Chapter 7: Now You Suey Her, Now You Don't
"We're now down to the match that'll determine U.A.'s fate!" Present Mic announced. "One more win ties the challenge! One more loss determines the winner! Which will it be? Let's find out!"
"Th-th-th-th-the match will be U-u-u-u-U.A.'s Toru Hag-g-g-g-gakure and ACME L-l-l-l-Looniversity's Hamton J. Pig," Porky clarified. "P-p-p-p-please note that I express no p-p-p-p-preferential treatment t-t-t-t-t-t-towards the l-l-l-l-latter, d-d-d-d-despite his b-b-b-b-b-being my m-m-m-mentee and n-n-n-nephew."
The goal of the match was something borrowed from the Provisional Licensing Exams, in that each competitor wore a badge on their person that flashed red when hit by the rubber ball each had-in other words, a combination of laser tag and dodgeball. Earlier, both students had been issued the go-ahead to enter the site of their match, known as Woodland Area #2. Both were unaware of what the other looked like, something that Hamton pondered as he wandered towards a large rock.
"Hopefully it shouldn't be too hard to find this Hagakure," he mumbled to himself.
"You sure about that?" a spunky, yet sweet-sounding voice posed.
Hamton, startled, looked around for the source of that voice. "Who's there? Who said that?" he asked, tiny beads of sweat starting to appear on his forehead.
"It's me, I'm right behind you!" the voice answered. Hamton turned around, and found himself looking at a pair of gloves and shoes, along with a badge, that appeared to be floating and moving on their own. Normally, it would've been apparent to him that this was supposedly his opponent, Toru 'Invisible Girl' [they must be good if they've evaded Marvel Comics' legal team, that's for sure] Hagakure. However, Hamton reacted in the following manner instead:
"YIPE! GHOST!" he yelped as his eyes bugged out before turning tail and running in the opposite direction.
Though one couldn't tell from looking at her, at that moment Hagakure sported a bewildered expression on her face. She turned our way (though we couldn't see her doing so) and shrugged.
"Eh, I get that a lot. I'm used to it," she said before she began running after the fleeing Hamton, the camera drones following the chase in-progress.
Moments later, Hamton had ducked behind a small hill, trying to catch his breath. As he calmed himself down, he finally put two-and-two together to realize the 'ghost' was Hagakure, so now he needed to think of a way to remain as unseen as she was so he could evade getting his badge tagged by her ball. He quickly pulled out from somewhere on his person a book titled Monty Python's Guide on How Not to Be Seen and began reading a few pages, in the hopes of coming up with a good evasive strategy.
"There's gotta be something in here I can use," he said as he thumbed through a couple of passages. "Let's see, camouflage basics, how to maintain perfect silence..."
"Ooh! I remember reading that!" Hagakure's voice sounded. "I got it as a present before enrolling."
Hamton's eyes widened as he looked above and found Hagakure (or rather, her gloved hands) peering from the hill's edge. Just as she jumped from the top in order to get the drop on him, he yelped in fright and ran, causing her to land in the mud puddle he'd been standing in earlier with a gooey *SPLASH*. On her knees, Hagakure looked up with a disbelieving couple of blinks, now visible thanks to the mud covering her.
-X-
Watching on the Jumbotron, Mineta and Kaminari (having recovered from their respective matches) took notice of how Hagakure's (quite attractive) silhouette could now be made out thanks to the mud. The two of them, predictably, reacted in a manner that wouldn't be out of place in a classic Tex Avery cartoon, with eyes that bugged out to the sound of a jalopy's horn while their tongues hung out of their grinning mouths.
"Helloooooo-!" they started to 'howl', before being interrupted by a metallic-sounding *WHAM!*. "-nurse..." they blearily uttered, large bumps appearing on their heads, as they collapsed onto their backs, while seeing stars and tweeting birds dance around their faces. Misinterpreting that last word, Sato and Furrball carried the two of them over to Recovery Girl and Granny's station as Yaoyorozu, Jiro, Shirley, and Babs looked on. Yaoyorozu and Jiro, in particular, sported satisfied smirks as they each held their ACME 'wolf pacifiers' (a couple of hammers) when they faced Shirly and Babs.
"Pretty effective, I have to say," Yaoyorozu said appreciatively.
"Thanks for the loaners," Jiro added.
"Like, no prob!" Shirley replied.
"Keep 'em," Babs said as well. "We've got plenty back home."
-X-
Hagakure, as she cleaned herself off, thought long and hard about how she'd try getting Hamton without wasting so much time and energy. It was then that a lightbulb appeared above her head as she took out her phone and immediately called Lunch Rush, the support hero who was in charge of the U.A. cafeteria...
Moments later, a table with a vast feast prepared by Lunch Rush was laid out before Hagakure, much to her satisfaction. With the bait now in place, she then proceeded to call upon a trick she learned on one of her visits to her uncle's farm in Osaka. She cupped her hands around her mouth, and, taking a deep breath, began to shout at the top of her lungs:
"Suuuuuuueey! Suuuuuuueey, pig! Suuuuuuueey! Suuuuuueey, pig...!"
On hearing that siren song of a dinner call, Hamton's ears perked up and he peeked from behind the ridge he'd been huddled down in. Hagakure was nowhere to be found, but he did notice the smorgasbord laid out on the table, which got his stomach grumbling. Excited by the spread of Japanese cuisine in front of his eyes, Hamton zipped over to the table, and demonstrated his knowledge of the country's dining etiquette and knelt at the table, washing his hands in a basin placed next to him and drying them off before he picked up his set of chopsticks. He barely noticed Hagakure step up to him just as he was about to dig in.
"Napkin?" she offered as she held the white cloth towards him with her left hand.
"Oh-sure, thank you!" Hamton said as he turned to take the napkin. Not wasting a minute, Hagakure swiftly tagged Hamton's badge with her ball, causing it to glow red and surprising Hamton at the same time. The buzzer sounded off a moment later.
-X-
"Hagakure takes the point for U.A.!" Present Mic excitedly announced.
"Th-th-th-the score now st-st-st-stands tied at f-f-f-f-5-5," Porky added.
-X-
Hamton, dumbfounded for a moment, lightly sighed and shook Hagakure's hand.
"Congratulations," he said. "That was a pretty clever."
"Thanks!" Hagakure replied. "You were pretty good too."
Hamton then eyed the food on the table. "Care to join me? Don't want to let all this good-looking food go to waste."
"I'd be delighted to," Hagakure said with a (invisible) smile, as she knelt down and began helping herself to some of the sashimi on one platter.
To be concluded...
**Author's Note(s)**
Originally, this was going to be a two-fer, with a match (suggested by GainaxVel3o) between Ojiro and Fowlmouth (the mentee of Foghorn Leghorn) titled "Zen Admidst Fowl Language". Unfortunately, it would've disrupted the tie I wanted before the final chapter, so thus we just have the above match (suggested by Lexarius). Thankfully, GainaxVel3o was understanding.
The guidebook Hamton consults is a nod to the classic sketch from the December 8th, 1970 episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus.
Mineta and Kaminari invoke the usual reactions of Yakko and Wakko Warner from Animaniacs. The blunt objects used by Yaoyorozu and Jiro come from the May 5, 1945 Tom and Jerry short "The Mouse Comes to Dinner" (where it doesn't have an ACME label, that was of my own addition).
