame Lulu, push them in!" Esmé cries.

Olivia walks carefully down the board to the children. "What do we do?" Klaus hisses.

She wraps her arms around the petrified teenagers, attempting to comfort them. "I'm trying to think of something!"

The two lions leap up at the plank, deadly claws tearing at the wood. "Trust me!" Olivia whispers, and shoves the two Baudelaires over the pit to the stands. Klaus and Violet land in the dirt, earning bruises, but they're otherwise safe.

"What are you doing, charlatan tea leaf reader?!" Olaf bellows, furious at being denied the bloodsport. He marches towards her to toss her in, and she jumps.

She lands on her side on hard ground. Then one of the lion's claws slices open her calf, and she screams. The huge feline starts to drag her down by the leg, but Violet and Klaus haul her to safety. Fleeing, the older Baudelaires hide Olivia in the green wardrobe of VFD disguises. When Olaf barges in, the children distract him by begging to join his troupe. He agrees, but only if they prove their mettle and set the circus on fire.

After the count leaves, the children help Olivia out of the wardrobe. "I'll hide in the stables, Baudelaires," she gasps under her breath. "Olaf doesn't care about the animals. If you do start the fire, it'll distract him and everyone else. Come find me, and then you and Sunny and I will flee together."

While Olaf and Esmé urge the other three freaks to join him, Olivia hobbles to the roller coaster. She stays in the shadows under the wood track until flames lick at the fortune teller tent. Olaf cheers as the coughing Klaus and Violet come out. With everyone distracted, Olivia runs to the stables. Limping heavily, she throws open every animal cage. The dancing bear flees with a roar, the elephant trumpets as she follows, and the white horses gallop away with screaming neighs. When Olivia goes outside, she sees Colette, Kevin, and Hugo willingly climbing into the trunk of Olaf's car. Even worse, Violet and Klaus are in the freak caravan and Esmé holds Sunny.

"No!" Olivia shrieks.

But her injury slows her down, and she doesn't reach the car in time. It peels off with a cloud of dust, taking the Baudelaires in the caravan behind it. Ripping off her long, flammable wig, Olivia stops the panicking Bucephalus. Leading him to a barrel and struggling with her bloodied leg, she climbs on the horse's back and rides off into the Hinterlands.


Olivia loses Olaf's car and the caravan in the darkness. By morning, the wind has blown the tire tracks away, and she has to admit defeat. Olivia, her child, and Bucephalus won't survive the Hinterlands without water. So she turns the horse to the City, and they plod for ages. At least the spy taxi had air conditioning, but she and Bucephalus roast under the cruel sun. Olivia has never had a worse lobster sunburn than this.

They finally make it to the City, mainly out of her stubbornness not to die in the Hinterlands. The pregnant woman, riding a horse in a purple gown and heavy makeup, attracts stares. But Olivia is so exhausted that she doesn't care. She tries to tie the reins next to Mulctuary Bank's fountain so Bucephalus can drink. But her hands shake, and though the horse gulps down cool water from the Fountain of Victorious Finance, he shies at a car horn. Bucephalus rears, pulling the reins away from her.

"Wait, Bucephalus, it's alright!" But the terrified horse bolts across the park, and she knows she'll never catch him.

Resolving to find him after she recovers her energy, she heads stiffly to the revolving doors. Then she almost runs into a vaguely familiar woman in a gray suit dress. The bank employee says, "The world is-"

"Quiet here. Are you Jacquelyn Scieszka?"

"Yes, and you must be Olivia Caliban." Jacquelyn looks at her. "You've been to hell in a handbasket, haven't you? Come on, dear."

The secretary takes Olivia to her apartment, where an iguana greets them. "This is Cupcake," Jacquelyn says as she helps Olivia to her own bed, and the former librarian is too tired to refuse it. "I adopted him after the death of his owner, a fine Volunteer."

Her host helps Olivia out of the dusty fortune teller gown, and into a light, crisp summer dress from the secretary's closet. After chugging water, the pregnant woman explains, "I rode a circus horse here. He was frightened by traffic, and bolted downtown. I want to make sure he's alright."

"I'll send someone to look for him." Jacquelyn turns on her radio. "The world is quiet here. Larry, there's a VFD horse loose in the City. Take care of him, will you?"

"What's his name?" comes Larry's crackled reply.

"Bucephalus," Olivia offers.

"On it," Larry says, and the radio goes dead.

"Now you need to relax," Jacquelyn goes on as she blasts a fan and opens the windows. She feels Olivia's forehead, beaded with sweat. "Stress isn't good for either of you. We need to get your temperature down, and your leg looked at. Aren't you the fiancé of Jacques Snicket?"

