It's been so long since I did anything with these two being all cute and loving and, despite the fact I hurt Deeks in this story, I needed that in my life.
Warnings: Sex, talks about abuse of a child, If you see any warnings please tell me and I'll add them!
I hope you enjoy!
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Leaning against the bathroom wall Deeks let out a shaky breath as he finally let himself relax. He had been doing everything in his power to not show just how hurt he was to the rest of the team since they got back to the office. They didn't need to know just how fully he had gotten his ass handed to him by their suspect.
He still wasn't quite sure what happened to set the man off. They had just been sitting there eating some pancakes going over the plan when he snapped. There had been no warning or sign that things were turning when suddenly the table was being thrown to the side and he was on the ground fists raining down on him so quickly he could do nothing but lay there taking the hits.
A shudder ran through him as he remembered just how similar it was to what his father used to do. How one second everything was perfectly fine in their home and the next was filled with screaming and blood and pain. How everything seemed to fall apart so spectacularly only to go back to normal as if nothing happened. He'd never forget that fear.
Swallowing roughly he did his best to dismiss those thoughts. His father was long dead and he couldn't hurt him ever again. There was no point in thinking about him anymore. Those nightmares were for when he was sleeping. Right now he needed to focus on getting himself back together so he could get home and fall into the nightmare fully.
Still, at the moment he needed to find out exactly what kind of damage was done and if he needed to stop by the store for any supplies. The only thing he knew for certain was that he was going to be in a hell of a lot of pain for the next few weeks and that he was going to be pissing blood for the days. It was not going to be fun.
The only good news he had was the fact that the others didn't know exactly how bad it was either. Yes, they had seen him getting beaten up and he had seen them sharing worried looks ever since they got back, but they hadn't been overly concerned or tried to get him to go home early so he was going to count it. The last thing he wanted to do was for them to actually start to ask out loud if he really had a place on the team.
With a quick shake of his head he dismissed those thoughts. He already felt as if he was starting down a spiral the last thing he needed was to add yet another twist. All it would do was add to the pain and weakness he already felt. He had too many thoughts already running through his head to get lost in that set of insecurities. Hetty hadn't given him enough time off to have that kind of breakdown.
Clenching his eyes shut he quickly dropped his shirt and took a few deep breaths that had his ribs jarring painfully enough to ground him. It wasn't the best way to get him to focus, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Getting home without drawing suspicion had to be his first priority and that was exactly what he was going to do. Once he got his brain to shut up for a second.
His brain kept running in circles around everything that happened that day though. All of them knew that the job was dangerous. It didn't matter what you were doing there was always a risk. The fact that he worked undercover and sometimes had to go into situations completely alone made it all the worse. It was a fact everyone that did undercover work had to come to terms with.
Ever since he started working with the team though he rarely had to go in completely alone. At least not into the really dangerous situations. Info gathering and things like that they went in alone and even then they still did everything they could to keep them paired together. That wasn't always a possibility though.
Sadly the case they had been working meant that every single one of them had a role to play and they couldn't pair up. At the moment they hadn't been doing anything other than trying to figure out what the man was planning in the first place. They weren't actually at the dangerous part of the mission yet.
It had been early in the morning though and because of that Callen and Sam were at the safe house watching the security cameras they had set up early on when everything went down. If they hadn't been there he doubted he would have been able to make it out of there alive. Their suspect was too far off his rocker and he was too shocked.
It wasn't until Callen and Sam were bursting into the house pulling the man off of him that his mind rushed back to him and he realized it wasn't his father beating him. Still the damage was done and all he could do was collapse onto the floor and just lay there as the man was pulled out of the room. He ended up laying there for a moment feeling more embarrassed than anything else.
Which was part of the reason he was hiding in the bathroom. It would have been one thing if it had been Kensi or Eric asking him if everything was okay, but he saw the looks that Callen and Sam were sending his way. The last thing he needed was another reason for Sam to to not only dislike him, but to question everything he was as well as why he was there. That would just be the cherry on top of the perfect day.
Dropping his shirt down once more he ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh as he tired to get a hold of himself. All he had to do was make his way through the bullpen and get to his car. After that he was home free and he could finally actually relax. He was so close to being alone. So close to being about to not think.
"Deeks?" Callen called out softly knocking on the door, "You in there?"
Forcing himself to take a deep breath he turned to the entrance just as the older man came in. Before he could stop himself a smile came to his lips completely ready to act as if nothing was happening. Then he saw the look on the older mans face. He felt his heart speed up painfully in his chest, but the smile never left his lips. Even as Callen turned and locked the door behind him.
