There is discussion of Non Con/Rape in this chapter. Please skip it if you prefer. Details are in the first couple dozen lines and that section is bracketed with three marks: "XXX".

XXX

She wasn't sure if it took her one minute or ten, but she made a decision.

"Will you please walk me upstairs?"

"Of course," David responded.

Once they were in her apartment, she turned on a couple of small lamps and David put his overnight bag on the floor. She asked David if he wanted anything. They went to the kitchen and each retrieved a glass of water. As they reclined on the couch together, Penelope spoke first.

"I need you to let me get through this, okay?"

David nodded affirmatively.

"So, when I was a junior in high school, I had a little bit of a rebellious streak. I had already started to hack and found the underground fairly quickly. I met this guy. He was kind of the leader of this group of hackers I was learning code from. This, coincidently, is what eventually got me put on that CIA 'list' I referenced earlier tonight. All the birds, all the stones, whatever."

David gave her a look of understanding. There wasn't any disgust there, really, just acknowledgement.

"You know I'm originally from San Francisco. Eventually this guy convinced me to travel to San Jose to meet up with him for the weekend. It was only a little over an hour by train, so I thought 'no big deal'."

She sighed. "We met at his apartment. In hindsight, there was no pretense. We talked a little about code. He made me laugh. I felt special because he was cute, he was older than the gangly, zity boys at school. He had asked *me* to *meet* him. Relationships between hackers are generally behind-the-screen only."

"Soon enough we were making out, on his bed, in the horizontal. I remember he said his bed would be more comfortable than the couch. But I had no real experience at that point in my life. I think I had maybe kissed a boy? But no touching anything private, no petting, no experience with sex whatsoever."

She was annoyed, this was old news, she should be over all of these confusing feelings by now. Penelope just wanted to get it over with so she decided to just rip the band-aid off.

"Before I knew it, I felt him enter me. With his penis. I didn't know what was happening at first but once I figured it out I was so surprised, I screamed and pushed him off of me. I told him I had to leave. And I did. I made it back to the train station and sat there until another train left for the City early the next morning."

"Bella," David whispered.

Penelope waved her hands, indicating she needed to keep going.

"With Shane, it wasn't even really about him not asking permission for sex, although I obviously get why that's important. …He was the first guy who had showed any interest, seriously, any interest, in me. Of course, I equated that interest as," she used air quotes, "'love'… but for him it was about getting in my pants."

XXX

Penelope tried to make this make sense for both of them. Even though she'd thought about it a lot, she certainly hadn't figured it all out.

"So although I have sex - which has been fine, good, great, sometimes - love has been off limits. That's the part that hurt more than anything, that's the part I don't want to relive."

David pursed his lips and took a deep breath, but was quiet.

The blonde took a minute to gather herself.

"When we made love on Sunday…"

"Penelope…" his voice tinged with urgency and worry.

"No, David, let me finish, okay? When we had sex on Sunday, both times, I wanted that more than anything. And it was wonderful. More than wonderful. …it was amazing."

Penelope chanced a look at David's sweet face. The down-trodden, sad eyes that usually held so much promise and mirth met hers.

"Oh, David… I promise I wanted to be with you. You heard me, right? Having sex is not the problem here." She rose her hand to the side of his face and caressed his cheek.

David leaned into her then turned to kiss the palm of her hand.

"I felt all of these feelings when I left you on Sunday. And the week was fine - I sort of rode the wave. But the closer we got to our 'going out' date… the more nervous I got about these feelings. …And I went out with my coworker on Friday night… and that may have freaked me out."

Penelope was quiet then. Man, was she tired.

David reached out a tentative hand, joining it with Penelope's. He chose to take her silence as permission to enter the conversation. He spoke so softly, purposefully.

"Bella, what freaked you out on Friday night?"

Penelope groaned and spoke quickly. "JJthinksImaybefallinginlovewithyou."

David had to bite back his laughter. Wanting to draw out what she was saying more naturally, David tried another angle.

"So earlier, Sweet Bella, when you were describing our time together on Sunday, you said two different things."

The blonde looked up at him in question.

"The first time you talked about us… being together… you called it 'making love'," trying to catch her eye. "The second time you referred to us… being together… you called it 'having sex'."

He let his observation sink in for a minute, then asked an actual question.

"Does that distinction mean anything to you?" Dave asked.

Penelope grunted and rolled her eyes. It was what Dave was quickly coming to call her "God I Hate Profilers" look.

She finally spoke.

"I think I have feelings… I wasn't expecting to have."

"Oh, Bella… I am having those feelings too," Dave whispered, tucking a strand of her hair away. "I get it."

"But you've had these feelings before, haven't you? And I don't know that I have… for real. I don't know what to think, what to do. It's not code, there's not a right answer!"

Dave considered her statements a few moments.