"I was, before he…" Olivia croaks, throat still dry as sandpaper.

"There's always hope." Jacquelyn gives her another glass of water. "Keep drinking. You're severely dehydrated."

As her fever worsens, Olivia falls asleep while Jacquelyn speaks quietly into the radio. Olivia drifts in and out of her illness. When she does regain consciousness, Jacquelyn makes her eat and swallow prenatal vitamins with endless water. The secretary sews together and bandages her scarred leg. Then as Jacquelyn faithfully changes the cool cloths on her patient's forehead, Olivia slips back to the darkness.


She wakes dimly hearing her name.

"Olivia?"

The feverish former librarian's eyes twitch behind her lids. Is she still at Prufrock Prep? Has Nero found her sleeping during a concert that makes her eardrums bleed? Would a factory of candy suffice?

"Can you hear me, my darling?"

The man's voice is too gentle to be the vice principal. She blinks blearily, trying to focus through the haze of her delirium. No, it can't be Jacques sitting beside her on the bed. This is just her illness conjuring a mirage she wants to see.

"I'm dreaming," she murmurs. "You're not really here."

He brushes her hair, damp with sweat, back from her face. "I'm here."

With a sob, she throws his arms around his neck, and he runs a hand over her sizable bump. Her borrowed clothes are drenched in perspiration, but he holds her as tightly as she holds him. As she weeps uncontrollably, he kisses her cheek, forehead, and nose.

"I thought you were dead! The papers said you were dead in the village!"

"Don't believe anything you read in The Daily Punctilio. I faked my death so I could get to you." He takes a small velvet box from his pocket, and suddenly she can't breathe. He goes down on one knee, and opens the box to reveal a glittering emerald ring. "And now, future Mrs. Snicket, I want to do this properly. Give you the engagement ring you deserve."

"This is exquisite," Olivia gasps, "but all I need is you."

"I tried to contact you at Caligari Carnival," he goes on as he puts the ring on her finger.

"Which is in the middle of nowhere," Jacquelyn interjects, smiling for the first time since Olivia collapsed in her apartment. "Even VFD tech has its limits."

"What matters is that we found each other again." His voice becomes rough with emotion. "Christopher Columbus, when I thought both of you had died in that circus fire…"

"She's not out of the woods yet," Jacquelyn admits, stepping forward to the overjoyed pair. "Sorry to spoil the mood, but crossing the Hinterlands twice took its toll. I'm going to be honest, I thought I was going to lose your bride-to-be a couple times. And I'm worried about the baby."

"Jacquelyn has been pushing prenatal vitamins down me every time I woke up," Olivia explains.

"It might not be enough, Jacques. But I hesitated taking her to the City hospital. There's enemies everywhere."

"I know. I used a fake name when I did a pregnancy test at Heimlich Hospital," the former librarian adds.

"Is there anyone who can come here to examine them?" Jacques wonders.

The secretary gets her radio from the table. "I'll see what I can find out."

Then there's a knock at the front door. "The world is quiet here," a man's voice comes from the other side. Jacques goes to answer it and Olivia, looking through the hallway, wonders who it could be. Undoing the fifteen locks, Jacques throws open the front door more quickly than the cautious Olivia would like. Her fiancé embraces the other man without hesitation.

"You're here, Lemony!"

Lemony looks so like his brother. "What a relief you're not dead after all. I had to stop by when I heard about you, and your fiancé," he explains as he crosses the hall. "Hello, Jacquelyn. And you must be the brave Olivia Caliban. My brother's told me so much about you."

Olivia tries to stand on shaky legs. "Pleasure to meet you."

"No, please don't get up on my account," Lemony says quickly. "You already know our sister Kit."

Olivia nods. "Yes, she took me in at the carnival. Kit helped me, as did Jacquelyn."

"My brother tells me you are a remarkable and brilliant woman. I imagine my niece or nephew will be the same."

Olivia smiles. "I hope so too."


That first night after Jacques' return, Jacquelyn and Lemony go out for dinner with knowing smiles.

Olivia and Jacques are left in blissful peace. Unlike in the taxi backseat, they have a proper bed and a safe place to be together. They have to be careful, given her condition and illness. But even though they move slowly, it is sweeter than all the sugar cubes on earth.


Jacques takes time off from field missions. Thankfully, the VFD gives paid paternity leave.