"Hey, Callen," he greeted happily, "What's up?
"Deeks," the older man sighed disappointment clear in his voice.
"What? Everything okay? Does Hetty have more questions?"
"No. Hetty's sending us home for the night. I was just checking on you."
"Oh. I'm fine. Just about to leave."
"I'll give you a ride home."
"It's okay. I-"
"Deeks."
Swallowing roughly Deeks let the smile slip off his face as he did everything to not curl in on himself. There was something about the way the older man that had him wanting to hide away. For some reason the look he was getting made him feel like he was in trouble for something and he had no idea what it was.
"Callen," Deeks tried to start.
"Deeks, please," the agent said his voice barely over a whisper, "I need to talk to you."
"We can talk here."
"Not with what I want to say. Just… Trust me."
There was a small part of him that wanted to continue to fight, but he did trust Callen. There was something about him that he couldn't quite explain. Yeah, there were times when the older man lost his temper and yelled, but at no point in time did he feel as if he was in any danger from him. That wasn't who Callen was.
So he found himself nodding along and following the agent out of the bathroom. Neither of them said a word as they made their way through the building and to his car. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest wanting to escape and all he wanted to do was run in the other direction. Anything to stop the feeling that was threatening him.
Before long he was sitting in the mans car on the way to his home. It was only a little over half an hour drive, but the silence made him feel as if they had been driving for hours. His mind felt as if it was running on hyper speed, but none of his thoughts actually made any sense to him. In the end it was just this feeling of dread that he couldn't shake.
Then they pulled up to Callen's place. He never actually thought he'd see where the older man lived. It seemed far too personal for the man to share with him. It wasn't as if they were really friends. They just had to tolerate each other mostly.
For a moment the two of them sat in the car not saying a word. It almost felt as if there was a spell cast over them and the idea of breaking it terrified them both. There were so many things on the tip of his tongue and he knew that Callen felt the same way, but the weight kept them from actually doing anything about it.
"Callen," Deeks muttered his eyes locked forward, "What's going on?"
"You almost died," the man offered his hands tightening painfully around the steering wheel.
"I know."
"I…"
A sigh fell from Callen his sentence trailing off. Swallowing roughly Deeks turned his head to look at the agent only for him to climb out of the car leaving him alone. A shot of concern filled him as he quickly followed him into the house. It wasn't like Callen to not finish a sentence. That wasn't the type of person he was. He was more say what he thought and deal with the consequence later.
Knowing he wasn't going to get any answers if he stayed there he quickly followed. The front door had been left open for him and just as he closed it he felt someone standing behind him. He barely had time to spin around when he was being backed against the wood Callen standing so close he could feel the warmth coming off him in waves.
Feeling his eyes go wide he stared at the older man. He didn't think he'd been so close to Callen in all the time he knew him. He had a tendency to simply stay away from everyone. The last thing he thought was that the man would ever want to get so close to him. Unless he wanted to hit him at least. Something told him that was the last thing that was going to happen though.
Letting out a shaky breath he stared into the sky blue eyes that seemed to be looking right through him. He felt as if he couldn't move as he stood there waiting. It had been so long since he had been so out of control of himself and he couldn't tell if he hated or loved it. Somehow it felt as if things were slotting into place.
Callen slowly lifted his hand resting it on the side of Deeks face. Feeling the older man brush his thumb against his cheek Deeks finally let his eyes close a shiver running down his spine as he leaned into the touch. The touch was so innocent, but there were so many promises held in it he couldn't help the way his heart sped up.
"G?" he questioned his eyes fluttering open to take in everything the man was.
"You almost died," Callen repeated his eyes darting over his face as he if he was trying to assure himself everything was okay.
Deeks opened his mouth to reply only to be cut off by the agent pressing their lips together. The kiss was gentle and barely there Callen pulling away before he could even really process what had just happened. The kind of kiss that shouldn't have made the world feel like it had been flipped on its axis. Yet that was exactly how it felt. At the same time though, it was as if everything was finally falling into place.
"Did you just…" Deeks asked needing to know if he was awake or not.
"Yeah," Callen replied with a nod of his head, "I did. I couldn't… I had to know for sure."
"Know what?"
"That you were alive."
"Is that all you wanted to know?"
"I…"
Instead of saying anything Callen slowly pulled away from him fully taking a few steps away. For a moment Deeks felt a surge of panic course through him. He had just been offered something he had been dreaming of for so long. The last thing he wanted was for it to be ripped from his grasp before he could really experience it. Then Callen held out his hand.