Sure, he had been in love. He'd had 'these feelings' before… but those feelings had never been *like this* before. She was all-encompassing to him. He wanted nothing but to be with her - that was a new feeling to him.

Meanwhile, Penelope ramped up and kept on talking. "And what if I fall in love and you don't and then I'm screwed and it'll all be for nothing… and my feelings are all mixed up with that very first time."

"Shhhh, Bella, deep breaths," Dave tried to comfort her. He held her tightly and waited for her breathing to regulate.

"So tonight when you asked who hurt me, that struck a nerve. Because I don't know if it was Shane or you or me hurting myself," she drew in a ragged breath. "I know I shut down and I'm so, so sorry. I hope I didn't completely ruin the evening."

"Oh Bella, come here," Dave inhaled deeply and let it out deliberately, several times.

When her breathing slowed, he sat up a bit. He kept an arm around her but was able to look her in the eye.

"My turn to talk for a minute, okay, Kitten?"

He waited until she showed agreement.

"First. You were hurt and I'm so, so sorry for that," he held her gently.

Penelope tried to wave him off; he stopped her.

"You can heal from that, probably already have to some degree. But don't ever think or let anyone tell you it was no big deal."

Dave was grateful to see a look of recognition on her face.

"Second. You ruined nothing tonight. We've had a lot thrown at us over the last week - Gideon disturbing us, being outed to one another. We haven't had the safe cocoon of my house this week like we have come to expect. Maybe this was my fault for pushing us out on the town, per se…"

Penelope interrupted. "I miss the cocoon, too. And, not your fault."

Dave laughed at how succinct she was being for him.

"Third. You are not alone in these feelings, Bella. Sweet Bella. Penelope," he listed some of the names he called her by, very slowly. He wanted to hold her attention before he kept talking.

"You're right. I've been 'in love' before. Hell, I've been married - and divorced - three times and we haven't even talked about that."

Penelope's jaw dropped, her mouth opening slightly.

"Don't choke, Kitten. There are stories and I'll tell you each of them."

She closed her mouth and nodded.

"Penelope. I like to think I've learned. Like I've learned I'm attracted to you like I am to the sunshine. I've learned that being with you is like oxygen in my lungs. I've learned that you leaving on Sunday was one of my most difficult moments in any kind of recent history."

"Kitten, I already told you that you are light and joy to me. You are the laughter and lightness in my heart. I know you are real and true," he took a deep breath. "The part I left out, because I was scared, is that I am falling in love with you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you as soon as I realized that there was this feeling inside of me that I didn't wholly recognize." His voice dropped low and soft at the end, feeling self-conscious about what he had revealed.

"That feeling! I have that feeling too!" Penelope exclaimed. Dave smiled at her and however it was possible, his eyes became even softer.

Dave wanted so much to reach over and kiss her, but felt like it was really important for Penelope to initiate. He held her hand and tried to give her the most-loving look he could muster.

Penelope was overwhelmed by the declarations David made and the way he was looking at her right now.

"That feeling, David? It's like this ball of energy in the pit of my stomach - that warms me in every direction. It's the feeling of beauty and desire, for myself, but focused on you. It's hoping I'm giving you as much as you're giving me. It's being treasured and happy and complete… with you."

She turned where she was sitting, moving her legs underneath her so she was as close to David as possible. She reached over and drew him to her. She kept his gaze until he was too close to focus.

Brushing her lips against his so gently at first she wasn't sure what she felt. After that, she opened her mouth and brushed his tongue with her lips. He matched her action and although it was slow and easy, she could feel his body responding to her.

Before she knew it, she needed to be closer to him and climbed in his lap. By the time she felt the dampness between her thighs on his leg, any calming bets were off. She just hoped he hung on.

Penelope leisurely moved against David's leg. She could feel him holding back. He showed it by how shallowly he was kissing her and how still his was against her. She wanted him, it was true. She needed to tell him, to reassure him.

"David. Tonight was not about not wanting to make love to you. It was about my nerves and the uncertainty and the newness… and probably my lack of confidence that you would actually want me."

He put his arms around her and pulled her even closer.

"Bella. I'm glad you told me about everything you were feeling tonight. If I'm right, I have every confidence it can only bring us closer. …I love you."

"Oh my god, I love you too! I think I forgot to say that part!"

They laughed together.

Penelope whispered in David's ear. "Will you please take me to bed and make love to me?"

"Most definitely," Dave whispered back. He threaded a hand through Penelope's hair, near the nape of her neck. He kissed her intensely, ravishing her tongue with his own.

They made their way to Penelope's bedroom and undressed each other.

"Baby… come to me, please," she groaned.

"Of course, Bella," he breathed.

"I need you…," she chanted, begging.

She heard him whispering praises and prayers. What she wanted most of all was to feel him against her, inside her.

Dave rubbed his growing cock against her opening.

"Good," she murmured against his lips. "You can tell me about the ex-wives tomorrow."