The Scieszka apartment becomes his and Olivia's world. He never leaves her side as she slowly heals, and their host lets the pair have her bed. They'd been torn apart so many times, that Olivia's heart is afraid he'll vanish. So she treasures waking up to Jacques every morning, finally start to believe that he will be with her forever. He always needs to touch her now, to convince himself she's there. He clasps her knee, runs a hand through her hair, and most often caresses her swollen stomach.

She chooses a white dress borrowed from Jacquelyn's closet. The VFD has a standard bride disguise, but Olivia doesn't want anything about the wedding to be falsified. It might have to be private for security concerns, but it's just as true as one in a grand cathedral. Kit arrives just in time for the ceremony, small as it is. "Dewey sends his best wishes," she says as she hugs Olivia. The bride sees telltale bland crackers in Kit's coat pocket, and wonders if her sister-in-law is expecting herself. Then Kit tackles Jacques, and throws her arms around Lemony. Olivia sees just how much it means to Jacques that all the Snickets could be here.

And so in a cramped apartment living room packed with Volunteers, Captain Widdershins officiates the marriage. Olivia and Jacques are united by law, but they have always been united through their souls.


But not everything is idyllic.

Florence, a VFD nurse, makes weekly visits to examine Olivia. During another checkup at the eighth month mark, the nurse listens intently with the stethoscope. Finally, the gray-haired woman sighs, face drawn. "The heartbeat is faint, and I don't feel any movement this time," Florence admits bluntly. "I understand the strain Olivia has been under, which was unavoidable. But you really need to go to a specialist's office, or even a hospital. There's only so much I can do without an ultrasound machine. I'm very concerned."

Jacques weaves his fingers through Olivia's as she bites her lip. "As a fellow Volunteer, you know the dangers of state services," he says.

"We can't just put ourselves on record," Olivia points out.

"She's right. Olaf knows both of us. It isn't an exaggeration when I say the count wanted to burn us at the stake. It's too risky."

Florence stands and closes her bag. "And I don't want your wife to miscarry. I say this because I'm worried."

After Jacquelyn sees the VFD nurse out, the secretary puts her hands on her hips. "We can have undercover Volunteers in every inch of the City hospital. If you chose to go, that is."

"We'll discuss it," Olivia replies.

But time is not kind. Olivia wakes to blood dappling her thighs and nightgown, enough to make her heart nearly give out. The terror that grips her is worse than being in jail, worse than the Hinterlands thunderstorm. "Jacques?"

He snores beside her, and she elbows him in the ribs. "Jacques!"

"What the–"

"I'm bleeding!"

Jacquelyn throws a blonde wig on Olivia, and Jacques carries his wife to the taxi. But their friend drives, because he's as petrified as Olivia while she clings to him. She is admitted as Anne Shirley, and the surgeon takes one look and says, "We need to do an emergency caesarean, now!" As Olivia breathes in the sickly-sweet anesthesia, she begs God to save the child and herself. She can't have endured everything else only to lose it all now.

Her dreams are fractured from the heavy medication. Shelves of books. The worst violin she's ever heard. Jacques stepping out of his cab. Anchoring the climbing rope and her to himself. Red clay mud. The backseat of the taxi. Leaving him behind with crows. Kit's hand in hers. Her heart shattering like the crystal ball. Claws lacerating her leg. Marrying Jacques in an apartment.

She comes to hearing an infant's cry.

As her vision grows clear, she sees Jacques holding a soft bundle. Through the open door, she notices Lemony and Kit standing guard in the hall. Olivia's husband turns, and breaks into a grin with tears in his eyes. "Do you want to meet our daughter?"

Throat closing up, Olivia nods, and her husband puts the newborn in her arms. Wrapped in a pink blanket, their child reaches with her impossibly small hand. Her mother holds out her finger, and the infant grasps it.

"She's premature, true, but the doctors say she's healthy." Jacques sits on the edge of the gurney, fondly watching his wife and daughter. "It's not like you to be so quiet."

A lump forms in her throat. "There's not enough words in every library in the world to describe this."

"What do you want to name her?"

"Libby," Olivia replies after a moment. "From the word liberty. I want her to be free."

"Libby Snicket, it suits her." He smiles. "We'll create a safe world for her."

She nods. "Fighting one fire at a time."

Jacques kisses Libby's downy dusting of hair, and then his wife on the forehead. Olivia's eyes flutter close, content at last.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: The books and adaptations don't say exactly how long it takes to cross the Hinterlands. But let's say its long enough for Jacques and Olivia to have time to fall in love. Not to mention for her to get knocked up, and then have the first trimester progress realistically enough to get morning sickness.

So this is basically the "what exactly happened in the Hinterlands" fic.