Feeling a smile tug on his lips Deeks linked their hands together letting the agent pull him forward into the dark apartment. As odd as it sounded the fact he could barely see the man made it all the easier to move forward so they were sharing their breath.
"Hello," Callen muttered softly his voice barely over a whisper.
"Hi," Deeks replied his hand gently squeezing the agents trying to ground himself.
"There are so many things I want to say to you, Deeks."
"I know. So do I, but… I don't… I don't want to talk. Not right now."
"Agreed."
"We will talk later though. About this?"
"I can't wait."
Feeling Callen pull his hand away Deeks did his best not to shiver at the sudden lack of warmth. Before he could react though he felt hands rest on his hips pulling him in close so they were pressed together. Wrapping his arms around the agents neck he let his head drop forward as he took a deep breath. He couldn't let himself lose control just yet. He needed to be able to think.
"G," he breathed out slowly.
"I think that's the first time you've called me that," the older man offered with a soft chuckle.
"Keep it up and you'll hear it a lot more."
"Promise?"
Shaking his head Deeks looked up his eyes finally adjusting to the darkness. Callen was staring at him with that beautifully intense look that made him feel like he was melting. Leaning forward he pressed their lips together once more needing to feel more. Unlike the first time he let himself pour everything he was feeling into it.
A low groan escaped Callen as he pushed them back so they were once again against the door. His hands slipped down to grip at the agents jacket tugging it off and throwing it to the side not caring where it landed. At the moment the only thing that he could think about was feeling everything the man was willing to give him.
"Fuck," Callen growled out breaking the kiss, "Marty. I didn't… This wasn't what I had planned when I asked you to come with me."
"What were you expecting?"
"I don't know. I wasn't really thinking. I just needed to know you were okay."
"And am I?"
A smirk came to Callen's lips as he reached down and took the hem of his shirt in his fingers. He stood there for a moment letting his fingers trace over the fabric before the smirk faded into something sadder.
"How bad?" Callen questioned softly his finger tightening ever so slightly.
"I've had-" Deeks tried to start only for the older man to glare at him.
"Don't lie. I need to know how badly you got injured."
Instead of saying anything Deeks reached down letting their fingers brush together as he took a hold of his shirt and pulled it off. For some reason it hadn't occurred to him until that moment that Callen was going to be seeing him naked. He was going to see just how damaged and weak he had been. He'd-
"Marty," Callen breathed out his fingers starting to reach for him only to pull back a second later, "He did a lot of damage."
"Yeah," he agreed swallowing roughly, "I…"
His words trailed off as the older man lowered himself to his knees his warm breath gently puffing over his stomach. Feeling his eyes go wide he felt himself freeze completely as the sky blue eyes looked up locking with his own. The older man didn't look away from him as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss right above his belly button.
Reaching out he gripped Callen's shoulder trying to keep himself upright as the man let dropped his eyes peppering kisses to the abused flesh. Of all the time he spent dreaming about being with the other he had never thought it would make him feel so seen. So loved. Was that really how Callen felt about him?
Feeling closer to breaking than he thought possible Deeks found himself pushing Callen away needing to get a hold of himself. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he leaned against the wall as the older man climbed to his feet and brushed his thumb across his cheek a worried look on his face.
"You're crying," Callen muttered drawing his hand away.
"I am?" Deeks questioned wiping a hand across his own face feeling the wetness for himself, "Oh. I hadn't noticed."
"I didn't hurt you, right?"
"No. Not even close. I just…"
Licking at his lips Deeks moved close so they were pressed together. He placed his hand on the side of the mans face gently pulling him forward letting their lips brush against each other. A low groan fell from him as a hand threaded in his hair holding him all the tighter before linking their hands and leading him through the apartment.
Once they were in the bedroom Callen sat on the edge of the bed so he was looking up at him again. There were so many ideas running through his head that he wanted to try out, but with every breath he took he could feel his skin pulling uncomfortably. No matter what he wanted to do he wouldn't be able to do a lot of them at that moment.
Callen seemed to understand that though as he moved over so there was plenty of room next to him. Sitting next to the man he cocked his head to the side not knowing exactly what he wanted to say or do. He had never been the type of guy to be so submissive, but he wanted Callen to take the lead.
"I don't want to hurt you," Callen admitted licking at his lips.
"I trust you," Deeks replied a smile tugging on his lips.
"That's not a good idea. I don't have a good track record."
"I don't care."
Leaning forward he gripped the back of Callen's head gently nipping at his bottom lip before kissing him deeply. The older man sighed moving closer until Deeks was leaning back so they were laying down fully. Callen moved to straddle his waist gently pinning him down grounding him in the feeling.
His hands moved to the agents shoulders clenching at his shirt before trying to pull it off. Callen quickly sat up tugging his shirt off and tossing it to the side. A shaky breath left Deeks as he reached out letting his fingers dance across the toned, scarred chest. He could feel the mans heart jack hammered in his chest and he couldn't resist sitting up to press his lips against him loving the feel of the pounding pattern against his lips.
A hand carded through his hair pushing him closer to the chest. Letting his tongue dart out he let it cross over the mans nipple dragging a broken moan from his lover. Needing to hear more he gently dragged his teeth over the nub causing the fingers in his hair to tighten. Before he could do anymore he was pulled from the mans chest so they were kissing once more.
Callen gently pushed him back leaning forward so their chests brushed together. He was so lost in the kiss that he didn't notice the hand traveling down his body until he felt it undoing his pants and slipping in a gentle warmth encompassing him. Without thinking he arched into the hand drawing a dark chuckle from the man as he slowly pulled his hand away.
"G," Deeks whined softly staring up at the man.
"I know," the older man offered his voice barely over a whisper, "There's so many things I want to do with you, Marty, but right now you're really hurt."
"I don't care."
"I do. I won't hurt you."
Deeks opened his mouth to argue when Callen moved down so his face was level with the younger mans hard cock. His mouth fell open as the man tugged at his clothes until he was laying under him naked. Normally it was something that would leave him feeling more exposed than he liked, but it was Callen. The man made him feel completely safe.
He watched closely as the older man leaned down pressing gentle kisses to the side of his cock while his hands moved to caress his thighs. Letting his head fall back Deeks reached out to cup the back of his lovers head holding on as his tongue slowly lapped at him making him mewl as he tried to arch into the feeling.
Everything Callen was doing was so slow and deliberate. If he didn't know better he'd think the man had planned the whole thing. That he had been waiting for the best time to leave him wanting. It was their first time together though. Something neither of them had thought was ever going to happen. For once they didn't have a plan. They were just letting themselves feel and it was the most wonderfully terrifying thing he had ever done.
"G," Deeks whimpered trying his hardest not to thrust.
"Don't hold back," the older man practically growled out.
Feeling his eyes go wide Deeks stared down at Callen just as he closed his mouth around the head of his cock. He barely had time to comprehend what was going on when the agent started to bob taking more of him in.
With his free hand the detective gripped at the bedspread trying to find some kind of control. With every flick of his tongue and attempted swallow around him though Callen seemed to be ripping all of that to shreds until the only thing he could do was lose himself in the feeling.
Letting his head fall back once more Deeks thrust into the wet warmth of his lovers mouth broken cries and gasps falling from his lips with every move they made. There was no rhyme or reason to either of their movements yet they were moving in perfect tandem together. The push and pull of their bodies syncing up without conscious thought.
It wasn't long until Deeks felt close to the edge. His entire body was strung tight and he knew that it wouldn't take much for Callen to push him over. A part of him wanted it to last forever. To lay on the bed letting the older man take him apart over and over until he couldn't think anymore. If he could make him feel so desperate from just a simple blowjob what would it be like when they actually had sex? What would that feel like?
It was with that thought that the younger man lost control fully spurting into the waiting mouth. He could feel vaguely feel Callen swallowing around him, but his mind was filled with static. All too soon the warmth around his cock was gone causing him to whimper as his eyes fluttered open searching for the older man.
Callen was kneeling above him open hand wrapped around himself jerking off at an almost brutal pace while the other was somewhere behind him. It took Deeks a moment to realize the man was fingering himself his body rocking shakily between his hands as he chased after his own release.
"G," Deeks brokenly tried to say his voice barely there from cries he didn't remember making.
The mans mouth dropped open in a silent scream as he finally came. Letting his eyes roam over Callen Deeks tried his best to take in everything there was. They might have both said they wanted to do more, but if it was the only time they were together like that he wanted to do everything in his power to never forget.
Callen dropped to the bed next to him his chest heaving as he tried to calm himself down. The sight was beautiful and Deeks couldn't help reaching out to let his fingers gently dance over the sweat slicked skin. As he slowly trailed up the body he found the older man staring at him with a look of pure content that he never thought he'd see on him.
"I'm not ticklish," Callen offered roughly.
"Didn't think you were," Deeks replied though his fingers never stopped moving, "I just needed to feel you."
A strong, callused hand wrapped around his bringing it up until it was resting over Callen's heart. It was still beating quickly, but there was a steadiness to it that hadn't been there before.
"I'm here," Callen whispered giving his hand a gentle squeeze, "And I don't plan on moving anytime soon."
